need some advice

[highnrg]

I just got engaged 4 months ago and I'm already a little stressed. We have talked about our bridal party and were settled on who was in it. Now all of a sudden my fiance says that his sister should be in it, after I've already asked all the girls we had decided on. He says that now he thinks she will feel left out because his two brothers and my one brother are groomsmen. I personally think she didn't even think that she would be in it, since she has expressed her dislike for me from the very beginning over 5 years ago. She is not a close friend of mine at all, and my fiance thinks she should be in it simply because all the other siblings are. I would like not to choose someone for the sake of feeling guilty, however it's been nagging at me now since he brought it up. I thought she could do a reading in church and something else? Anyone have any ideas? Anything would help right now! Thanks!!!!

[racecargirl]

This is a tough one because she will be 'family'. However I was recently a bridesmaid in a wedding where the sister didn't like the bride and made it a nightmare for her.

I like your idea of asking her to do a reading. It give her a special part in your wedding.

How long until your wedding and have you made that suggestion to your FH?

[ikkin510]

It is your wedding. You get to choose who you want to do what. I think by giving her a reading is a good way to keep her involved in the wedding, but not put her in the actually bridal party. IMO, the bridal party is your closest friends and family. You stated that your FSIL does not like you much so I would not put her in the line up of your important people.

[countrygirl]

Ouch, that is a toughy. It's no secret that I have had probs w setting my side of the bridal party. It's not a easy task.

My suggestions, if you really feel that it will make everyone happier all the way around, talk to your FH. If he has another GM to add, then talk to his sister, just the two of you. Let her know that you are aware that there has been bad blood, per say (not going into it ofcourse), but ask her if is is something she would be interested in. You never know, maybe this would be a turning point for her. The other, like is was said before, ask her to do a reading, or be in charge of the guest book or something.

Good Luck.

[Kacie_bride]

I personally would not have her in my wedding if we weren't friends at least.

[highnrg]

thanks for everyone's advice and suggestions so far. I have talked about it with my FH and he thinks giving her a reading just isn't enough. I like the idea of her being in charge of the guest book too (thanks for the suggestion). Our wedding party has 5 on each side, and adding another would just make it bigger than what we had originally planned. Still not sure, although our wedding isn't until june 9, 2007 it could still be worked out. I just feel that if I ask her now, she'll think I'm just pitying her or something.

[AngelinLove]

You could just tell her that you didn't know if she would want to do it..since you two are not really close, but that after thinking it over and talking to FH you would really like for her to be a part of the wedding!!!

[CindySue]

I my be repeating what someone else said, but have you explained to him that SiL or not, you ARE not friends with her and therefore WHY would she be in your wedding? If he wants her in it so bad, tell him to make her a groomsman.

[StaceyMc]

I think a reading is a lovely way to include your FSIL. The guest book attendant is a great idea as well.

As far as him attempting to tell you who is in your bridal party, I agree with Cindy - let him make her a "groomswoman" if that's the case.

[kingandqueen4ever]

My FH and I are getting married August 28th, 2007. I have started some planning for the wedding and am trying to get him involved as well. everytime I ask him a question about the wedding he responds with Beats Me. How can I get him to help me with the wedding plans? I live in Idaho and am getting married here. My MOH and my mom live in Nevada and it is hard for them to help me plan. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
thanks

[WhiskeyGirl]

My FH and I are getting married August 28th, 2007. I have started some planning for the wedding and am trying to get him involved as well. everytime I ask him a question about the wedding he responds with Beats Me. How can I get him to help me with the wedding plans? I live in Idaho and am getting married here. My MOH and my mom live in Nevada and it is hard for them to help me plan. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
thanks

My first suggestion would be to start your own thread. I think more people woudl be more likely to reply to you because this way they wouldn't feel like they were hijacking someone elses thread.

As far as getting your FH involved, give him time, he may think it's too early to be planning your wedding. However, he may also just have no clue!! Good luck hope he comes around! :)

[AngelinLove]

I agree Shawna. You should definitely start a new thread and I am sure that everyone would be more than willing to offer advice. I also agree that you should probably give your fiance some time. I think that it is important to remember that alot of men really don't care about all the technicalities and details of the wedding. They have never really thought about their wedding and he may be one of those guys. As much as he loves you and obviously he wants to marry you...you cannot expect that over night he is gonna morph into Groomzilla. On that note...be careful what you wish for...as some of the ladies on here can tell you that Groomzilla is not much fun either. Either was, welcome to Onewed and congratulations on your engagement!!!

[highnrg]

Hi,

That is a dilemma, but one that I've found most of my friends to have been in. You need to sit down and talk with your FH. He needs to make some decisions in the wedding too. After all, it is for the BOTH of you. From me friends experiences, their husbands wished they had put more effort, and made more decisions. They felt like they had no big part, and didn't feel very 'attached' in the whole planning process. It's also nice that you don't have to make all the decisions on your own. I'm finding it, that it's difficult enough for two, let alone one! Good luck!