PDA

View Full Version : First bump in the road


CountingTheWaves
07-21-2010, 12:03 PM
So we set a date (for the last time, I think it's been changed three or four times at this point!), put in our contract for the dream venue, and have been working on the catering. Amidst all that, the first little problem has come up. And I was NOT expecting it.

Fiance and I are both vegetarians. Not only that, we're vegetarians who don't drink much. I had one too many bad experiences with alcohol in college, and we both feel very strongly about animal rights. All the people who are even remotely close to us know this. We figured it would be no biggie.

One of my bridesmaids, when I asked her for her opinion, told me that people go to receptions for alcohol. Nothing more, nothing less. I know that I asked her for her thoughts, but it still stung! Not only that, my dad (who actually HAS been a vegetarian in the past, so I know he can make it one night without a steak) got all wigged out and asked my mom "What will we eat?!" That's very unlike him, he's usually very supportive. I don't get it. He came around, but it was still an odd surprise....

Fiance's reaction was to say that if people value meat and booze more than being with us on our day, then it's no great loss if they don't come. He sees this very much as a personal affair, and he cares more about what will make us happy than what will make other people happy. I agree, but it still hurts a bit to hear people say that receptions are essentially boring and in danger of being left early if there's not an open bar!

The bridesmaid ultimately relented and said that it's no huge issue. But a few days ago, we met with the venue coordinator and she gave us such a look when we mentioned that we wanted a vegetarian reception. Like Hold up, you expect other people to live without meat?!

Well, yes! There will be stir fry, kebabs, potatoes, several different types of pasta, wontons, spring rolls, quesadillas, cake, you name it! People are not going to starve to death, not by a long shot. The coordinator mentioned in the end that she thought our menu was well-rounded enough to satisfy everyone, so that was nice, but it was preceded with a lot of"Well, I don't mind, but other people..."-type statements. It's frustrating to me because if our reasons were religious, no one would be questioning us.

Anyway, we've come to a compromise on the alcohol, but there's no way we'll budge on the meat. And the coordinator sounded like the chef might be iffy on doing it. It's so stressful, I just want to march up to the chef and say "see it as a challenge, rise to the occasion and make the best meat-free food ever!" Or something.

Whew, first vent...not so sure how I feel now that I've finished it. Hopefully this issue will just resolve itself. If anyone whines about wanting filet mignon on my wedding day, they might get an earful, lol!

gwenshack
07-21-2010, 12:09 PM
I think people will be more than satisfied with what you've planned. It is your wedding and you should enjoy your day. I completely agree that people are there to celebrate you, NOT for free food and booze. Sure, sometimes that's a perk, but if that's the only reason they're there? Don't let it bother you. Go with your gut on this and enjoy your day and don't feel guilty about not serving meat. :hug:

mj512
07-21-2010, 12:09 PM
I'm sorry you are getting such a push from people. I do eat meat, but can appreciate people who do not and wouldn't think anything of it if someone had a vegetarian menu at their reception.

We didn't have alcohol at our reception either (it actually wasn't allowed at our venue because it was a 4-h building), and no one except one uncle mentioned it. I feel the same way your fiance feels - if beer and meat are more important to them it isn't important that they are there.

The Proper Wedding
07-21-2010, 12:11 PM
I think there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with having a meat free wedding! The reception is a celebration honoring the two of you, so why not have it be something that is more "you"? If that's what you choose, then everyone should respect that. I think your menu sounds like everyone will be satisfied! Meat or no meat, they're getting a free meal, so they should be happy! And even happier to be celebrating the two of you!

Same goes for alcohol. You can have a wonderful time without drinking! Your guests will see this!

It will all be wonderful! You'll see :)

weddingbutterfly
07-21-2010, 12:14 PM
Try not to worry about what other people think. It's your day. I went to a wedding where the couple was very set on not having alcohol at their reception. I thought the wedding turned out well. It was a lot more classy since there were no real outbursts. A few wedding guests decided to have their own booze party in the parking lot. However it was their choice and they thought drinking was that much more important. Food choice, try not to worry, its your day and your food choice. Good luck and everything will work out.

CountingTheWaves
07-21-2010, 12:31 PM
Thanks guys, this is all good to hear :whoohoo: I guess I just wasn't expecting these issues to be so divisive. I find it hard to believe that anyone would look back and think "Man, that reception would've been better if there was salmon!"

OnceABride
07-21-2010, 12:36 PM
The day belongs to you and your new husband. Don't worry about what people think or say. Your plans sound fab to me - can I come?

Seriously, there are lots of vegetarians out there these days. My Mom was one for almost 50 years before she passed. When she cooked for herself and my brother my father (not a vegetarian) would grab the veggie food first, then devour his meat. Weird time.

As to alcohol, have it or don't. Your decision. Receptions don't depend on alcohol - thankfully most folks aren't jerks. Had beer at our reception along with tubs of soft drinks....left over beer, no left-over soft drinks. go figure.

Have a wonderful day; it's exciting and fun. Your plans are more than just fine, they're great. :confetti:

princessbridezilla
07-27-2010, 12:51 AM
your bridesmaid is wrong. people don't go to weddings for the alcohol. people go to weddings for the sweet table. a wedding is ALL about the sweet table. the whole day is a lead-up to the sweet table. if you don't have a sweet table, everyone will get mad, take back their gift, leave the wedding early, and never speak to your family again.

at least that's what my fmil says- and she knows EVERYTHING about weddings.

dodgercpkl
07-27-2010, 01:06 AM
I'm not planning to serve alcohol at my reception either. Other then a joking comment from my brother-in-law, no one has seemed anything other then happy to be invited. I think your menu sounds fantastic! I can't imagine anyone quibbling over you not having beef or something. Don't let anyone tell you that you can't have what you want - especially things that are this reasonable!

mitch
07-27-2010, 06:29 AM
As you said in your post. No one is going to starve to death. As for the no alcohol, think about how many people are going to actually "Remember" your Wedding Day. Because they wont be smashed out of their brains they will remember everything. ;)

Don't let others preach to you on your day. As you said yourself, if it was for religious reasons no one would mention it.

Enjoy your day.

acidcookie
07-27-2010, 11:24 AM
I never understood how a vegetarian meal seemed "weirder" than a "normal" meal. The chef has problems NOT cooking meat? What? My mom's vegetarian and we were all raised that way, both my sisters are vegetarian, and white local chicken breast is the only meat I'll eat, so my diet is mostly vegetarian too. I understand that people enjoy meat, but I don't get the "it's not a meal unless there's meat" mentality. People eat lots of "vegetarian" food without even thinking about it. Sometimes they just can't imagine a traditional dinner dish without the meat so they think it doesn't exist, they can't figure out a substitute for the meat part, so plates of veggies must be all vegetarians can eat. One of my friends had a vegetarian wedding and I don't think anyone even noticed. What's the big deal?

Do what you want, forget the nay-sayers! It's their own problems they are projecting, not anything that's wrong with you.

OnceABride
07-27-2010, 12:56 PM
It is strange about the vegetarian thing. My father in law periodically tells me I'll 'die' if I don't eat meat. :bang_head: I, too, eat only white chicken breast (organic) in addition to my veggie diet. Been that way for most of 35 years. People have some strange and fixed ideas. One would hope they'd see a nice vegetarian meal as a fun new experience. Well, we can hope.