Army Concerns

[FlusteredBride]

We are planning our wedding during a period when there is a risk that my husband may be sent overseas due to the fact that he is in the military.

Can anyone tell me if there is a general consensus on refunds or pushing a date back as much as a year if this were to happen?

Do vendors tend to be pretty understanding of this situation?

Thanks for any info

[Mrs.Goff]

I'm no expert and I know there are other military wives/fiancees on here that can offer more insight. However, I know that vendors are hardly ever understanding about anything. Most require nonrefundable deposits months in advance. I would suggest talking to each vendor in length about this and make sure that they are willing to refund your money or push your date. But the most important thing to remember is to GET EVERY PROMISE IN WRITING, don't believe anything they say unless it's in writing.

[chocawhit]

My FH is in the army, and we have had a heck of a time. We wanted to get married in a year (Dec 2010), scratch that, spring break 2010, scrathch that, ok hmmm. We (against what he wanted) picked a date that was more than safe (May 2011, he gets back from his deployment Jan 2011). Yeah right! There is a chance that he won't get deployed with his unit, and get deployed in 2011! I have just thrown my hands in the air, because we are left in the dark.

My advice (it's worked so far): Talk to everyone early. I have all ready met with the rehearsal, reception, and church. I tell them my position in the first conversation to see how they handle such situations. If they aren't accomodating, I don't work with them. The cake and flourist have been a lot easier to deal with. They day as long as I keep them in the loop as early as possible, they can work with me. So, be up front and keep everything very organized. As soon as you know something, they should.

[lilmsjess]

calm down and breathe lol

NOW, if you can find a military friendly venue, explain to them the situation! FEW places, may be willing to just keep your deposit, and work with you on the scheduling AS LONG AS YOU KEEP THE WEDDING THERE...as in, you don't change your mind and ask for your deposits back...as one girl said, GET IT IN WRITING...i'm pretty sure if an apt complex can offer a military clause, maybe you can get your venue to hold it...if need be, pick your baker/florist out now, because those are things you can actually wait till closer for...just make sure, that they know you are going to use them. just DON'T give them a date, tell them that you aren't sure yet, but you def want to use their services ;)

you're not lying to anyone, so no vendor can really be upset but what i've said. now, other vendors, caterers/photogs etc, may not be so understanding...but IMHO, if a venue told me they couldn't just take my deposit, and keep a TENTATIVE hold on the venue for such/such date, b/c my fiance is in the military, i can tell you right now, i wouldn't want to use them to begin with...and my fh wouldn't either...

[RevMatty]

Well being a vendor I can see both sides of this.....
From the vendor side, if we book you and all of a sudden can't do your ceremony, we just lost money. Reason, we could've had a wedding ceremony booked instead of your's that we got paid for. It's our way of protecting ourselves, and insuring that you will get a professional when you need one. Other wise we'd be booked all the time, and canceled on all the time. And you'd never get that wedding or you'd being paying your minister $1000's. And that's why we have non-refundable deposits. For we're in the business of making money, and if we could've had a couple that went through with it, versus not going through with it....which would you do.

On the other side, I tuly understand where your comming from. If a couple explained to me the possibility of him being deployed, to be honest I'd tell them best to wait, so they don't lose money. On the other hand if one came to me and said we cancel because of deployment(and I had no idea about his possible deployment), I'd offer a refund, but not the full amount(about 3/4 the amount, cause I have a deep respect for what they do), because like I said if I start to lose money, the next person in line will have to pay more, and that could be you.

Best advice be staright, from the start.....some vendors may supprise you.

[bridesmaid101]

I agree with Rev Matt. I could see both sides of the issue, especially having a brother who has been deployed but it is also a business for those people so you have 2 sides of the coin. Best wishes on your fiancee's upcoming future. It sounds as though the war in Iraq is concluding (??) ... Lots of guys coming home, so hopefully if he's deployed, it wouldn't be to the Mid East. My thoughts are with you though though. Best wishes.

[WebLady]

I too can see both sides; I would try to have him talk to his superiors and plan the wedding for the less likely time. Some vendors may be willing to give you credit to rebook services in extreme cases like this, but I would think it would only be a year out from the original date. You are not likely to get your money back if you have to cancel too far into the booking.

[bridesmaid101]

Have you considered having a courthouse or casino wedding for the time being and then doing the big wedding upon his return? It might be the most $ friendly option. =/

[Bunnyfeet]

My FH is a Marine (which I know is not exactly the same as Army but is military)

He's deploying this fall, and is "scheduled" (A term I use very loosely!) to come back in May.
Now, that being said, his company tends to run more on a schedule than the other companies, so far no one has been deployed more than 7 months in quite a long time and they have seemed to run a pretty tight ship on the issue. BUT that doesn't throw out the possibility that he'll be late (even REALLY late) coming back. Things can change at any time.

Anyway, how we handled the wedding was to get the legal stuff done before he deploys (for a whole host of pragmatic reasons, I'm sure you are well aware of the benefits too lol) and then having the ceremony when he gets back. We scheduled the ceremony tentatively for fall 2010. We figured 6 months of wiggle room will hopefully be enough. We also are using very few vendors as it is a lower budget wedding and mostly DIY, that solves the hassle of worrying if we need to push back the date. Of course that does mean that we need SOME vendors like the location, but we are using our local church with a reception hall that has so far been very understanding of our situation and agreed to let us book as soon as he gets back.
Idon't know your wedding budget, but that's just another idea to throw on here with the other good ideas. If you don't necessarily have your heart set on having certain vendors, it may be more cost-effective and worry-free to either employ a friend or do it yourself instead. If you have a friend or yourself to work with, it takes out the sting of needing to worry if you need to reschedule.

In your case it's even trickier because you don't even know if he's going at all. That definitely throws a wrench in the works.
In which case, I think lilmissJess had an awesome idea of having it in writing that at SOME point you will be using such-and-such a vendor. In your case it's not so much waiting for him to come back (as is my case) as it is hoping he doesn't have to leave right smack in the middle of your wedding plans.

I also agree that if a vendor is not willing to make some allowances given that he is military, they are probably not worth working with. If he's risking his butt for all the rest of us, the least we can do is work at least a little around his job. If someone's not willing to do that for him, they are probably also going to be unwilling to compromise about other things as well that you won't like. I'm not saying they should lose business or take a big risk on you, just that they should be willing to compromise and be a little flexible so long as you keep your business with them.

[lilmsjess]

something i TOTALLY forgot! most bases i know of don't charge for the use of a chapel! i know you have one, but JIC! also, there's several places that will allow you to use buildings free of charge, and b/c NO ONE ever thinks of utilizing them, they go un-noticed:grinhappy:

1.the local reserve armory/classrom(don't think main motorpools, i mean off-post armories)

2.schools in some areas, often "rent" out gyms, cafeteria's etc.

3.check for places otherwise wouldn't be thought of...places that don't usually do receptions, would possibly be more willing to accomodate!

my hometown had a bar/club, and when i told him me and my ex(a marine) were renewing our vows, and wanted to have the reception there, he was willing to close the bar to dance lessons, so that we could have the bar until about 830pm! of course, he was a usmc vet himself, and later decided he'd let us use his bar/dj/bartenders for free. and TMK i have been the only person who ever contacted him about that! i know i was the first. i'd go for it now, but sadly(haha kind of) he was put into prison for using his usmc retirement bens to traffic cocaine, which is how he bought the land the club was on, and built the bar ;) so it was seized lol

[Bunnyfeet]

^^ I completely forgot about that, too!

My FH is stationed in Hawaii and we want to have the ceremony in my state so people can afford to attend (plane tickets to HI are ridiculous) so this wasn't really something I personally was able to consider but it's a great idea!