LaceyinPgh
05-15-2005, 01:54 PM
Ok, I cannot deal with my mother. At first it was just mother daughter wedding stress that is sill to ***** about. But, it is getting worse. I'm giving the whole story, so go to the potty and then get a snack because you are going to be here for awhile.
About 6 years ago my mom left my dad because she couldn't stand it anymore. It wasn't bad. My dad went to work while my mother stayed at home and raised me (I was in my sophmore year of college at this time), took care of the house (with a housekeeper), could buy anything she wanted or go anywhere she pleased. She was never at home because she took art classes, had bookclub, took part in various activites, ect. But she couldn't stand living like that anymore. So one day my dad comes home from work to an empty house as in the furniture and dishes were gone. She left him some odds and ends to get by on and my poor dog. (Who by the way now lives with me, poor baby.) She leaves him for stepfather #1.
Things go well with stepfather #1 for several years. She basically has a the exact same life style as before only #1 checks in on her all day long. It later turns out that he is having an affair with his daughter's friend. Personally he and his whole family were just white trash with a little money. And that is the nice thing I can say about the group. Anyway mom doesn't care as long as she can still go and do as she pleases. Well, the bottom started to fall out when my mom figures out how #1 is getting all this money. He is embezzeling it from the steel mill that he works at. My mother isn't s dumb woman so she cuts the losses before the mill can catch on. So he is now paying her back the money that she put into remodeling his house from the proceedes of the house she sold when my parents divorced. And she was getting a nice chunk in alimony.
So we can't expect the mother to be alone and within a year she is married to stepfather #2. (At this point I just assigne a number to them, they wont be around long enough to remember their names). During all fo this my mother didn't care what I did as long as I was out of her hair and social life. Thankfully I was a pretty good kid who realized I needed to finish school and keep my head on straight. It could have turned out a lot worse. Well #2 seems pretty nice at first. Only after they are married we find out what an *** he is. He has drinking problems, gambeling problems, and spending problems. In the last 4-5 months he has spent approximately $4000 a month on Ebay alone. so my mother is now flat out broke. I mean not even money for groceries. The house is falling apart around her. My mother has never had to live without money, a lot of it. All of this stress is causing her major heart problems and sent her into a terrible depression.
This leads us into the last couple of months of wedding planning. My mother throws these little tantrums because she isn't allowed to run the show. This siafter she abandons me to be with #1 and #2 not to mention the mess with leaving my dad. She wants to run the engagement party. So I let her until I found out she was too sick to do anything and too broke to pay for anything. So, I have to do it myself. Not that I care. But now I get continual guilt because she doesn't feel loved since I won't allow her to participate in the wedding. It isn't that I don't want her, I just don't have the time for all of her work. For the 100 guests at the engagement party she wanted to bake each one a mini pie in their favorite flavor. And who would ahve been stuck doing it at the last minute...me. That was one of the lesser insane ideas she wanted. So my dad is helping with the party more in the way of writing a check than the actual planning. But my mother calls everyday crying because I love my dad and stepmother more. (I actually hate the wicked stepmother). I called to describe the invitations to her the other day and he response was, "I am not allowed to say whether or not I like them or that you shouldn't order them so why should I care what you pick."
That is just the start of it. She is pouts for DAYS about not getting her way for the wedding. Hello, she has had 4. (She married once before my dad.) Then I try to get her involved. The other day I brought down honeymoon brouchures to look over with her. She wouldn't even look at them because, "She never gets to go anywhere because of the addict in the basement." She won't look at those with me but I get grief for DAYS about not dancing to the song that she picked out for my first dance. I get teh "I have always had an idea of YOUR wedding would be. Why won't you let me have my way?" Umm because it is my wedding maybe.
Two things are important to her, money and control. Right now she is in a situation where she has NEITHER and it is killing her. At first I felt bad and ran behind her trying to fix it but after this weekends stunt I am forever through. I called her Friday night to ask her a question. #2 informs me that they had a fight and she left hysterical. OK, she left so obviosuly she is at on eof two places. My grandma's or my aunt's. I call, neither has seen her but it is still fairly early. Maybe she just needed some time to calm down. If she shows up they will call. Well evening turns into night and no one has seen her yet. Night goes into morning, still no word from her. By this time we are all getting worried. Since she is a 47 year old woman the police aren't going to do anything for 24 hours so we call hotels, hospitals, start looking for her. No sign of her. So we all decide that at 5 I will leave to drive down (I live an hour away) When I get there, we will call the police. As I am walking out my door, my granma calls, she just showed up. There isn't an apology or anything. Just, "I feel better that I am away from him (#2). " She won't tell any of us where she is at or where she is staying. My grandma at least talkes her into taking her cell phone in case of an emergency. Then, mom leaves the house without a word to anyone. Hello, are we 5 is running away from home acceptable when you panic your entire family? To make things better, mom calls about an hour ago, with no "Gee I'm sorry I panicked you into a night with no sleep, a stress migraine, and completley tossed your Saturday." I get, " I was thinking of going to the mall, want to come with me?" Then I get a guilt trip because I say no. "Why are you being so nasty to me? What did I do? Fine, be that way. I'll just have to go alone then." At that point I laid the phone down. It was nicer to do than to allow the words I was thinking to escape my mouth.
Wow, that feels so much better to get off of my chest. I just don't know what to do. She is my mom and I love her. But, I can only handle so much drama. And, just when the cycle seems to settle donw, it starts over again. AHHHH. One of us isn't making it to the church May 27, 2006 without being heavily medicated. I mean if she is doing this **** now what is she going to be doing on a day where she has NO control at all again?
By the way, I am too lazy to proof read this long of a post. I apologize for any typoes and spelling errors.
About 6 years ago my mom left my dad because she couldn't stand it anymore. It wasn't bad. My dad went to work while my mother stayed at home and raised me (I was in my sophmore year of college at this time), took care of the house (with a housekeeper), could buy anything she wanted or go anywhere she pleased. She was never at home because she took art classes, had bookclub, took part in various activites, ect. But she couldn't stand living like that anymore. So one day my dad comes home from work to an empty house as in the furniture and dishes were gone. She left him some odds and ends to get by on and my poor dog. (Who by the way now lives with me, poor baby.) She leaves him for stepfather #1.
Things go well with stepfather #1 for several years. She basically has a the exact same life style as before only #1 checks in on her all day long. It later turns out that he is having an affair with his daughter's friend. Personally he and his whole family were just white trash with a little money. And that is the nice thing I can say about the group. Anyway mom doesn't care as long as she can still go and do as she pleases. Well, the bottom started to fall out when my mom figures out how #1 is getting all this money. He is embezzeling it from the steel mill that he works at. My mother isn't s dumb woman so she cuts the losses before the mill can catch on. So he is now paying her back the money that she put into remodeling his house from the proceedes of the house she sold when my parents divorced. And she was getting a nice chunk in alimony.
So we can't expect the mother to be alone and within a year she is married to stepfather #2. (At this point I just assigne a number to them, they wont be around long enough to remember their names). During all fo this my mother didn't care what I did as long as I was out of her hair and social life. Thankfully I was a pretty good kid who realized I needed to finish school and keep my head on straight. It could have turned out a lot worse. Well #2 seems pretty nice at first. Only after they are married we find out what an *** he is. He has drinking problems, gambeling problems, and spending problems. In the last 4-5 months he has spent approximately $4000 a month on Ebay alone. so my mother is now flat out broke. I mean not even money for groceries. The house is falling apart around her. My mother has never had to live without money, a lot of it. All of this stress is causing her major heart problems and sent her into a terrible depression.
This leads us into the last couple of months of wedding planning. My mother throws these little tantrums because she isn't allowed to run the show. This siafter she abandons me to be with #1 and #2 not to mention the mess with leaving my dad. She wants to run the engagement party. So I let her until I found out she was too sick to do anything and too broke to pay for anything. So, I have to do it myself. Not that I care. But now I get continual guilt because she doesn't feel loved since I won't allow her to participate in the wedding. It isn't that I don't want her, I just don't have the time for all of her work. For the 100 guests at the engagement party she wanted to bake each one a mini pie in their favorite flavor. And who would ahve been stuck doing it at the last minute...me. That was one of the lesser insane ideas she wanted. So my dad is helping with the party more in the way of writing a check than the actual planning. But my mother calls everyday crying because I love my dad and stepmother more. (I actually hate the wicked stepmother). I called to describe the invitations to her the other day and he response was, "I am not allowed to say whether or not I like them or that you shouldn't order them so why should I care what you pick."
That is just the start of it. She is pouts for DAYS about not getting her way for the wedding. Hello, she has had 4. (She married once before my dad.) Then I try to get her involved. The other day I brought down honeymoon brouchures to look over with her. She wouldn't even look at them because, "She never gets to go anywhere because of the addict in the basement." She won't look at those with me but I get grief for DAYS about not dancing to the song that she picked out for my first dance. I get teh "I have always had an idea of YOUR wedding would be. Why won't you let me have my way?" Umm because it is my wedding maybe.
Two things are important to her, money and control. Right now she is in a situation where she has NEITHER and it is killing her. At first I felt bad and ran behind her trying to fix it but after this weekends stunt I am forever through. I called her Friday night to ask her a question. #2 informs me that they had a fight and she left hysterical. OK, she left so obviosuly she is at on eof two places. My grandma's or my aunt's. I call, neither has seen her but it is still fairly early. Maybe she just needed some time to calm down. If she shows up they will call. Well evening turns into night and no one has seen her yet. Night goes into morning, still no word from her. By this time we are all getting worried. Since she is a 47 year old woman the police aren't going to do anything for 24 hours so we call hotels, hospitals, start looking for her. No sign of her. So we all decide that at 5 I will leave to drive down (I live an hour away) When I get there, we will call the police. As I am walking out my door, my granma calls, she just showed up. There isn't an apology or anything. Just, "I feel better that I am away from him (#2). " She won't tell any of us where she is at or where she is staying. My grandma at least talkes her into taking her cell phone in case of an emergency. Then, mom leaves the house without a word to anyone. Hello, are we 5 is running away from home acceptable when you panic your entire family? To make things better, mom calls about an hour ago, with no "Gee I'm sorry I panicked you into a night with no sleep, a stress migraine, and completley tossed your Saturday." I get, " I was thinking of going to the mall, want to come with me?" Then I get a guilt trip because I say no. "Why are you being so nasty to me? What did I do? Fine, be that way. I'll just have to go alone then." At that point I laid the phone down. It was nicer to do than to allow the words I was thinking to escape my mouth.
Wow, that feels so much better to get off of my chest. I just don't know what to do. She is my mom and I love her. But, I can only handle so much drama. And, just when the cycle seems to settle donw, it starts over again. AHHHH. One of us isn't making it to the church May 27, 2006 without being heavily medicated. I mean if she is doing this **** now what is she going to be doing on a day where she has NO control at all again?
By the way, I am too lazy to proof read this long of a post. I apologize for any typoes and spelling errors.