Screw it - I'm not getting married!

[Smurfette]

So we picked an obscure date of Nov 7 - no save the dates or
invites sent out. As a matter of fact, we haven't even told our
friends the date... only family (so he says).

I got a "save the date" from his sister. Her groom will be on
military leave for one month and they want to marry before he
goes back to Afghanistan. Wedding date: Nov 6, 2010!! They've
been engaged for like 90 years!

I'm kinda pissed. Just a little. Our family has a 40th anni coming
for my Aunt/Uncle in September and an October baby shower. Two
November weddings would be overkill - especially with Christmas/
NewYears around the corner.

I know I'll be the bigger bride and concede defeat but I'm pissed.
My groom now wants to marry in hotass August. Humid, heatstroke
August. At our house! :(

Otherwise he wants to hold off until 2011. :no:
I'm like "BUT I joined OneWed and posted all my pics..."

Am I bridezilla if I say none of this is turning out how I want it?

[WebLady]

aww, I am sorry; I would probably be a little upset too. But I am sure his sister didn't plan her wedding date to spite you or anything.

I am sure you guys will come up with a new plan and whatever it is, just remember; as long as you end up married, that is all that really matters :wub:

All the best :grinhappy:

[gwenshack]

That's a bummer for sure. :rain: I know it'll work out though!

[The Proper Wedding]

Awe I'm sorry. I would probably be a little upset too. But I agree with Brandi and Gwen. You'll come up with a new plan, and it will all work out!

Just about everything we've planned has had to change, so in a way, I know how you are feeling. It's not turning out to be the wedding I originally envisioned. But in the end, I'll be married to my FH. And the same with you! :)

Is it possible to move yours to the end of november, or maybe beginning of december, so you don't have to push it TOO far?

[f77g4]

That sucks! I'm sure it will all work out though and in-laws have a way of making it more difficult sometimes. In the end, all that matters is that you and your FH are married.

Good luck to you!

[Married in Jamaica]

@ Smurfette and everyone else,

What really is a wedding except

1. a legal representation of a union between to committed lovers.By lovers I mean two persons who share no conditionality with their love of each other.

2. Its a public ceremony showing other just how much you mean to each other.

Now in saying all of that, I certainly understand how much you want to start your life as Mrs H. But lets step back a little.In spirit u r already Mrs H, its just for teh world to knwo and guess what you now have more time to plan and prepare that spectacular wedding you both wanted.

[Smurfette]

@ Smurfette and everyone else,

What really is a wedding except

1. a legal representation of a union between to committed lovers.By lovers I mean two persons who share no conditionality with their love of each other.

2. Its a public ceremony showing other just how much you mean to each other.

Now in saying all of that, I certainly understand how much you want to start your life as Mrs H. But lets step back a little.In spirit u r already Mrs H, its just for teh world to knwo and guess what you now have more time to plan and prepare that spectacular wedding you both wanted.
I know. I agree.

I guess I missed the chapter on Being Trumped by a Future in-law and
Disappointment in the Newlywed rule book.

This is such a mess. I'm just bitter. B I T T E R

Since I had my heart set on the Venetian in November, we're just gonna
do our own thing. Keeping our 11/7/10 date. Private ceremony. Just me
and him. No one else... okay maybe Elvis. And a bottle of Jack. Alright,
it's possible Captain Morgan will show up but that's it.

Thanks girls. Not trying to sound sappy but I needed the pity party.
*Cheers to marriage and happy unions*

[gwenshack]

I know. I agree.

I guess I missed the chapter on Being Trumped by a Future in-law and
Disappointment in the Newlywed rule book.

This is such a mess. I'm just bitter. B I T T E R

Since I had my heart set on the Venetian in November, we're just gonna
do our own thing. Keeping our 11/7/10 date. Private ceremony. Just me
and him. No one else... okay maybe Elvis. And a bottle of Jack. Alright,
it's possible Captain Morgan will show up but that's it.

Thanks girls. Not trying to sound sappy but I needed the pity party.
*Cheers to marriage and happy unions*

You be bitter all you want. And if Jack and Captain Morgan and Jim Beam and Elvis all show up, good. ;) I'll be a part of your pity party.

[The Proper Wedding]

If you do have a private ceremony, just the two of you, then perhaps you can have a vow renewal or something in the future, if you still want to have the wedding you originally planned :)

[dodgercpkl]

If it makes you feel better, getting married 2x's (to the same man - no divorce) wasn't in my plans either. Unfortunately I got trumped by the US Immigration services requirements for fiance visa's and the fact that it just wasn't financially possible for Anton's family to get here in time to do just one wedding. Having a civil ceremony certainly wasn't in my wedding dreams growing up, but in the end I'm married to an amazing man AND I get to reaffirm my vows in a beautiful ceremony with BOTH our families, extended families, and friends in October.

I'm not saying you should magically cheer up or anything, be bitter all you want and need to and vent and get them out of your system, because you really should go into the actual day happy and content with what you have decided ya know? I'd also wager that as Whitney said, there probably isn't a bride on here that didn't have something major or important to them change or get scrapped.

Let me ask you this: How soon after you told your families that you were getting married on such and such a date did you get the STD from your FSIL? Couldn't it be that she'd already chosen the date and just not shared it with family?

[Photo27]

I can understand how you feel but could you try to practice some fatalism...? I mean thinking that "things happen as they are supposed to" which means that there is an even better moment to get married waiting for you.

I'm sorry of course if all this has left you feeling bad!

Laura
Photo27
Milan, Italy

[Smurfette]

Dodger - thanks for your story. It put things in perspective. I know STD
is "save the date" but I lol'd when you asked when I got my STD from the
in-law. Oooh wee, that would be drama! So thank you for that too! :laugh2:

I realize how much my FH's family loves him. It's almost smothering.
They're a very tight family and the women tend to take over every
major event. He said it was like that for his other 2 brothers. I'm kinda
thinking maybe his sis-in-law pulled this banananess after I told her I
wouldn't have a procession of bridesmaids jaunting down the aisle.
As of two weeks ago, she didn't have a date. I did. I'm over it.

LauraPhoto - I am a firm believer of "it wasn't meant to happen."
I'm not going to sweat it. This is too petty to drive a wedge between
our two families - I'm going to pick my battles. We're still getting hitched,
just don't know when.

This whole ordeal has taken the wind from my sail and I'm so hurt that
I can't even stand to look at WETV anymore. Haha. I don't wanna hear
about no happy brides. Be miserable like me! :laugh2:

[dodgercpkl]

Dodger - thanks for your story. It put things in perspective. I know STD
is "save the date" but I lol'd when you asked when I got my STD from the
in-law. Oooh wee, that would be drama! So thank you for that too! :laugh2:

lol I get a kick out of that too sometimes. It catches me by surprise sometimes and my mind just goes automatically to the whole sexually transmitted thing. I'm glad I could give you something to smile about though! :D



This whole ordeal has taken the wind from my sail and I'm so hurt that
I can't even stand to look at WETV anymore. Haha. I don't wanna hear
about no happy brides. Be miserable like me! :laugh2:

*hugs* I know a bit how you feel. It's not quite the same as a wedding, but a few years back my dad and I had spent alot of time planning and choosing the perfect outings and everything for a trip to Hong Kong and Bangkok... then my dad got kidney stones a month or so prior to our trip. We had to cancel everything. I was depressed and angry (not at my dad ofc but just at the situation) and just had such a hard time trying to plan a new trip for later after my dad was better. On the plus side, that was the year that SARS started and had we gone on that trip we would have been right in the middle of it. lol so maybe something really good (or a disaster avoided) will come of you having to change your date!

In the meantime, vent away, we're here for you! *HUGS*

[Smurfette]

You're sweet Dodger. I'm kinda wishing this thread would disappear.
I feel like a jerk for sounding like a bratty bride when in actuality this
would be my 2nd marriage.

That's where most of the drama stems from. Groom and I are both in our
30s but I've already got a marriage and a teen under my belt. My first marriage
was a civil ceremony, completely forced. We had our 2 y/o in tow, begging me
not to do it. For some reason, she thought we were enrolling her in daycare
so she was saying over and over "no mommy, don't do it." LMAO.

I should've listened to her sage advice! My ex husband was NOT prepared
for happily ever after. Two years in and he moved on. It's been just me and
my little girl since and that's why I only want her to be my bridesmaid. She's
not old enough to be my witness so that's where my only niece comes in.

Anyway - so my Groom's family keeps bringing up how important this wedding
is for my Groom and not me because I've already been married. They totally
discount my feelings and it's like WHA? Where do these people come from? I've
seen thick as blood families on tv but who knew they really existed? That said,
I love them to death! Crazy, wild, Italian, noisy, chaotic... so opposite my
upbringing. And my Groom seems to be the black sheep of the family. Quiet,
reserved, mellow. Completely my partner. This whole thing is a haute mess!

He actually wants to shake things up and go thru with our original November
wedding in Vegas. I told him I'd sleep on it. A sweet and sound JD sleep.

:laugh2:

[Photo27]

Smurfette -

I don't know if I understood you correctly and I'm SORRY if I made myself misunderstood: I absolutely wasn't talking about your FH but the DATE; when writing "better moment to get married waiting for you" I meant the "two of you".

As you said it also yourself - you're still getting hitched anyway.

Laura
Photo27
Milan, Italy

[FedererPhoto]

First:
As far as I can tell, you didn't tell anyone the date, so the fact you 'had one' doesn't matter. I'm sure the sister didn't try to 'steal' your date.


Second:
You are with the man of your dreams and you've decided to wed.

Your family, and his has too much(?) love.

We should all be so lucky.

Perspective often gets lost when it comes to weddings -- remember your frustration is simply about party date; while the real reason to celebrate hasn't diminished at all.

[The Proper Wedding]

First:
As far as I can tell, you didn't tell anyone the date, so the fact you 'had one' doesn't matter. I'm sure the sister didn't try to 'steal' your date.


Second:
You are with the man of your dreams and you've decided to wed.

Your family, and his has too much(?) love.

We should all be so lucky.

Perspective often gets lost when it comes to weddings -- remember your frustration is simply about party date; while the real reason to celebrate hasn't diminished at all.

She did say that they told family.

[FedererPhoto]

She did say that they told family.

So we picked an obscure date of Nov 7 - no save the dates or
invites sent out. As a matter of fact, we haven't even told our
friends the date... only family (so he says). (emphasis mine)

That sounds more to me like a groom-to-be looking to not get yelled at after his sister picks a date right next to theirs. ("Yeah, I told them... Of course I told them, hunny... it's that dastardly sister of mine that we should be directing our anger at, not me...")


But does that really matter? Read the rest of my post.

If we focus on placing blame and being angry about the wedding, it's already a failure. If you remember the whole point of the day, it's a success no matter what happens.

[Brian's Bride]

Your situation sucks, but it is what it is... wasn't that phrase voted the most annoying of 2009?!? :laugh2:

If I were you, I'd aim for early December for your wedding!

[Smurfette]

Well Federer - I got the gossip from the Baby Sis of the family.
I don't know what it is about getting a pedicure but it really loosens
up the tongue! Haha.

Anyway - she says the family is hurt by my actions that I don't want
bridesmaids in our wedding. (Really? Is it that serious?) However it's the
aunts and moms that want their precious snowflakes all dolled up and
taking photos - the sisters DO NOT want to be in the wedding. Baby Sis
says they're all sick of being behind the scenes. So whew! What a relief.

Military Bride did indeed choose her date AFTER she learned of ours only
because she thought we were getting married at home. And she wanted
to take a cruise with her hubby for their honeymoon that leaves Monday
morning!!! OMG! I was choking back tears. When I got home I re-read her
invite and shame on me for being mad at her. She is literally getting married
across the street from me at a beach dive. So in her infinite wisdom (she knows
her family's finances better than me) she thought it would be easier to cluster
the weddings all in the same locale. This girl is living in Killeen, TX right now.

I feel so bad for being angry.

((I still wanna marry in November at the Venetian))

[Jacobs_Girl]

my cousin sort of did the same thing. After I got my invitations she decides to plan her wedding a week before ours and had the nerve to call me and asked me to change my date.

We did our wedding on our date and she did on her date. If guest didnt want to show up fine by us.

[Smurfette]

Well I was mistaken. Again. She did indeed send out her invitations and
had them processed after we'd spoken. She never intended to trump me.
She just wants to marry her soldier before he goes back into battle.

I'm feeling a whole lot better. And thankful I didn't say nasty things about
their family in here - even though I was feeling it. :laugh2:

[dodgercpkl]

I'm so glad to hear that her intention wasn't a mean one but rather just a misunderstanding of location! AND I'm really glad you are feeling better! :luxlove:

[AMacSomeday]

Smurfette...

So glad to hear that it was all a misunderstanding, and that you're happy with the situation again, but I get where you were coming from, and those bitter feelings are totally natural... it's your day, and you want it to be perfect, and it's hard not to flip out at what may seem like the small stuff to everyone else. Don't beat yourself up or feel guilty over your hurt feelings, just be glad that you were open to hearing and understanding her side, and that it's all cool now :D

[Zoey Hao]

It's really not a good idea to put off the wedding date...but I really respect your man, a soldier, try to understand him :laugh2:

[Smurfette]

It's really not a good idea to put off the wedding date...but I really respect your man, a soldier, try to understand him :laugh2:
Haha. Well that's nice and all but my guy is no soldier.
That's my sis-in-law's husband-to-be. <-- good grief!

We went crazy - got married yesterday ;)