In only 2 months - how did we end up here?

[fireprincess2009]

Alright, I admit it; my life is a bit of a mess. I've gained 10 pounds, my niece spent the weekend in the hospital on suicide watch, I recently went off my anti-depressants, and now we're on our way to couples counseling. The other things I'm dealing with - trying to eat better, working out, feeling much better after med withdrawal, and trying best as I can to be there for my sister and niece. But when it comes to Justin and I, it's a whole other story.

Our first appointment is in 40 minutes and although I'm not new to counseling, I've never been with him before. I suppose we should have worked out some of these issues before getting married...honestly; I don't know where they all came from. How did we get to this place only 2 months after saying "I do." We love each other dearly and I hope this will help. I'm not sure how he's going to handle it. He's got a very strong personality and does not like to be told what to do but he says he's willing.

Anyone else find themselves at odds with your husbands so soon after tying the knot?

[BnB]

Just wanted to wish you luck and hugs

[FFC]

I'm sorry that you're feeling down. I hope that you two can make a lot of progress in counseling. Hang in there!

EAT: Ehug! :hug:

[DanDanNoodleBowl]

Shane and I are also looking into counseling, I understand.

[savepaws]

Sorry things aren't going so well right now. I think its a good thing that you are seeking counseling. I really hope it helps and you guys get back on track!

[gwenshack]

I'm sorry Denise! I think transitions are hard! And at least you're willing to ask for and accept help. A lot of people wouldn't be so willing, especially so soon after they got married - a lot of people would wait until the problems got really bad. So you're ahead of the game. :hug:

[WebLady]

I am sorry you are going through all this ... hopefully couseling will help in all areas.

Good luck and e-hugs :flower:

[PGDesigns]

I think the fact that the two of you are willing to go to counseling and put some effort into your marriage says a lot. So many people aren't willing to put in the extra work that it sometimes takes.

I'm so sorry that the two of you are having a rough patch, especially so early on. I wish you the best with counseling, and know that you have all of us here pulling for you!

[KMS]

I don't know exactly how you're feeling in your situation, but Chad and I went through a rough patch recently around 1 1/2 years of marriage. Don't beat yourself up too much about the things you did or didn't discuss before marriage. There's nothing you can do about that now except for deal with what's in the present. Chad and I did discuss everything before marriage and over the small amount of time we've been married some of our views gradually changed and we didn't even realize it til they crippled our relationship because we lost our communication pathways.

Looking back over these last few months I see how both the painful things and wonderful things we went through as individuals and as a couple have brought us to a point where we are stronger than ever before in our 7 year relationship. Just in time to welcome a child into the world. It really did all happen for a reason and I see that now. Let your love carry you through. You both are in my thoughts and I hope that every single issue that you're dealing with has some positive aspects soon.

[Deanna2112001]

Alright, I admit it; my life is a bit of a mess. I've gained 10 pounds, my niece spent the weekend in the hospital on suicide watch, I recently went off my anti-depressants, and now we're on our way to couples counseling. The other things I'm dealing with - trying to eat better, working out, feeling much better after med withdrawal, and trying best as I can to be there for my sister and niece. But when it comes to Justin and I, it's a whole other story.

Our first appointment is in 40 minutes and although I'm not new to counseling, I've never been with him before. I suppose we should have worked out some of these issues before getting married...honestly; I don't know where they all came from. How did we get to this place only 2 months after saying "I do." We love each other dearly and I hope this will help. I'm not sure how he's going to handle it. He's got a very strong personality and does not like to be told what to do but he says he's willing.

Anyone else find themselves at odds with your husbands so soon after tying the knot?


Yes... its all about communication.

[fireprincess2009]

Thank you all for your support.

Counseling was rough yesterday. I am a flawed person for sure. Well, we both are but I don't always deal with issues in the most productive way. We have agreed that we love each other and want to make this work - not the first time we've been here in 12 years, but it is the first time we've sought professional help. Agreed...we should have done this before getting married. We just got wrapped up in the planning and the issues, some of which came up during the planning process, just got pushed aside.

[gwenshack]

Thank you all for your support.

Counseling was rough yesterday. I am a flawed person for sure. Well, we both are but I don't always deal with issues in the most productive way. We have agreed that we love each other and want to make this work - not the first time we've been here in 12 years, but it is the first time we've sought professional help. Agreed...we should have done this before getting married. We just got wrapped up in the planning and the issues, some of which came up during the planning process, just got pushed aside.

Sorry it was rough, but sometimes rough means productive, right? We're all flawed, so don't get yourself down too much. :hug:
I know moving forward seems like a rough road, but at least you two are willing to work through the issues instead of just giving up. A long and happy marriage will be worth the work.

[WebLady]

Sorry it was rough, but sometimes rough means productive, right? We're all flawed, so don't get yourself down too much. :hug:
I know moving forward seems like a rough road, but at least you two are willing to work through the issues instead of just giving up. A long and happy marriage will be worth the work.
As usual, I agree with Gwen :)

All the best to you both :flower:

[EarlyBird]

I have to agree with Keely, we all think at some point "hmmm maybe we should have discussed that before marriage" but i have a theory on this since hubby and I have been through some of the same issues (maybe feeling like we should have discussed some things a bit more to have clear lines) -
how boring would it be if every day was the same old thing and there was never anything new or exciting (or even bad - because yes, that was part of our vows, through good times and bad!) to learn about the other person..
use this as a growing exp. with each other and not as something that puts everything in jeprody.

so many people (that i have met) look at counseling as such a negative and "damaged" thing- i see it as an awesome thing quite honestly. Yes, it can be rough, you learn things about yourself you didnt want to know, but it helps you be a much better person for yourself and if its a marriage counseling session, then it helps you be a better spouse to your partner!

good luck! its not easy but keep working it out, you will be stronger then ever

[ChristineLS]

Admitting that you need, and then seeking, help is not a sign of weakness, but one of determination in my book. Kudos to both of you for being honest with yourselves and then for doing what you feel that you need to do to make it work! :flower:

[f77g4]

Good luck with the counselling and I really hope that two of you can work out your issues!

[alli816]

Glad to hear you're working things out....

[JJsWifey08]

Me and my husband have said the D word about 2 times this year but we considered counseling because we took martial counseling and it worked for us so I know counseling is a good thing. Itll work for the best if you work at it:crossfingers:

[MrsFuchs09]

Good luck to you both!

Everyone else said what I would have said. So all I an offer you guys is-remember why you married each other, and say, "Okay, problems WILL arise but we WON'T let them affect us and we'll stick together through it all."

Our pastor told us that before we married. He said, "Some people just assume problems won't happen or they will and their love will stay strong, but then they grow apart. In the beginning, it's good to know that no matter what, problems will happen but it's good to be in agreement that the problems will only make you closer as you fight them off together."

That's been our philosophy ever since. :)


:hug:

[Qtpie]

good luck, I hope that you two can work out all you issues.

[mobdilemma]

I once saw two bamboo plants that were planted in the same pot but had been intertwined. The gardener told me that, as the plants started to grow in different directions, he would gently bring them back together. Careful attention to the growing pattern had created an intricate piece of art-- much more beautiful complex than two straight pieces of bamboo growing side by side would have been. Every marriage has periods when partners are growing in different directions then finding ways to reconnect. Just like the bamboo, the risk is letting the gap between the two become too great a void from which to recover. By seeking counseling now, you are like that patient gardener -- creating your own masterpiece. Good luck!

[Goders]

I think if you're both willing to go to counseling, it's a good start to getting the marriage on track. I've always heard the first month is considered the "honeymoon stage", and after that everything starts to change, because you're not still as mystified about being married.

On our wedding day, DH's aunt told me "The easiest thing to do in a marriage is walk away, staying together through everything is the hardest thing, but if you really love each other, doing things the hard way will out weigh going the easy way out."

Just remember, in order to really appreciate the good things in life, there have to be bad things in life. In the long run, I believe, and sincerely hope, that everything will work out between the two of you, and you live a long and happy marriage.

Best of luck to the two of you!