What's going on?!

[starsthrumysoul]

Okay, the title is misleading, because I DO know what's going on (I think).

DH and I have hit a little bit of a rough patch. Nothing we haven't seen (or gotten through) before... Just more of a 'blah' patch than a 'rough' patch. Last night we didn't talk, and we didn't talk this morning either.

In trying to figure it out, I've come up with a few thoughts:
- relationships ebb and flow... I think we're in "ebb" right now (we had a GREAT flow just before/during the wedding).
- he's not working right now, which I think has him a little depressed (it would me too). It also has me a little frustrated (he's not searching very hard!) and stressed (because of money).
- I'm taking medication right now for TTC. We've put a hold on TTC until he gets a job, but I figured that since I already saw the doctor and have the pills, I should take them. Either way, I would have taken the provera to bring on my cycle, but I also decided to go ahead with the clomid as well. I'll be ovulating about this time next week.
- The puppy. Since Paul isn't working, he's home all day and spends the entire day with our very energetic puppy (who likes to bite, jump, pee in the house... all those wonderful puppy behaviors). This takes a toll on him, and I understand that.

It just sucks because I feel like we're in such a funk and... I don't know if it's normal given our circumstances, in which case it'll turn around once he gets a job or I'm off the meds (or both).. OR if something else is going on (maybe one of us is clinically depressed? Maybe there's something going on that he's not telling me? I just don't know...)

[WBandMe]

You know, you're right... even the best relationships have times where they kind of get blah. You take two people who have their own lives, responsibilities, feelings, worries, stress, and you stick them together, and it's bound to get overwhelming sometimes.

I graduated college last December and still don't have a job... and while DH isn't upset at me about it and it's not hurting us financially (I mean, it's not helping obviously, but we're not pinching pennies) ... just the way it makes me feel is really difficult to deal with. I feel like I'm failing my husband and not pulling my weight. I think about what we could do if I was working (pay my loans off, buy a house) that we're not able to do just yet, and I can't help but feel crappy about it. I'm sure that is a lot of stress on your husband, especially since men have it pressed into them that they're supposed to be the provider and the protector.

Plus, when people get down and depressed, the natural reaction is usually to try and ignore it, keep pushing on. It's like to talk about it with your spouse is to admit weakness... and then you have the fear that if you try and tell them they'll get upset and you've made the situation worse than if you just hold it in. Obviously, this isn't a healthy way to go about it... but I think more often than not it's what people try to do.

You're bound to ebb and flow, as you say... and I think what is the most important is to have the lines of communication completely open. Sometimes it's hard to talk to your spouse because you don't know what they're going to say. For example (and I'm not trying to bash you here or anything, just throwing out a possibility) maybe if your husband is really down about the no job thing, he hesitates to bring it up because he's afraid you'll get angry at him for not looking hard enough or that you'd blame him for any financial struggles you have. Or, another example, maybe the puppy is taking a toll on him, but he's afraid to bring it up because what if you think he's saying he doesn't want to the puppy or it should be your responsibility or something? I know in my marriage there are things that sometimes I'd like to say to DH, but I don't because I can already hear the conversation in my head and it doesn't end well.

Maybe if you guys tried taking some time out, phones and tv off, puppy in it's crate or a bedroom or whatever, and promise each other no judgment or retaliation, just an open conversation about what is getting you down right now.

I'm glad that you realize all relationships have their funks and that you're looking to work through this instead of throwing in the towel. It might just be something that a little bit of time, or a change of circumstance might be required to "fix" ... but talking about it can only help. Good luck :hug:

[amisteratwisterandme]

Sometimes we all need a bit of quiet time. Could be he's reflecting on things, and trying to figure them out. I like that you call it ebb and flow, a great description. Both ebb and flow are about movement, and as long as a relationship moves, it is going with the natural flow of things.

If this is really bothering you maybe you should ask him about it. It doesn't have to be a heavy conversation. Just say, Honey, I'm a bit concerned about you, you seem awfully quiet lately, is everything okay? If you feel it is more than that than seeing a Doc is a good idea.

Good luck, and I am sure you guys will work it out!

[starsthrumysoul]

Wow, I really appreciate hearing from both of you... You both had a lot of perspective that I hadn't seen before. And I think you're both right about communication... we pride ourselves on having good communication. Like you said though, some things are harder to talk about.

Thanks again ladies! This is why I love coming here :p

[savepaws]

I don't really have any advice as I'm not real good with the advice-giving department. But I'm sorry you guys are going through a rough patch. I hope it'll pass soon & you guys will be back to your normal flow. :hug:

[gwenshack]

I totally hear you. DH and I go through funks like that a lot. And it seems to exacerbate itself if we try to talk about it so I tend to let it go - it's like we need a cool down, a break for a minute or something. Like somebody needs to hit a reset button. And a couple of days will go by and I'll start to get a little anxious because things seem weird and then all of a sudden we'll be out of it and I'll have even forgotten it was going on.

Hope you all get out of your funk soon! :hug: