Bashert: Raif and Jessica, September 2nd, 2007

[MsJessica07]

Hello everyone and welcome to my journal!

I'm a refugee from UW, but you girls are fantastic from what I've seen so far and I'm really glad to be part of this community! I'll miss my old journal, but so much has changed in the past few months that I'm looking forward to being able to start fresh.

Bashert is a yiddish word used in Jewish circles to describe something that is "meant to be", usually used in the context of finding one's soulmate. It can also be used to describe lucky circumstances or a time when things just came together in a unique way that led to a great outcome. Raif and I feel that we are "bashert" and I look forward to sharing our story with you!

[MOB Karen]

We are happy to have you UW ladies here at Onewed. We love it here! I think you will too!!

[AngelinLove]

We look forward to hearing all of your details and are happy that you joined us!!!!

[Beckiii]

Hi Jessica! I found your journal and am glad to see someone else here. I too miss my old journal (and all the great friends I made creating it), but life is about change and sometimes starting fresh is just what a person needs. I look forward to hearing all about your wedding since what I know already has me highly intrigued :)

[MsJessica07]

Karen and Angel: Thanks for the warm welcome! I'm looking forward to sharing my story!

Beckiii I'm excited to be able to put things into perspective...and let me tell you, my wedding has me highly intrigued as well!!!

[Kacie_bride]

Hi Jessica and welcome to Onewed! I hope you'll enjoy it here! I know I sure do. I look forward to hearing all about your plans so far.

[MsJessica07]

So the site won't let me post an introduction so here's what I think I can say:

I was born far away, moved closer and my parents have lived there for 11 years. I just graduated with a degree in religious studies, and will be studying in Israel next year.

Raif was born close by, and we met at school, where he graduated with a degree in history. He's been working in renovations this past year, and will also be studying in Israel next year with me.

Edit: I was born in Durban, South Africa and moved to Newfoundland, Canada in 1992. We then moved to Illinois in 1995, and my parents still live there, and we live about an hour from them.

[Beckiii]

Interesting intro Jessica, lol. So what will you be studying in Israel?

[WhiskeyGirl]

Welcome and congrats on your upcoming wedding! Hope you enjoy it here. ;)

[MsJessica07]

We'll be studying Jewish religion...bible, talmud, and stuff like that. It's really an exciting thing...he's still in the middle of applying, but he should know soon. I'm already in the program.

[Beckiii]

Did he just decided to apply recently once you got in or was he just a slacker, lol.

[MsJessica07]

He just decided recently to apply. Before that he'd been thinking about doing the Israeli army for a fourteen month thing, but when we got engaged, he decided that that was a bad idea. Which I'm really grateful for, both because it takes him out of harms way, but also because it would have put such a strain on our relationship. It also means that we get to get married earlier :)

Okay, gonna try to post more of the story...I'm having an awful time with the word checker on this thing :(

[MsJessica07]

I actually met his mother first! She works for the Jewish Federation in town, and I was working at Hillel doing volunteer stuff and they share a building. She and I liked each other, but I didn't think any more of it until much later.

I met Raif at Hillel, the foundation on campus for Jewish students, mostly because I used to eat dinner there when I'd be working and he'd eat there because the food is kosher. So we started chatting, and he really liked the way I handled myself. Over the summer between my sophomore and junior year, he and I would chat online, but I was interested in someone else, so I didn't pay him much attention. By the time we got back to school, he'd decided that he was really interested in me, but I was already dating someone else. He was really upset, and it reinforced for him how much he liked me.

This guy and I dated for about 2 months, and then we broke up. I kept chatting occassionally with Raif, and sort of assumed he knew we'd broken up, not realizing that he had distanced himself from the whole situation since it hurt him to know that I was with someone else. Winter break came, and he and I didn't talk until we got back to school.

Every Friday night, Hillel would sponsor dinner and services. He asked me to sit with him at dinner and said that my ex could join us too, although I said I didn't think he'd sit with us. We went downstairs to get seconds, and he says, out of the blue, that he wishes he had a girlfriend.

Now, remember, he didn't know that I wasn't dating anyone. I didn't know that he didn't know that. But I gave him the benefit of the doubt. Luckily, the truth quickly came out. A few moments later, before we'd gone upstairs, he says that he's glad that I'm not someone who has to be joined at the hip with the person I'm dating, and I'm like, huh? And he said that he hadn't seen us together most of the evening...and I'm like, well, we haven't been dating since like November (and it was January at that point). Needless to say, we were both a little surprised by the exchange!

[Kacie_bride]

Hey Jessica, I think you can posts pics after two more posts!

[MsJessica07]

So I think Kacie said I should be able to post pics now, but I decided that I'm not really ready to yet on here. My avatar pic shows you what I look like, and I want to ask Raif if he's okay with a pic of him here. He did just sign up for an account (if you see MrRaif07 around, say hi) but I doubt he'll be around too much.

Now, I'm sure the question you're all thinking about is, well, how did you guys end up planning a wedding? Good question!

When he found out I wasn't actually dating anyone, he had to decide if he wanted to date me, but he was having a very difficult time. We talked all the time, and would sit by each other at meals at Hillel, but he still wasn't sure. You see, he was planning to move to Israel after he graduated (this was Jan 2005 and he would be graduating in May) so it didn't seem fair to start dating someone that soon to graduation and him leaving the country. I knew he at least felt something for me, but I assumed that he wasn't doing anything about it because he felt that I wasn't religious enough for him, but really it was the Israel thing that was the problem.

That all started to change around the last week of February/first week of March. I had just gotten back from a conference and was really sick for like the week after I got back, but we still ended up hanging out at Hillel that Friday night. He walked me home and we had this really awkward moment, because I wanted to invite him upstairs but didn't because I thought it would be awkward since it was Shabbat and my roommate was upstairs watching TV and eating non-kosher pizza. He wanted to come upstairs but didn't want it to mean more to him than it did to me, and even if it did mean something, he was still dealing with the aforementioned issues about

Thursday of the next week, I arrive at Hillel after having had a terrible, awful, no good day. No sleep, combined with people being stupid makes Jessica an unhappy girl. Raif arrived and I immediately was like, thank goodness, someone I can talk to. So I tell him as best I can what's going on, and we keep getting interupted so he takes me into one of the rooms that's not being used and tells me this story about when he was just breaking up with his last girlfriend and just everything went wrong and...well, it made me laugh. And he told me the story just to make me laugh. I was actually in the building because I had a meeting to attend, and so I got called to go to it, but it was that moment that suddenly made me reconsider who he was in my life. Who was this person that had suddenly become important to me? Who was this person making me laugh and helping me get through the day?

The next two days would prove to be two days that really changed both my world and his, in a very positive way!

[MsJessica07]

Hillel was sponsoring a Shabbat retreat at a conference center nearby called Allerton. Both of us went because the other was going.

The rabbi that worked at Hillel had carefully planned the event, but then there was a problem with the bus, and almost everyone was late. The whole evening ran late, but we all just went with the flow. After the formal programming was done, almost everyone stayed up and chatted in small groups and clumps. A group of us (including Raif and I) found a secluded spot in the mansion, and we chatted for ages. By the end, it was just Raif, me and the same ex-boyfriend that Raif hadn't realized I had dumped in November. A friend of ours found us and said that they were going to play Psychologist and did we want to join. None of the three of us did, but I seriously wanted some alone time with Raif, so I unceremoniously said that my ex wanted to play. Thank goodness for some alone time. We chatted until late, and then we all had to get up for morning services, but that was okay with us.

After morning services on Saturday, there was a program about spirituality. Raif had told me that he thought the sessions were sort of dull, and so during one of the moments where we were supposed to close our eyes, I opened them to see if he was opening his eyes. He was. Apparently, I'd caught him watching me without even realizing I would. Part of the reason Raif went with to the retreat was because they needed a mashgiach to help make sure the food remained kosher during the weekend. Although no one there was required to keep kosher, the food provided would be kosher so that everyone could be comfortable. We had some free time after lunch, so I offered to help him clean up, in the hopes that we would get to walk together on the rather extensive grounds of the mansion.

Unfortunately, he said that another friend of ours had already asked him to walk with her. Luckily, she didn't show when she was supposed to and he and I ended up walking together. I'd never been to the gardens, and while Raif had, he has a rather terrible sense of direction. We were trying to find one specific garden, but instead wandered around for about two hours, until we actually found it. This whole time we were talking, and once, I'd stopped to point out a bird to him and he'd stopped right behind me and I'd leaned into him ever so slightly until I totally lost my nerve and kept walking. At the end of the specific garden we were looking for was a white pavillion. We climbed the stairs, and looked out on the view. Here's a pic of the pavillion:

http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j228/MsJessica07/allertonpavillion-1.jpg

At the top of the pavillion, we stood looking at the view. I turned and hugged him, like he'd done the night before when he'd said goodnight, and realized that I'd just made the boldest move of my life. Not that I'd really realized what I was doing. We stood there, face to face, and I could hear him breathing...he was trying so hard to remain calm, but it wasn't really working, and I willed myself not to kiss him. He led me over to the bench that's up there, and we sat and talked.

He told me he'd liked me for almost a year, but had never known what to do about it because he'd be making aliyah (moving to Israel), and that the fact that I wasn't particularly observant didn't really bother him as much as the idea of starting a relationship and then leaving. The problem was that by that point, we were almost already in a relationship, even if we'd tried not to be.

It was, as we like to say, our fairytale...and for the rest of the day, we floated.

Here's a pic of the mansion as well:
http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j228/MsJessica07/AllertonHouse.jpg

[ikkin510]

Hello Jessica, welcome to the boards! You have a wonderful story!! I can't wait to hear more about your day. You can find my FH lurking around the boards from time to time to... He can keep Raif company! LOL Again, welcome and good luck with your planning!

[Kat NDa Sand]

Beautiful site for your beautiful wedding... just wanted to make sure that I'm subscribed to your journal now that we're here. I don't think I'll start mine back up until I can put up pics.

[MsJessica07]

It became clear pretty quickly that both Raif and I were more serious about this relationship than we realized. Very quickly, the topic of him leaving became taboo...I couldn't really discuss it because it hurt so badly. Even before we were talking about it, the date kept getting pushed back and pushed back. First, he decided that he would stay for the summer and work in renovation, since he had enough people who wanted him to work for them. And then, towards the end of summer, he decided that he'd at least stay for the fall holidays.

In August, we had a fateful conversation. Two days before I started my senior year in college, he told me that he'd be going to Chicago the next day to talk to the Israeli Consulate about moving to Israel. It was a really hard conversation, because it suddenly became very real.

It was a funny conversation...he realized at that point that if he didn't want to go, he didn't have to, and that maybe I would be enough to stay for at least a little while. So he decided to stay for the rest of the school year, and he had more than enough work to keep him busy. Plus, it meant money for him when he did finally decide to leave.

Soon after that first conversation, it became really clear to him that I wouldn't leave with him because I had already moved around so much growing up, and he decided that for right now, he would just do a fourteen month program for foreign volunteers in the Israeli army and then come back to me. I hated the idea of him leaving and joining the army, but it wasn't permanent, and that made all the difference.

On March 6th, 2006, we celebrated our one year anniversary. I was in the middle of so much work at school that we didn't do much than have dinner together, and then I went home to finish a paper, but it was still a great milestone for me. I've never had a relationship last more than five months, aside from him. In late March, I found a study program in Israel called Pardes that I really, really wanted to go on next year, and told my parents about it.

They FLIPPED out. Totally. And accused everyone (and Raif's mom) of trying to brainwash me, etc. It was an awful time. My mom even accused me of trying to kill her, which isn't a nice thing to do when she had cancer when I was in high school. She then began flipping out at Raif because he was going to get both of us killed and how could he join the Israeli army, etc, etc, etc. Needless to say, it was an awful, awful, awful time in my life (and Raif's).

She then accused us of planning a wedding behind her back.

The ironic thing is, that's what started us talking about getting married!

[MsJessica07]

Hi Kat! Great to see that you're around!

You only need 30 posts to be able to put up pictures, so you're already nearly halfway there. :)

[MsJessica07]

OMG!!!!!!

I just called my friend...she's available to go shopping...I just called the store...they have an appointment available...in half an hour!!!

I get to go dress shopping for the first time today

Where's my camera??

[Beckiii]

Pictures Jessica!!! That's all I have to say :) Happy dress shopping :bbmrgreen:

[Kacie_bride]

I hope you have a great time going dress shoping! My first time was great!

[Kat NDa Sand]

What great luck.... have fun... pictures, pictures, pictures ;)

[AngelinLove]

Your story is great and it is awesome that you are getting to go dress shopping...YAY!!! We love pics around here...so don't keep us hanging for too long!!!

[Deidre98]

I am so glad I found you!! Yay on dress shopping!!! And, as everyone else has already said, PICTURES!!!! LOL

[MsJessica07]

Hey everyone...dress shopping was FANTASTIC. I really enjoyed it.

Nothing for sure yet...but I can't post pics right now cause I have to go deal with a ****** situation...

We towed a guy from my spot last night and the guy at the towing company said it was not the first time he'd towed this guy...and he egged my car and spilled what looks like it's red with gross nastiness in it. It's food though, cause it smells like it.

I called the police, they said to take pics and then get it cleaned to see if there's damage and if there is I can file a report on damage and if there isn't I can file a report on suspicious behavior. So, waiting for my camera batteries to charge, going to take pics and then Raif will help clean the car.

Stupid people SUCK!!!!! I might post a pic of my car too, actually :(

[Deidre98]

I am so sorry to hear your car got messed with! I hate stupid and rude people who only care about themselves. How dare he deface your car when he was in the wrong in the first place by being in your spot!!! :realmad: Stupid people....

[Kacie_bride]

Ouch! Sorry about your car. At least you had a good time dress shoping! I am glad for that!

[MsJessica07]

Here's two pics from the grossness that was my car.

Raif says he thinks it was chili. Whatever it was smelled AWFUL.

We got most of it off using two carwashes and some of those squeegees at the gas station.

But they also broke the antenna off halfway, which is just stupid, since, 1) it was already bent, but in a different place 2) that's illegal

Enjoy the pics...

http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j228/MsJessica07/frontcar.jpg

http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j228/MsJessica07/driverdoor.jpg

[Deidre98]

Oh geez...that is just childish. It does look like chili to me too. I hope the person that did this has to deal with the repercussions of acting like a child.

[MsJessica07]

Thanks Deidre,

Raif's here with me, and he was giggling about how quickly we all reply to things! Hehehe. I promise I'll have happy pics of wedding dresses as well in a little bit...:)

[Deidre98]

HA HA HA We are all just standing by waiting to reply. LOL I can't wait to see some pics of dresses!! Wedding porn!!!

[MsJessica07]

Well, before wedding porn...

How bout...a pic of Raif and me!!


http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j228/MsJessica07/RaifJessicaDresParty.jpg

Taken at a friend's party, after dinner. Awww, we're cute.

[MsJessica07]

After the excitement of tonight, I didn't forget about you guys!

We only got to take pics of two dresses before my camera died, but of the ones I tried on, I only liked four and of those, two were the two we got pics of, so I'm trying to find pictures of the other two online.

Here's the first one:

On sale, so this is the dress I'd get, but either $200 or $350, and a bunch of alterations...so totally in my budget :)

http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j228/MsJessica07/longsleeve.jpg

IMG]http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j228/MsJessica07/longsleevebodice.jpg[/IMG]

http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j228/MsJessica07/longsleeveback.jpg



http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j228/MsJessica07/longsleevebodice.jpg

[MsJessica07]

Second dress: Cap sleeves, so I'd have to add sleeves for modesty, but still not too bad in price (sorta). Pretty bodice :)

http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j228/MsJessica07/capsleeve.jpg

http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j228/MsJessica07/capsleevebodice.jpg

http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j228/MsJessica07/capsleeveback.jpg

Not sure how I feel about the back, although the girl taking my picture thought it was amazing...

[MsJessica07]

One I didn't get a picture of me in, but it looked really great on me...the price is totally out of my budget ($1300) BUT the jacket can come separately, so I could get a different under dress and save a bundle. Depending, of course, on how much the jacket costs.

http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j228/MsJessica07/EssenseofAustralia.jpg

I'm still looking for the other one, but if I find it I'll post it :)

[darkangel090260]

i love the frist one

[AngelinLove]

I love the first...I guess because when I was on a hunt fo rmy dress it HAD to have long sleeves...not for modesty sake...but because that is just what I wanted. They all look great though!!!

[Beckiii]

I love the first dress! It's beautiful :)

Now, about your car...


Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!! How childish is that! Will the police do anything? Can they do anything? Usually I ask Dan those questions, but it's harder when I'm still in NJ :( So I have to ask you. Ha! Did the police say that they will go after this guy?

[Kacie_bride]

You look so pretty in the dresses you tried on! Oh, and you and Raif make a cute couple. I like the 2nd dress the most! Mostly because because of the back! I agree with the girl taking the pic. The back is amazing. But either way, both of the dresses are beautiful! I imagine it can be really hard finding a dress with sleeves. When I was looking for my dress I wanted a halter or straps. All of the dresses seemed to be sleeveless.

[ttac]

just wanted to pop in and let you know I am here.

I'll be catching up later. :bbmrgreen:

[ttac]

ok I'm back, was fast wasn't I, lol

I LOVvvvvvvvvvvvvE the first dress on you. just love it.

the car, that's just gross and I hope they make the :censored: pay bigtime.

I just love the pic of you a Raif together, so cute.

[MOB Karen]

I like the second dress as well, I think you look amazing in it! Sorry about your car too!!

[cowboysbride]

Oh how ignorant! Stupid people do suck! I sincerely hope they catch the moron...I personally think you should hog tie his arse to a pole, stip him down to his tighy whities and egg and smear chili all over him and then put a sign at his feet telling people why...8 hours in a public place should cure him of that childish ****!

LOL...sorry I can't stand ppl messing with other ppls property!

[cowboysbride]

I love the second dress...OMG girl you are tiny! I love that dress on you!

[Kat NDa Sand]

I like the back of the first one, the front bodice of the second one... but overall I'd vote for the 2nd one. :D

Sorry about your car... just remember that it'll come back on him 10 times.

[MsJessica07]

Hi everyone :)

Thanks for the comments on my dresses. I emailed the pics to my mom and she liked them as well. So good, we're on the right track. I think our next foray into dress shopping will be on Friday when I'll go with my parents (my dad will be playing chauffeur) to a different store. Their website says they have one of the modest lines of dresses, so I'm excited about that. I'd LOVE to get to try on more dresses that I wouldn't have to alter as much. I think the only thing I didn't really like about the experience dress shopping was that my attendant lady seemed a little bit defeated by the fact that I needed to have some kind of straps so that I can even put sleeves on the thing...it was like, I have some religious requirements...sorry if that doesn't help you very much...but she helped me with a lot of dresses anyway, and it was fun so that's all that counts :)

AngelinLove I was definitely happy we found that dress. I'm not sure what my next move will be with that, so we'll see...

Beckiii I don't know if the cops are going to be able to do much. The only permanent damage was of the antenna, but they might be able to get the license plate of the car from the towing company, which might point them in the right direction. Raif and I will go make a police report later today so that'll be fun I'm sure.

Kacie_Bride The girl who went with me to the store is getting married in August next year, and she also wanted something with straps...and also had an impossible time finding a dress, but she did and so it was all good. I don't understand this obsession with strapless dresses...really I don't.

Beth So happy to see you here...I hope you and Tom figure things out and that you're able to start a journal soon...I miss having all my journals to visit (although I'm already building up a collection here too...) I love the dresses, and I was SO excited when Raif said I could post the pic. I think he's finally understanding what the boards are about...and he has his own account now (if he ever uses it...)

MOBKaren Thanks for the support...I super appreciate it!

Cowboys Bride I will definitely suggest that punishment to the cops!!!!! That was a GREAT mental picture, thank you! You're right, I am pretty little, but I've been this size since I was like 14, and all my dad's family is tall and skinny (I got the skinny, not so much the tall). The dresses were SO MUCH FUN to try on. You can tell by my smile in the pics.

Kat Ten and eleven times over it'll come back to him. Karma's a :censored: . Thanks for the compliments...I'm so looking forward to trying on more!

[Deidre98]

I love the second dress on you! And that back is amazing. I can't wait to see more pics of other dresses you try on when you go with your parents.

BTW, you and Raif are just the sweetest looking couple. I love the pic!

[MsJessica07]

Thanks Deidre :) I really like that pic of us. I'm also hopefully going to post the pic we took right after we got engaged, when I get to that part of the story. I need to do some other wedding planning things before I can really get to that so we'll see how that goes.

In other news, Raif tried to call one of the caterers today, and it's just not working. We think there's something wrong with the guy's cell phone, so Raif called the other caterer that this guy is based out of and left a message for him there, so hopefully he can get back to us. Argh. This catering thing is getting overcomplicated.

[MsJessica07]

Still no call from the caterer BUT Raif did FINALLY get in contact with the rabbi we've been trying to call for like two weeks.

That's right. We don't have a rabbi yet.

Rarely do you find two Jewish people who are actively involved in the Jewish community and yet neither of them has a community rabbi. So we've been looking for one, and it's further complicated by the fact that Raif is Sephardic (his family was originally a long time ago from Portugal)so we're looking for a Sephardic rabbi and there aren't as many of those around either.

It's all complicated.

Anyway, his dad talked to a rabbi in Philadelphia a few years ago about mourning practices when his mom died, but had lost touch with him. So he gave us the rabbi's name, and we looked him up online. The number we found, however, wasn't right, but we couldn't figure out what number it was until today. Apparently, the rabbi changed his number about 6 months ago, but none of the directories have changed it yet, so this couple keep getting calls for this rabbi. It's happened so often that the wife knows the rabbi's new number off the top of her head.

Raif called, and the rabbi was very sweet about things. He said that he's going to try to find us a rabbi in Chicago, but if he can't, he'd be willing to do our wedding anyway. This is like a famous, sought after rabbi telling us after like five minutes of conversation that he'll help us out. We're super excited.

Of course, now I'm hoping that he won't want an arm and a leg...but it didn't sound like it. And the best part is, not only do we now have his phone number, but he gave us his email address as well, so we can email him at the random hours when we're talking about the wedding!

[Kacie_bride]

What is Sephardic? I'm sorry, but I know very little about Jewish customs or anything beyond the very basic stuff about the religon. I have never met anyone who was Jewish and I know the Jewish population here has to be under 1%. I have never even seen a synagoge (sp?).

This is one reason why I am glad you are here. I am terribly interested in different wedding customs from different cultures. I almost wrote a paper on it for an intercultural communication class once. (I ended up doing Christmas customs in other countries instead because I could find more information.)

[MsJessica07]

Hi Kacie,

Okay, its a really good question.

Judaism, like Christianity, is divided into different kinds. However, the reasons Judaism split were very different than Christian reasons.

One of the earliest splits were based on geography, and were named after the Hebrew words thought to describe those areas.

Most Jews today consider themselve "Ashkenazi" or "Ashkenazic" which means that their ancestors come from Eastern Europe (Germany, Poland, etc). They are probably what you think of in history class, the "Jews of the Shtetl" and the society they were surrounded in was mostly Christian. They were also the majority of those affected by the Holocaust.

A smaller group of Jews are considered "Sephardi" or "Sephardic". "Sephard" in Hebrew means Spain, and these are Jews whose family originated in the Iberian Peninsula (Spain and Portugal). This community grew very large when the Muslims controlled Spain between about 900 and 1300, because the Muslims were very tolerant of the Jewish community compared to the Christians of the time period. However, when the Christians took over Spain around 1350, they started attacking Jews and eventually began expelling them, with the final expulsion in 1492 (yup, Columbus sails and Spain expells its Jews). However, the Jews could remain if they converted and many did. Those that didn't went to Muslim countries in Northern Africa or the Middle East, but most of these communities don't exist anymore.

Because the Sephardic Jews were surrounded by Muslims instead of Christians, they developed different customs than the Ashkenazic Jews. However, because there is now more Ashkenazic Jews in the world than Sephardic Jews, it's a lot easier to find out information about Ashkenazic Jewish practices...so we're trying to find rabbis to help us. Raif's dad's family didn't really practice any kind of Judaism so all the information was lost, so now we're trying to recreate it.

Hope that helps! I'm always, always willing to answer questions about Judaism (as long as they're respectful, which I can't imagine around here that they wouldn't be!)

Also, traditions are generally passed through the man...so I would take on the traditions of Raif's family, except when the guy converts (like my dad) and it's acceptable to practice Ashkenazi tradition if you're Sephardi and there's no other Sephardis around, but there are other Ashkenazi Jews around.

[MsJessica07]

And in Texas...there are like 7 congregations in Houston, four in Dallas, 2 in Austin, and some others scattered around. :)

[MsJessica07]

For my 100th post, this seemed appropriate :)

The day I turned in my last paper ever for University was the day that we first went ring shopping. The place we chose wasn't really what we wanted, so over the next few weeks we went to three different stores, until we finally found what we wanted. I had to go away to Baltimore for a week for a conference, and then when I got back, he had my ring!

Needless to say, I was totally anxious to get it. On June 13th, at around 7:20 or so, I got a phone call saying I should come to Hillel to check out the location for our engagement party. Keep in mind that I've been to Hillel many, many times. Not only that, but I've planned parties there and done all kinds of things there. However, I also knew that he had my ring, so I wasn't going to argue.

I get there, and the building looks pretty deserted, except that the back door is open and there's a car in the parking lot besides Raif's. It looked like a car of a friend of his, but I didn't know for sure. So I go in, and I'm looking around, and suddenly I hear singing behind me. I turn around, and in one of the larger rooms at one end, is Raif (in the tux he bought for his friends wedding) and two of his friends. They were all in madrigals, and they were singing me a madrigal love song. It was beautiful.

They had set up a chair for me to sit in, and I sat watching, sort of dumbfounded by how beautiful it sounded, and also by how unexpected it was. He'd told me that he'd needed three people to pull of the engagement, but he hadn't told me it was because he needed harmony! Then he started a second song, called "The Question Song", which is basically this man asking a woman to marry him, but it's done in the first and second person (I and you), which was awesome. He got down on one knee, and opened the little box he'd been clasping in his hands, and there was my ring!

At the end of the song, he asked me formally to marry him, and all I could do was whisper "Of course".

Here's a pic of the two of us immediately afterwards...you can see my ring on there, and I'll post a better one of that in a second. :)

http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j228/MsJessica07/smallproposal.jpg

[ttac]

what a beautiful engagement story. and yall are such a cute couple.

I'm still keeping my fingers crossed on the caterer to get back to yall soon.

[Kacie_bride]

And in Texas...there are like 7 congregations in Houston, four in Dallas, 2 in Austin, and some others scattered around. :)

Cool. Thanks for the info. I have never seen any of the synagoges anywhere. I don't live in Houston, but about an hour away. In a city the size of Houston that is understandable. The only type of worship places I have seen around this area are churches (of course), Kingdom Hall of Jehovah's Witnesses, and 1 or 2 mosques, oh and the other day when I got lost in Houston I saw a Budhist temple.

I will probably have other questions. It intrigues me to learn about other cultures and religons. It is very interesting!

[Deidre98]

I love your engagement story! He did such a wonderful job and I don't remember that pic from UW. You both look so happy and he looks so relieved.

[Beckiii]

THe proposal story is the best! So wonderfully romantic. You are a very lucky girl :)

[MsJessica07]

The pic was on his camera, so I didn't get it until the week that UW died, and so it wasn't up there, you're right :) But he does look so relieved, doesn't he!

[Kacie_bride]

I love the engagement story!

[AngelinLove]

That is a great proposal story...so sweet!!!!

[rbloom]

Ohhh so good to see you! Posting a few to get subscriptions tonight and will be back later this week. So happy to not have lost you!!

[MsJessica07]

Hi Rebecca!!! So glad to see you too!!

[soulmates]

Hello!!!
I like both of the dresses that you tried on. The second one is more my style but they are both beautiful.
Sorry to hear that you are still having trouble with the caterers. When do you leave for Israel? Are you going to be able to go online there or won't we hear from yuo for months?

[MsJessica07]

I'll probably be leaving around the beginning of August. I'll definitely have internet there, but I hear it can be difficult to get it perfectly set up in an apartment so I might be gone for like a week and then be back for everything.

I can't imagine what I would do without the internet...besides, I need to be able to keep in contact with vendors and stuff. And parents, friends, etc. It's expensive to call!

[Beckiii]

I'm glad you'll have internet there. We'd miss you too much if you didn't :(

[Deidre98]

We would definately miss you if you didn't have internet over there! I am so glad you will be able to keep up with us and still plan your wedding rather than having to rely on others here to do it.

[Kacie_bride]

How long will you be gone for Jessica?

[MOB Karen]

Thank goodness, you'll have internet! We would hate to lose you!! I'm really looking forward to all of your wedding plans!

[MsJessica07]

I'll be gone for the school year...my program runs from September 4 to May 31, and I'll be back in December for about 10 days to visit.

That is, of course, if we end up going, since Israel and Lebanon have started fighting this morning and that might end up scratching our plans...which would suck because I really have NO idea what we would end up doing otherwise, or if I would end up having to get a job out of town...oy.

[Kacie_bride]

I'll be gone for the school year...my program runs from September 4 to May 31, and I'll be back in December for about 10 days to visit.

That is, of course, if we end up going, since Israel and Lebanon have started fighting this morning and that might end up scratching our plans...which would suck because I really have NO idea what we would end up doing otherwise, or if I would end up having to get a job out of town...oy.

Oh goodness. Well the best of luck. I wouldn't want to hear about you in harm's way. My aunt has been to Israel 2 times now. She loves it there! She went with a church group. They have a single ladies group (mostly for widows and divorcees) and they go on trips every year.

[soulmates]

Glad to hear we'll be able to be in touch with you while you're there.
I hope that you'll still be able to go and that the fighting stops soon.

[MsJessica07]

Raif and I had a long conversation about Israel tonight that sort of turned into an argument because we werern't understanding each other at all.

We came up with a couple of basic scenarios, by the end.

First, we go to Israel as planned, early to mid-August, find an apartment and live happily ever after.

Two, the situation gets so bad that we don't go to Israel, and I start applying for jobs working in my chosen field (Jewish community stuff)

Hopefully I'd find something in Chicago or St Louis, and then we'd commute for the year while applying to grad school and planning the wedding.

If I find a job that's not in the area (heading east, say), then we have a number of decisions to make. I'd really, really not like to be planning a wedding Long Distance without my FH nearby...I think that would get super stressful.

So, there are two option then: we move to where I got my job, and he'd find some kind of work, probably tutoring kids for their bar/bat mitzvahs and something else. From there, we'd apply to grad school and plan the wedding, visiting back here as often as possible (depending on distance and $$).

The second option takes into account the fact that Raif has a really nice job here (although I sometimes hate the hours) and we have a support system here and are planning our wedding to be here. The downside of that one is that we'd both be working outside our chosen field, and that year of experience would probably really help me for grad school. Staying here then, we'd also be applying for grad school and planning the wedding.

So that's the ideas in a nutshell. It's sorta depressing to think about and we're going to have to start thinking about this very seriously very soon, because time is definitely starting to get near.

[MOB Karen]

To be young, and in love, and have so many options open to you!!! That's the way I would look at it, Jessica!! You're very fortunate to have each other and so many different paths to choose from!! I should be so lucky!! Good luck, sweetie, in making your final decision!! I wish you only the best in your journey!!!:D

[MsJessica07]

Thanks Karen :) I really appreciate it...things look about the same now in the daylight, but it's still a tough thing to think about.

On the plus side, I have my next day to go try on dresses tomorrow! :)

[Kacie_bride]

Good luck making your decision! That is a tough one! Hopefully the fighting will stop and you can just go to Israel as planned!

[MsJessica07]

I'm hoping so too...meanwhile, I have two appointments with florists, a dress shopping excursion tomorrow, I'll call the caterer tomorrow and I'm sure about 10 other things will happen next week. At least I have something to take my mind off things...oy.

[AngelinLove]

It sounds like you have a really busy day tommorow...Good Luck!!!

[MsJessica07]

And "While You Were Sleeping" is on TV...and it's SPONSORED by DAVID'S BRIDAL...that's tooooo funny...and now my evening is made cause I'll be looking for bouquets and watching a movie sponsored by them. :lol:

[Kacie_bride]

You'll be very busy!!! I hope you get lots of stuff accomplished! Are we going to get to see more wedding dress pics when you go? Make sure to have the battery charged.

[Trish]

What a beautiful love story! I couldn't stop reading!

[Valmai]

hi and welcome to onewed, finally got round to reading your journal its lovely to learn of a new culture and im looking forward to hearing more about your plans. Sorry things are up in the air 'cos of the Israel thing but im sure you will have a great time however it pans out. Your studies sound really interesting i do a lot of cultural studies with my degree @ mo. Take care and happy dress hunting xxx

[Amanda&Hugo]

MsJessica, I found you!!! :D Yay!!! I was so upset to lose UW right before my wedding- but I am glad so many of us found our way here- this is a nice site! I am so glad I will get to see how your wedding story continues.

Oh yeah, you can find pics of mine in the After-Wedding journals! Come visit and it will be like old times!

[SaralovesMike]

Just stopping by to say hi to another refugee!

Sara

[cowboysbride]

I don't know if I've told you this but you're getting married on my BIRTHDAY ! CONGRATS WHAT A GREAT DAY!:bbmrgreen: