cowboysbride
07-24-2006, 09:30 AM
I have seen all the hideous redneck jokes about my beloved state (and laughed until my sides hurt at most of them) so I just wanted to share this one with you! ENJOY!
> Rules to Enter Kentucky
Learn & remember: East Coast and California-types pay particular attention!
>
> 1. Pull your droopy pants up.
> You look like an idiot.
>
> 2. Let's get this straight; it's called a "gravel road."
> I drive a pickup truck because I want to.
> No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Lexus.
> Drive it or get out of the way.
>
> 3. There are cattle & feed lots and horse farms.
> That's what they smell like to you.
> They smell like money to us.
> Get over it.
> Don't like it?
> I-71 goes east and west, I-75 goes north and south.
> Pick one.
>
> 4. So every person in every pickup waves.
> It's called being friendly.
> Try to understand the concept.
>
>
> 5. If that cell phone rings while a deer is coming in, we WILL shoot it
> out of your hand.
> You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.
>
> 6. Yeah, we eat catfish.
> You really want sushi & caviar?
> It's available at the corner bait shop.
>
> 7. The "Opener" refers to the first day of hunting season.
> It's a religious holiday.
>
>
> 8. We open doors for women.
> That is applied to all women, regardless of age.
>
> 9. No, there's no "vegetarian special" on the menu.
> Order steak Or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds
> of ham & turkey.
>
> 10. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats,
> vegetables, and breads. We use two spices: salt, pepper.
>
> 11. You bring "coke" into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served
> over ice. You bring "Mary Jane" into my house, she better be cute, know
> how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.
>
> 12. The "Wildcats", "Cardinals" and High School Basketball is as
> important here as the Lakers and the Knicks, and a dang site more fun to
> watch.
>
> 13. Yeah, we have golf courses.
> But don't hit the water hazards - it spooks the fish.
>
> 14. Colleges? Try Lexington, Louisville, Richmond, or abunch a' others.
> They come outa there with an education plus a love for God and country,
> and they still wave at passing pickups when they come for the holidays.
> Always remember:
>
> "Kentucky can make it without the United States ,
> but the United States can't make it without Kentucky."
> Rules to Enter Kentucky
Learn & remember: East Coast and California-types pay particular attention!
>
> 1. Pull your droopy pants up.
> You look like an idiot.
>
> 2. Let's get this straight; it's called a "gravel road."
> I drive a pickup truck because I want to.
> No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Lexus.
> Drive it or get out of the way.
>
> 3. There are cattle & feed lots and horse farms.
> That's what they smell like to you.
> They smell like money to us.
> Get over it.
> Don't like it?
> I-71 goes east and west, I-75 goes north and south.
> Pick one.
>
> 4. So every person in every pickup waves.
> It's called being friendly.
> Try to understand the concept.
>
>
> 5. If that cell phone rings while a deer is coming in, we WILL shoot it
> out of your hand.
> You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.
>
> 6. Yeah, we eat catfish.
> You really want sushi & caviar?
> It's available at the corner bait shop.
>
> 7. The "Opener" refers to the first day of hunting season.
> It's a religious holiday.
>
>
> 8. We open doors for women.
> That is applied to all women, regardless of age.
>
> 9. No, there's no "vegetarian special" on the menu.
> Order steak Or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds
> of ham & turkey.
>
> 10. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats,
> vegetables, and breads. We use two spices: salt, pepper.
>
> 11. You bring "coke" into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served
> over ice. You bring "Mary Jane" into my house, she better be cute, know
> how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.
>
> 12. The "Wildcats", "Cardinals" and High School Basketball is as
> important here as the Lakers and the Knicks, and a dang site more fun to
> watch.
>
> 13. Yeah, we have golf courses.
> But don't hit the water hazards - it spooks the fish.
>
> 14. Colleges? Try Lexington, Louisville, Richmond, or abunch a' others.
> They come outa there with an education plus a love for God and country,
> and they still wave at passing pickups when they come for the holidays.
> Always remember:
>
> "Kentucky can make it without the United States ,
> but the United States can't make it without Kentucky."