If your FH/DH cheated, would you forgive them? [Archive]

LizabethDavis

07-16-2006, 06:55 PM

Well, as some may or may not know, FH has cheated on me. It was hard for me. I had a feeling it was going on and I was right. We broke up for a good week. I was done and ready to move on with my life and he came back to me and was the one who wanted to work things out. He now calls me all the time to let me know where he is, has no problem with me going through his things...you know things like that. This was early in our relationship and luckily the trust is back, so I guess that normally, I would have kicked him to the curb, but that isn't always how it goes. It took a lot, but I forgave him.

ETA: He does it AFTER we are married though and he is losing me and his reason for being a man! He already knows this!

AngelinLove

07-16-2006, 06:59 PM

I honestly don't knwo what I would do. I guess it would depend. I would l.ike to be able to say that I would go one way or teh other, but I can't. I mean I believe that there are many factors to consider. Meaning, I would have to know the circumstances, how I felt afterwards, the nature of the cheating, as wella s how teh rest of our relationship was at the time. I am more inclined to say that I would not forgive, but I knwo that I am a forgiving person, and I know how much I love him, and I knwo that I would want to try any measures possible to save our marriage, because I believe marriage is forever, At the same time, I may kill him, so there may not be any room for a decision.

rainbowtreat

07-16-2006, 07:01 PM

I voted I dont know wha tI would do. I would have to see where we stood at the time and the circomstances around it.

I know for a fact he never would. Because he lost me once and he NEVER wnats to lose me again. So he will do nothing that would even make me think of leaving him.

WebLady

07-16-2006, 07:12 PM

Well I am a firm believer that if you really love someone and are committed to that person that there is no amount of temptation that could sway you. If you are happy in your relationship why would you risk loosing the other person?

I wouldn't care if he was drunk and she 'seduced' him or if we were fighting or whatever excuse cheaters like to come up with. If my husband was to sleep with another woman, it would be over!! I don't care how much he begged to have me back or what I'd have to go through to get divorced.

I've been in an unfaithful and unloving relationship and I refuse to do it again ... I'd rather be alone. Yes I would be crushed if that was to happen and it might take me a while to get over, but there is no way I could live with him knowing he had been with another woman ... I could never trust him again.

I've told DH that if he ever decides he doesn't love me anymore then tell me and we'll get divorced, but don't cheat on me. As long as we are married I expect my husband to be completely faithful to me and I plan to do the same.

LaceyinPgh

07-16-2006, 07:34 PM

First, I would be crushed to see my marriage fall apart in that way. I mean it is one thing to just not be able to get along or to grow apart but it is another to have someone utterly betray you in that manner. That said, we all know I'm not so nice to deal with sometimes. This would be one of those times.

So, if my husband EVER cheated on me all I could say is this, "Don't let the door hit you in the *** on your way out of MY house and make **** sure that alimony check gets here on time!"

katieandalex

07-16-2006, 09:19 PM

It kind of depends for me...I sort of cheated when we were first dating early in our relationship and my FH forgave me...it kind of depends on what he did that was cheating for me to decide if I would forgive him or not.

SerendipityCrafts

07-16-2006, 10:32 PM

I would have to say NO - I wouldn't forgive.

There was a radio program about this last night. Apparently the majority of women are upset by emotional infidelity. The majority of men on the other hand, are upset by sexual infidelity. 35% of all marriages end in divorce when infidelity has been an issue. Oh and this stat is bad ..... 80% of marriages are affected by infidelity (whether known or not). Most of the time, the cheaters are men.

WhiskeyGirl

07-16-2006, 10:36 PM

I said I wasn't sure. If it were any of my past BFs they'd be gone. But with Matt I'm not sure, I love him so much. I guess I say I'm not sure because I know he wouldn't cheat on me! So to me, that's it....I guess if it did happen, the chances of a reconciliation would be very small!!!

Kacie_bride

07-16-2006, 10:40 PM

My first reaction would be to say our marriage would be over, but I have never been put in the situation so I voted I don't know. I would hope I would call it quits right then because looking in on a situation it is the most horrible and unforgivable act ever.

My friend is probably going to get back with her husband who cheated on her among other things. She is going to have a baby in 2 weeks and she already has a 4 year old little girl. She told me they are going to try to work things out and that she is probably moving back home with him. For me looking in on the situation I think it is a bad idea and I honestly don't think it will last. I'll be happy for her if it does last forever, but I don't believe it will. I can't honestly say if I were in her situation that I wouldn't do the same thing. I just don't know. I would hope I would be a strong enough woman to take on being a single mom and making it on my own, but I can't say if I am strong enough or not. I think she is, but does not realize it. It's a sad situation, especially for the babies, one that I hope I never have to face. It would crush me.

Amber818

07-16-2006, 10:46 PM

I said..."H E L L NO!!!" If that ever happened my trust would be gone forever. I do not need to spend my life wondering what he is doing, who he is with, where did he go...etc. Life is too short. It would be so so so difficult but I would move on with my life without a cheating A$$HOLE husband.

Crystal05

07-16-2006, 11:15 PM

I don't know. My first thought is "it's over, get out", but since I've never been cheated on in my life, I don't know what my reaction would be. Most likely though, it would be over. That just doesn't seem like something I could ever forgive or forget.

hummingbird521

07-17-2006, 07:42 AM

It would be OVER the moment I found out about it. Marriage is based on trust and for me the trust would never be there again. No matter what I coudnt' trust him again.

darkangel090260

07-17-2006, 07:51 AM

"Don't let the door hit you in the *** on your way out of MY house and make **** sure that alimony check gets here on time!"

I agree with lacey,

I tell any guy I date. I have only one rule cheat on me onces and it over no if and or buts about the subject. Ask my two ex husband I let a lot slide but cheating is the only thing i say is a deal braker..

cowboysbride

07-17-2006, 09:33 AM

Eric and I were married before and our ex's cheated on us, his had a baby by someone else and mine was doing it for a long time and I refused to open my eyes and see the truth...Eric tried to save his marriage but she continued to betray him, when the baby was born he had DNA testign done and proceeded with the divorce. I went thru hell for years and made my own mistakes along the way and then got out of it all.

Eric and I are unique, we are soulmates and we are the result of God's grace, and we will honor that until death do us part.

Amber818

07-17-2006, 09:57 AM

Eric and I are unique, we are soulmates and we are the result of God's grace, and we will honor that until death do us part.

This is just too deep for me this early in the morning, Ellen! LOL!! J/K!

Hey, did my mom or I ever tell you I was born in Kentucky? She had me at Fort Campbell...!

cowboysbride

07-17-2006, 10:02 AM

This is just too deep for me this early in the morning, Ellen! LOL!! J/K!

Hey, did my mom or I ever tell you I was born in Kentucky? She had me at Fort Campbell...!

Lol, I was about to add... if he cheats on me I'll kill him! Really? I was born in North Carolina! How cool...AMBER HAS COUNTRY IN HER NANNER NANNER NANNER!!!!!!!!!!!!!:bbmrgreen: LOL!

Amber818

07-17-2006, 10:11 AM

MOB Karen

07-17-2006, 10:15 AM

Lol, I was about to add... if he cheats on me I'll kill him! Really? I was born in North Carolina! How cool...AMBER HAS COUNTRY IN HER NANNER NANNER NANNER!!!!!!!!!!!!!:bbmrgreen: LOL!

She sure does. Where I had Amber, you could stand in a certain spot and you would have one foot in Kentucky and one foot in Tennessee. So really she was born in Kennessee. Or Tentucky. However you want to look at it. LOL!!

Amber818

07-17-2006, 10:23 AM

She sure does. Where I had Amber, you could stand in a certain spot and you would have one foot in Kentucky and one foot in Tennessee. So really she was born in Kennessee. Or Tentucky. However you want to look at it. LOL!!

Good one, mom! Har Har Har!

MOB Karen

07-17-2006, 10:27 AM

Good one, mom! Har Har Har!

I thought so. LOL!! :bblol:

cowboysbride

07-17-2006, 10:28 AM

I WON'T TELL ANYONE AMBER I PROMISE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:bbeek:

HEY GUYS GUESS WHAT??????????????
:bbmrgreen: :bblol: :bbmrgreen:

Lol, you aint country Amber hon, you're an Army brat (I can say that I'm and Air Force brat) that got dropped at a Kentucky/Tennessee base! Relax! LOL!

MOB Karen

07-17-2006, 10:34 AM

ikkin510

07-17-2006, 11:05 AM

While I honestly believe I will never have to worry about this happening, I will try to figure out an answer.
I was cheated on in a past relationship. I didn't find out though until the relationship was over. I had a suspicion, but no facts.
I honestly don't know what I would do. I would be extrememly hurt. If he was open about it and truely felt sorry, and it only happened once, I would try to work it out. But if it was a consistant thing in which he was seriously trying to hide, I'd say he's out. I don't believe in divorce, but even the bible says if he is being unfaithful or abusive, it is OK in God's eyes.

KristyGirl

07-17-2006, 02:37 PM

I'd be done with him, there's no forgiving for that in my eyes. He's very aware of my opinions on that, so if it ever happened he'd know what he was in for.

CindySue

07-17-2006, 04:13 PM

Eric and I are unique, we are soulmates and we are the result of God's grace, and we will honor that until death do us part.
Brian and I feel this way about each other. If you make a committment to someone with marriage, cheating has no place in it. We have the "you cheat, youre out" agreement in place.

countrygirl

07-17-2006, 04:22 PM

Can we say bye bye???

cowboysbride

07-17-2006, 04:30 PM

Can we say bye bye???

Take it from me darling...first you say "My 1/2 ******" and THEN you say bye bye!

MOB Karen

07-17-2006, 04:38 PM

Take it from me darling...first you say "My 1/2 ******" and THEN you say bye bye!

You're are so funny, Ellen!!! :bblol:

I'm That Girl

07-17-2006, 06:20 PM

I voted "no". I am pretty sure I would try to forgive him and save our marriage. But I don't think deep in my heart I would ever be able to fully trust him again and our marriage would end.

Or, I'd be so disgusted with him right off the bat and have no second thoughts about getting him out of my life. Hmmm, I guess it depends on the severity of the cheating.

WebLady

07-17-2006, 08:46 PM

You know DH loves Jerry Springer and they always have cheaters on that show and I am often surprised by the amount of women that are willing to take him back after an affair. The guys beg and say it meant nothing (blah, blah, blah) and they want to work things out 'for the kids' :bbrolleyes: The way I look at it, the kids will suffer more from being taught it is 'ok' to cheat.

I hate it when ppl make jokes about it too ... "If it is in a different zip code, is it still cheating?" or "If we are in a different time zone, is it still cheating?" and so on. Unless you were drugged and hog tied then you cheated! :realmad:

WhiskeyGirl

07-17-2006, 08:59 PM

You know DH loves Jerry Springer and they always have cheaters on that show and I am often surprised by the amount of women that are willing to take him back after an affair. The guys beg and say it meant nothing (blah, blah, blah) and they want to work things out 'for the kids' :bbrolleyes: The way I look at it, the kids will suffer more from being taught it is 'ok' to cheat.

Let's not go there on Jerry springer and how the whole show is a great big farse. (same with Maury Povich and a few others...lol) BUt yes, in a way when a cheater gets taken back it's not teaching children the right thing. That is if the children know.