Help ME!!!!

[Jena1984]

Hi everyone!
I really need help. My fiance and I are getting married on September 16 2006. Almost everything is going well. In the past 2 months we have had 7 argument with his parents about the rehersal dinner. We want a small dinner with the wedding party, their spouses and our parents and his grandparents. My parents are divorced and have only met his parents briefly in passing. With all those people we already have a guest list of 19. For some reason his aunt has made it clear to his mother that she expects to be invited. We don't want to insult people, but if we invite her and her husband and their children, then we feel we have to invite all of the aunts, uncles and cousins. That would add at least another 20 people to the guest list. Our rehersal dinner is the evening befor the wedding. We just want something small, that will end early so everyone can get a good nights rest. I am supposed to be getting ready at his parents house on the morning of the wedding, because it is big, will sleep all of my attendants, and it is close to the salon. His mother told me if I don't want to have have a big party then I should get ready somewhere else. Due to the recent comments, my fiance and I have decided to have the dinner at our house, and my attendants and I will also be getting ready at my house now. But my fiance's father called today and yelled at him about how selfish we are. My fiance is very upset and I don't know what to do. This doesn't seem fare. This is our wedding. Why doesn't anyone seem to care about what we want. The best part is, we are footing the bill for the rehersal dinner too!!! HELP!!!!!

[Kacie_bride]

I am sorry to hear this. If you are footing the bill you have every right to only invite the people you want to invite to the rehearsal dinner. It is incredably rude of other people to be inviting themselves or thinking they are invited.

[LaceyinPgh]

It doesn't matter what other people think. It is your wedding. You do what you want. This is one of the few things in your life that isn't a democracy. Your wedding gets to be a dictatorship run by you. When his parents start up again, you plainly look at them and say "Thank you for your opinion, while I do apprecaite your thoughts, I feel it would be better if I did it this way." If they don't catch on that you just verbally :censored: slapped them, excuse yourself from the conversation. Then continue to do things your way. Eventually they will catch on. I had to do that several times with my family and my fh's. Everyone got over it and had a nice time at the wedding.

[Jenn060306]

I'm sorry you are having so many problems with your family. It sounds like they are more concerned with making themselves and other people happy then the bride and groom.
I agree that you should definatly be able to have it your way. Especially since you are footing the bill. It costs alot to feed that many people. If your family belives that all these extra people should be invited to attend the dinner then perhaps that should pay the bill.
Smaller is much better for the rehersal dinner i think. There is so much with a wedding a nice relaxing night is better.
Anyways, good luck with working it out. Do what makes you and your FH happy. If the family can't understand that and are going to be all upset it's their loss.

[cowboysbride]

It doesn't matter what other people think. It is your wedding. You do what you want. This is one of the few things in your life that isn't a democracy. Your wedding gets to be a dictatorship run by you. When his parents start up again, you plainly look at them and say "Thank you for your opinion, while I do apprecaite your thoughts, I feel it would be better if I did it this way." If they don't catch on that you just verbally :censored: slapped them, excuse yourself from the conversation. Then continue to do things your way. Eventually they will catch on. I had to do that several times with my family and my fh's. Everyone got over it and had a nice time at the wedding.

EXACTLY! Follow Lacey's advise and hope like hell the inlaws grow up!

[kheath10]

Exactly, i think all the girls are right you handle it as soon as possible, if you are footing the bill that is the end of it. Like my wedding reception there are no kids except the flower girl, ring bearer, and my daughter and my fiances 2 boys that is it. Well my family had a fit oh no kid!! well i stuck to what i said and thats that. some people arent comeing but soooooooooo!! you wont remeber anyway that advice from the girls! here so you toughfen up and tell it nice but firm. I really hope all goes well. Its funny when its your day everybody wants to run your wedding its just so funny:bblol:

[AngelinLove]

I agree that it is your wedding and YOUR rehearsal dinner and you should make the decisions. Just stand firm and tell them how it is!!! Good Luck!!!

[countrygirl]

I feel your pain girl. I am sorry you are going thru that. But, it is your wedding, and you do it the way you want to.

Our rehearsal dinner will only be the bm/gm, thier sig others, g'paren'ts, parents, J, me, and the kids. I know that that is even too big for us, and we will be excluding family that has come from out of state, but we can't afford it since we are hosting a brunch the day after the wedding.

Good luck. I rreally hope that his family treats you better.

[Twigler]

I am really sorry to hear that you are having so much problems with your future in-laws. I agree with the other girls on here...it is your wedding and you need to do what makes you and your fiance happy. If his parents can't understand that, then it is their problem.

I was having problems with my brother. My fiance and I decided that he was going to be an usher at our wedding (we hadn't asked him yet), but he was telling my mom that if he wasn't going to be groomsman, then he didn't want to be in the wedding at all. Basically, you are always going to make someone unhappy with whatever you decide. Just try to make the best of the situation and do what makes you two happy.

Good luck and let us know how things turn out.

[kheath10]

I had that problem I asked my fiance sister to be a hostess and ever since we both havent heard from her she tried on the dress which she could't fit and lied telling my fiance and her mother telling them that I didn't ask her to do anything. So my fiance cleared all that up and told her that if she did'nt want to accept what was asked of her then she could not do nothing. So!!! she's outta there good she's a problem anyway and Im glad he handled it she doe'nst have anything to do with me . But ask me if I care that is one lessssssssss problem I have to deal with shes young and immature anyway! And if your brother wont be in it so what ! One things is for sure you and your HUBBY will be there!!:bblol:


AND If he does'nt want to usher hey some will so who really cares and when the day is over he will feel so stupid that he wasn't apart of such a wonderful union!! Just like my fiances sister and a host of many silly others!!

[Jena1984]

Thanks for all the advise ladies! That is just what I needed to hear. My Fiance, Myself and his mother went for lunch the other day,a nd I politely laid the law down. I told her "I am not arguing anymore with them, what we say is finale, don't like it, don't come!" So I think things might be okay untill we have children hahaha:bbcry: , I am actually scared:bbcry:

[CindySue]

Thanks for all the advise ladies! That is just what I needed to hear. My Fiance, Myself and his mother went for lunch the other day,a nd I politely laid the law down. I told her "I am not arguing anymore with them, what we say is finale, don't like it, don't come!" So I think things might be okay untill we have children hahaha:bbcry: , I am actually scared:bbcry:
Well its good you put your foot down. I would just keep it down in every aspect of your life and maybe when yall do have kids, it wont be that bad.....
Good Luck

[hummingbird521]

Good for you.

[Twigler]

Congrats and good luck with what's to come!