getting a little frustrated

[The Proper Wedding]

I just need to vent a little...

My fiance and I have been engaged for almost 1 year and 3 months. I waited about a month and a half after announcing our engagement to ask my maid of honor to be in the wedding (and had to make my sisters wait that long to be asked to be bridesmaids as well, they were getting antsy, but i didn't want to ask them until I asked Kristi).

So Kristi was home for thanksgiving last year, so I met up with her then so I could ask her in person. She of course said yes. Well it's been about 1 year and one month ish since i've SEEN her. Sure, we talk about wedding stuff all the time. But she lives about 3 1/2 hours away, so she doesn't come home very often. She was supposed to get together with me sometime this week, and now she's cancelled on me. I understand she has lots of people to see when she comes home, since she doesn't come home very often. But after accepting this responsibility, shouldn't I be one of those people? Maybe not every time she comes home, but this time would have been great. I just have so much to SHOW her. Pictures in emails just don't do it!!! I want her to be able to hold it herself.

And now my mom is talking about going dress shopping end of January/beginning of February. I REALLY wanted all my girls to be there to get all their opinions. Well i kNOW she won't be there! I probably shouldn't even bother asking her.

I'm not trying to make her sound like a bad person. I know she's not doing this on purpose just to hurt me. She has lots to do, and not much time to do it in. She's still going to school, which is why she lives so far away, and she doesnt' come home often, so when she does, her mom basically schedules out her whole trip home. I'm just really stressed out because Monday will be exactly 8 months till the wedding and she has yet to see a single thing that we have bought for it. She has done great with inputting her opinions by emailing pictures and things like that. But it's just not the same and I just want to share my excitement with my best friend/maid of honor. :(

[MrsNickToBe]

I'm so sorry girl, that sounds uber frustrating. It kind of pops your bubble a bit. It sounds like she means well and is trying where she can. Have you tried talking to her? If she's as good of a friend as she sounds then she should understand. Maybe she doesn't realize what her "duties" are or what you expect of her. If it were me, I would try expressing myself about feeling like I need her there at least once a month, especially since time is getting so close. If she can't do it, and you still want more,them maybe you should tell her you love her, but you're going to have to find another MOH. You only get married once, and that time is coming up, so express that to her. Good luck!

[SkippyNXC]

it can be frustrating... my BMs are scattered about all over... the nearest ones are 4 hrs away in my hometown where we're getting married...

i think for me it was just coming to expect that we were gonna have to do this via internet n phone... it's sad at times to not have them around to look at things w/me and 2 of my BMs are really just showing up to the wedding (which makes me really sad :() so i feel ur pain

[gwenshack]

I'm sorry you're feeling down about your friend. Unfortunately in the day and age we live in we're all spread out and that makes these sorts of situations harder to deal with. Nobody wants to let down their friend. :(

I think you've got a good head on your shoulders and it's nice that you realize that her parent's planning and the fact that she's a student has a lot to do with why she hasn't been as available, but I know that it still stings and you want her to share this time with you.

I'm sure you'll find that in the days leading up to the wedding and on the wedding day itself that Kristi will be there for you in spades. :)

[hmz819]

I would talk to her and tell her how you feel. That way maybe next time she comes home she can tell her Mom that on day X at X time she is meeting up with you to "do wedding stuff".

Another option is to see if she is willing to meet half way and you can have a whole day with her to go over stuff and just have "girl time"

[Mary McGuire]

I just need to vent a little...

My fiance and I have been engaged for almost 1 year and 3 months. I waited about a month and a half after announcing our engagement to ask my maid of honor to be in the wedding (and had to make my sisters wait that long to be asked to be bridesmaids as well, they were getting antsy, but i didn't want to ask them until I asked Kristi).

So Kristi was home for thanksgiving last year, so I met up with her then so I could ask her in person. She of course said yes. Well it's been about 1 year and one month ish since i've SEEN her. Sure, we talk about wedding stuff all the time. But she lives about 3 1/2 hours away, so she doesn't come home very often. She was supposed to get together with me sometime this week, and now she's cancelled on me. I understand she has lots of people to see when she comes home, since she doesn't come home very often. But after accepting this responsibility, shouldn't I be one of those people? Maybe not every time she comes home, but this time would have been great. I just have so much to SHOW her. Pictures in emails just don't do it!!! I want her to be able to hold it herself.

And now my mom is talking about going dress shopping end of January/beginning of February. I REALLY wanted all my girls to be there to get all their opinions. Well i kNOW she won't be there! I probably shouldn't even bother asking her.

I'm not trying to make her sound like a bad person. I know she's not doing this on purpose just to hurt me. She has lots to do, and not much time to do it in. She's still going to school, which is why she lives so far away, and she doesnt' come home often, so when she does, her mom basically schedules out her whole trip home. I'm just really stressed out because Monday will be exactly 8 months till the wedding and she has yet to see a single thing that we have bought for it. She has done great with inputting her opinions by emailing pictures and things like that. But it's just not the same and I just want to share my excitement with my best friend/maid of honor. :(

You need to express your expectations and needs with your friend. You may find that she just doesn't have the time to do a good job for you. Save your friendship because it is more important in the long run. The responsibility might even be getting her down since she cannot fulfill her role but probably does not want to let you down. Discuss it with her and both agree on a plan even if it means appointing someone else to help.
Hope this helps

[dearmissie]

You need to express your expectations and needs with your friend. You may find that she just doesn't have the time to do a good job for you. Save your friendship because it is more important in the long run. The responsibility might even be getting her down since she cannot fulfill her role but probably does not want to let you down. Discuss it with her and both agree on a plan even if it means appointing someone else to help.
Hope this helps
I totally agree with this. I was going to be a MOH for one of my old best friends but she expected way too much from me. I had expressed to her that I felt like she was financially using me to pay for too many things for her. I wasn't her personal bank. I felt very used, I politely stepped down from my role in hopes to save our friendship. We are no longer friends and I'm not bitter about it because I left the ball in her court. Personally, I'm just glad this happened before the wedding because if I sucked it up I would have just forked over thousands of dollars for a friendship which has dwendled.

Right now I haven't asked for a MOH, I have a friend in mind and she thinks its going to be her. But shes moving so far away and I honestly don't think it's the same doing it over the phone/internet. She already thinks shes got the spot. I want certain things from my MOH and I'm going to have to sit down with her one day and explain it to her because I don't think she'll be able to handle it.