MOH problems

[soon2b]

I found out that my MOH said some very nasty things about one of my really good freinds(also MY BOSS!) who she doesn't even know! When I confronted her about it she says she has no clue about it when in fact we know she did! This is just the last straw with her. How can I boot her from the wedding and my life without causing to much drama since she won't own up to it?

[gwenshack]

:welcome2:

I'm sorry you're having problems with your friend. It's too bad that she's causing issues and drama at a time when you'd hope she could be there for you in every way. It sounds like she has some immaturity she's going to need to work through.

I'd caution you with this - if you kick her out of your wedding you will probably obliterate the friendship forever. If she's somebody you know for 100% sure you never want to deal with every again, then go ahead. But if you're going to look back in 20 years and think you guys had a petty argument and that you wish that you had approached the situation more cautiously, I'd sit on the decision for a little while.

Obviously, if you do decide that you don't want her to be in your wedding, I'd approach it tactfully - "Jane, things have been really tough lately. After everything that happened with my boss I've realized that I can't trust you right now. I hope you understand, but I just think it would be best if you weren't in the wedding."

Regardless how you word it, she probably won't take it well.

I wish you the best of luck. :crossfingers:

[ChristineLS]

:welcome2:

I'm sorry you're having problems with your friend. It's too bad that she's causing issues and drama at a time when you'd hope she could be there for you in every way. It sounds like she has some immaturity she's going to need to work through.

I'd caution you with this - if you kick her out of your wedding you will probably obliterate the friendship forever. If she's somebody you know for 100% sure you never want to deal with every again, then go ahead. But if you're going to look back in 20 years and think you guys had a petty argument and that you wish that you had approached the situation more cautiously, I'd sit on the decision for a little while.

Obviously, if you do decide that you don't want her to be in your wedding, I'd approach it tactfully - "Jane, things have been really tough lately. After everything that happened with my boss I've realized that I can't trust you right now. I hope you understand, but I just think it would be best if you weren't in the wedding."

Regardless how you word it, she probably won't take it well.

I wish you the best of luck. :crossfingers:
I agree with everything Gwen said.

I mean, obviously, it would be unreasonable to expect anyone, no matter how badly they behaved, would be happy to get kicked out of a wedding. It will be messy. So, be tactful, but ensure that the trouble of getting her kicked out of the wedding is trouble that you're willing to put up with first.

[midwest85]

I assume she felt cornered. No one likes to admit when they've said and done wrong mean hateful things. Would you be able to own up to such a confrontation? I hope so but I don't know that I could. Maybe try again and take her gently to the side.

Don't ask her why she did it, because there isn't an answer she can give you that will be satisfactory. Honestly, what could she say? "I'm a horrible person and I like to tear other people down to make me feel good, but now that you've confronted me I've changed my ways" Not going to happen. Don't ask her about why but rather tell her "I know you did this. I'm not sure of the reasons why you did this and my trust and confidence in you is rather shaken right now. I want you to consider the impact of your actions and let you decide if you should continue to be my MOH in light of what has happened. I still want you by my side if you can do some serious soul searching. Spend some time considering that I've picked you above all others to always have my back and how your actions impact our relationship"

Give her some time. A few days. The main thing is to give her the option to back down by her own choice. Keep a calm and cool head. Don't get worked up in a tizzy or drama will ensue for sure.

Good luck!