The Ex...

[countrygirl]

Ok, it's not a secret that Josh's ex isn't my fav person, and w good reason. But this is actually a different story that I have been telling. This is more of a gealousy thing on my part.

I hate hearing stories from Josh's past that include his ex. I know that is rediculous, especially when I don't have a prob w talking about my own past. But I really don't like hearing about it.

The kids(his) have a right to hear things about when thier parents were together, as is it usually them asking questions and remembering good times they had that included her. But I don't like hearing the good times that HE had w her. I don't like hearing that they had fun, or places they went to (i.e.landmarks, etc.). It drives me nuts, and I actually start to get frustrated and pissy.

It isn't J's fault, and it isn't fair to get upset w him, especially when I ask a question. But it really does get to me.

I hate hearing about the things he did when he was younger, and knowing that SHE was there to experience it w him, or that she was able to see him as he grew to the person he is now. I hate that I didnt' get to experience those things w him.

I hate hearing about the things he did when he was separating from her, before we met. I don't like to hear that he had any fun. I don't like to hear that I wasn't the first person he was w after they split. When he was overseas, she cheated on him a few times, told him about it, and then went home. He decided they were getting a divorce, and had a bit of fun himself before he came home. Then we met. i don't like hearing that he did that. And it's not that its fear that it will happen to us, it's gealousy that I wasn't the first person he met.

It' rediculous, I know, but I just have to express how much I really do hate it. I don't want to explode on him, and act like he did something wrong, because he didn't. This is my prob. And I need to figure out how to get past it and get over the fact that he has a past. Hell, I have a past too. And he doesn't get like this.

Ok, I am done, for now.

[bnd94]

Heather I think what you are feeling is not ridiculous at all!! It is 100% normal, in my book anyway. Danny and I have been together forever and I was the first serious girlfriend he has ever had but I still hate to hear about girls that he dated or had a crush on before me. I can totally relate to how you are feeling and I think most women could too. I don't talk to him about my past cause I don't want to hear about his. I think he feels the same way so he doesn't ask. I can imagine it is hard with the kids. You are right though they need to know and reminise about when their parents were together. Soon enough though they will be talking about all the fun times when you were a part of their lives. All the places you went to as a family. Soon you will be their family!! I have no advice for not letting all this get to you. I wish I did though! Just know that Josh loves you and wants you to be his wife. Neither of you can change the past but the future................:bbwink:

[CindySue]

Thank you Heather.....Ive been having issues here lately myself. Brian and his daughter have been planning their to-do-list during his vactation (this week) and Keilee keeps mentioning "Hey dad remember when we did this" ANd all of these things included an ex. Shes not being mean, shes being a kid, but it still hurts.
I just have to keep reminding myself of whet Brian told me when we first got together "We HAD to go through everything in our pasts to become the people we are today. And thats the people we fell in love with." I guess that means the good stuff as well as the bad.

[cowboysbride]

Heather remember that no matter what went on in his past his future and his present are with you! J loves you and look at it this way...the kids tell you things because they love you and they want you informed and part of their lives, if they didn't love you they'd keep you in the dark about everything. Them telling stuff and him discussing his past is the way he is MAKING you part of his past, I bet he wishes it was you and not her there all along. Eric and I went thru the same thing and that's what he told me...hope it helps, I feel your pain girlfriend!:hug:

[countrygirl]

Thank YOU Cindy. I thought I am being nuts. I guess I am not alone. Josh keeps telling me that he 'thought' he was in love back then, and I know that given different circumstances, he prob wouldn't have married her, but because she got preg at 16, he was trying to do the right thing. He tells me that I am the love of his life, and has told me that he wished he had met me back then instead. I know that he loves me, and I love him too. I just get so irritated when I hear about the good times. But like (I think it was Becky) it was stated before, we have our futures together and God only knows where that will take us.

[countrygirl]

Heather remember that no matter what went on in his past his future and his present are with you! J loves you and look at it this way...the kids tell you things because they love you and they want you informed and part of their lives, if they didn't love you they'd keep you in the dark about everything. Them telling stuff and him discussing his past is the way he is MAKING you part of his past, I bet he wishes it was you and not her there all along. Eric and I went thru the same thing and that's what he told me...hope it helps, I feel your pain girlfriend!:hug:

Thanks Ellen, I can always use a hug from a friend. I can say that it helps when the kids call us a family, especially when his son says it. Last night at dinner, Izzy was saying the prayer, and she thanked God for giving us our family. I nearly cried.

[SoontobeMrsClark07]

I'm so glad you posted this because I'm feeling the exact same way about Jonathan's ex. I run into her everywhere and it really just makes me more jealous. I guess I'm fortunate they didnt have any children together but he always talks about her daughter and how all of them used to do things together. He also refers back to his relationship all the time. It doesnt always settle well with me.

So I know exactly (minus children) what you're going through. You are not alone! I think its good when you can admit you're jealous (it took me a while to admit that) because you're being totally honest with yourself. I'm here to listen and for hugs!! :hug:

[rainbowtreat]

I am kinda in the same boat. I dontlike hearing about Nicholas' ex's even though he has not had a relationship as serious as ours before he has had girlfriends. But then I sit there and talk about my ex sometimes and most of it includes the kdis or places we have been. I talked to him about when I delivered the kids. And deep down I am sure he feels the same way but he would never tell me that. so I try to remember who I am talking to when I am talking about certaint hings liek that.

No you are not alone. It is totaly normal. And with kids in the mix there is always going to be some kind of connection. I deal with part of it too.

[cowboysbride]

Eric never talks about his Ex unless she does something stupid (like calls him or talks about me and it gets back to us) We live in the same town as she does (she took his farm) :censored: . So every once in a while I run into her at Wal-Mart or on the highway...I BEG the girl to address me but she isn't brave enough to do it, she would rather lie and spread malicious rumors about me and then deny it....

I know how ya'll feel though. Been there before. Just smile and remember that he is with YOU now and that speaks volumes...(easier said than done... I know)!

[WhiskeyGirl]

Heather,

The biggest thing that we need to remember is that a person is GOING to have a past. I get the feeling that Matthew feels much the same way as you because my past isn't as rosey as his. Yeah he'll laugh when I tell a story about the times that I did things with my old druggy friends but the minute I talk about my exes he seems to clam right up. He's never told me he's jealous but perhaps he might be. If he did tell me that I'd tell him that there is no reason for jealousy as THESE have been or are the best years of my life and that my life is COMPLETE with him. It's just remembering the past. It's like that one country song says "Yesterday is history, tomarrow is a mystery, today is a gift that's why it's called the present." Live in the present Heather, because no matter how jealous you may get there is no way that either of you can change it and just tell yourself that if J hadn't done half the things he did, perhaps he wouldn't have been ready to settle down when he met you!! Good luck Hun!