FFIL Problems

[Ptrst]

I really just need to vent, but advice would be appreciated.

My fiance's stepfather and I typically get along at least reasonably well, but oh my god, if he suggests just eloping in Vegas one more time, I swear my head is going to explode. I've tried ignoring it. I've tried laughing it off. I've tried telling him nicely that no, this is what we're doing. Tonight, I ended up telling him not-so-nicely that it's not really his business. Conversation:

Him: (completely out of nowhere) I know you want a wedding, but I think you'll be surprised when you find out how much they cost.
Me: I know how much they cost, actually. I've done the research.
Him: You know, traditionally, the price tag would fall on your parents.
Me: Realistically, the price tag is falling on us.
Him: Well, maybe, but y'know if it was me, I'd want to save that money and spend it on a nice honeymoon.
Me: Unfortunately, you're not the one getting married, so that really doesn't matter.

That was neither the first nor the last time he brought it up tonight. I'm seriously on my last leg as far as patience is concerned. My FH knows it's bugging me, and I've asked him to talk to my FFIL about it, but FFIL is not the kind of guy (I think) who'll take that very seriously. I'm about ready to start screaming the next time he tries to convince us to skip the wedding; last night, he actually offered us $500 to run to Vegas. The next step I can think of is telling him that if he's so opposed to the idea of a wedding, nobody's making him come; but that would be mean and I don't want to start family stuff over this. I do have the mantra "That's an interesting idea; we'll think about it" memorized, but I don't think that'll work in these circumstances. Does anyone have any advice on dealing with this?

[NOTKT]

At this point, I would probably ignore it. When he says something like that, just laugh and leave the room.

[dizy1j62881]

an idea could be next time to say...Vegas would be so much fun!! But the day is bout you and your FH not everyone else in vegas. And you choose to do the wedding where you can have family and friends present. And remind him if you were to go to vegas then you'd still have to hold a reception back home so everyone that hold close and dear could celebrate with.

Or next time he offers money, say "that would be great for you to contribute to the wedding by helping plan the honeymoon!!"

[gwenshack]

I had the opposite problem - DH and I wanted to (and did) get married in Vegas and everyone else wanted us to have a "real" wedding. The criticism was the same but the reasons were reversed. And it hurt my feelings. Parental people forget that we have to live our own lives and make our own decisions sometimes. Particularly in situations like these. I hate to say ignore it, but that really is the only option. It's hard when you feel like you're not supported, but you know what is going to be the right way to start your lives together so ignore the naysayers and remember that you can have your day any way you choose. :goodluck:

[NOTKT]

^ Great post Gwen!

[kgvettegirl]

Tell him that a "run away" marriage in Vegas including air fair, wedding ceremony, flowers and pictures is around $3,000. and that was in 2008. Put up or shut up mister.

Welcome to the boards. RC and I ran off to Vegas and got married at Little Chapel of the Flowers. Origionaly we had planed to drive out and get married in the drive thru by Elvis. That was to make my mom shut her mouth.

[Ptrst]

Thanks for the support, everyone! If nothing else, my fiancé's out of town now, so I'll not be dealing with my FFIL much for a while. I ended up mentioning (mostly jokingly) that if he wants us to get married in Vegas so badly, he should probably just book his hotel and flight now, and we'll see what happens in a year...