no dancing?

[jeni740]

I have a issue, I just got engaged last month and everyone was giving me a hard time because we did not have a date set, I do not want to pressure my Fiance, this was a very big step for us, we have been together 4 years and are unbelievably happy, well now we have a date 06/07/08, which I have heard comments that it is too far away, we have no money, we have to pay for this ourselves it will take 2 years to save up for our wedding, My main problem is that my Fiance has flat out told me he will not be dancing AT ALL not even to 1 song at our wedding, how do I do this, I want a DJ there for everyone else, but how do we not dance at our own wedding? Should we skip music all together and maybe just have background music? Has anyone else had this problem, there is no changing his mind, he is very shy and doesn't even want to have to say our vows outloud :bbcry:

[AngelinLove]

I really don't know what to tell you...I mean I have never really heard of anyone with this problem before. My FH hates to dance, but will slow dance with me on special occasions. He will dance with me at the wedding. If you FH is going to be completely uncomfortable with dancing and with saying his vows in front of others, maybe you should just have a small private ceremony and then an afternoon reception, where dancing won't be expected. It is his wedding day too, and this might make it more comfortable for him. Then you two could find somewhere private and have your own first dance. Just an idea!!!

[LaceyinPgh]

Is there a reason that he wants no dancing? Is it just him personally? Is it a religious conflict?

[mariaandmanish]

Wow, that's a tough situation. I think Angel had a good idea to have an afternoon wedding and reception, if the dancing is going to be that difficult. Otherwise, an idea would be to have the first dance, a dance for everyone. Then, they can start dancing, and then you can join in. That way, no one is paying that close attention to you at all. It's difficult when you have to worry about someone being that shy. I also think that discussing things with him, and maybe talking about a way to have your wedding without putting him in the spotlight might help. Especially since he doesn't even want to say his vows out loud. Good luck! And welcome!

[ladymelissa]

Ugh! I am so sorry you have to go through this. Part of me wants to shake your FH and ask him what his problem is! No one is asking him to perform a Broadway number, just hold your wife and sway on the dance floor! :bbredface:

Anyway, my rant is over. If there really are absolutely no compromises then I think Angel has a great idea. Or if you still want an evening reception with dancing for everyone else, just tell your DJ that you two will not be having a first dance, you could move on to a father/daughter dance and then just have the DJ invite everyone else onto the floor. You might be able to start with a group dance like the Electric Slide or whatever is popular among your friends and family so you could participate in that.

Honestly, the fact that your groom won't dance at all, even a "penguin" attempt at a slow dance will attract even more attention. So maybe Angel's suggestion is the best so that there isn't any dancing at all. This really is a tough situation.

[Kacie_bride]

If I were in your situation and there was no way possible that I could get him to dance I would probably forgo a DJ and opt for maybe a cocktail and hor devours type reception. Maybe have a string quartet in the background. Have that in the afternoon and then in the evening have a few close friends and family members go back to your house (or somewhere else) and have a small party. There you have the the radio going and everyone can just hang out having a good time. If you guys are into it maybe get a couple of kegs and have a margarita machine. That would create a layed back atomosphere and you guys could just have fun.

And don't worry about your date being so far away. It is nobody else's business when you decide to having your wedding. By taking this much time you'll be able to have the wedding that you really want! Welcome to OneWed by the way!

[jeni740]

ty so much for your replies it is hard having him be so shy around others, but he is the nicest man I have ever met in my life. Maybe we will just do cocktails and a buffet of some sort, I just feel bad for my guest who wont be able to dance at a wedding, at least I have pleanty of time to plan lol

[Kacie_bride]

ty so much for your replies it is hard having him be so shy around others, but he is the nicest man I have ever met in my life. Maybe we will just do cocktails and a buffet of some sort, I just feel bad for my guest who wont be able to dance at a wedding, at least I have pleanty of time to plan lol

You have plenty of time (like you said) so maybe he'll have a change of heart and at least dance the first dance! Good luck!

[LaceyinPgh]

If he wants to sit on his butt in the corner all night, let him. That doens't mean that you and your guests still can't have fun. Have a dj and enjoy your party. Ther eis no written rule that God will strike you all down if your FH doesn't dance. Just cut out all of the traditional parts of the reception. We cut out some stuff too. Trust me, if you want to dance as the bride you won't be short on partners all evening.

[MOB Karen]

What's so sad about all of this, is that your first dance is so romantic and sweet at your wedding, and you're going to miss that. I feel sad for you the most. :( I think he's going to stand out like a neon sign when people start realizing he hasn't danced with his wife yet. If he truly doesn't want to draw any attention to himself, then I agree with Kacie and just forgo dancing altogether. Good luck with that. And welcome to Onewed. Please let me know if I can ever be of assistance. :D

[jeni740]

ty for the warm welcome, can someone please tell me how to attach the wedding ticker to my post? Also I wanted to put my ring on the ring forum so people could see it but somehow I made it my aviator lol, I am not so good at computer stuff

[darkangel090260]

our not alone Ross refues to also . So we are just having background music.

[MOB Karen]

ty for the warm welcome, can someone please tell me how to attach the wedding ticker to my post? Also I wanted to put my ring on the ring forum so people could see it but somehow I made it my aviator lol, I am not so good at computer stuff

Well, you have to get a code from a wedding ticker website, and then you just plop it into your signature here at Onewed.

You placed the ring picture in the slot for avatar pictures. When you want to post your ring to a thread, you can use photobucket.com to make your pictures work in this forum. Hope that helps. :)

[jeni740]

253 this is my dress if I can make up my mind lol

[ladymelissa]

OMG! Your dress is stunning! You are going to be so beautiful!

[WebLady]

As for the dancing thing, I agree with Lacey ...

If he wants to sit on his butt in the corner all night, let him. That doens't mean that you and your guests still can't have fun. Have a dj and enjoy your party. Ther eis no written rule that God will strike you all down if your FH doesn't dance. Just cut out all of the traditional parts of the reception. We cut out some stuff too. Trust me, if you want to dance as the bride you won't be short on partners all evening.

Maybe you can get him to just stand up and sway back and forth for a First Dance picture. My DH isn't a dancer either ;)

If you have tech questions (such as how to post pics, signatures, ticker info, etc) you can search and/or post in the "New Members & FAQ" section - http://forums.onewed.com/forumdisplay.php?f=22

Welcome and Congrats by the way!

[kevinsbride2B]

Really? Holy Moly!!!!!!! I'm really sorry sweety. That's such a huge part of the wedding too, the first dance. You do have a while till the wedding, maybe if you guys were to go out and dance a little in private. Maybe get him used to daning a bit. Can he dance? I know that people can get VERY nervous and uncomforable if they can't dance.
As for people pressuring you, tell them where to go and how to get there!!!! I'm in the same boat. We're paying. I don't have the parents to pay and neither does my FH. I'm getting people complaining about not having an open bar. I just tell them that if they want an open bar, they can pay for it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
But back to the main issue, you do have quite a while till the big day, and in that time try to sweet talk him. Maybe he will come around. tell him how important that 1 dance is to you. What if the wedding party danced to? I know he still won't budge for that right now, but that might be your saving grace. If you have enough people dancing at once, less eyes will be on him.
Good Luck sweety!!!!

[cowboysbride]

253 this is my dress if I can make up my mind lol

That's the closest thing I have seen to mine! I never could find a web pic of it! I loved mine and the way the waist is made will make you look tiny there and big on top (worked for me :bbredface: )! Gorgeous choice.........

As for the dancing let him sit there...if he has any emotion whatsoever he will see others dancing with you and may become inclined to do so as well. Eric loves to dance so I didn't have that problem. Best of luck!

[countrygirl]

Welcome to the group Jeni. Sorry to hear that you FH doesn't want to dance. Like it was menioned before, you could always do the first dance somewhere private, where it's just you and him. Personally, I would sit w him and express how much it means to you that you have the dance. He doesn't have to dance the rest of the night, but that one dance is very important to you.

Two years isnt too long to wait. It does take a lot of money to plan the wedding you want. We will only be engaged for 8 months (to the day) when we get married, but that is only because I wanted to get married when I was 30. Dont ask. Anyway, take your time, don't rush your self, and DONT let others tell you that you are doing anything wrong. Take it from me, ITS YOUR WEDDING, and you set the date YOU want, and plan it the way YOU want.

SOrry about the tangent, I am drinking coffee for the first time in five days. OOPS!!!

Good luck girl!

[SoontobeMrsClark07]

First of all, welcome to OneWed! This place is great and all of the ladies are really nice and helpful!

I am having a 22 month engagement (amost 2 years). Its not really that long. I have had lots of time to do a lot of research and find the best deals as well as spread out payments. This is saving my parents as far as funds go!

As for the no dancing, my FBIL had no dancing at his reception because of religious reasons. They had a wonderful reception with light music in the background. They had the tables set up so that people could sit down and stand... it was inbetween a cocktail and lunch reception. It was early in the day with no alcohol and was a fun time. I dont think anyone missed the dancing anyway.

If you really want dancing (I do but FH doesnt) then just hire a DJ and people can dance and he doesnt have to. FH doesnt want to dance but has agreed that if we practice, he'll dance with me for our first dance. He can just stay and visit with guests while you dance.

As for the vows, if he practices the vows, will he feel better about it? Maybe if you have a larger wedding if you dont mic the vows will he feel more comfortable? I also agree that you could have a smaller, more intimate ceremony if that is an option for you.

Sorry I cant be more of a help!

[SerendipityCrafts]

I know you said that he's shy but would he feel a more confident if he knew how to dance? Perhaps if you both took dance lessons he might find out that he actually enjoys it, he would be more confident and then maybe he would agree to dance just for the first dance together.

Tell him how important it is to you ....... and it also wouldn't hurt to tell him just how much dancing turns you on!

If all else fails and you still want to dance ... borrow a pseudo groom ... your father, his brother or father?