Sister Problems

[racecargirl]

Ok, here's the deal. For five or more years now my sister has been the black sheep of the family. We all love her but she has treated us like dirt. She can't hold a job, she can't take care of herself, and she dates the scum of the earth. She almost split my parents up. She's seven years younger than me.

Well last year things got worse. She stole my parents credit cards and racked up a bunch of charges. They kicked her out, but still tried to help her. They got her into a women's shelter and for a while she seemed to be doing better. Then I got the call that she was pregnant. Didn't know for sure who the father was. Well, a few months after that we had a falling out. She was living at the shelter and she told me she was moving in with some random guy. I questioned her on it and she said f*** you and hung up on me. I didn't speak to her for around six months.

Two weeks ago she had a baby girl. Adriana Faith. I went to see her and we started mending things.

Here's the issue. Originally I asked her to be a bridesmaid. When we lost contact I told her I didn't want her at my wedding let alone in it. Now that we have mended things I would like her to at least come, but I don't know if I should ask her to be a bridesmaid again or not.

Other problem, my FH can't stand her.

[Kacie_bride]

I would say defiantely do not ask her to be a bridesmaid. If you guys can patch things up, fine, invite her to the wedding, but as of now it does not seem like she can be trusted enough for that responsibility or honor. I hope she can turn her life around, but she needs to proove herself before she can be trusted. Talk to her and encourage her, but defiantely do not trust her.

[brewsells]

I agree with Kacie. I really don't think it would be the best idea to ask your sister to be a BM. But I think you should invite her to the wedding. She needs to know she still has family, but that she needs to prove herself.

[MOB Karen]

I agree. She definitely needs to be at the wedding, but I think she needs to build up a little more trust to warrant a BM invitation. Good luck!!

[cowboysbride]

I agree too! Have her there by all means but reserve that high honor for the ones who you know will be there for you! Congrats on the niece, love the name! Remember (and I'm sure you do) that child never asked to be brought into the world like that...love it and make a difference in it's life if you can!

[WhiskeyGirl]

I would NOT ask her at all to be a BM. You've only JUST patched things up!! Things could change again. I agree on inviting her to your wedding as she is your sister, but being a BM for me, would be a ship that has sailed. She's already hurt you and buggered off once, she COULD and MAY do it again. (after hearing her history that's how I feel!!) Good luck! :)

[KMac]

I just wanted to say that I agree with everyone on this issue. Even though you have begun to mend things between you and your sister, things are not a 100% yet. And that may take a while.

Do invite your sister to your wedding, however at this point I would not ask her to be a bridesmaid or a maid of honour for that matter. This will be such a special day for you and your FH. I think this approach will be better in the long run for everyone.

Trust and Respect are things that have to be earned in any relationship.

Hang in there!

KMac :cool:

[racecargirl]

Well, another thing I thought about doing is waiting until closer to the wedding and asking her to do the guest book or something if we are still on good terms. There's still 11 months until the wedding, and I know a lot can happen in that timeframe.

My FH doesn't even want to send her an invite, but I think she should at least be invited. He doesn't have any siblings and sometimes doesn't get that bond.

Depending on where she's at in her life she might not even be able to come (six hour drive for her). I might try and fly her out if she wants to come.

In response to:

Remember (and I'm sure you do) that child never asked to be brought into the world like that...love it and make a difference in it's life if you can!

Totally. I plan on being there as much as I can for my niece, I have a feeling she's going to need all the help she can get. So far though my sister seems to be a good mom. Just hope that doesn't change.

[CindySue]

Good Luck with everything.
About your FH not wanting your sister invited.....like you said, your wedding is in 11 months. If she continues to do good, he might come around.

[Kacie_bride]

Well, another thing I thought about doing is waiting until closer to the wedding and asking her to do the guest book or something if we are still on good terms. There's still 11 months until the wedding, and I know a lot can happen in that timeframe.

My FH doesn't even want to send her an invite, but I think she should at least be invited. He doesn't have any siblings and sometimes doesn't get that bond.

Depending on where she's at in her life she might not even be able to come (six hour drive for her). I might try and fly her out if she wants to come.

In response to:

Remember (and I'm sure you do) that child never asked to be brought into the world like that...love it and make a difference in it's life if you can!

Totally. I plan on being there as much as I can for my niece, I have a feeling she's going to need all the help she can get. So far though my sister seems to be a good mom. Just hope that doesn't change.

You defiantely have a lot of time before you have to decide officially and a lot can go on in the amount of time. I think if she does come around and start to change her life, guest book responsibilities would be great for her. It is a good way for her to start regaining your trust and respect.

It is good that you are going to be there for your new neice. You are right, she may need as much help as she can. It is sad that children have to be put in such a situation. I am praying for her.

[Jacklynn]

I would say invite her, but since she appears to change ways often it would be horrible if you asked her to be IN the wedding and then she did something that would hurt your feelings, may if you wanted her to feel special to try to mend the relationship you could ask her to be in charge of the guestbook or something