Do you ever feel obligated to hang out with people?

[gwenshack]

This is such a random question, but...

Do you all have acquaintances that you don't particularly like but they call you often and feel obligated to hang out with them every so often even though you don't really like them? But you don't want to be mean?

I have a neighbor who calls me and is constantly trying to get me to have coffee with her or go out to dinner or whatever. And I really don't like hanging out with her! She cuts me off whenever I talk, the entire conversation is about her and her life and her problems. Right before we get up to leave she'll ask "So what's new with you?" :boggle:

If she didn't live in my building and freaking park NEXT to me I wouldn't answer the phone when she calls - but she knows if I'm home or not! So every so often I just give in and say yes to whatever invitation when she calls.

So am I the only one who ever feels trapped? :blink:

[NOTKT]

Did you post about her before? I swear I'm having deja vu.

Maybe you should act all crazy and freak out! I always swore that could be an option in my experience, but I never had the guts to do that, lol. I have this neighbor and every time they ask us to hang out, I hesitate because they all smoke and now that its cold the garage door is closed or down most of the time. We hang out in the garage, BTW. I love the guy but I have to wear stuff over there that I need to wash or I know that I will be washing after I get back.

Maybe flip it and say "hang on, I gotta finish sentence." Make it light. Oh I don't know, can you move? LOL

[gwenshack]

I think you're right - last time she called to ask me to hang out I posted about her in the Gwen's Mission thread!...:rofl:...
Can I move? I wish! That's hilarious.

My mom suggested that I should just start talking incessantly about myself to see how SHE likes it - but I'd have to make stuff up because A) I'm not that exciting and B) anything that is real I'm not interested in sharing with her! :rofl:

[NOTKT]

Seriously though, just like tell her to chill! When I make it light, people usually take the hint. If you really don't want to be around her, I have no idea. You are going to just have to not answer, or oh oh oh start crying every time you pick up the phone, maybe she will just stop calling. Honestly, maybe just make everything less frequent and kinda take it till you can get away. Or! (I'm full if ideas) ask her to help you with something. Like painting something or fixing your car. Or tell her that your busy doing those things. You gotta at least see some positive in this!

[gwenshack]

:rofl: LOL! Ask her for help painting. I love it. That's hilarious.

I have made it so infrequent it's almost nonexistent. I never call her - she always calls me. But she just doesn't take the hint...:bbrolleyes: I stall every time she tries to make plans - she says tomorrow, I say next week...

But if I ask her to help paint...hmmmm...;)

[ChristineLS]

Yep. Kind of like, friend I hit off with great at first, but we became very different people over the past few years...

[NOTKT]

Seriously! Ask her if she wants to move to Ohio, I have things to paint!

[mitch]

Seriously! Ask her if she wants to move to Ohio, I have things to paint!

Ask her if she wants a trip to England. I've got a whole upstairs to decorate. She'll be gone for months. :rofl:

Fortunately i've never had that with other people. I either like them and get on like a house on fire. Or we meet once and never again.

If we meet in the street i exchange Hellos but then go on my way. The worst thing to say to someone is "Hello, How Are You?" because then they ramble on about all their woes. :realmad:

The only people that ever phone the house are people reminding me about a payment due. (I'm useless with bits of paper and do payments by phone) Or we get people trying to sell things. No one we personally know has the number. So i normally answer with a stern "What? I'm Busy" instead of "Hello". Nasty i know, but after the first call they never call again. ;)

Mobile Phones i just ignore if i don't know the number. Or it's someone i can't be bothered with. If she calls your phone and she knows you're in you can always say you never heard it. ;)

[jamt]

i liked the turn the table on her an if you don't have anything to say just make it up as you go along and i loved the painting that one put a big smile on my face i don't have that problem as my mates have been there all my life an i don't tend to spend time with people i don't like i guess i think that you have to spend time with people who are not your cup of tea in areas of your life that you can't change so why do it in your free time when you do have a choice

[ksherlin]

I have a umm... friend :boggle: who I have known my whole life. She is two years older than me and has pretty much bullied everyone. Everything is her way, and if it is not then she finds a way to get back at whoever did not agree.

For instince. Just four weeks ago, she had a birthday dinner (Keep in mind, she totally ignored my birthday, and I did atleast telll her Happy Birthday on hers). Well I could not go because I didn't have any money and quite frankly I didn't want to. She had hurt my feelings three days before it, and I had decided that that was my last straw. Well... now she won't talk to me. I mean let's be mature here. We are both adults and she is acting like that.

A week after the dinner, she decided she was going to confront me. She told another one of our friends that she bullies about it (who came to me and warned me). When she finally got the guts to do so, all she said was "Thanks for coming Friday" (in a sarcastic tone of course). At that point I was through. I told her to quit bullying me and that I wasn't going to put up with her ****. Itold ehr that it was so petty for her to act like that and that I was not going to be a part of the drama.

So now we are not talking. That is fine with me. I never have drama in my life unless it concerns her. Oh and btw, this is the same girl who said that if she wasn't a bridesmaid in my wedding, then she wasn't coming. To that I say: Fine, it will be better with out her!

SIGH... End of rant!:realmad:

[WebLady]

I don't really have anyone in my life like that now, but there have been people in the past that I was trying to be nice/friendly to and then ended up not really liking them but didn't want to be mean.

[savepaws]

I typically don't hang out with people unless I really want to. However, I do have to hang out with people I don't want to sometimes if DH is friends with them or their significant other.

But its hard to avoid someone if you live close to them!

[sandy03]

The next time your neighbor calls, ask her to go see a movie. That way, you won't have to spend the whole time listening to her.

I kind of feel for her because I really don't have any friends anymore and I'm always fearful that I'm going to be that person that people only hang out with out of obligation. However, obligation or not, I like having someone to spend time with!

[gwenshack]

The next time your neighbor calls, ask her to go see a movie. That way, you won't have to spend the whole time listening to her.

I kind of feel for her because I really don't have any friends anymore and I'm always fearful that I'm going to be that person that people only hang out with out of obligation. However, obligation or not, I like having someone to spend time with!

I'm sure nobody feels this way about you! :heart:
She just calls me when she's lonely or needs to vent about her life. It just seems like she uses me as a sounding board for her problems. I'm just a face she can talk at. She doesn't really seem to have any interest in ME - she just wants me (or anybody) to take an interest in her.

[KMS]

I'm sure nobody feels this way about you! :heart:
She just calls me when she's lonely or needs to vent about her life. It just seems like she uses me as a sounding board for her problems. I'm just a face she can talk at. She doesn't really seem to have any interest in ME - she just wants me (or anybody) to take an interest in her.

Ugh, there is somebody who calls me their "best friend" and is the exact same way. It's tiresome.

[gwenshack]

Ugh, there is somebody who calls me their "best friend" and is the exact same way. It's tiresome.

My dear friend Luis calls them "energy vampires".

[WebLady]

My dear friend Luis calls them "energy vampires".
I read a book one time that reffered to such people (various drama types) as "crazy makers" ;)

[gwenshack]

I read a book one time that reffered to such people (various drama types) as "crazy makers" ;)

Oh that's awesome. Do you remember what the book was?

[WebLady]

Oh that's awesome. Do you remember what the book was?
The book was "The Artist's Way; A Spiritual Path to Higher Creativity (Workbook)" - by Julia Cameron. It mentions how we all have certain people (the crazy makers) in our lives that make things complicated and make us doubt ourselves and such ... not exactly like the theme of this thread ;)

But I did a quick search and found other books more on the subject of unhealthy relationships -

*Dealing with the CrazyMakers in Your Life: Setting Boundaries on Unhealthy Relationships by David Hawkins

*Crazy Makers: Getting Along with the Difficult People in Your Life by Paul Meier M.D.

[gwenshack]

I totally have the Artist's Way on my shelf - somebody gave it to me and I never opened it. :bbrolleyes: That's so typicaly me BTW. I'll have to flip through it again - it's been collecting dust for years. I have heard a lot of good things about it from other people and it always seems to come up here and there. I really should work through it.

[WebLady]

I totally have the Artist's Way on my shelf - somebody gave it to me and I never opened it. :bbrolleyes: That's so typicaly me BTW. I'll have to flip through it again - it's been collecting dust for years. I have heard a lot of good things about it from other people and it always seems to come up here and there. I really should work through it.
It was a good read, I keep meaning to flip through it again.

[mitch]

I totally have the Artist's Way on my shelf - somebody gave it to me and I never opened it. :bbrolleyes: That's so typicaly me BTW. I'll have to flip through it again - it's been collecting dust for years. I have heard a lot of good things about it from other people and it always seems to come up here and there. I really should work through it.

You could use the book to bump her over the head. :rofl:


In the UK those sort of people are "Drama Queens".

[WebLady]

You could use the book to bump her over the head. :rofl:


In the UK those sort of people are "Drama Queens".
Oh yeah, we have drama queens too ;)

[Dani]

Gosh, at first I thought you were talking about my sister! :rofl: Whenever I call she all of a sudden talks about all the cr@p in her life and all the drama, not even asking me what's going on with me or anything. Well, I take that back, when I am burnt out on listening to her I tell her that I have to go, and then she will start to ask questions, it's like "I gotta go!" I realized its only me calling her and my brother. They NEVER call me...so the last time I actually called my sister was October 3rd. I won't call again, I am just waiting to see when I will get a call. As for my brother, I think I called him around the same time frame...never has time to talk or sleeping. It's like ok, I'm pregnant here, wouldn't you like to know how I am doing?

I always complain to my mom about it. I give up.:realmad:

[melissa1031]

You could use the book to bump her over the head. :rofl:


In the UK those sort of people are "Drama Queens".

That made me bust out laughing!!

I don't know anybody that gets on my nerves like that right now.BUT I do have this 1 friend.She's an alright person.I don't mind her so much.She's 1 of those people that get on your nerves after you've been around her for awhile.But she has a daughter.Now the daughter drives me crazy.Thats putting it nicely.The kid is a pain.I love kids,so it used to make me feel bad about feeling that way towards the kid.But not any more.after being at my house for an 1/2 hour I would want to open the front door and push the kid out.As soon as they got here FH would leave lol.She would always ask me to babysit the kid.She could never keep a babysitter for very long.Her own family wouldn't even babysit.After babysitting a few times I understood why no one would do it.So I started making excuses.But she was calling every day to ask me.I ran out of excuses.So I just had to tell her that I wasn't trying to be ignorant but I just couldn't babysit her daugher any more.She would whine,scream,holler and just be mean.And she would push my baby on the floor and take her toys from her.I wasn't having that.My friend said she understood.And that she knows the behavior is bad but didn't know what to do about it.My suggestion was to turn the girl over her knee and give her a good whipping.I don't believe in beating your kid,but that kid needed it.