More problems with the church

[LaceyinPgh]

I noticed today when I checked my bank statement online that the check for the deposit on the church had not gone through yet. I sent it out about a month ago. So, I call the church to make sure that it got there. Well, the check did get there about a day or two after I sent it. The reason it hasn't been deposited yet is that the minister is refusing to marry us. He is a new minister and is much ore conservative than the old minister who left a few months ago. When I booked the church the secretary claims that she never thought of that. His first claim is that my fiance is Catholic and he doesn't feel comfortable marrying me to a Catholic. I'm not asking my fiance to give up his beliefs that he was raised with to appease a very one sighted man. Secondly, he doesn't like the fact that we a living together. He would like us to move into seperate homes. Well. I'm not paying a mortgage and rent. We own our home and here we will both stay. Finally he won't marry someone who is not a regular member of his congregation. I live over an hour from this church. I attended it all the time while I was growing up. My grandmother and aunt still go regularly. Up until today anyway. My mother was going to start going again when she found out they had a new minister. That is now out of the question. I am so mad. Why couldn't they have called me to tell me this? Were they just waiting until 250 people and myself showed up next May to drop this bomb. Now I have to ceremony site hunt all over again. This is just beyond belief. AHHH! They won't even let me use the church and bring in my cousin who is an ordained minister in the same faith. This wedding is going to cause me a nervous breakdown before it is all over.

[mrs.Rodriguez_to_b]

Well sometimes people aren't what they seem! i just think that it is unfair that they are refusing to marry you guys because of the simple fact that your fiance is catholic and you don't attend that church often. You know sometimes you can get married in the same place you are having your reception just pay an officiant. that way it's not so much trouble about the church or religion. That is just my opinion and i still don't believe that the minister is doing that. I think the worst part about it is that they didn't even notify you until you had to call! I wouldn't want to get married there either!

Christina&Alex
July 08, 2006

[WhiskeyGirl]

I'm sorry to hear about this. That is very unfair of that church and that minister. In fact I would say it is down right rude of them to have neither called you or notified you in writing that they would not be marrying you in that church. I really can't believe that they would even pull that, it makes me glad that I opted for a JP to marry us and not go through a church like my mother and grandmother requested. Where did the other minister go to...perhaps you can contact him and he could help you!?

~CanadianBride~

[usahgrad]

I don't understand why they wouldn't call you either. However, fortunately for you, you have plenty of time to find another place. All the problems I hear and have with getting married by a religious person makes me wonder if it's really worth it. I just want to scream at people sometimes: It doesn't matter that we're living together! It doesn't matter that he's not a Catholic (or in your case, is a Catholic)! We love each other. Why can't people just accept that. ARGH! Sorry, off of my soapbox now...

[LaceyinPgh]

My mother and grandmother along with the rest of my family are so upset about this. They all got married in that church by former ministers. Until this one came along, it was never a problem. I just don't think it was right of the church not to notify me. It was sheer luck that I discovered the check hadn't gone through yet. I never check things like that. When I called I just thought the thing was lost in the mail. What would have happened if I waited a few more months to call? Then where would I be? I'm also upset that the minister made these assumptions without having a sit down meeting with my fiance and I. He doesn't know us, just because we aren't his idea of a couple does not mean that we are heathens either. We are just lazy and don't like to get out of bed too early on Sunday. The secretary is going to talk to him about allowing us to use the building but bring in a different minister in the same faith. Now, I would just have to find a minister to leave his congreation on a Saturday to come and marry me. I'm sure that won't cost me a pretty penny. I thought Jesus wanted everyone to feel welcomed in His house.

[usahgrad]

You know, I had the same feelings about Jesus...but apparently I was wrong as well. Anyways, I haven't had trouble getting the priest I want because I was getting married on a Saturday (I've had trouble with other things though...ugh). Anyways, I'm sure there's someone you could find or even a second minister...my church used to have two priests, maybe if you find a congregation like that you can steal one of their ministers. They only need one for church. :) Good luck. I'm sorry you had to go through this and you're right, it's not right that they didn't inform you. Did you sign a contract or anything? You may be able to get some money back because of this...a little penny saver here or there (especially if you have to get a separate minister) couldn't hurt. I'd look into it; especially if the payment you made was to cover both the church and the minister.

[fstopusa]

I thought Jesus wanted everyone to feel welcomed in His house.

Not to start a theological discussion, but you have to remember that what Jesus would or would not have done in this situation is not what is the problem here. I don't know all of the details of the situation you are in, but you also have to remember that priests, pastors or whatever are people just like you and me and therefore subject to making mistakes.

I think you should call the church and see if you could set up a meeting to discuss this with the minister. Sometimes a calm face to face meeting can resolve lots of issues. I'm not saying this will cahnge anything, but it might just help to work things out.

[LaceyinPgh]

Ok, I'm completely insane. I admit that somedays I am not 100% grounded, but I think we all have thsoe days. I accept it. However, I did not know that I was 100% insane to the point that I made things up. The church secretary called my grandma to get my phone number yesterday. Apparently none of the above written was true. I can have the church on my wedding day. I'll be the only person using it that day in fact. And, the minister would happily marry me. He just would like to meet us first. Which, I happily agreed to when I booked the church. I even set up a first tentative date. The only problem might be that he would be out of town that weekend since it is a holiday. In that case, he can find someone to stand in or I can find someone. Whatever is just fine with him. The minister will be calling in a couple of days to chat and get some things set up.
What the hell! Did I hallucinate the entire conversation the day before? Am I insane or is the church secretary insane? She and my mother never did get a long. Regardless, I am locking these people into an airtight contract. I trust God 100%, it is some of his flock that doubt. This problem is officially my mother' and grandmother's. I don't care where I get married on May 27, 2006, just that I get married. I'm showing up wherever the tell me to

[fstopusa]

You just never know how things are going to get lost in the translation. I had a bride call me one time to tell me that she needed to see about getting a refund from me, since she just found out that the church she was getting married in would not allow our studio to shoot in their church anymore. I told the bride that I did not know of ANY church that did not let us in to shoot. In fact, most of them tell us how easy we are to deal with.

I then asked her to check with them again to be sure about this and to let me have the name of the person they had contacted, so I could find out what the problem was. It turned out that it was not our studio, but another one that had a TOTALLY different name, that they had confused us with.

It is funny how things can get crazy for no reason. I'm glad you are headed toward getting your situation worked out. Good luck with it all and try to enjoy the planning as much as you can. As I often tell my Bride's, if something goes wrong, and it likely will, don't worry about it too much. You will walk out of the church just as married.

[usahgrad]

Well that's interesting. But let's clear something up...

I promise you...you're not insane...

a little stressed maybe, but not insane.

Take a deep breath, smile, and realize that you're about to marry the most wonderful man in the world whether it's in a church or at the bottom of the ocean.

You can also take into appreciation that the problem you thought you had, you don't. Always a plus...