vent:FSIL - long but theres a story behind it

[SoontobeMrsClark07]

I feel that I need to get all of my frustrations out and make you all aware of the situations I'm in so when you hear about them you're not like "what?" I apologize for the length..

FSIL met a wonderful guy in February online named Eric. Eric is in the army but kinda inactive due to his brain injury from a fall while on duty. In June after talking 3 times on the phone, they decide to meet. They go to a local hotel and spend the night (they swear their innocence). She comes back in the morning and says "Eric and I are engaged to be engaged." I'm thinking "huh?" At that point Jonathan and I had been dating for 10 months and it was no secret that we were headed towards an engagement and so I'll admit that jealousy swarmed my head.

Well Jonathan bought my ring in the beginning of september 2005 because it was on sale and couldnt be passed on. A week after that purchase, Melissa (FSIL) is engaged. I had said from the beginning that I wanted a wedding on either October 20 (2007) or October 18 (2008). Melissa's wedding date was being set at October 19th... in the middle of the week... not a year later but 6 weeks later... so we're rushing to plan a wedding and she decides that she wants it next october on the 19th... so everything switches gears (she had asked me to help her plan the wedding because of my knowledge of the area). Well in a few weeks that all changed and they wanted to get married in April. Thats 6 months away... So we back into super planning mode...

A few weeks after that they decided to break up... so no wedding... this was a little before Thanksgiving. So everyone knows that a proposal is in the balance for me but I didnt know it... all I knew was he had the ring. I was at the end of my semester and excited because I knew sometime in the near future I was getting engaged. I started looking at things and pretty much set a date in my head. FSIL did not like that... she was rather upset... She didnt want to hear anything about the wedding/plans. Her and Eric got back together not even a week later and said "we're not getting married right now but maybe in the future."

Jonathan proposed and his sister was there... she wasnt very happy because she wished that she was getting proposed to but she wasnt nasty. The nastyness came out when we set a date.

Jonathan and mulled it over in our heads and decided that October 20, 2007 was the best choice for us with work, school, and other things. Little did we know that Melissa was planning a wedding for that exact date. She was quite upset.. but everyone agreed that she's not engaged so she doesnt have first pick on dates.

2 weeks after Jonathan proposed, I was looking up registry items just to get a feel for what I wanted and I remembered that Melissa had some cute things on hers and I went to her registry. I noticed that the date was different. May 17, 2008. I thought **** that date sounds familiar... its my college graduation date that I announced to everyone the night before (we get our assignments really early because musicians play/sing at the graduation ceremony). I was pissed... I didnt say anything about it.

Fast forward through drama after drama about me wanting the invitations she likes, having the kind of flowers she wants (they are roses people come on!), and me having her date... and you get to the big one.

I took FMIL and FSIL with me to try on wedding gowns (my mother has to be physically dragged out of the house). I tried on several and showed them the one I truely wanted and they all agreed that it looked the best on me. Melissa asked if I wanted her to try on BM dresses and of course I said yes and so FMIL wanted to try on MOG dresses too. After Melissa tried them on... she wanted to try on wedding dresses. I'm too nice cause I let her do it... I was really upset that she would turn this around on her, eventhough the 8 times I went dress shopping with her I never dared to even mention styles I liked for me. She then had the nerve to ask me to try on BM dresses for her wedding. My consultant was rather baffeled and I politely said "I've tried on a lot of dresses today and I'm not up for trying on more." I was rather pissed.

On the drive home (about 40 minutes) she says "I think dress #3 would look the best for a May wedding." Both her mom and I just looked at her. FMIL asked her about May and she said "Oh me and Eric are getting married in May. May 17th 2008 to be exact." FMIL didnt say anything and I was already pissed so I said... "you know thats my college graduation day right? I told you about that 6 months ago... I'm singing at it... cant miss it... you all said you were going to be there..." She snapped back with "well I guess you're going to have to miss it... I only get married once... " OMG I was PISSED...

Fast forward to that night. She sits Jonathan and the family down to dicuss it. Jonathan tells her that he will not miss his wife's college graduation and that I'm going to school for 4 years and working my butt of for it and it was too important to miss. She said "I only get married once... unlike some people around here..." (FYI: FH is divorced). That pissed him off... FMIL was torn because my graduation was something that everyone promised to go to and the University is not going to change the date because Melissa is getting married that day.. So the consensus was Melissa would have to change her date because she obviously did it out of spite (after she had revealed the website).

Fast forward to last weekend: We're all sitting at Brunch and I had announced that I think we have a reception site and we would be tasting the food on the 12th. Melissa stands up and she says "I want to get married in Disney World." We're all like "um.. ok." She then says "Jessica, I think that it would be wonderful for you to be my MOH." I'm flattered and say yes but I'm wondering where this is going. She then says "I thought you and Jonathan could take your honeymoon in Disney and come be part of my wedding." I was so pissed that I just walked out the front door. FH wasnt far behind me.

How on earth could someone be like this. I agreed to have her in my wedding party, which is fine, but outside of that she's a nightmare. Its not a good feeling... FMIL is baffeled by that comment as well and had no clue that she was even planning a fall 2007 wedding. She's not engaged yet and doesnt plan to be for a while... knowing my luck she'll get engaged at my engagement party.

I know I sound selfish but I like having some attention. I'm getting married and its a big thing... but everytime something happens for me, she tries to overshadow it with her plans.

Thanks for listening to this really long post.

[Jenn060306]

Wow your FSiL sounds like a complete nut job! I'm really sorry you have to deal with her on again off again behavior. She definatly sounds very immature and selfish!
I think you have every right to be upset about her behaviour. And you are in NO WAY being selfish for wanting to have some of the attention on yourself. You are getting married for sure. It's been settled on for long enough time there are definatly no questions about if it will happen or not. She sounds to be totally off the wall and not completely sure that she wants to marry this man or not and is only saying what she is because she is jealous of the attention you are getting and all the special things you get to do because you are getting married.
I think you may need to sit down and have a chat with her about it. Ask her what her plans are because it makes it difficult for you to finalize you own wedding. If she is planning on getting married the week after yours and you have to go to Disney World that possibly changes your honeymoon plans, also your budjeting and ads a whole whack of stress on you. That's not fair. Especailly if she wants you to be MOH. Because that is a huge responsibility and i can see her being upset with you if you don't have the time to put towards her wedding because you are concentrating on our own. And rightfully so. I also feel that your FMiL needs to have a chat with her daughter and basically tell her to smarten up. Not everything can be about her! It sounds like she is supportive of you in defending your graduation and such.
Good luck with everything! Let us know how it goes with your FSiL and your planning!

[MOB Karen]

Jessica, I so feel for you. OMG, Melissa is very strange. It's sort of sad though. I almost pity her. She is really pathetic to try to get the attention away from you and back on her. She has some serious issues. I really don't think I could be mad at her, as much as sad for her. I would say, just let her say the things she says, because she is not even engaged, it's like she is living in a fantasy that hasn't even happened, and may never happen for her. She is so jealous that all these wonderful things are happening to you and not her, and she is trying to show everyone that she is going to be happy too. I'm sorry I can't be more of a help to you. Good luck!!

[SoontobeMrsClark07]

Thank you ladies for taking the time to read that. I needed to get it all out on the table... its a year worth of stuff in that post. I feel much better now that I've gotten all out.

I cant vent to FH because he feels the same way I do and it just makes him more upset. I cant vent to my MOH because she already cant stand her and thinks she's a whiny brat (we all went out to lunch a few months ago).

Its a hard place I'm in with her but I'm learning to deal with her. Between her and her brother (FBIL: see post about him in Family and Relationships), FH and I have our hands full. It makes FMIL seem pretty easy to deal with when they have their outbursts as I call them.

Thanks for the support ladies and hopefully this situation will clear up eventually (Hopefully before I am married).

[rainbowtreat]

I know it will be hard but I wouldnt let her get under your skin. This may be easier said then done but just let what ever she says go. If she says I want you to take your honeymoon in Disney so you can be there for my wedding just say something like I'm sorry but we have other plans for our honey moon. Or when she asked you to try on dresses just say something like, sorry I am planningmy wedding at the moment and dont even have my own wedding gown yet so I can focus on dresses for you wedding.

JUust some how turn it back on you. she may get he hint and back off. If she says soemthign about the date or the flowers or anything just say I am osrry you feel this way but this is what we have planned it is OUR wedding not yours. You can do your how you want to when the time comes. And when that time comes I would be more then happy to help you but I need to focus on mine at the monment.

I know it sounds simple and I dont know you FSIL at all. BUt maybe if she sees that she is not pissing you off she may back off a bit. It sonds like she is just trying to get under your skin.

Good luck.

[CindySue]

Honey...I really feel for you. Onw question.....how can you be her MoH if youre going to be graduating? That was the whole idea on her part Im sure!
Good Luck!!!

[Kacie_bride]

I was thinking the same thing Cindy.

Anyway, your FSIL's date seems to be changing at the same rate people change their underwear so I wouldn't worry. She is not officially engaged and she is probably just jealous.

Personally I wouldn't want such a looney tune in my wedding and I wouldn't agree to be in her's. I really don't think it seems that she is going to be getting married any time soon anyway.

If I were you I would try to keep my distance from her and just ignore her.

[Mrs. Pickering]

Wow...
You don't seem selfish to me--your FSIL sounds crazy if you ask me!! I'm so sorry that you're having to put up with all of this nonsense! I don't have any great advice but I'm here for support!!:hug:

[Deidre98]

I am so sorry to hear about your FSIL. I really have no advice to offer but I just wanted you to know that you aren't being unreasonable and it sounds like FSIL hates when the spotlight is not on her and will do anything to make sure that it is always on her. At least you have your FH's support and FMIL doesn't seem to be rushing to side with her which is nice. Good Luck!!

[SueMartin]

I dont think YOU are the one being selfish, crazy .. whatever.. this young woman ( note I do not say lady) is spoilt and manipulating.. ignore her.. the way she is going she wont even be with Eric by the time you graduate.