What am I going to do???

[liltexasbride]

Okay.. My FI and i will be 22 when we get married and he will be done with school (God willing)> Since we are moving out of state well he is at least to Texas, he is going to try his hardest to have a job lined up in Texas before we are married or shortly afterwards. We have told both of our parents this. My parents are worried as any would be stated it and moved on with the planning and joyfulness of it all even though their marriage is on edge. His father keeps asking is we postponed it again or have moved it to Ohio so he does not have to travle and "waste" his money (seeing as that is all he is paying for when it comes to the wedding, my FI parents had a nesty divorce). My FI's mother has done nothing but complain about when, where, helping pay or the rehearsal, what flowers i want, what colors, the we need to wait until we are financially set for 5 years. this being said we went dress shopping on the 18 of July and she talked to my mom about how my FI and i need to wait longer and he needs a job. Then she said it to me. This was not the first time. i told my FI that it needs to stop we could not even enjoy the day. So it stopped for a bit. Later the next week I was telling her that since I am in texas i can help with a place for the reception dinner. If she gave me a rice limit and what she was looking for I could look into things closet o where everyone would be. I got the lets wait untill a couple months before to do that. I dont want to do it now. I dont want to put money towards it. I told her okay my parents wanted to know also just incase she needed help seeing as she is raising 4 kids alone. I finally got a little answer. I got a place that charges nothing to reserve and was under her budget. Whew that went ok except the fight to get an answer. I am not waiting till April to reserve a room for 30 people in June. Then today as I was talking to her about the flowers for the wedding (she offered to do them for us and buy it all which is great but she takes over!!) The conversation seemed good and I was talking about how exciting it was and that I cannot wait to do even more of the planning and preparing. The next thing i know i get this line " not to put a damper on things but there are still things that need to happen first like mr liltexas bride graduating and getting a job"
WTF!! It does not stop ever. I think today was the last string. i want to give her 100 bucks for the flowers she bought and do them myself. hat way I know whats going on with them, I can not deal with her games every time I have a question about them. I want to send her a check and write a letter but I have no idea what to say let a lone it it is the right things.
I dont know what to do...She even lets the public know how she feels.

[WebLady]

I am sorry your family is not being supportive of your empending wedding.

If you and your FH are prepaired and planning for your life together then you should be happy and move forward. If talking to the family doesn't help the situation then it might be best to do it all on your own and not give them any more room for "input".

Sadly this sort of thing is not uncommon. Hope everything works out for you guys :flower:

[moonrai1980]

I hope that you and your fiance have a wonderful day. I just don't understand why parents have such a hard time being happy for their children it totally baffles me. What party of texas are you in? Wish you the best and good luck.

[bridesmaid101]

Hi,

I'm sorry to hear of your struggles. A lot of times when parents are offering their advice it's cuz they don't want to see you make a similar mistake as they made. (If that makes any sense.) :P Money is the number one thing married people fight over so I think they probably just want to give you a running start by wanting your FH to have a job set up so you don't have to go into it with any unnecessary stress.

My boyfriend and I are planning on getting married and know we will as soon as he can line up a job. (He was recently laid off due to the sucky economy!!) He wanted to get married now (no formal proposal, just talk) but I told him we needed to wait to get engaged til we knew we could get married because once he puts that ring on my finger, I'm gonna start planning. :-) So therefore, he can't even propose til he can marry me. :-) The reason I don't want to get married before he has a job is just because I don't think it's smart to start off a marriage with that kind of unnecessary stress. My mom was a single mom growing up and she did FABULOUS but I always saw her stress about money and I don't wanna have to stress about money. This of course takes absolutely nothing away from how much I love my guy, just trying to do what we think is right as we start off our life together. :-)

Anyways, I guess I kinda went on a tangent there! Sorry 'bout that. And I wish you well in whatever you guys decide to do. I pray it works out for you guys!! :-)

[lilmsjess]

i know it's annoying, and she shouldn't say it the way she does! my fh, is kind of the same way! i keep looking for jobs, and he says "why, you havent worked in 2 years!"....i know he doesn't mean to sound hateful, but dang it, it makes it seem like he's belittling me!

i'm sure she only wants the best for you guys, and wants to probably make sure her son doesn't go broke supporting you lol...in this economy, she's thinking it's not economical for you guys to start out with just 1 income. although i don't agree with HOW she says it, she is right to a point. but that is you and your fh's decision.....

where are you located here, if you don't mind my asking?

[Mrs. Smith {5.22.10}]

In this day and age where 50% of all marriages end up in divorce and the median age for marriage is 27, she is probably just concerned that ya'll are to young to really know what you're getting in to. Especially since she experienced a particularly nasty divorce. I know it's hard to stand by and hear all of these negative things about your wedding plans, but if you and FH know it's right then you shouldn't let anything that anybody says spoil your fun. Try to let it slide right off and not worry to much about it, you don't have to please everyone you just have to please yourselves.

As far as not wanting to wait around for answers from her about flowers or rehearsal dinners, there is a very easy and effective solution: Don't include her in the planning! Yeah, it means you may have to pay for a little more, or ask your parents for a little more help, but it will save you the headache of having to listen to her b**** about things. Once she realizes that you aren't asking her or telling her about the wedding plans she's either going to (A) realize she's an a-hole and apologize (B) not give a flip and just stay out of it (C) complain to FH about it and give him the opportunity to tell her she's been an a-hole about the whole thing. All three options are full of win for you! LOL!

My FH is also jobless right now, has been since December, but it's not stopping us. We have some up with come pretty creative ways to cut costs so we can have our dream wedding. And we also get the ocassional "but he doesn't even have a job" comment fom random family members: We tell them we appreciate their concern but if we've made it this far and we're ok then we're sure that it won't be a problem in the future. Just because you're not "financially sound" right now doesn't mean you won't succeed as a married couple......we all know life is not ever perfect. Heck, ya'll could have $40 million in the bank when you walk down the aisle but that doesn't mean that you'll always have financial security, so screw what everybody else thinks and do the d*** thing! (and try to have fun in the process)