does this sound mean?!

[lilmsjess]

or like, i'm "looking down" at something? help me...

i posted this on topix, in fh's hometown...i made mention of some of the things i did, at the bottom, b/c in EVERY single thread in the forum, they mention drugs, and wh**es(as that's pretty much what they call every single woman there)...

Looking for the help of someone intelligent(not a smarta$$), or older women...

ok, i know that was worded strange! BUT my fiance and i moved our wedding to johnson county(it was here in texas). when we had originally planned it for here in texas, i had the intention of having the old "tea time" that southern women used to do, and to get the girls to actually dress up for this etc.....well, now that we've moved it to kentucky, i'm trying to find out what women did in those days? aside from anything to do with the house, of course. i've tried to research it on the internet, but being that KY was a divided/neutral state, i haven't been able to find out much about the women, unless i research miner's wives. and that's not what i was aiming for. me and my maid of honor, are trying to keep it nice and all that, and that's how we came up with the "southern tea time"...so, what did the affluent ladies of kentucky DO back then? i know they attended the derbies, etc...i'm hoping a friend of my future father in law, might let us ride his horses(in the lady like way, rofl!)...i'm just looking for ideas! i presented this idea on my wedding board, and none of the ladies have been able to help(and one is a history major!)(i posted this on a wedding board back in march, not here on OW...and could get NO ideas...and i apparently JUST got responses from this thread here, today)...

so please, if you can shine some light, please do! btw-i don't want to hear anything about popping pills, etc...those are TODAY'S women in the area, not the REAL women from back THEN! we girls don't even drink, so i can't really do anything that includes the usual bachelorette/bridal party, b/c it's a waste for us!

here are the 2 replies i recieved back...i kept their names there, but not their locations, since i C&P'd over here...

lol(username)

14 hrs ago
Maybe you don't have any answers because noone really wants to help someone who thinks we're all about h*s and dr*gs and I will give you one hint.. Back then, in eastern ky, especially our area, most of the affluent women were miners wives. You may not think so because you seem to be looking down your nose at us, but then again, as you can tell from the number of replies you've gotten, we don't really care...rotfl..oh, and just so you know, I am very intelligent, but the name of your thread, isn't very nice either..as we say here in "hicktown", You can catch more flies with honey than you can with buttermilk!!..lol

p*s off (username)
11 hrs ago
Your marriage is doomed because you are obviously an ostentatious snob. You should research etiquette, and become a practitioner of it. Kentuckians adhere to many Southern customs, so your Tea would not be inappropriate. However, the overall tone of everything you have posted is very insulting and inappropriate.





ok now, call me stupid, but fh keeps telling me that the area of kentucky he is from, is considered the "union/northern" part...therefore, they didn't do ANYTHING that's considered a southern custom...argh...****, all i wanted, was for some idea of a way to do their maids luncheon, that would relate to the area, without pulling up some hammers and hardhats, and going mining(NO i don't look down on it...)...jeez, every single man in fh's family, except him and his brother, are miners...how can i look down on it? chris would not marry me, if i looked down on that...wether he works in the mines, doesn't matter...it's his family's way of life...so i just wanted to know from some of you ladies on OW, did i go about this the wrong way?

[melissa1031]

It doesn't sound mean,but I had to laugh when I read it.Try keeping short and simple.Something like this.

My fiance and I are going to be married in Johnston county.I would like to have an southern ladies tea time party for my bridesmaids and a few other ladies.If someone could give me a few suggestions I would appreciate it.I would like to know the types of food that were traditionally served.None of my guest or myself drink,so what besides tes can I serve.Also should it be more of a formal wear or more casual.Thank you

[gwenshack]

I don't really know if what you wrote sounds mean - but I can look up some stuff that might help you...

Here's some pics of a Ladies Tea Reenactment in Kentucky
http://www.battlesatwise.com/ladiestea.html

Apparently this group, the Fifth Kentucky Belles, does this every year. Here's all I could find out about them.

Adkins’ wife Debra, and other women are also very involved in the Battle of Barbourville reenactment. Debra is the President of the 5th Kentucky Belles, which is made up of women associated with the 5th Kentucky Regiment. The women also hold a Ladies’ Tea as one of the reenactment events, and many women are passionate about the history of the period.
“Some of the women even take the field with us,” Adkins said, then added, “Many of the women fought in the ranks during the war.”
According to Adkins, the women involved in the Battle of Barbourville reenactment are invaluable to the success of the event.
“We couldn’t do this without them,” said Adkins.

Maybe those pics of what these ladies did can spark some ideas for you. Additionally, you don't really have to be historically accurate right? ;) You could just pick and choose things from this site that spark your fancy.
http://www.tea-party-guide.com/

[Mrs.Johnson111111]

I don't find it offensive, but whenever you are throwing out stereotypes there will always be some that find it offensive and others that know what you mean and laugh... you never know when you post on a board with so many types of different women..

I would just do a short apology, just let people know that you didn't mean anything insulting by it, and go with melissa1031's statement... short and sweet

thats my 2 cents...hope it helps a tiny bit:yesnod:

[lilmsjess]

lol thanks ladies...gwen-no it doesn't have to be exact, but i was trying to follow THEIR culture, ya know?

melissa, lol yea i'd laugh too...

as for the stereotypes, i wasn't doing it so much myself, but i swear, if i sent you a link to the site, you'd SO see what i mean...i mean, FFIL's wife, has been targeted on the site! ugh...

i did do the simple, short apology...and i find it wierd, that i put it out like that, b/c i DIDN'T want them to use my forum to talk **** about each other, so they get mad about it lol...argh, i give up....

gwen, i'm off to see your links...i'm sure i'll find something there lol...the ladies who will be at the "tea" are my 2 moh's, my mom(if she's there), stepdad's mom(if she's there), my mammaw(and she's from kentucky!), my FMIL, and fh's grandmother...so i wanted to keep it light and pretty etc...a reason to dress up, without involving alcohol, a bar, or men:yesnod:...

i like the idea of the "high tea"...it'd be neat to make the guys serve us ;) :rofl:...i'm still reading the page, so it seems really simple...and something that can EASILY take place, in FMIL's "formal room"..her main LR is full of brass and glass tables, floral art, and white/cream furniture...so i think it'd DEFINITELY work out!