Mother In Law

[sstark1218]

My mother in law just called me and said she has taken it upon herself to book a reception hall. As many of you know, we are having a really hard time getting things booked. We were going to use the FOP lodge, since my fiances bro-in-law was a cop.. it was gonna be free and everything was all set.. then he got fired this week. Well obviously that won't work anymore so my future mother in law decided to go put a deposit down at another place. I appreciate the gesture and all.. but she changed the date. We had agreed on 6/3 and she moved it to 6/17 bc the hall wasnt available on 6/3. She has already paid a deposit and half of the balance so there is really no way to go back on it now.. but she did all this and then told us.. not asked us and then booked it. Neither one of us (my FH and I) have even seen this hall. I just really don't know how to feel or what to say to her... just needed to vent. Comments and suggestions are very much welcome! Thanks!

[LaceyinPgh]

OUCH! I would get this under control fast. Talk with your fiance and see if he will say something to her. If not, and you are unhappy with the situation, go about your own business. It is her fault that she put the money down. Nobody has the right to influence your wedding day, let alone pick the day itself.

[WhiskeyGirl]

I have to ask, how long is it until your wedding? Possibly, if this place is a much sought after venue, then your mother in law can get back her deposit if they can still book it out to someone else. As far as having payed for half of what it all is going to cost, how can they possibly know how much half really is? Is she maybe pulling your leg? And trying to make you think she did this and she really only put a deposit down on it? You have to put a stop to it, before long she will be telling you what dress you and your bridesmaids will be wearing and thats just not right!!! She is taking away your rights as a bride and as a person by telling you where you are getting married and when you are getting married. This is just not right!!! And you HAVE to speak up for yourself! Don't leave it too long or else you could lose control and it will all snowball and make things totally hard and totally out of control!! Don't sit back and let her do this to you! Stop her before she does something else!! Best of Luck!

~CanadianBride~

[sstark1218]

I'm pretty sure she's not pulling my leg. The wedding isnt until June 3, 2006.. or maybe June 17, 2006 if it gets changed. My FH is going over to her house today after work to discuss it with her and really see what our other options are for that day. If we can't find something else, we will have to change the date.... idk what we'll do. This is a lot harder than I thought, lol...

[CarlosHoney]

Hopefully it all gets worked out, but you do have to put your foot down, if not, you'll be on the sidelines planning your own wedding.

[lindsayo18]

sstark1218~
Let us know how everything turned out! As someone who has to deal with an overbearing, controlling future mother-in-law, you need to nip situations like that in the bud. You need to let her know as soon as she does something like that, that it was not up to her to make that kind of decision. Start out doing it as gently as possible so no feelings are hurt, but if she doesn't let up then you need to put your foot down. Take it from me...if you wait too long to let her know when things bother you in order to "keep the peace", it will only get worse because she will think it is her place!
lindsayo18

[SueMartin]

when is the wedding?? if you havent sent out the invites is it really a big problem. I know you dont want her running things.. but it might be a godsend in disguise if you now have a place.. if the invitations have been sent out, then you have a problem.. this woman is going to be part of your life for a long long time... it may be worth giving a little bit at the start

[sstark1218]

Well, if you read some of the other posts.. we have decided to elope. And not elope in the normal sense because we are telling everyone and inviting those closest to us. Now my dilemma is breaking the news to her... thanks for all your input tho!

[allydawn0040]

My best friend had to elope as well because of her future in-laws. They hadn't even been engaged for 1 month before her FIL were telling her that she was having a Scotish wedding (she's adopted from Korea, been in states since 4 yrs old) her FH is adopted as well (1/2 caucassian & 1/4 Samoin & 1/4 African American). FH adopted grandparents from Scottland & his adopted parents first generation here so roots are very strong. After she explained that she did not want a scottish wedding (nor did FH but we he will do most anything for his parents) they still kept talking & planning it that way. Okay, they shouldn't have even been planning!! Then she REALLY put her foot down & their reply was "well we are still wearing our traditional Scottish wedding attire". This inferated her. I told her let them wear what the want - you can't control other people just yourself. At least if you let them wear that you can have the wedding you want. She could not deal with that or them so they eloped without telling them until after the wedding. I don't neccessarily agree with how it all come out BUT you and FH have to decide what is the best decision for YOU regardless of what FMIL or anyone else thinks. Best of luck!!! allydawn0040

[SueMartin]

all the best with the " elopement" ..I hope the future goes well for you & your FH..

[sstark1218]

Just to update everyone, we told them last night. We went out to dinner and of course, his mom started talking about it, and my FH just jumped in real quick and told her that we had been looking at other options. The conveersation went on and we told them what we wanted to do and when we got back to their house, I showed them the website.. and they love it! They are actually A LOT happier than I expected.. but they still want to go. I don't think I would have a problem with it as long as it goes my way.. what do you all think about that??

[CarlosHoney]

Just tell her that it's under one condition:

She can state her opinions and ideas, but if they are not asked for, they will most likely be disregarded. And, they've gotta leave you love birds alone post ceremony!

I'm glad it went so well!! :wink: Good luck!

[allydawn0040]

I think that is great! Most of the elopements are package deals so it may great for them to attend because there are no huge choices to make such as location, decor, certian guests being invited or not, so on & so forth. Good for you guys!!! Congrats!!!! allydawn0040

[sstark1218]

Thanks! Thats a good idea. They are staying in a different town in CT than us. We are staying at a B&B and thought that would be too weird to know they were closeby.. so they won't be.... abs not!