~Jack and Jill...yay or nay?

[dyelle84]

~so i have always been "ehhhhh" when it comes to jack and jills. Other ppl paying money to go towards a wedding they may not even be invited to? Are there rules when it comes to a J&J? The best man threw out the idea of planning one for us. We were thinking of doing it outdoors during the summer. BBQ style. We would obviously buy food and drink. And thought about doing raffles. We have volleyball nets and horse shoe pits. Figure that may be a good time. Does anyone have other fun ideas for one? DO we need to invite all the ppl that may come? Or is it....if you don't want to pay, don't come? Also what are your thoughts on prices? We were thinking 10$ single or 15 couple. I think i would feel bad if ppl come the party and aren't on the guest list. However I guess if they didn't want to come to the party they didn't have to, right? Any thoughts??? :confused:

[savepaws]

I've never heard of having to pay to go to a Jack & Jill so I guess that part confuses me? Maybe this is a type of party I've never heard of.

We didn't want separate bachelor & bachelorette party so we had one big Jack & Jill party. Our Best Man and MOH threw it for us and we BBQ'd, played some outdoor games, and just had a good time with friends. Later on, we headed out to the bars.

We only invited our closest friends and family who were also invited to the wedding because the whole point was to have one big fun night before the wedding. No one gave us money or gifts to attend the party.

I personally would never invite someone to a shower, jack & jill or any type of party if they weren't invited to the wedding. I don't think its good etiquette to expect people to give money or bring gifts if they aren't welcome at the wedding or reception.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do!

[Goin2thechapel]

We had one...It really helped us out financially.

I guess I never really thought about it since it's pretty much a staple in our family to have one. I say go for it!

[WBandMe]

Hmm, I've never even heard of this, and I'm not sure I quite understand. But I agree with Danielle that it's never a good idea to invite people to pre-wedding events if you're not inviting them to the wedding, and expecting/asking for money isn't something I'd be comfortable doing.

[The Proper Wedding]

Someone else posting about something like this the other day. They called it a buck and doe party and also a stag and doe party. It's more of like a fundraiser for the wedding kind of party, so people are expected to pay and give money to help pay for the wedding if they attend. From what I understood from the other thread, it seems to be more popular in Canada rather than the US (at least for those who posted in the threat). I've heard of them, tho I've never attended them.

I know one that a relative had, which I didn't go to, they had a price you had to pay to get it. It was like so much a couple OR a bottle of booze would get you in (I can't remember how much they asked, I wanted to say $5 or $10 a couple). And actually, this relative of mine who had one (it was actually the sister of the bride and someone else who threw it and advertised for it) had it advertises as an "event' on facebook. So really anyone could attend it...even if they weren't invited to the wedding, because they technically didn't invite anyone to the party, they just advertised it for anyone who wanted to attend (I'm not sure if that was good etiquette or not, but that's how they did it). And come to think of it, they called it a stag and drag party...but it's the same thing.

[gwenshack]

And come to think of it, they called it a stag and drag party...but it's the same thing.
I assume you mean stag and doe...but a stag and drag party sounds like a good time...;)

Yes, Whitney is right - there was another thread on here the other day about the stag and doe thing, which I had never heard of, so let me see if I can dig up that thread for you. ;)

http://forums.onewed.com/showthread.php?t=31688

[The Proper Wedding]

I assume you mean stag and doe...but a stag and drag party sounds like a good time...;)



Actually stag and drag is what my relatives (it was my dad's cousin's kid lol that's why i didn't go) referred to it as. I googled it before I said that in my last post to make sure I wasn't making that up in my head, and I saw other's refer to it as that too (as well as stag and do, buck and do, and jack and jill, and i'm sure there's others lol)

I guess I never answered anything from the original post. I think it's a great idea if you can pull it off. I would love to do it myself, but I don't think WE can pull it off. I mean if you're serving alcohol and having them pay for it, then you would need a liquor license I'm sure. And then also the alcohol. And any food. So if you know for sure you can make more than you put into it, then I say heck yeah!! I know some people make tons of money off things like that! Unfortunately for us, we would be putting more money into it than we would be making I think.

If you decide to go for it, then good luck!! :)

[dyelle84]

hmmm.....thats weird to see ppl haven't heard of a jack and jill. Ppl around here have them all the time, and they advertise for them in like our local "shoppers guide" and other papers. its basically an excuse to have a party or to go to one. Anyone can go as long as they dont mind throwing in a few bucks to eat drink play games etc...but yea. Im on the fence about it. Appreciate the input:)

[dearmissie]

Count me as another who's never heard of this until the last thread a few days ago. I think if you could pull it off with everyone being okay with it, then why not?? It's your wedding, do what you want!! ;)

I know this would never be an option for us. I know within my family and with my circle of friends I'd get lectured if we did this. The way we grew up is only do what you can afford, do not ask your guests for help (some people compare it to having guests over at your house but you tell them once you paid for the groceries and are cooking, then they have to set the table and do the dishes). In addition, I personally feel awkward asking our guests to help pay for the wedding, but that's just me.

Just a quick question, as I'm sure by hosting this type of party can help in paying for the wedding, but I'm confused because I'm not sure how much it'll help. Making me wonder if it'll even be worth it to throw one?? For our families (my in laws go ALL OUT for parties) the food alone at our family Christmas party costs over $1000 (and they really go WAY out. They have entertainers come in, tons and tons of decorating, and lots of food and drink). Let's pretend DF and I were going to do this, we have 100 guests, and I let's just pretend they were all coming. If I charge $10 pp then we'd only make $1000. But you also have to deduct the amount of money you'd have to put in to feed them, have drinks, decoration, and entertainment/games. How much money would we really be able to pocket at the end of the day?? Anyone know??

[The Proper Wedding]

Count me as another who's never heard of this until the last thread a few days ago. I think if you could pull it off with everyone being okay with it, then why not?? It's your wedding, do what you want!! ;)

I know this would never be an option for us. I know within my family and with my circle of friends I'd get lectured if we did this. The way we grew up is only do what you can afford, do not ask your guests for help (some people compare it to having guests over at your house but you tell them once you paid for the groceries and are cooking, then they have to set the table and do the dishes). In addition, I personally feel awkward asking our guests to help pay for the wedding, but that's just me.

Just a quick question, as I'm sure by hosting this type of party can help in paying for the wedding, but I'm confused because I'm not sure how much it'll help. Making me wonder if it'll even be worth it to throw one?? For our families (my in laws go ALL OUT for parties) the food alone at our family Christmas party costs over $1000 (and they really go WAY out. They have entertainers come in, tons and tons of decorating, and lots of food and drink). Let's pretend DF and I were going to do this, we have 100 guests, and I let's just pretend they were all coming. If I charge $10 pp then we'd only make $1000. But you also have to deduct the amount of money you'd have to put in to feed them, have drinks, decoration, and entertainment/games. How much money would we really be able to pocket at the end of the day?? Anyone know??

But I believe they would have to put money in towards the game. I think the other thread about this mentioned a few games that explain how the money things works. Plus things like 50/50 raffles, a lot of people are willing to put money into those! I know some people can really make quite a bit off of it! I mean, if guests are willing to come to one of these parties (assuming they know what it actually is all about), then they will probably come willing to spend money...and they're having fun the whole time, so they don't mind it!

I think it mostly depends on where you live. If it's something that a lot of people do in the area, it will probably be easier to pull off. but if you live in an area where things like this don't happen often, then it might be harder.

[dearmissie]

But I believe they would have to put money in towards the game. I think the other thread about this mentioned a few games that explain how the money things works. Plus things like 50/50 raffles, a lot of people are willing to put money into those! I know some people can really make quite a bit off of it! I mean, if guests are willing to come to one of these parties (assuming they know what it actually is all about), then they will probably come willing to spend money...and they're having fun the whole time, so they don't mind it!

I think it mostly depends on where you live. If it's something that a lot of people do in the area, it will probably be easier to pull off. but if you live in an area where things like this don't happen often, then it might be harder.
Ahh, I like the raffle idea much better than an "entrance fee". Reminds me of if you bring diapers to a baby shower, it gives you a raffle ticket to win a basket of goodies. :)

And I totally agree, I totally think a lot of this depends on where you live. You are very right.

[Tammy]

I had no idea this many people didn't do a Jack & Jill shower. I assumed most couples did. FH and I are having one and while we aren't charging to come we did go to one where they sold tickets which I thought was a little odd. We didn't have an engagement party,which could be pretty similar.
All the fine details have not been worked out but we're having a backyard BBQ at my MOH's house. It will be a BYOB. The guest list for ours is the same as the wedding.