Would you sign a Prenuptial Agreement?

[MOB Karen]

Nothing can kill romance faster than the word prenup. But with about one in three of all first marriages ending in divorce, and 50 percent of second or third ones hitting the skids, a prenup is smart financial planning, legal and financial experts say.

Not just for the rich
You don't have to be a Rockefeller or Trump to need a premarital agreement. A person who has managed to save $30,000 may be more protective of their little nest egg than someone who has millions.

You should consider having a prenup if you fall into any of the following categories:
•You have assets such as a home, stock or retirement funds •Own all or part of a business •You may be receiving an inheritance •You have children and/or grandchildren from a previous marriage •One of you is much wealthier than the other •One of you will be supporting the other through college •You have loved ones who need to be taken care of, such as elderly parents•You have or are pursuing a degree or license in a potentially lucrative profession such as medicine •You could see a big increase in income because your business is taking off, or that garage band you play in has just gotten a contract with a big record company.

[KristyGirl]

If I was older and more established, I'd request a pre-nup. If DH offered one, I'd probably sign it. God forbid we ever get divorced, but I'd want to make it go as quickly as possible and if the pre-nup would facilitate it, then so be it.

[Kacie_bride]

Justin and I both agree that we are against prenuptial agreements. I don't know how I would feel if I had a lot of money or a business or something.

[AngelinLove]

No...I would not...I think that in some situations they are NECESSARY....but I would not be in one of those situations...meaning that I would not marry someone where that was a concern!!!!

[brewsells]

I wouldn't sign one. If the person I am marrying doesn't know I'm not in it for their money, then we shouldn't get married.

[LaceyinPgh]

HELL YES!!!!!!!!!!!! You would be a fool to not sign a prenup if you had anything of value in your life. That paper protects your inheritence, business, investments, and every **** thing that YOU worked hard for. I understand that in partnership it is 50/50 but what you had BEFORE that relationship should be 100% yours. Anything that someone gives YOU should be 100% yours. Anything that you as a couple worked for should be guranteed to be at least 50% yours. Protect that. Gambeling is something you do in Vegas not with the rest of your life. As it stands, divorce is a fact of life. You can say you don't believe in it. You can say that you are so 100% sure about your relationship that it won't happen. You can say that your spouse is a good person and should something happen, they would never screw you over. Tragically you aren't psychic because if you were, you wouldn't be here, you would have your lottery winnings and be searching for a decent attorney to draw up that prenup for your husband to sign.

I stayed completely clear of family law. I took the couple classes in it I needed but I swore I would NEVER get invovled in it. A dicorce is one of the ugliest, nasties, most draining, expensive things you can go through. Also, I don't care how badly your husband screwed you over, what a good person you are, what is the ethical or moral thing to do. If his lawyer is better your house is his, your investments are his, half of your business is his, part of your 401K is his, and your dog can be his too. To top it off, you can even be liable for the good attorney that took all your stuff! Life hits hard, wear at least some padding! It is preparing for a divorce, don't be niave about how things work.

[CindySue]

I would sign one. I actually started a thread a while back asking about them. Brian and I had one printed up, BUT never got to a notary to get it signed. We realized this the night before our wedding!!!
Having been through divorced ourselves, we arent stupid and know that no matter how much we love eachother sh!t can happen. Hes been through the ringer and so have I. The thought of the pre-nup eased so much worry that we both had. What alot of people dont understand it that while you may not have anything now, you might one day and that needs to be protected too.
There were 2 different forms. One spelled out EVERYTHING in detail. The other basically said what was his, was his, what was mine, was mine, what was ours, we split. Thats really the way it should be. You shouldnt get married just to try and gain half of what the other person worked their tail off for. JMHO!

[purple_octopus]

I would not sign one because it is against my religious beliefs. If other people want to do it, fine. FH and I don't really have a lot of assets to begin with, so it doesn't matter anyway. We have never shared money, and this will not change once we get married. If we were coming into this relationship with a lot of assets, I don't think we would do things differently.

[SoontobeMrsClark07]

We're not signing one as me and Jonathan are both against it. He suffered hard from his previous divorce and I thought he was really going to ask for one. Bottom line was he's against it and we're not doing it.

Now if one of us had a lot of money or assets that might be a different story... but thats not the case with us.

[countrygirl]

No way jose!! IMO, if you go into a marriage signing a prenup, then you have some doubts about the marriage lasting. If you feel that way, what the h3ll are you doing getting married? Just my opinion.

[asm198]

I would and we probably will have one drawn up. We don't currently have many assets, but we both stand to get decent inheritences. We won't need it, but if something happens, I would rather the divorce be a painless as possible.

[CindySue]

No way jose!! IMO, if you go into a marriage signing a prenup, then you have some doubts about the marriage lasting. If you feel that way, what the h3ll are you doing getting married? Just my opinion.
I understand where youre coming from and in a way I think youre right, but I also think anybody having been married before goes into a marriage with a tad bit of doubt. When I got married the 1st time, it was supposed to be for good. I didnt scout for my 1st ex husband. I learned the hard way that happily ever after doesnt just happen, you have to work for it. And no matter how hard you do, if the other person decides they want out.....theyre out and theres not anything you can do.
I love Brian dearly, and I know that we will both work our butts off to make our marriage work, but if something happens and it doesnt, his assets deserve to be as protected as mine.
This is a VERY touchy subject and everyone has their opinions on it. Thats fine. This is one of those agree to disagree type of things..........

[WhiskeyGirl]

While we didn't sign one, if Matt had asked I'd have been cool with it. He would stand to lose a hell of a lot more then I would! My parent's are not well off at all, infact I grew up eating potatoes and ground beef because steak and chicken were too expensive. My dad was in the military and for some reason we were broke. (whole nother story though!)

Now Matthew on the other hand will be inheriting a 4000-5000 acre farm. His dad has money that he will be inheriting as well. If I were to divorce him I could take him for a lot! But I would hope that that never happens and that I would be satisfied with breaking what we've both earned in two.

I agree with Lacey that you should cover your assets. My FIL has put it into his will and contracts that if my BIL and his wife divorce, she does not get his portion of the farm. (even if my FIL is still around if the divorce happens.) I don't think it has anything to do with love, and if I was asked to sign a waver of my rights to the farm if we ever divorced I would sign it just to prove that my love for Matthew is true and that I don't want to drag him through the mud!!! My MIL had to sign one when she married my FIL 35 years ago and look at them, they are going strong!!!!

[Kacie_bride]

I understand where youre coming from and in a way I think youre right, but I also think anybody having been married before goes into a marriage with a tad bit of doubt. When I got married the 1st time, it was supposed to be for good. I didnt scout for my 1st ex husband. I learned the hard way that happily ever after doesnt just happen, you have to work for it. And no matter how hard you do, if the other person decides they want out.....theyre out and theres not anything you can do.
I love Brian dearly, and I know that we will both work our butts off to make our marriage work, but if something happens and it doesnt, his assets deserve to be as protected as mine.
This is a VERY touchy subject and everyone has their opinions on it. Thats fine. This is one of those agree to disagree type of things..........

I get where you are coming from and agree with you. I know there is always that chance that our marriage could end. It happens. It just does. I don't really believe in them for us because there is no reason for us to have one. The only thing either one of us owns on our own right now is our clothing, I have some pots and pans that I owned before, and a couple of appliances. Neither one of us have an inheritance or will have one if someone passes. Both of us have our own vehicles, but they both suck anyway. All of the things that would be most important for us to have we will acquire together so they would not be protected under a prenp. There is no reason for us to have one.

[countrygirl]

I understand where youre coming from and in a way I think youre right, but I also think anybody having been married before goes into a marriage with a tad bit of doubt. When I got married the 1st time, it was supposed to be for good. I didnt scout for my 1st ex husband. I learned the hard way that happily ever after doesnt just happen, you have to work for it. And no matter how hard you do, if the other person decides they want out.....theyre out and theres not anything you can do.
I love Brian dearly, and I know that we will both work our butts off to make our marriage work, but if something happens and it doesnt, his assets deserve to be as protected as mine.
This is a VERY touchy subject and everyone has their opinions on it. Thats fine. This is one of those agree to disagree type of things..........

I do see your point Cindy, and I agree w you that your assessts should be yours if the nasty d ever happens. In my fairy tail world, there isn't a prenup and if anything happens w J and I, I would never go after his and he wouldn't go after mine. We just aren't like that. I know that unfort. there are many people who aren't like that, and would go after anything. Nico's dad would have been that way if we had ever married.

So, to revise my statement, in MY marriage, there won't be one.

[CindySue]

I do see your point Cindy, and I agree w you that your assessts should be yours if the nasty d ever happens. In my fairy tail world, there isn't a prenup and if anything happens w J and I, I would never go after his and he wouldn't go after mine. We just aren't like that. I know that unfort. there are many people who aren't like that, and would go after anything. Nico's dad would have been that way if we had ever married.

So, to revise my statement, in MY marriage, there won't be one.
Im not going to go after anything of Brians either. But my ex was like that, thats why I understand the need for the extra protection.

There aint one in my marriage either!!!! :bblol: We were so scatterbrained, we forgot to get it finalized!!!!

[countrygirl]

Im not going to go after anything of Brians either. But my ex was like that, thats why I understand the need for the extra protection.

There aint one in my marriage either!!!! :bblol: We were so scatterbrained, we forgot to get it finalized!!!!

Josh is the type that if it happened, he would give me anything, and make sure that I was set. I wouldn't take anything though.

[CindySue]

Josh is the type that if it happened, he would give me anything, and make sure that I was set. I wouldn't take anything though.
I gave my ex a lot of stuff that wasnt even his, just because I wasnt going to fight with him over it. I wont be that nice if I ever have to go through that again. I will keep what is mine.

[AllyM1]

I am with some of the girls here. If you feel that it is neccessary for your marriage, that is your decision and that's perfectly fine. For me, I feel that prenups are another way of saying, "I don't know if our marriage is going to last, and if it doesn't, I don't trust you enough to let me keep my stuff and you keep yours." That's just me though. If my DH had asked me to marry him then said, "hey sign this.." I would have been like, "No thank you and you can have your ring back."

I don't neccessarily feel it's a "he has nothing I have nothing" thing, it's more about trust to me.

[darkangel090260]

we have a child and i fill sinces she is now part of use planing this the prenup will help with custody if something should happen

[LaceyinPgh]

we have a child and i fill sinces she is now part of use planing this the prenup will help with custody if something should happen
Dont' waste your time and money. If you are doing it stricty for custody it will do both. No prenup with custody issues in it will hold up. Things, situations, children, ect change. A judge or mediator won't even look at it. They will base their decision souly on what is best for the child. Your pre nup to them won't be worth the piecce of paper it is written on.

[LaceyinPgh]

Im not going to go after anything of Brians either. But my ex was like that, thats why I understand the need for the extra protection.

There aint one in my marriage either!!!! :bblol: We were so scatterbrained, we forgot to get it finalized!!!!

You can get a post nuptiual agreement drawn up within so many months (depending on state) after your wedding. Yours would be especially good to do since you simply forgot to sign your prenup.

[AngelinLove]

HELL YES!!!!!!!!!!!! You would be a fool to not sign a prenup if you had anything of value in your life. That paper protects your inheritence, business, investments, and every **** thing that YOU worked hard for. I understand that in partnership it is 50/50 but what you had BEFORE that relationship should be 100% yours. Anything that someone gives YOU should be 100% yours. Anything that you as a couple worked for should be guranteed to be at least 50% yours. Protect that. Gambeling is something you do in Vegas not with the rest of your life. As it stands, divorce is a fact of life. You can say you don't believe in it. You can say that you are so 100% sure about your relationship that it won't happen. You can say that your spouse is a good person and should something happen, they would never screw you over. Tragically you aren't psychic because if you were, you wouldn't be here, you would have your lottery winnings and be searching for a decent attorney to draw up that prenup for your husband to sign.

I stayed completely clear of family law. I took the couple classes in it I needed but I swore I would NEVER get invovled in it. A dicorce is one of the ugliest, nasties, most draining, expensive things you can go through. Also, I don't care how badly your husband screwed you over, what a good person you are, what is the ethical or moral thing to do. If his lawyer is better your house is his, your investments are his, half of your business is his, part of your 401K is his, and your dog can be his too. To top it off, you can even be liable for the good attorney that took all your stuff! Life hits hard, wear at least some padding! It is preparing for a divorce, don't be niave about how things work.

I am just wondering, and you don't have to answer if you feel that it is too personal, but do you and Sean have a pre-nup? If so, who brought the subject up?

[LaceyinPgh]

I am just wondering, and you don't have to answer if you feel that it is too personal, but do you and Sean have a pre-nup? If so, who brought the subject up?

Yes, and both of us brought it up. Sean is part owner of a successful business and I have a few investments of my own that I wanted to watch out for. Even nice people who loved each other at point in their lives can have VERY nasty divorces. I'm not saying my marriage won't work. Sean and I love each other very much. But love isn't the only thing in the world and I want us both prepared for the reality that is the modern American relationship.

[WeddingManager]

100% agree with LaceyinPgh. Amena and I do not have one, but we only had 5 dollars to our names back then, no house or anything.

Its about protecting what is yours, and not having someone else come along and take it when they want to up and leave.

My parents where married for 26 years when one day out of the blue my Mom did not want to be married anymore. 1 ½ years later my dad had no money to his name and was living in a trailer as my mom took everything that him & her had spent their lives building. He is now 54 years old and starting over in life, sucks!

[MOB Karen]

You can't tell anybody the realities of marriage, because they can't see that for themselves right now. Only when you are in the process of a nasty divorce, do you realize just how silly you were for thinking this could never happen to me. We all feel that same way at some point in our lives. But divorce can happen to anyone and does. You might not want it, but he might want it. Just protect yourself, that's all. :D

[LaceyinPgh]

You can't tell anybody the realities of marriage, because they can't see that for themselves right now. Only when you are in the process of a nasty divorce, do you realize just how silly you were for thinking this could never happen to me. We all feel that same way at some point in our lives. But divorce can happen to anyone and does. You might not want it, but he might want it. Just protect yourself, that's all. :D

Very true. I also know what a monster I would turn into if Sean ever pissed me off enough to go and file for a divorce. He would be lucky to escape with his own underware.

[MOB Karen]

Very true. I also know what a monster I would turn into if Sean ever pissed me off enough to go and file for a divorce. He would be lucky to escape with his own underware.

LOL!!:D Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

[katieandalex]

No way, I feel that if you can't trust the person you are marrying with your money and assets (sp?) then you probably shouldn't be marrying them.

[mj512]

haha not only do I not want to start my marriage off like that.... all we have is loans and I think both of us would be willing to give them up ;)

[asm198]

What's that saying? Plan for the worst and hope for the best? That's how I view prenups. I don't plan to get into a car accident or have my house burn down, but I have insurance to help me recover if those things happen. It's protection from the worst, even if they never happen.

[WebLady]

I voted No, but I have mixed feelings on this issue. I really don't like thinking about "What if we get divorced" I sort of feel like some others have said that it is like planning for divorce ... "If you are that worried that I'm gonna leave you and take you for everything you've got, then why are you marrying me?!"

But like Lacey said, divorce happens and it can get nasty, so why not protect what you have. Like Amanda (asm198) said, you can look at it kind of like insurance ... plan for the worst and hope for the best.

Neither DH nor I had anything of great value before we got married so this was never an issue with us. But if it was, I think I would just really have to think it out and see how I felt.

[SerendipityCrafts]

Been there, done that. Because of a change in the law and a move to another province, it wasn't worth the paper it was written on.

To be perfectly honest, I didn't even think about doing it this time.

[Kacie_bride]

haha not only do I not want to start my marriage off like that.... all we have is loans and I think both of us would be willing to give them up ;)

That is the same situation I am in. If he ever wanted my loans he could have them! The most important thing to me is my degree and he can't take that no matter what court he went to!

[CindySue]

That is the same situation I am in. If he ever wanted my loans he could have them!
Thats what the biggest thing was with my ex......he got most of our property, I got our bills. Most of those were his bills not mine. Thats what I wanted to protect myself from this time. My credit is just now starting to get back to where I can do anything with it. Its not great but its decent.
And Amanda has it perfect. Its insurance. You dont plan for bad things to happen, but you realize that it can. I know divorce can happen. When I got married, it was going to be forever and I found out the hard way it doesn t really work like that.

[Kacie_bride]

Thats what the biggest thing was with my ex......he got most of our property, I got our bills. Most of those were his bills not mine. Thats what I wanted to protect myself from this time. My credit is just now starting to get back to where I can do anything with it. Its not great but its decent.
And Amanda has it perfect. Its insurance. You dont plan for bad things to happen, but you realize that it can. I know divorce can happen. When I got married, it was going to be forever and I found out the hard way it doesn t really work like that.

I am talking about student loans. I don't there is any way we would have to pay for the other's loans. We don't own any property. We really have no reason for one. Anything we will get, we will acquire together.

[CindySue]

I am talking about student loans. I don't there is any way we would have to pay for the other's loans. We don't own any property. We really have no reason for one. Anything we will get, we will acquire together.
Kacie...I understand that. For some people it is a waste of time and money. If you dont have assets and never will other than what you would split anyway, theres not any need for one. I know what I have and what i want to protect. Brian knows what he has and what he wants to protect. We understand the need to protect these things without getting our feelings hurt.

[Kacie_bride]

Kacie...I understand that. For some people it is a waste of time and money. If you dont have assets and never will other than what you would split anyway, theres not any need for one. I know what I have and what i want to protect. Brian knows what he has and what he wants to protect. We understand the need to protect these things without getting our feelings hurt.

I understand your point. I might even consider having one if I were in your situation. If I had a business I defiantely would or an inheritance I defiantely would.

[CindySue]

I understand your point. I might even consider having one if I were in your situation. If I had a business I defiantely would or an inheritance I defiantely would.
They are NOT for everybody and I could see how they look when youre discussing marrage and plans to spend the rest of your lives together. It does look like youre planning for your marriage not to work. Not that the idiot had anything, but if my ex would have asked for one, I would have gotten very offended. Now its the "been there, done that, not doing it again" mentality that has me looking at all the options.

[Kacie_bride]

They are NOT for everybody and I could see how they look when youre discussing marrage and plans to spend the rest of your lives together. It does look like youre planning for your marriage not to work. Not that the idiot had anything, but if my ex would have asked for one, I would have gotten very offended. Now its the "been there, done that, not doing it again" mentality that has me looking at all the options.

If Justin asked me for one I would laugh. I would say something like, "I guess you want to make sure you get the couch! And that book shelf was mine, so I really want to make sure I get that too!"

[CindySue]

If Justin asked me for one I would laugh. I would say something like, "I guess you want to make sure you get the couch! And that book shelf was mine, so I really want to make sure I get that too!"
:bblol: Exactly!!!

[WhiskeyGirl]

If Justin asked me for one I would laugh. I would say something like, "I guess you want to make sure you get the couch! And that book shelf was mine, so I really want to make sure I get that too!"

Don't you have a horse?? If so I woudl wonder how you would feel if (heaven forbid) Justin went after that in a messy divorce? If you don't, I've got you confused with someone else.

All in all, it's everyone's choice. I wish we had one now and infact think I may have to sign some legal documents when it comes to the inheritance of the farm here soon. :D I am not opposed to signing anything and infact want to to prove that my heart is true!!

[Kacie_bride]

Don't you have a horse?? If so I woudl wonder how you would feel if (heaven forbid) Justin went after that in a messy divorce? If you don't, I've got you confused with someone else.

All in all, it's everyone's choice. I wish we had one now and infact think I may have to sign some legal documents when it comes to the inheritance of the farm here soon. :D I am not opposed to signing anything and infact want to to prove that my heart is true!!

I do, but if you wanted to get really technical with it my parent paids for the horse. The bill of sale has my parents signature on it, so he could not really get the horse.

[WhiskeyGirl]

I do, but if you wanted to get really technical with it my parent paids for the horse. The bill of sale has my parents signature on it, so he could not really get the horse.

I see. :) :)

[CindySue]

I do, but if you wanted to get really technical with it my parent paids for the horse. The bill of sale has my parents signature on it, so he could not really get the horse.
See this is where things can get messy. Its little things like this you wouldnt think about having to protect until someone tries to take them just to be mean. A lot of times you dont think about it until it happens to you.
You are protected since the horse isnt in your name. When you talk about prenups, most people think you need to have a lot to protect. I dont, but I will still protect it.

[Kacie_bride]

See this is where things can get messy. Its little things like this you wouldnt think about having to protect until someone tries to take them just to be mean. A lot of times you dont think about it until it happens to you.
You are protected since the horse isnt in your name. When you talk about prenups, most people think you need to have a lot to protect. I dont, but I will still protect it.

Yeah if I showed horses or was still rodeoing I would probably want something in place to secure that. I have a trailer, but it is technically my parents as well. And...Justin is thinking of buying it from them anyway, so it would end up being both of ours.

[CindySue]

Yeah if I showed horses or was still rodeoing I would probably want something in place to secure that. I have a trailer, but it is technically my parents as well. And...Justin is thinking of buying it from them anyway, so it would end up being both of ours.
Very true!!!!
Thats one of the things I dont like about Texas being a Community Property state. You could spend your entire life building up and working for stuff and as soon as you get married, its automatically half theirs. I dont mind sharing, but its going to be because I choose to, not because of some stupid law.

[LaceyinPgh]

How many of you made your dj/caterer/baker/bridal salon/church/ect sign a contract? You are only giving them a couple thousand dollars that they can mess up with. In a marriage you are giving someone your entire life. That can get messed up WAY more than a few songs and some chicken and rice pilaf. Have in writing what is yours, how maritial property will be divided, and the types of settlements that both parties can receive from the other.

I don't care if you consider it a contrat, insurance, a smart thing to do, whatever. Just don't delude yourselves with ideas that life is a fairy tale, you don't believe in divorce, or that it won't happen to you. Castles built on clouds tend to eventually tumble to earth.

[purple_octopus]

I don't care if you consider it a contrat, insurance, a smart thing to do, whatever. Just don't delude yourselves with ideas that life is a fairy tale, you don't believe in divorce, or that it won't happen to you. Castles built on clouds tend to eventually tumble to earth.
That may be, but if it weren't a risk I was willing to take, I wouldn't get married. It's not just a matter of not believing I'll ever get a divorce. My religious beliefs very specifically state that with very few exceptions, a prenuptial agreement would nullify my marriage (sacramentally, not legally). Many people have valid reasons for wanting a prenup, and many people have reasons that are just as valid for not wanting one.

[CindySue]

Many people have valid reasons for wanting a prenup, and many people have reasons that are just as valid for not wanting one.
Thats very true. As I posted earlier, this is definitely one of those agree to disagree things.

[WebLady]

Originally Posted by purple_octopus
Many people have valid reasons for wanting a prenup, and many people have reasons that are just as valid for not wanting one.

This is true, and as was said before, it isn't for everyone and this is one of those subjects that we may have to agree to disagree on.

Personally, I think something we should more focus on is really being sure we are marrying the right person for the right reasons ;)

[purple_octopus]

This is true, and as was said before, it isn't for everyone and this is one of those subjects that we may have to agree to disagree on.
I agree, I just thought it was a little condescending to insinuate that people who wouldn't want a prenup are delusional nitwits with castle-in-the-cloud daydreams who lack any basis in reality.

[CindySue]

I agree, I just thought it was a little condescending to insinuate that people who wouldn't want a prenup are delusional nitwits with castle-in-the-cloud daydreams who lack any basis in reality.
That comment was taken out of context just a little. If someone doesnt want a prenup, thats fine. They are the ones that have to live with that decision if things go wrong. That comment was made about divorce. It can happen, it does happen and theres not usually anything that can be done to stop it if the other person decides they want it. I didnt believe divorce was an option, but guess what? Im divorced. What I thought was NEVER going to happen to me, did happen to me.
What I have learned from experience is that marriage takes work. Brian and I both will have to work at it. I knew better than to think that just because we got married (had the wedding, got the rings, went on the honeymoon), that everything is gonna be hunky-dorry and we were never going to have problems or fight. IMO - thats where a lot of problems CAN arise in relationships.

[WebLady]

I agree, I just thought it was a little condescending to insinuate that people who wouldn't want a prenup are delusional nitwits with castle-in-the-cloud daydreams who lack any basis in reality.
I don't think Cindy or anyone else meant to be condescending about their veiws on this subject, nor do I think anyone intended offend you or demean your views in any way.

This is a topic that people have different views on and for many different reasons, just like you said before. This thread was started to get opinions, we are all likely to have different ones, and that is ok.

For everyone: I am sure none of us want to see this become a 'heated' issue, so as I mentioned before, perhaps we all need to agree to disagree. We should all be able to act like adults with this kind of thing, so lets just state our opinions and move on. If this (or any other topic) is too much of a 'hot issue' to you then don't respond at all.

I just don't want to see anymore drama around here ;)

[purple_octopus]

Just to be clear, my comment had nothing to do with any of Cindy's posts. Hers were very respectful and reasonable.

But yes, I see both sides of the issue, and I don't think there is a "right" or "wrong" answer to this one. We should be respectful of each other's opinions.

[Kacie_bride]

Just to be clear, my comment had nothing to do with any of Cindy's posts. Hers were very respectful and reasonable.

But yes, I see both sides of the issue, and I don't think there is a "right" or "wrong" answer to this one. We should be respectful of each other's opinions.

I didn't think you were talking about Cindy.

[WebLady]

Well, I was just trying to jump in to 'cool' the situation in case it became a heated debate ... maybe I didn't need to, sorry :bbredface: Please don't get out the chair on me :chair:

[cowboysbride]

I would sign it, and I think Eric would too. Now with that said we don't plan on getting a divorce and have no reservations about our love but since we both have been thru nasty divorces (that blindsighted us) before it just makes sense. Live in a fairytale all you want but when he walks out the door with everything that was yours before he got there you'll wish you had (been there done that, SOB took the shirt)!

[CindySue]

I would sign it, and I think Eric would too. Now with that said we don't plan on getting a divorce and have no reservations about our love but since we both have been thru nasty divorces (that blindsighted us) before it just makes sense. Live in a fairytale all you want but when he walks out the door with everything that was yours before he got there you'll wish you had (been there done that, SOB took the shirt)!
Having gone through all that c r a p before too is why I know that things can turn on a dime and you cant neccessarily stop them. I love my husband with everything I have. I will NEVER hurt him. And I know he feels the same way about me. But just because we are married doesnt mean that we can quit trying. He fell in love with me, but i will spend everyday of our marriage keeping him in love with me!!!

[sherrybaby]

We thought about a prenup for about a whole 30 seconds and laughed!! We view it as preparing for divorce before we were even married. We do not believe in divorce, we believe in working things out, give a little to get a little!!Makeing sacrifices need be where ever, as long as it benifits the relationship! IMO if every relationship worked like that there wouldn't be as many divorces.

[cowboysbride]

We thought about a prenup for about a whole 30 seconds and laughed!! We view it as preparing for divorce before we were even married. We do not believe in divorce, we believe in working things out, give a little to get a little!!Makeing sacrifices need be where ever, as long as it benifits the relationship! IMO if every relationship worked like that there wouldn't be as many divorces.


Right now I'm stewing and in respect for Brandi's wishes to not cause drama I will keep my mouth shut, but you can't work out an abusive relationship and if men learned that it's not okay to hit a woman maybe then "there wouldn't be as many divorces" either!

......I don't beleive in divorce either, but I sure as hell believe in being safe and happy..................

[WebLady]

Right now I'm stewing and in respect for Brandi's wishes to not cause drama I will keep my mouth shut, but you can't work out an abusive relationship and if men learned that it's not okay to hit a woman maybe then "there wouldn't be as many divorces" either!

......I don't beleive in divorce either, but I sure as hell believe in being safe and happy..................

Calm down girl, I'm sure she meant no harm :hug: I like your quote BTW :)

Now I'm sure that we all go into marriage (or should) with the intent of it being forever. But that isn't always the case. I don't want to get divorced as I'm sure none of us do, but in some cases it is unavoidable. If my husband decided to hit me, I would be gone in a second. If he decided to change the person he is then I might have to re-think our marriage as well.

So if you are one that has personal assets, then if might be a good idea to have a prenup. Me personally, I didn't see a need for it, I didn't have much of anything either. But it is a choice we all have to make for ourselves and deal with the ultimate consequences.

Yes, there is a certain amount of 'work' that goes into any relationship, but no one should have to live in fear or live with someone who doesn't respect them or otherwise be unhappy. I think 'for better or worse' means every day life situations, not abuse, infidelity, etc. Most contracts have an 'escape' clause ;)

I firmly believe that if you make the right choice in a mate from the beginning and marry for the right reasons, then you will stand a much better chance for a lasting marriage. Now all this is just my opinion and you all can take it for whatever you wish.

As has been said before, this whole prenup and divorce topic is one that will likely spark many different opinions and that is ok. I say if you don't agree, that is fine, but there is no need to make it a debate.

If you want to state your opinion the do so, if you don't like the opinion of others, you are welcome to state your disapproval. But as adults we should be able to do so with respect and not in a way that seems to demean the views of others. This is sometimes hard to do in a forum such as this since there is no emotion or inflection in mere words, so they are often taken out of context. So lets try to avoid misunderstanding where we can and just play nice :)

"Knowledge talks, but Wisdom merely listens" - Unknown

[Kacie_bride]

Right now I'm stewing and in respect for Brandi's wishes to not cause drama I will keep my mouth shut, but you can't work out an abusive relationship and if men learned that it's not okay to hit a woman maybe then "there wouldn't be as many divorces" either!

......I don't beleive in divorce either, but I sure as hell believe in being safe and happy..................

I think the problem today is that we have gone so far as a society from one extreme, say fifty years ago, to where we are now. Before divorce was like a four letter word. You stayed with your husband no matter what. If you were a divorcee you might as well have a scarlet letter around your neck. However, today people seem to jump in and out of marriages like they change their clothing. I know a couple of people who have had to drive to Louisiana just to get married because they maxed out the number of times you were allowed to get married in Texas. There's something wrong with that picture.

I believe that in many cases divorces are inevitable. You cannot make someone stay with you and it does not do you or any children you may have any good to stay in a relationship that is abusive or makes you miserable.

I think I would consider myself to be against jumping into marriages with your eyes closed and getting out without even trying to work things out (unless the case of abuse or adultry). I also consider myself against women or men staying in a marriage that is not even a marriage anymore. What is the point?

If our society could find a happy medium from what we were to what we are now things would be better.

[cowboysbride]

I'm calm....I know it's easier to let the cat out of the bag than put it back in so I'll keep my trap shut (see marriage is good for me, I'm learning patience and tolerance) LOL!

:hug:

[CindySue]

I'm calm....I know it's easier to let the cat out of the bag than put it back in so I'll keep my trap shut (see marriage is good for me, I'm learning patience and tolerance) LOL!

:hug:
You too funny!!!!

I think the main reason why views differ so much here is because people havent been through the same things. Unless youve been abused or been really close to someone who was, you dont know what its like. Same with cheating, same with divorce. A lot of people see things one way until something does happen, then those views change......mine d a m n sure did, and quick too!!!!!

[cowboysbride]

You too funny!!!!

I think the main reason why views differ so much here is because people havent been through the same things. Unless youve been abused or been really close to someone who was, you dont know what its like. Same with cheating, same with divorce. A lot of people see things one way until something does happen, then those views change......mine d a m n sure did, and quick too!!!!!

AMEN SISTER! I didn't mean to get all catty but that is such a sore spot with me...

[LaceyinPgh]

I'm calm....I know it's easier to let the cat out of the bag than put it back in so I'll keep my trap shut (see marriage is good for me, I'm learning patience and tolerance) LOL!

:hug:
Just make sure you don't get too patient or too tolerant, sister!

[cowboysbride]

Just make sure you don't get too patient or too tolerant, sister!

No worries...been there, done that before... lesson learned!

[rainbowtreat]

I didnt need one at al nor did Nicholas for any reason. We both came into this starting fresh with new jobs and every thing. If things were different and we both were set good then they may have been a reason for one. I have been through a divorce too. I wasnt out to take him for all he had or didnt have ( neither of us had anything actualy ) I just wanted out of the marriage. BUt I can see the need for one in some cases.

[sherrybaby]

I wish I read this post soon after i posted before Sorry I didn't mean to stir the pot. First you should know that we are very old fashioned and divorce is almost a word that is unheard of. In those cases of abuse divorce is neccesary!!!!
You should really know the person you are about to marry before saying "I DO" to try to avoid it, If it just happend not knowing then like I said Divorce is necesary!

Too many people that I have known get divorces or long (5years+) seperations over stupid things that could be worked out

[Kacie_bride]

I wish I read this post soon after i posted before Sorry I didn't mean to stir the pot. First you should know that we are very old fashioned and divorce is almost a word that is unheard of. In those cases of abuse divorce is neccesary!!!!
You should really know the person you are about to marry before saying "I DO" to try to avoid it, If it just happend not knowing then like I said Divorce is necesary!

Too many people that I have known get divorces or long (5years+) seperations over stupid things that could be worked out

I knew you didn't mean to stir up the pot. Sometimes emotions just get pretty hot around here. It's hard to tell how people are meaning some things without hearing their voices. It's okay. I know you didn't mean to cause any trouble. You have a right to your opinion as does everyone else and I think you were respectful when stating it.