Homeschooling

[sandy03]

Although DH and I don't have any kids yet (or any plans to have them in the next couple of years) the issue of whether or not to homeschool them has come up recently. I'm really curious what you ladies think about it and what some of your experiences have been.

If you considered homeschooling, how did you make your decision and what did you decide? And if you do homeschool, what kind of resources do you use?(group, curriculum, etc.)

If you were homeschooled, how did you feel about it? What did you like and dislike and what kind of recommendations can you make to help others improve the experience for their child?

If you are fundamentally opposed to homeschooling, please don't be ugly!

[SkippyNXC]

I'm opposed to homeschooling personally... watching my sister go through schooling to become a teacher, I realize how much time she's spent learning about HOW learning occurs and how you can change up ur methods in the best way... I feel like I'd be short changing my kids on many experiences and opportunities by homeschooling them... (i realize that last bit is kinda vague...)

No way would we have the ability to homeschool (at least i dont think we will... we're not even TTCing yet) but we're also doing a lot of research NOW about where the BEST schools w/the best teachers in the area are... we plan on buying a house in that area. Thankfully, though, we live in a state where you can pay to send your child to a school outside of your school district should by the time our kids are school age things change. I spent a lot of time when working in the Buffalo School System... so I suppose seeing things from a inner-city school perspective any school in the suburbs of NH looks AMAZING to me.

Plus being in a classroom w/other kids better prepares them for college, you can't home school in college so i think it's important that they get some exposure to group learning... what its like to being in a classroom discussion, do small group work w/other kids, presentations in front of the class... etc. I'd think it'd be hard to get that kind of exposure if you were homeschool'd


In addition if you're not homeschooling, you should be spending time w/your kids to help them w/homework and so they're getting a double-whammy of education and you don't have the negative of being your kids teacher and having that association

I could see for some w/o the means to re-locate or private school homeschooling may be the best option... of course this isn't getting into arguments for the religious reasons for homeschooling.... that would be a different thread entirely for me... and prolly start the ugliness to which you refer...

[dizy1j62881]

i guess it depends on how far you want to do it...i was homeschooled from 4th through end of high school...doing it early on probably isn't too bad but after getting to higher grades i wanted to go to school and my mom didn't have the knowledge to do it. She dropped out at 17 and never finished so for her she didn't know what it was...plus people don't think you get the socialliness...???sp???...but I was in 4h girl scouts and with church stuff. so i personally know its not something i would do because i know what i missed out on. but it ultimately depends on how much you want to do...there are groups where you can join the kids in and do classes in a church or school like setting we did that about one a week. good luck

[WBandMe]

I went to public schools, and my children will too. I don't think homeschooling is necessarily bad, but even if kids are involved in other activities with other children, I think the socialization they get at school is important. Like Skippy said... doing presentations in front of the class, having to work on projects with people that maybe you don't like, or that are from another race or culture... I just feel like kids get a lot of good exposure in school that they wouldn't get from homeschooling.

[uptowngirl]

I've had the interesting experience of home school, a one room school house, private school and public school...(we moved around a lot! LOL!) For me the best was private school (1st grade, and 6-8th grade) and public school (highschool). When I was homeschooled I was in fourth grade and my brother was just learning to read, so my mom ended up spending way more time with him and I was left on my own a lot.

I think the success of home school - or any other type of school - really depends on the child and on the parents. I think it would be hard to make a decision about whether or not to home school until you know the personality of your child - how well they can do self directed learning, and how much they will need socialization, etc.

[sandy03]

I suppose since I started this it's only fair that I also share my thoughts.

I find myself drawn to the idea of homeschooling up through about the third or fourth grade just because it seems like kids need the most individual attention at a younger age, and it's at that age where they typically decide whether they love or hate school. Both DH and I went to public schools and we are both drawn to the advantages of homeschooling for very different reasons. For me it's because I was one of the "smart kids" and I did well, but never felt really challenged until I was a senior in high school and was taking college classes. I have a hard time being ok with my child basically doing nothing for weeks at a time because they have already mastered a concept or skill but have no choice but wait for the rest of the class to catch up before they can move on to the next thing!

DH really struggled with reading and spelling. His mom was working multiple jobs as a single parent and just didn't have the time to spend with him to help him at home and because he didn't get any individual attention in school he was constantly behind and eventually had to be kept back a grade. After he started getting some individual attention, he was on the honor roll! In both cases, we could have done a lot better had we been given more individual attention.

DH's cousins were homeschooled, but it was a part of a good sized group of families that all have kids about the same age so they help teach one another (several of the parents are former educators) and do a lot of other things together as well. It basically functions as a very small private school with a lot of freedom. We've seen lots of great success from them and their friends which kind of legitimized the whole thing for us and got us thinking about ways it could work. I am definitely open to sending them to private school (and maybe public if the program is strong) if that is something they want or would be beneficial to them.

[WebLady]

This topic is a highly personal issue.

While I have my own personal feelings on the subject and will try to keep them to myself; I will say that I was home-schooled for a couple of years as a child and I did not enjoy the experience. Then when we (my sister and I) went back into the public school system, we were behind and made fun of.

I realize that our parents did it because they probably felt public school was unsafe or whatever and did what they felt was best for us at the time.

I had a friend not too long ago that home schooled her 3 children. She was not a teacher or anything, but intelligent and ran her own business. She also went through an accredited group (don't know what) that supplied lesson plans and supplies and standardized tests and such. I don't know all the details though, but I know she had religious and safety reasons for schooling her children the way she did. The kids (oldest was 14 last time I saw them) say they like it and they still do things with their church and help with the family business. And I think they did stuff with other home-school kids from time to time also.

[ChristineLS]

I could see pluses and negatives to both of them.

The negative is the lack of exposure at a young age to difference - unless something is treated with a stigma, kids will assume everything they see is normal. I want them to have friends of different socioeconomic statuses and ethnicities and religion before they pick up the cultural norms that they should think those things are worth judging people on, and that would require a public school in a diverse area. I can't teach them to be a loving person towards others in the face of challenge if they are never being challenged or exposed to how the world is. Also, you need to learn how to interact around others, like giving those presentations, and you need to be around non-relatives for that.

I spent all my time in public school, and I was a pretty naive kid. My elementary school had the local (richer) kids and the bussed in (poorer) kids. My dad was the wage earner, does blue collar work, and did a fantastic job of supporting us, with my mom doing the stay at home thing, and we lived locally. But since everyone else's parents were lawyers or engineers or other really high earning position. So we were the economic anomaly for the local kids. My friends were mostly bussed in students or other anomalies, but they were too far to go play with after school, as the cliques were really sharply divided by SES. I had a music teacher declare to the whole class that she didn't believe that we lived where we lived, that she thought I was bussed in (that really PO'ed my mom). So while my sister (and my brother) had an easier time at it, I was a loner through most of elementary school and I'm not sure a lot of the socialization worked for me, because I was also reputed to be one of the "smart" kids, so people treated me like I was weird. I think that taught me to be really comfortable in my skin, which is a useful lesson, but I spent most of my days in public school feeling out of place, and while it wasn't fully a distraction, it created an odd ambiance for my studies. I never felt like school's main purpose was to teach us stuff when I was a student.

Oh! The other thing was that we were split up in what middle schools we went to. So the bussed in students (the group most of my friends belonged to) ended up in one school and I ended up in another. So seventh grade was kind of lonely. Then the district only had one high school, but by then they were strangers because of the phase of development. I fell into a music clique, and being weird gave me license to be outside of the usual high school drama, but still. I wasn't aware of the differing levels of poverty and such in my district, but it was stark and reinforced and I think it was like the district was trying to tell the kids to keep to their own kind and dislike the rest.

For me, thinking of those kids I won't have for a while... homeschooling is really tempting on a lot of levels. I'd really like to completely isolate them a bit from the soul-destroying rampant consumerism in our culture (But let me tell you how I really feel! :rofl:), to try to keep the idea that girls have to be cute to be accepted and boys have to be in control to be a proper male an idea they are oblivious too. I want to teach my kids that the most important thing in the world is to be kind, gentle, merciful and loving to other people, and I don't feel that those values are reinforced much in the world beyond let's say religious groups.

Kids use stuff to define belongingness and self worth (as read in Allison Pugh's latest book), and they learn to want things from other kids. They learn to be discriminatory through other kids and adults (I can tell you from my own experience, teachers can be quite prejudiced as much as any other professional), and the nasty politics of inclusion. I do want them to be aware of these things, but not to partake in or buy into it, and I feel like a bit of maturity would be necessary for that. I also think that most of the stuff aimed for kids is way too mature for them. I want to shelter them from the messages of disrespect towards women and poor and ethnic minorities and the normalization of violence that is present in so many forms of media. I may not let my kids have a game boy, but during recess they'll just use their friends'. So homeschooling is really tempting for the same reason I don't want a television in the house when I have children - I want them to have a chance to be kids, go outside and play and not be bombarded by media, which I'm assuming would be shaping the minds of the other kids. I heard a radio advertisement for a Haunted House that included a freakishly realistic depiction of a woman being murdered. I don't want my kids to be exposed to that before they are old enough to process it, to understand it shouldn't be right.

But neither Will nor I are likely to have the time to home school, so they would be in public school. We're also not qualified primary teachers....

[ksherlin]

I think it also depends on where you live. I have several wonderful and normal friends who were home schooled, but I have gone to a public school since I was 4 years old.

As Brandi said, some parents did it because of safety. One of my friends has two children whom she home schooled for awhile when she lived in a rough area. She visited and researched all the schools and found that all the schools were filled with violence and drug problems. Some people may have thought it was a sense of paranoia, but in this case it was better for her children to be kept at home.

Other families I know home schooled their children, but involved them in many other activities to get the social aspect of children their age. In fact, one family I know went through a home school program that was an actual academy that provided the resources for the parents to give the children. The academy had sports teams, gatherings, and even PTO meetings, just no school building. The children played on the sports teams and were in the choir and plays.

I think that the most important thing to remember when you home school is to keep your child on a schedule and make sure to teach, let them learn, and grade as if it wasn't your child. My mother is a public school teacher and has had children come from the home and not be at the proper level of education.

If that is what you want to do for your children, then go for it! I am sure that you will raise them wonderfully and make the decisions you fell best for them!

:crossfingers:Good luck!

[KMS]

This is something that I've been going back and forth with since I've been pregnant and even before. We don't plan to send our kids to public school so either homeschooling or a secular private school (most likely Montessori or Waldorf) are our options at this point. I'm really intrigued with the Waldorf style of teaching and would like to learn a lot more about it. It's interesting seeing everybody's viewpoints since I'm still forming my own.

[melissa1031]

My kids go to public school.I don't think I ever considered home schooling.i like the socialization they get from going to public school.I feel like it helps to teach them how to deal with different situations and different types of people.I do sit down with them every night and help them with their homework.Sometimes I feel like I'm back in school.I make sure I live in a good school district.I have moved before because I didn't like the school district I was in.I know that there's home schooling groups for families that do it.Some school districts will give lesson plans and standardized test.I understand some parents would have fears about sending their kids to public or private school.You just have to make what ever decision you feel is right for you and your family.For me it was to send my kids to school and not homeschool them.

Also I think just like when mom & dad need a break from their kids,kids need a break from mom & dad.My kids get that break when their at school.And when they get home their always excited to tell me about their day and what they ate for lunch.We always discuss their day over dinner.

[SkippyNXC]

I think someone else mentioned this too but it's really hard to make this decision w/any absolute certainty w/o knowing your kid. I know KMS mentioned Montessori n Waldorf... some kids will thrive at those schools but others (especially if there's a learning disorder)... will crash and burn, hard... b/c it's not quite as structured as the traditional school environment...

i could see how some kids may need so much 1:1 that homeschooling may be the best option... others may need so much structure that traditional school (public or private) may be the only option...

i guess i'm thinking that the traditional school structure has been around for a looong time and not changed n I think there's a good reason for that... its set up in a way that the majority of kids thrive in it... (i said majority... i realize some need other options too :-P)

[jessicermoon]

This is a great post! I was homeschooled in high school, but that was by my own choice and not my parents. I loved it. I actually ended up graduating a semester early. In my opinion, I feel that I got so much more out of it... more than if I had actually been in class. But, that was just me, I suppose it depends on the person.

This is something that my DH and I have talked about for when we have children. He is leaning more towards the private schooling and I kind of just want to stick with good ol' public school. But I don't know. I personally think that when a child gets older, maybe 4th grade or so, that homeschooling can be beneficial. Although, kindergarten through 3rd grade, I think children interaction is a very important thing. I would want my child in a class to learn with a group and learn how to interact with others.

Ha. I say this now, but when it's time for my children to start school, I'll probably be singing a whole different tune. :)

[WBandMe]

Sandy, I like the point you brought up about the 'smart kids' and how they can be left unchallenged. I was smart too and I'll admit there were times in public school that I was way far ahead and I'd be bored to tears waiting for others to catch up. I don't know if this is everywhere, but I know the schools around here have different classes and schedules students can be on. For example, in third grade, I and one or two others from my class went to a totally different math class that was for more advanced students. Stuff like that. Then, of course, in HS there are honors and AP courses. I think it's kind of unfortunate that some kids get a little held up while they're waiting for their classmates to catch up, but for me, it's not bad enough that I wouldn't put my kids in public school. It'll teach them patience :)

Another point that just hit me is with homeschooling I'd be afraid that maybe my child would be behind in something and I wouldn't even notice. In public school, if there is a kid that is consistently scoring far lower (or higher, come to think of it) than his classmates in a subject... then obviously he's not at the same level as his peers. But if it's just one kid and maybe a sibling... yeah, you'd know how he was scoring, but you wouldn't know if that was how other kids his age were handling the subject. Like if your kid gets a B+ maybe you're thinking, hey, that's pretty good... but in public school maybe all of the kids are just totally acing that subject and your kid's B+ is actually kind of behind.

I don't know, now I'm just rambling. :)

[flyerso6]

I think kids will miss out on so much by being home schooled. I being an only child made most of my friends at school and at home I woulnd't have had that interaction with other kids. Teachers go to school to be teachers and I don't think parents can live up to that. Yes in regular school some people may be ahead and not challenged and other people will fall behind but that is a part of life, I look around my job and see the same situation.

I would send my kids to private school if the public school system wasn't that great where we live at the time. I went to on of the worse public schools in the area, when I got to college I struggled because up to that point everything had been easy, but I turned out fine.

I think the biggest problem when schooling is that alot of parents don't get involved in their childs education, and they kids need both, to go to school and to have their parents involved after school.

[Kirby]

I was homeschooled for kindergarten and first grade and didn't enjoy it. I didn't have very many friends and I was jealous of the kids who "got" to go to school. When I switched to public school for 2nd grade, I was overly shy and socially awkward and I got picked on a lot. I had a lot of catching up to do, both academically and socially. I would have much preferred to have started kindergarten with everyone else.

I think that many homeschooled kids miss out on a lot of things which have already been mentioned (socialization, meeting people "different" than you, working in groups, etc.) If homeschooled kids are involved in a lot of social activities it definitely helps.

I think that there are special cases where homeschooling is the best option for a child, but I don't think that it's right for everyone. I also think it's better if it is a request that the child makes, rather than the demand of a parent.

Also, I don't think that a parent who didn't graduate high school is qualified to be a teacher, even if it is to their own child. It just isn't fair to the child.

I do respect others opinions though, and understand that what's right for one person isn't always right for another. :)

[moonrai1980]

Wow this is a good thread. I wanted to be home schooled in high school so bad, I hated school but needless to say i ended up being expelled from school. Now that I have a son who is in 2nd grade I realize how much school has changed since i was in. they start reading and math in kindergarten now, by 1st grade they are supposed to read without help. Now they have them doing multiplication in 2nd grade and i don't remember doing that till like 4th grade. And they move so fast with the subjects now. It's totally mind blowing what kids learn in public schools now days. the private schools out here can't even keep up with what our public schools are teaching out here. the classes are kept at 13 or 14 per class and they all get really great individual teaching. if one kid has a question they aren't even afraid to ask for help. So i'm for public school for now. but if when he get's into high school it might be a different story.

[RosieAngel]

I haven't been homeschooled, myself, but I have several friends who were with dramatically varying results. I really think that how they do largely depends on the parents' attitudes toward education.

I was going to abbreviate names, but I just realized that the girls who, to me, are the two extremes of what can happen, both have names that begin with J! I guess I'll just call them Jo and Jean, which are shortened versions of their rather distinctive names.

Jean was a very bright girl who was bored in public school, so her Mom, who values education very much, homeschooled her with her Dad's blessing until she graduated high school at age 15. She's 21 now, has her Master's degree, and, since she's so young and her parents have the money, is planning on getting a PhD and becoming a psychiatrist. I think that's really great, and I envy her single-mindedness and drive.

Jo, on the other hand, went to my church with me. Her parents were both high school dropouts (Her Dad made it through the 8th grade and her mother through the 10th) who only saw education as something evil that leads people away from God, and they also wanted to make sure that she would never run the risk of making friends with any non-Christians. Unsurprisingly, she's 30 now, never got her GED, and is working for her Dad's housecleaning company, and is mighty self-righteous about it all.

I do know that you can socialize homeschooled kids with by having them participate in "extracurricular" classes of their choice! For example, I met my homeschooled friend A at a Thursday night pottery class! She was very friendly and popular with all of us, and she didn't have any problems at all! K was a young piano prodigy that I met in my Saturday dance classes! She was a little shy, but we got along well.

Anyways, those are my experiences with homeschooled kids. Hope these give you some perspective on things!

[Bella]

In my opinnion, home schooling is best of all as kids grow good when they got learning directly from their parents and they may get the extra attention which is ideally not possible in any other school.