timing issues did you have them too

[jamt]

so when you knew you wanted to ttc what reaction did your other half have was he in agreement or did you have to wait for him to come around to your way of thinking
my other half used money as his 1st objection rather sad that his last objection was health risks i am sure it should have been the other way round for a normal person don't you think
i guess i just want to know i am not alone on this issue

[gwenshack]

so when you knew you wanted to ttc what reaction did your other half have was he in agreement or did you have to wait for him to come around to your way of thinking
my other half used money as his 1st objection rather sad that his last objection was health risks i am sure it should have been the other way round for a normal person don't you think
i guess i just want to know i am not alone on this issue

I didn't know you were thinking about TTC! So FH isn't all for it? :( Since DH and I have never really had this conversation - it's always me trying to avoid the topic LOL - I can't speak firsthand. However I do know that a lot of men get nervous when the topic comes up. Money and health do seem to be the big concerns - I think a lot of guys think of that "how much is it going to cost?" first - it's like some weird hunter/gatherer reflex or something. :blink:

Hopefully some of the ladies who actually *had* this conversation can help enlighten us on the guy's perspective.
:hug: :hug: :hug:

[sandy03]

DH and I actually have talked about this recently. I know he wants to wait a little longer than I do, but I also understand why he wants to wait. Money is a big point of consideration for both of us.

We did agree that the bottom line is you're never ready - You just have to decide when you're feeling brave enough to jump off the deep end!

[jamt]

i guess i just wondered if they all came up with the same excuse i also agree that there is never going to be a perfect time
Gwen my man has a knack of saying what you want to hear then puts it off a little while longer think its been about 8years man i must be slow as its taken me a long time to realise it

[SkippyNXC]

I was actually in the opposite sorta position, FH wanted to go and I didn't and I would use the same initial response... can't afford, a lot of work, etc.

i'm not sure what you mean about health risks tho, i mean there's nothing you can do to increase or decrease riskiness of pregnancy other than eat right and have kids on the young-er side... so you should retort to ur FH that by waiting your risk really only INCREASES

[hsteward90]

FH had always said he didnt want kids and I was kinda that way too but now since we have a wedding date and it all seems to be getting real. FH told me he does want kids eventually when we can financially support it. I didnt think he would come around so soon but knowing eventually is good enough for me. hopefully your hubby will come around. sometimes you just have to sit men down and let them know what your thinking.

[Heywie]

DH and I were both hesitant to start TTC for the same reason of money. Once we got married though, he was all for it because he didn't want to be an old dad.

We talked about it casually with family and friends, and my mom made a good point. No one is ever ready for kids. You just can't really be completely ready. You can always find an excuse why you shouldn't do it just yet. When it comes down to it, you make it work because family is important and things fall into place.

Now DH and I are 7 months pregnant and of course we're worried about finances and whatnot, but we'll make it work! Somehow it will all work out!

[jamt]

you hit it on the nail age is why i have increased risks and i think that ivf would be our only chance as i have not been on bc in 9years i think i am going to have to accept that its not going to happen i am not daft i know even with ivf i think for my age group the success rate is something like 15% odds are not really in my favour i guess its something i will just have to live with but thanks for the input Lady's

[gwenshack]

you hit it on the nail age is why i have increased risks and i think that ivf would be our only chance as i have not been on bc in 9years i think i am going to have to accept that its not going to happen i am not daft i know even with ivf i think for my age group the success rate is something like 15% odds are not really in my favour i guess its something i will just have to live with but thanks for the input Lady's

Whatever is meant to happen will happen, one way or the other. And you'll end up on the path to exactly where you guys are supposed to be. :hug:

[lizloveskar]

Dh and I have talked about kids and we want to wait for at least 2 years to try and get through school and a little more stable financially but we also have both decided if it happens it happens but we will do our best to prevent until then.

[lizloveskar]

yeah it would be really hard. Right now if i got pregnant Dh would probably have to quit school and he loves school so that would kill me to see him go through that. I love kids but thats why i have nieces and nephews right now =]

[Danielle9608]

DH actually brought up TTC first. We didn't have any real reason not to start at the time, but we had just gotten married so I wanted to wait a little bit longer. The I went off BC in Dec 08 and conceived in Feb 10.

[savepaws]

We discussed TTC before we got married because we were trying to figure out when I needed to go off BC. DH made it clear that he didn't want to start trying right away and that he wanted to enjoy a year or so of being married first. But he's 23 and I'm 31 so I felt like the sooner we started, the better, especially since DH thinks he wants a big family. I'm definitely not getting any younger!

We had some emotional conversations and it was difficult for me to understand why we had to wait so long...a year seemed like an eternity to me, especially when our other friends were all trying to get pregnant at the time. DH just said he wanted to enjoy being newlyweds and wanted to have a house and be sure that his job is secure before we started trying. Well...we ended up buying a house 1 month after we got married and in today's economy, no job is all that secure and eventually DH realized that. We ended up spending a lot of time around our next door neighbor's new baby and I guess it struck a chord with DH because he decided he was ready to start trying right away.

Good luck, I hope your other half will start to get on the same page as you and want to start trying.

[NOTKT]

Good luck jamt! I think everything is going to work out!

My DH wanted kids before me. Now I think we both want them but we really don't have enough money to support ourselves!

[jamt]

Good luck jamt! I think everything is going to work out!

My DH wanted kids before me. Now I think we both want them but we really don't have enough money to support ourselves!
thanks notkt i am sure that things will look up for you on the money front to i think i may be making progress on the baby front but not sure if he is just agreeing knowing what i am thinking of is going to be very difficult as i would need to save up around the $7000 plus i have committed to a very expensive holiday next year which will leave me with no more leave to take off which may be difficult as its much cheaper to get treatment abroad i guess now i have my head in the right place i will just have to start to research a lot

how is that new job going i hope you are having fun as its half the battle when you look forward to going into work

[dodgercpkl]

Anton and I are waiting to go TTC until we are "officially" married... but we've had the discussion and we both agreed. My thing was pointing out that I did really want kids, but if it didn't happen naturally we could always go the adoption route. See I'm 34 and getting into the more risk catagory. I've had it in my mind for a while that I want any kids I'm going to have prior to turning 36. I don't think that will end up happening, but I know I REALLY don't want to go much later then 36 for kids. I want to be able to enjoy them and pick them up and hug and hold and play with them. I don't want to FEEL my age everytime I do if that makes any sense... lol

Anton was a bit worried about the financial aspect, but once I pointed out that if we had a kid or kids right away we'd have a built in AT HOME babysitter while we are living with my folks, AND we wouldn't have rent or food payments (too much at least) he realized I was right. I also pointed out that even in saving money, there is no way to ever guarantee that something you didn't forsee the possibility of happening won't happen to mess up the happy plan. He really wants kids, and he'd really like to have them naturally so his worries were very easily overcome. :)

[britTANNY]

Good luck jamt! I think everything is going to work out!

My DH wanted kids before me. Now I think we both want them but we really don't have enough money to support ourselves!

Me and my husband talked about this and we realized that we have trouble saving money and we were spending money on just stuff because it wasnt tied to a real expense. Once we got prego we found that we had money for baby because we made that the priority over going out to eat or just blowing it.

[NOTKT]

I have a feeling you're right. I'm sure we will find the money. :hearts:

[jamt]

little update i stopped trying to force the issue but i told him i would end up resenting him for it and i guess he was okay with that so long as he gets fancy holidays his shopping addiction is met and he gets to tell everyone how big his wage is an how he is retiring in 10 years time he is happy
i was right my chances were slim and any chance i had is gone i have not had a period since my mum passed away i know that it may be stress but think its more likely to be an age thing
am i resentful you better believe it do i feel let down hell yes

[gwenshack]

little update i stopped trying to force the issue but i told him i would end up resenting him for it and i guess he was okay with that so long as he gets fancy holidays his shopping addiction is met and he gets to tell everyone how big his wage is an how he is retiring in 10 years time he is happy
i was right my chances were slim and any chance i had is gone i have not had a period since my mum passed away i know that it may be stress but think its more likely to be an age thing
am i resentful you better believe it do i feel let down hell yes
I'm so sorry. Resentment is a bitter pill to swallow. I just want you to be happy, whatever that takes. I know things have been tough and you've had a lot to deal with since your mom passed. I'm thinking about you and we're here for you when you need to talk. :hug: :flower: :heart:

[amisteratwisterandme]

I'm so sorry. Resentment is a bitter pill to swallow. I just want you to be happy, whatever that takes. I know things have been tough and you've had a lot to deal with since your mom passed. I'm thinking about you and we're here for you when you need to talk. :hug: :flower: :heart:

Same here. I hope you can find the happiness that you deserve.

[jamt]

thanks gwen guess i better get over it can't change the past that's for sure

[jamt]

Same here. I hope you can find the happiness that you deserve.

thanks like i said to Gwen i am sure i will get over it got to really as i cant change it now i will just have to content myself being an auntie

[amisteratwisterandme]

thanks like i said to Gwen i am sure i will get over it got to really as i cant change it now i will just have to content myself being an auntie

I always felt that I was a much better Auntie because I didn't have my own kids, but at the same time, I never had a deep desire to have children anyway.

Have you thought about adoption? Or if that's not an option, what about volunteering somewhere helping children? I am in no way saying this will *fix* things, but maybe it will help to give some of that love to other kids.

I'm sorry, I hope I'm not coming off as being insensitive at all.

[jamt]

I always felt that I was a much better Auntie because I didn't have my own kids, but at the same time, I never had a deep desire to have children anyway.

Have you thought about adoption? Or if that's not an option, what about volunteering somewhere helping children? I am in no way saying this will *fix* things, but maybe it will help to give some of that love to other kids.

I'm sorry, I hope I'm not coming off as being insensitive at all.

no your not being insensitive

i am now to old to adopt i even suggested fostering but he was not keen
but you know volunteering appeals to me but i work nights so my body clock tends to be set for nights but that is a great suggestion and you have given me food for thought thanks
i think i might look into the soup kitchen or something like that