Appropriate punishment for lying?

[firespirit]

Ok so I really am at a loss as to what to do here.

Sunday night just before 11:30 pm my son comes upstairs to tell us that his laptop screen is broken. He says he got out of bed to use the bathroom, didn't see it and kicked it. Says he's surprised it broke that much, blah, blah blah.

The next morning we tell him about appropriateness of telling us stuff late at night, whether or not we are awake. If there is nothing we can do about it at that time and it's not sommething he urgently needs the next morning or it's not something like a water leak or fire then don't come up and tell us. Why should we have to go to bed stressed out over something we can't do anything about...

I also took a look at the screen, there is no way this is broken from him kicking it.

DH also checked the internet usage. He was watching you tube at 11:18 pm, just shortly before he came upstairs.

Also, the story about getting out of bed to use the bathroom doesn't make sense. At least not getting out of that side of the bed. The side of the bed with the outlet is a foot and a half away from the wall and he would have to walk around the bed to get to the door. Usually there is so much stuff on the floor he would be guaranteed to trip over something. The other side of the bed is open space and a straight path to the door.

Last night I had to finish my take home final so we did not have the opportunity to have him "walk us through" the events that led up to the screen breakage.

First, he knows he's paying for the repair. If we bought the "right" warranty, it's covered, if not we'll buy a replacement screen on ebay and do it ourselves. It's his responsibility to take care of his stuff accident or not.

Tonight we were planning on having him "walk us through" what happened, he does not yet know we know he was watching you tube shortly before the screen broke.

Here's what I'm 99% sure happened. He had the laptop on the bed with him, which I have told him repeatedly not to do and we've told him why (overheating or falling). The laptop fell off the bed and that's why the screen broke.

How do I punish for lying? Do I punish for not telling the truth right away? Then make it longer for the more difficult it is to get the truth out of him? Then what if he just refuses to give up his story of kicking it? We aren't stupid, we know that's not what happened.

I know that he's only telling it that way so he thinks he can avoid punishment for doing something I have specifically told him not to do. Honestly, I really could care less about him putting it on the bed as long as he's learned his lesson. Hopefully he's even learned that there is logic and reason behind what we say to or not to do, however I actually kind of doubt that...

The usual punishment is to revoke video game time, but I think that might be losing effectiveness or meaning. I really want him to learn to start taking responsibility for his actions. Do I have him write a paper on why he shouldn't lie?

Any advice?

[mj512]

I think it would be fair to make him pay for it, but not have it get fixed for a month or so. Or if he needs it for school or something, make him give it to you at say 9pm or some time you agree on for x amount of time.

I hope he owns up to what really happens!

[amisteratwisterandme]

I would do the walk through (Benefit of the doubt) then I would tell him that it couldn't have happened that way and this is why. A) B) and C) and give him the opportunity to come clean. If he does, then I would probably find some form of punishment, maybe writing a letter, that fits the crime. If he doesn't come clean, I would let him know that he had his chance, and make the punishment more severe at that point.

I think if you don't think he has lied before that getting busted on his first time out will already show him that he won't get away with it. If you punish him to harshly the first time, he may try harder to keep things from you in the future for fear of getting in even more trouble, and let him know that if he had told you the truth to begin with, he only would have had to pay to fix it.

[gwenshack]

The laptop can overheat from being on the bed? Just wondering. That's how I live my life. :bbeek:

Lying is a touchy thing. I love the idea of having him walk you through the events and then lay out why it couldn't have happened that way, like Jan said. I think that's all you really can do. And having him pay for it is great. Maybe you should not let him buy it for a couple of weeks or something - he can see what the world was like when we were growing up?

[sandy03]

I am kind of in agreement with the others - make him pay for it. Even if it is covered by the warranty, I would have him pay what the cost of a new screen anyway. I would also not bust a gut to get it fixed quickly and/or perhaps not let him use it in his room anymore (only in public space like a living room, etc.) or give it up at night.

[Ohio888Bride]

I'm giggling a bit, because I could have written your post about one of our children. :) We have four (Lord help us) teens and tweens who have their own laptops....oh, and they lie about all kinds of things and it gets my blood boiling.

YouTube is blocked, as well as Facebook, MySpace, and a bunch of other sites that we don't want them to use until they show that they're more responsible. We used to take away their laptops for missing schoolwork, inappropriate behavior, failure to do chores, missing the school bus (because they were online late at night), etc. Now, we just set the parental controls to only allow them to log on during certain timeframes. If they absolutely must use a computer for a school assignment, we have a common desktop in the classroom outside of my office. Classroom? Yes, two of our children are homeschooled; their school desktops have are off-limits for non-school activities.

My baby turned 11 on 12/19 and she broke one of the hinges her laptop a few months ago. It fell from her bed, so we made her live with it, because we've told her again, and again, and again that 1) she HAS a desk next to her bed, and 2) she should not use her laptop to watch DVDs to help her fall asleep at bedtime. Turning off your light and closing your eyes works wonders. LOL!

Last month, she had some kind of hardware issue, so DH took her laptop to work to have one of his employees diagnose and fix it; DH owns a computer repair and sales company, so lucky kid! The repair to the hinge wasn't as bad as it looked, but would have cost one of DH's customer's at least $120 to fix. He let the baby pay $5, which she GLADLY handed to him in exchange for her newly-fixed laptop. Lesson learned, hopefully.

Rule-breaking in our house is punishable by temporary loss of electronics, grounding as far as seeing friends, reduction in allowance, extra chores, etc. It depends on the offense and how many times they've done it before. Our oldest will be 15 in January and he gets in the trouble (and LIES) for the same things all the time! Sadly, the kid thinks he can outsmart us, but he always fails miserably! LOL!!! He lied last night about putting Pine Sol in the water that he was using to clean the kitchen floor. He filled the bucket with water and when we asked when he was planning to put Pine Sol in it, he said, "I was just going to stand here". And then what? It was going to jump out of the upstairs cabinet, roll down the steps, and empty a capful into the waiter bucket of water. He simply lied and it was a bad one - as usual! The punishment, he still had to mop the floor even though it was way past bedtime and he's earned another day without being able to use his laptop, TV, Xbox, DS, cell phone, etc.

We don't let them slide on lies; we simply can't live with liars.

BTW, everthing is an emergency to our 15 y.o. Time means nothing to him. He even tracks me down IN THE BATHROOM to tell me silly stuff like, "Mom, tomorrow is my friend's birthday". Huh? That's an emergency?

Kids, especially teens, are testy and self-centered. Remind your son that you have rules and one of them is no lying, then throw the book at him for being dishonest. LOL!

When our kids were younger, one of them lied so much, that we made her read a book about honesty and write a report. The report was awful! "I will be honsty and tell the truth" was pretty much what she wrote - 2 pages worth! Content lacking, we made her write a more detailed report about how damaging to lying is to relationships and this time, honesty had to be spelled correctly throughout her report. How can you read a book about honesty and spell it wrong each and every time? She lied!

I didn't proof anything (I'm feeling lazy right now), so please forgive me for any mistakes. :coolblue:

[britTANNY]

Lying was not tolerated with us growing up.I would put the parental blockers for youtube and all that after the computer is fixed if it is needed for school work. If its not needed i would take that away for as long as you see fit. When i got grounded it was from EVERYTHING! Friends, computer, tv, any activites except for work and school.
An essay on the matter would help with the lying factor and also help enforce it, plus its good practice for school.
Hopefully he will learn his lesson.