Adding more children?

[CindySue]

This is for those of us that already have children or will be gaining children through your marriage. Will you be having any with your new husband? Im 32 and Brian is 38. I have 4 and he had 1 and they range in age from 5-15. We do NOT need anymore kids. We barely find time for ourselves as it is. BUT.......I dont know that I would be opposed to having another baby if he was to want one. He doesnt so thats probably not going to be an issue. Someone had mentioned before (Heather, I think) the mine, his and ours thing. Brian and I are connected through marriage, and our children are connected to each of us, and if we had a baby, that would connect out children, thereby closing the circle.
How is everyone else handling this situation?

[hummingbird521]

I cannot have any more children since I had a partial hysterectomy a few years ago. But I had already decided before hand I never wanted anymore regardless. So a couple of years prior to the hysterectomy I had my tubes tied, burned, sautered and a large section taken out to be extra sure. haha. but even if not we both did not want more children.

[countrygirl]

Josh has three, and I have one. Their ages are 5, 6, 6(7 on Thurs), and 9.We both want another, just to have one from both of us.

[LaceyinPgh]

Well Cindy, I don't have a lot of personal experience in the matter. Our big decision that we are still trying to figure out is whether or not to even have kids. I have a friend who had a daughter and remarried to a man who had two children. Then they turned around about a year later and had another baby. So that has them at a total of four. His children now live with them though since their mother passed away. I know that she is really overwhelmed and stressed a lot of the time because the child care duties always fall on her with no help from him. It is really hard on their relationship.

I guess I would advise you to talk to Brian and see what he thinks. I mean he says that he doesn't want anymore but he might be saying that because he thinks it is something that you want to hear. Do you want another baby? Is it important to you that you and Brian have a biological child of your own to raise together? Do you think that would solidify your bond with him? How would your children feel about adding another sibling to the mix? What about Brian's daughter how sould she at 15 react? Your youngest is 5 so the age gap wouldn't be huge between them, but are you willing to put off your retirement years with Brian that much longer? Financially, physically, and emotionally could you handle the strain of a new baby? Just some questions to think about before you have the talk with Brian. Good luck!

By the way, I encourage everyone else to have children because they keep me employeed. I however have a dog.

[brewsells]

We do plan on having one more, just so we have one from "us". I already have 2, only one lives with me full time. My son he considers to be his... It's not that he doesn't love my daughter, but he took over the fatherly role. Do you know what I mean? Anyway, I want one more. He says I have to wait till I;m like 30!:bbeek: Hello? I have been raising babies since I was 15. I don't want to do it my whole life.

[MsJessica07]

32 isn't that old for kids...my mom was 33 and so was FMIL when they started having kids...

Depends on the situation I guess...there are so many considerations when it comes to things like this!

[CindySue]

32 isn't that old for kids...my mom was 33 and so was FMIL when they started having kids...

Depends on the situation I guess...there are so many considerations when it comes to things like this!
I have discussed with him that if we did have a baby, it would have to be before Im 35. I have a little time to play with I guess. There are time when I do want a baby with Brian soooo bad, and then there are the days I want to put half of the ones I already have up for adoption......

[WebLady]

While I don't have kids myself I can see how ppl might want them. The issue of having more when you marry into kids on both sides, to me I wouldn't do it, but I guess that is something you have to think long and hard about.

I have a friend dealing with this issue right now. She got married this past October, she has 2 kids (6 and 12) and her new husbands has 2 (15 and 18) he also has a vasectomy. Her DH is talking about having his vasectomy reversed so they can try to have a baby together. She is 33 and he is 40 ... She says she goes back and forth with the idea of it, but is leaning towards no. But he talks about how much it would mean to him to have a child with her.

I don't know the way I see it is almost like she isn't good enough if she won't give him a baby :bbconfused: though I won't tell her that. Plus even if they went through with the vasectomy reversal, there is no guarantee it will work.

This is definitely a personal decision and has alot to do with age, finances and stress ... and don't forget to think about the long term issues that could arise. Me, I have always been an advocate of no more than 2-3 kids ;) We have one friend that has 6! :bbeek:

My parents had 4, but the first 2 were 10-12 yrs apart from the last two. So by the time my sister and I were all grown, my brothers were teenagers and my parents didn't want to deal with their issues I guess. My brothers were defiantly raised differently than my sister and I were.

Well I have sufficiently rambled off topic here, sorry :bbredface:

Good luck with your decision Cindy!

[CindySue]

Brandi, I understand what you are saying. I dont know if i want to or not.......im still working on that. Part of me wants to and then the other part wants to raise the ones I have and then run awy and hide.........

I see billboards around here that are for vasectomy reversals and they have "results guaranteed". :bbconfused: How can they guarantee that?

[Kat NDa Sand]

I have a daughter that just turned 10 and FH has become a better father to her than her own. We plan on have 1 or 2 more... it's just a matter of time... I'm 29 going on 30 and he's 31... we were thinking of waiting until after a year of marriage, but we'll see ;)

[Amber818]

Jason and I want kids together and we have decided to let it happen when it happens. He has a son from a previous relationship and he is 10. I have no kids of my own...Jason Jr. is a handful and being his "step mom" for as long as I have has taught me a lot.

[LizabethDavis]

Pat and I fully plan on TRYING to have another baby. He had a horrific hockey accident that may have left him unable to have more kids (OUCH!), but we will certainly have fun trying!

[SoontobeMrsClark07]

FH and I would like to have 3. We're going to try possibly when I'm around 23-25... so in 3-5 years.

He's still trying to get over the bad experiences he had with his ex's daughter. His ex had her daughter at 16 which was wayyy before they even met and she would go out for DAYS and leave her daughter with him, not answer the phone and nobody knew where she was. The child's father would go out of his way to help Jonathan but as a firefighter, his schedule was pretty spontaneous. Jonathan's still rattled by that and taking care of the baby himself while working 2 jobs and having a wife that made him take the baby when she "didnt feel like dealing with it anymore." She also tried to get pregnant by lying about taking the pill and lying about having a IUD and he found this out when she had surgery and they asked her if she could be pregnant. There's so much drama tied up in that so I'll stop there. He knows I'm not like that but it still has his cage rattled.

[rainbowtreat]

I have tow kids, my son just turned 5 andmy daughter is about to turn 7. I have always wanted 3 kids. Not sure why I just do. Nicholas doesnt have any. He is 28 and I will be 31 in Dec. I had no problem getting pregnant with my first tow. But Nicholas wonders if he can ahve kids. Not exactly sure why but he seems to think things may not work out. He wants one of his own so bad and I want another one. If it happens great. If not we are ok with that. He loves the 2 we have and treats them as if they are his. He has taken on the role of dad ( but they see their real dad all the time and do not call my husband dad ). I hope we can get pregnant, we are trying , have been since before the wedding.

My one big thing is that I KNOW that Nicholas will not treat my kids any differntly then his own if and when we have one. Neither will his mom. These 2 are her grandkids as she sees them.

[WhiskeyGirl]

Brandi, I understand what you are saying. I dont know if i want to or not.......im still working on that. Part of me wants to and then the other part wants to raise the ones I have and then run awy and hide.........

I see billboards around here that are for vasectomy reversals and they have "results guaranteed". :bbconfused: How can they guarantee that?

Cindy

Invetro fertilization can be that 100% guarantee. like Brandi said, a reversal is not 100% and a lot of times there are complications and it doesn't work properly. However I know that is not your situation! ;)

[Jenn060306]

My mom was 31 when she had me. I'm the first. She had my brother when she was 33. So you definatly have some time. Maybe you need to have a really good long talk with Brian about having another child. Weigh everything out and maybe take a while to think about it all.

[I'm That Girl]

I have 2 sons; one is almost 14 and the other is almost 4. Billy and I want one together. I just always knew I would love to have another baby and he's always wanted at least one child. So next summer, we will be trying before I get too old (I will be 34 then). :p

[cowboysbride]

I have 2 sons; one is almost 14 and the other is almost 4. Billy and I want one together. I just always knew I would love to have another baby and he's always wanted at least one child. So next summer, we will be trying before I get too old (I will be 34 then). :p

Eric and I plan to start right away! My clock is tick tocking! I'm 34 in September!

[bnd94]

I wasn't sure before but I know now that I def want to have kids. We don't have any right now. I'd like to have at least one if not two. Just gotta work on FH some more. He is not totally opposed to it just a little worried that our life would be so different. And I am sure it would be, but in a good way! ;)

[jt555]

We just came to this point in our discussions. My FH was dead set against any more children, he has one from an ex and has had nothing but drama regarding the ex. She also convinced him to have a vasectomy then she got her tubes tied, explain that to me? At the point we when met I didn't want them but I was also younger after being together for two years and being around his neices and his daughter I know I want that, so we came to the point of either yes or no. It wasn't an ultimatum at all so I don't want to sound manipulative I just explained my feelings, but I honestly think if he could have a child in a loving relationship it would be totally different. I see it when he's with his baby neice, doing all the baby talk and everything. I know I've gone off on a tangent, but we just discussed this, this morning and he said he would get the reversal or whatever down the road. He said he knows I would make a good mom so it's just a load off my shoulders. I just didn't want that to be the thing that broke us apart, but being a woman with no children of my own it's something I want.

[brewsells]

Adam actually brought up the subject last night! Yea! I have wanted one more for a while. He just keeps saying we need to wait. Well my daughter is 10 and my son 5, I don't want to wait anymore. Anyway, he said he would be content if we had twins! (which are in both our families). I think after the wedding and we buy a house with more room we will start. Once I go off the pill, it won't take long. My mom always said I'm fertile as a pig.

[CindySue]

We just came to this point in our discussions. My FH was dead set against any more children, he has one from an ex and has had nothing but drama regarding the ex. She also convinced him to have a vasectomy then she got her tubes tied, explain that to me? At the point we when met I didn't want them but I was also younger after being together for two years and being around his neices and his daughter I know I want that, so we came to the point of either yes or no. It wasn't an ultimatum at all so I don't want to sound manipulative I just explained my feelings, but I honestly think if he could have a child in a loving relationship it would be totally different. I see it when he's with his baby neice, doing all the baby talk and everything. I know I've gone off on a tangent, but we just discussed this, this morning and he said he would get the reversal or whatever down the road. He said he knows I would make a good mom so it's just a load off my shoulders. I just didn't want that to be the thing that broke us apart, but being a woman with no children of my own it's something I want.
Well I could understand in a way where hes comng from. He did it while he was still with the ex, right? With her, he convinced himself he didnt want anymore children. Now that hes with you and knows things can be different, hes changed his mind. I understand too where youre coming from. I didnt want children either when I was younger, but now I have 4 and wouldnt trade it for the world. Just make sure that it IS what you both want. Best of luck to you.

[darkangel090260]

i am hoping to add one more someday

[kevinsbride2B]

My FH has 1 daughter Jamie who is 4 years old. He has her 95% of the time. I have severe health issues that I have been dealing with because I want to have kdis and have chosen to hold on because I want to have kdis.
Luckily Jamie is gung hoe on the idea of having siblings (for now anyway!) She may not be my blood daughter but as I say she's my bonus daughter and for us having children together I belive that, that will just bring the 3 of us closer as a family.

[Valmai]

Jamie and i have no intention of having children (if we did it would have to happen in the next year as im a bit passed it anyways) but we have plans for the future, places we want to go, things we want to do and babies do not fit in with any of them!! xxx

[Orgirl1969]

I'm 37 and have 2, ages 13 and 18. Bill is 43 and has 3, ages 19, 17 and 13. We are so done having kids. All but the 19 y.o. live with us, he's away at college. I love them all and even though we've had several people ask if we are going to try and have one more, there is NO WAY.

[BriansBride07]

Me and my FH have 2 children together, he has stated in the past year that he would like to try and have another one. My response is he needs to get his head examined...LOL don't get me wrong I love babies But only if they can go home at the end of the day..

[SerendipityCrafts]

If I "re-met" Hugh ten years ago, we may have considered having a child of our own but we are too "old" now. I am 43 and Hugh is 45. We just don't think would be fair to bring a child into our relationship - not fair to us, to that child or to our existing children.

That said, I wish I could turn back time because I would love to have had a child with Hugh.

[FCristina]

I dont have kids of my own yet, but he has a daughter allready. I would like to have my own child. I like his daughter, but I know she is not mine. She has her pwn mother.

[chrissgurl2007]

I have one daughter and Chris and I have been trying to have a baby sooo hard it hurts I can't wait to share a child with Chris the sooner the better, we have had four miscarriages and we are going to see specialists and what not, Chris has been amazing but like I said we can't wait to have a baby!!!!!!! Chris is the most amazing step father to alexa, I am sooo blessed, he has been ten times the dad to her then her own father is or ever will be!

[gcfabing]

My FH has 2 daughters and I have no children. We plan on having at least 2 more together.

[Natasha]

I have a son from a previous relationship, and we have a daughter together. They are 4 and 16 months. I am hoping to TTC this September, right around the wedding. Who knows, though, right?

[July707Bride]

FH and I have a two year old son together and plan on having more in the future. We decided early in our relationship that we wanted to be young parents and be finished having children by the time we were in our early 30's. FH was 22 and I was 21 when we had our son, and he was planned. Every now and then he jokes saying Zach gave him his fill of kids, but we talked about having at least one more, though I'd prefer two. But I guess that all depends on whether or not the next one is a girl because I know he wants a Daddy's girl so bad. He's had her name picked out since before we met. Now that I'm done with school, as long as I land a fall teaching job and we make enough money to own a home/townhouse, we're aiming for a May, June, or July 2009 baby. That would mean FH would be 26 and I would be 25 and Zach would be 4 1/2 which works for me because I want a 5 year or less difference between Zach and his sibling.

[Soon2BMrsAviles]

My FH has 3 kids of his own ages 16,14,and 13. I have 3 kids ages 15,14,and 13. Then me and FH together have a one year old boy. He says he is done having kids, I would like 1 or 2 more.

[BrideInCuffs21]

I personally do not have any children now and nor does my fiance. I do know that because of his age he say he wants to start having children after the marriage. He wants to start on the honeymoon. We came to a deal I told him to give me 2-3months after we are married, so it can give me time to settle down as a wife and also to get off birth control. So I am already having baby fever because now 3 out of my 5 BMs are pregnant!!!!

[bichonlvr]

My Fh has a 17 YO boy and 9 YO girl! We go back and forth about having one more!!!

[CorasMama]

I have a 9 year old daughter, and we want to have two more children.

However, I need to get healthy first. I have severe fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue syndrome. I have a hard time with just the one I have now, so getting healthy is an absolute must before we even think about getting my IUD taken out.

My health is a goal we are going to start working towards as soon as we get married, because that will mean health insurance for me, which I do not currently have.

Also, I'm going to be 33 shortly after we get married, and I want to be done with the birthing stage of my life by 42. We are thinking a year or two to get healthy, then we have to figure out how we are going to do it without medications for 3+years per kid (pregnancy plus breastfeeding). We want to space the kids out about 2.5-3 years apart. That's far enough so I'm not dealing with two "babies" at the same time, but close enough for them to play together a lot. And if I have one baby in 2 years from now, and another one 5 years from now, Cora will be old enough to help the older one with basic stuff on those days when I'm stuck on the couch in an all-day growth-spurt induced nursing marathon!

Cora is really campaigning hard-core for a sibling. I babysit a 3 month old 2-3 days a week right now, and she loves to help out by handing me stuff, and entertain her.

I do worry sometimes about how Cora will feel in our blended family. Drew will be her stepdad, not her dad, as she already has a wonderful father. But her dad lives 2800 miles away, and she sees him 1 week during winter break, 1 week for spring break, and 6 weeks in the summer. So Drew will be doing more of the day-to-day stuff. But I worry about her feeling that he loves "his own" children more. And since babies take more hands-on time than older children and teens, plus the whole new-baby wowness, I'm afraid she'll take it like that.

I had two sets of step-grandparents myself. One set made me feel like I was just as much a part of them and their hearts as their "own" grandchildren. The other did not, and it hurt me greatly. I worry that his parents will be like this, especially since any children Drew and I have will be their first biological grandchildren. They are very big on appearances and proper things. Basically, they are the real-life epitome of Richard and Emily Gilmore! So I have concerns about how they will treat her vs. the others.

[Trillian]

I have a son that my SO has adopted as his own. Well, not officially, but my son calls him dad and my SO calls him his, so adoption in all the ways it counts. If our situation doesn't change, we don't have the time or the money for another child. As things are, it would have to be in daycare as soon as 6 weeks and that's expensive and undesireable considering it'd be for about 10 hours a day and I'm having a hard enough time being away from my son that long. Hopefully we'll figure something else out because I'd love to have a little girl, but if we don't he'll be getting a vasectomy.