Lots of stress coming my way

[SoontobeMrsClark07]

I'm new here and this is my first post. I have a lot of head-strong people in my family that want what they want and not what my fiance and I want. I'm also having general issues with my future mother in law.

First, my family is really opinionated about what our wedding should be like. We have not booked any vendors for our wedding yet and family is getting antsy. We've been engaged for almost 7 months and some people feel it is unacceptable for us to not have booked any vendors. All I hear about is how I'm going to have a white trash wedding because I'm not on the ball. If anyone is to look at when I'm getting married, its ridiculous for me to already have booked all of my vendors.

And then theres my Future Mother in Law... She can be a piece of work. I just got the guest list from her. She said "its only going to be about 30 people," so I'm happy because there are a lot of people in my family and it wont really effect the count. Well when adding it up there were 121 people, she says only 30 will come... I dont believe her. Also, she is PISSED that I'm allowing children to attend the wedding. She believes that children are not suited for weddings and shouldnt be allowed to attend and that I should have a babysitter ready (on my dime) to take any children that may show. She also says that I should provide a dinner and activity for out of town guests to participate in while we're doing the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner. THere arent that many OOT guests and there is PLEANTY to do in this area and I have even listed them on our wedding website, but she said I need to provide the transportation to and from the airport, to and from activities, and to and from the wedding. She also believes that all of their activities and meals should be paid for by me and helf their rooms should be paid :bbeek: . So obviously there are issues.

Thats my vent for now... I have a people suck attitude right now but I'm usually not like this. Thanks for listening!

[CindySue]

Sweetie, I agree that you have plenty of time to plan....Welcome to the board by the way!
With you having this time, you can "bargain hunt" and make sure you get the best deals.
I dont know what makes people turn ugly when theres a wedding but they do. If you have the option, I would leave them out of your planning. If they are going to give you grief and make you feel bad for wanting it a certain way, then they shouldnt get to be a part.
Good Luck.

[Kacie_bride]

Welcome to onewed! You are right, it is ridiculous to have your wedding vendors all booked by now. You have over a year! In my opinion this early in the game, things are only going to get worse unless you stop it now. You are your fiance need to have a talk with your future mother in law. Especially if you guys are paying for it, it is your wedding, and you should have it your way. If you want their opinions you'll ask for them. I think if you want children there, that is your choice. I have gone to lots and lots of weddings with children and there have never been any problems. I think most people choose to not have children there because of the cost per person. Like Amber (a girl on here) once said, she wasn't about to pay $67 (or something like that) for a child that would probably not eat half of the plate.

[WhiskeyGirl]

Welcome to Onewed!! Here's some of the best advice you'll get while planning your wedding!!

It's your day so plan it your way!!!

Don't let people dictate to you, how you should do things. This is your day to remember for the rest of your life and you need to make yourself and your FH happy!! It is my beliefe that you should not be responsible for entertaining out of town guests. You are the bride and will have enough to worry about! You tell your FMIL that if she wants she can entertain them and pay for them!! It is not your responsibility and these people are adults!! Good luck with everything and we are always here!! :)

[cowboysbride]

Welcome to the board sweetie, tell your FMIL if she wants all that then by all means PAY FOR IT, otherwise thank her, smile sweetly (curses held under your breath) and walk away...believe me we all can relate!

As for the kids, it's your choice not hers...END of discussion, and tell her that by all means (but smile and drip with sugar when you say it)!

Let us know how you can help, you have plenty of time to plan and have the PERFECT wedding! And we are all here to help...just let us know!

[LaceyinPgh]

It is simple. I had the problem of people's unsolicited opinions when I started to plan too. So, I just stopped discussing my plans. I did what I wanted to and didn't tell anyone. When people still made comments, I told them where to put those unwanted comments.

As for kids, I agree with your FMIL. But, I don't much care for children in general. But it isn't my wedding and it isn't hers. So the next time she brings it up inform her that it is your wedding not hers. If she wants a child free event, she should plan another wedding for herself.

I don't buy into that being nice thing. If you want something than do it. Let the people standing in your way know that is just how it is going to be. Trust me, you let them kow once or twice and you won't deal with it again.

[StaceyMc]

I haven't told my FMIL anything about the wedding and I know that my FH hasn't either. She made a comment about it being in February, she can't understand who would want to get married in the winter, shortly after we were engaged. I decided not to discuss plans with her and just send an invite, I don't need her negative input. In fact, it's been easy not talking about it with her because she rarely talks to me.

I discuss plans with my mom and she gives suggestions, however, Joe and I are paying for it, so we're doing what we want.

As far as your out of town guests, I think it's customary to invite them to the rehearsal dinner, but other than that - they can amuse themselves, can't they?

[Kacie_bride]

About the out of town guests, I have a website with some information on it. And like Lacey said earlier, they are all adults, they can surely find something to do without any help. And if they have a question about what there is to do, I'm sure they have access to a phone.

I am not inviting my out of town guests to my rehearsal. I have never really even heard of doing that. I have been an out of town guest at lots of weddings and have never expected to be invited to the rehearsal. I have been in weddings before and there have never been any out of town guests invited. It has always just been the immediate family of the bride and groom, the wedding party and their spouses or date, and the bride and groom.

[AngelinLove]

CONGRATULATIONS AND WELCOME TO ONEWED!!!

Now, in response to your post!!! I have to say that I agree with everyone else!! This is YOUR weddinga dn you need to remember that at all times...even if you have to write it down on a little card and carry it with you..lol!! Seriously though, you should do things your way, and if anyone has a problem with it..oh well. For some reason weddings seem to bring out the worst in people. people start feeling like they should be in charge and that there opinions mean was more than they really do...well I am sure that you have heard what opinions are like. The only opinions that matter are yours and FH...period. Whoever doesn't like it can deal or stay out of it. As for your FMIL...i would explain to her that this is your wedding and you are gonna do it yoru way. Tell her that invitations and postage cost money and that she should tell you which 30 people will come, so that you know who to send invitations to. Also...I have heard that it is customary to invite OOT guests to the rehearsal dinner, but that is it. They are adults adn can entertain themselves. If for some reason they can't, that is their problem. Tell FMIL that if she would like you will give them her number and she can entertaina nd amuse them!!! Well, that is just my 2 cents!!! Good Luck!!!

[SoontobeMrsClark07]

Thanks everyone for the responses. I have been really nice and understanding about her feelings about the wedding. We're all really close so I cant just ignore her or be a :censored:.

I told her that I am inviting children because a lot of people in my family have small children and I want them there. My parents are paying for the wedding and want the guest count to stay around 200, kids 6-12 are half price at the reception venue and kids 5 and under are free, so theres no reason not to invite the kids. I dont mind her inviting more people, but it just annoys me that they insisted that only 30 were going to be invited... I mean its not fair for my family to invite 180 and them to only invite 30.

As for the venues, I know I need to book the reception venue and church before July 15th (prices go up) but after that I need to have all my vendors booked by 6 months out (after that everything is pretty much booked up).

Thanks for letting me vent.. its hard for me to keep it bottled in sometimes and things are stressful right now.

[SueMartin]

I agree.. if your parents are footing the bill for the wedding, then they have the right to make the decisions.. as for people not coming to the wedding, I dont think you can safely assume that.

Just dont give her a chance to criticize.. tell her what she needs to know, and other than that.. dont say a word.