The Night Before?

[countrygirl]

Ok, a small mini dilema here. When we started planning the wedding, I made the decision that the night before the wedding, it was going to be just 'the girls' in the house. Me, my sister (and her kids since they are small, and they are staying w us for the wedding), my BM's if they could, my mother and J's mother. That has been fine w everyone. J and the boys are staying at one of the GM houses that night. Two of the BM will prob not stay the night as they live very close, and will have children to get ready in the am. Not a prob. But last night, when I was talking to my mom about it, she laid me on a guilt trip. She said that she won't abandon her husband and leave him alone. I told her that this is what we talked about way back in Feb/Mar. She said that she wasn't going to send my stepdad w J and watch them get drunk. K, J wont be getting drunk because he will have the boys and doesn't want to have a hangover during our wedding. I tol her that even if he hung out w J and he boys for a few house, she could hang out w the girls for a few too. It would give him a good chance to get to know J a bit more, w out her around. He doesn't say a whole lot when she is around.

Here is the thing that got me. She said that it seemed like my stepdad is good enough to walk me down the isle, but not good enough to spend the night before my wedding w me. She also said that she just thought that I should stay the night before w them, and my sister. K, I am not 18. I don't live at home. I have lived on my own for over ten years. They re not literally "giving" me away as I am paying for everything, planning everything and again, have lived away from home for over 10 years.

She just really made me feel like ****, and I had to complain. Sorry.

[Kacie_bride]

My mom would probably want to stay the night with my dad as well. That is just the way theyt are. I don't see why your mother is making that big of a deal over it anyway. If you don't want to stay the night with them who cares. Just tell her your decision and I'm sure she'll eventually get over it. It's not that big of a deal.

[countrygirl]

My mom would probably want to stay the night with my dad as well. That is just the way theyt are. I don't see why your mother is making that big of a deal over it anyway. If you don't want to stay the night with them who cares. Just tell her your decision and I'm sure she'll eventually get over it. It's not that big of a deal.

You know, I have an easy time telling people to tell others what they want, but I have a hard time doing that myself. Does that make me a hippocrate?

[cowboysbride]

You know, I have an easy time telling people to tell others what they want, but I have a hard time doing that myself. Does that make me a hippocrate?

No it makes you a people pleaser and you will end up resenting them for it! Do what you want and with a smile on your face....you're a grown woman with kids....you'll be fine!

[countrygirl]

No it makes you a people pleaser and you will end up resenting them for it! Do what you want and with a smile on your face....you're a grown woman with kids....you'll be fine!

Well, I still stuck to my original plan. I just wish that for one night, my mother would look beyond how she thinks things are, and see what they really are. She said my stepdad is too shy to be around all of the guys and would be nervous. Um, no, he won't be. He never has been around these guys, and he loosens up a bit when my mom isn't around.

[LaceyinPgh]

Heather, you are an adult. You do what you want to to do. If you mom wants to be shoved up your step dad's rear, let her. Just go and enjoy yourself with your sister and girlfriends. You will be the one with fond memories she will be the one with one more night of the same boring man.

[SunnyAB]

I think my Mom would want to spend the night with my Dad as well (but he's passed away) but I can see your Mom's point on that. But as far as you staying there the night before? I don't agree with her at all, and you shouldnt feel bad about not wanting to change all your plans now. Since you are feeling bad about disagreeing with her though, could you say, "Ok Mom, we're going to compromise. The rest of the girls and I ARE going to stay at my house, but I can understand your concerns about being away from stepdad, so you go ahead and spend the night together, and we will just meet up with you in the morning (or at the hairdresser or whatever) - I don't mind." BIG smile and a hug. This should make her feel better because she is staying with her hubby, and you are making consessions for her; make YOU feel better because you are compromising, but still will be able to have your all girls night - sans your Mom, but Im sure it will still be fun. And most likely your FH wont mind that stepdad wont be there? These are all just assumptions though, so hopefully Im on the same page as you. Good luck!

[theweddinghelper]

Well, I still stuck to my original plan. I just wish that for one night, my mother would look beyond how she thinks things are, and see what they really are. She said my stepdad is too shy to be around all of the guys and would be nervous. Um, no, he won't be. He never has been around these guys, and he loosens up a bit when my mom isn't around.

Maybe "SHE'S the one" that don't want him too, not him!:wink:

She can either stay @ home w/ her hubby, if that's such a big deal or she can even hang w/ u and then come back home to her hubby. This will be your last "Sleepover / Girl's Night" anyways. Plus, wouldn't he feel more out of place w/ a bunch of women instead!

[countrygirl]

Thanks for all the advice ladies. I am just sticking to my plan, and if she wants to hang out a bit in the evening, she is more than welcome. If not, thats fine too.

The morning of the wedding, she will be at my house anyway, since I am getting ready there, and she and my stepdad will be taking me to the church, so at least they will have that.

[hummingbird521]

Your mother and mine sound a whole lot alike. My dad loosens up when she is not around too. Over the years my sister and I have decided it isn't so much dad not wanting to do things, as it is mother not wanting him to do them.

[kheath10]

well i think that your mom should make that day happy for you and just chill with you and the girls. My mom would do whatever I want to make me happy and as for getting a- way!! from my step dad who is giveing me away every chance she gets she will go somewhere:p so maybe your mom is just attached like that:bblol: lol so do worry just don't bring it up again and move on and belive me she will wish she stayed!!


Hope you have the best wedding ever!!!!!!!!!!!!!