RSVPs

[MotherOfTheGroom]

I am the mother of the groom. The wedding is this summer. Quite frankly, I can't wait until the wedding is over. I am so frustrated with so many issues. For example, why don't some people see the importance of promptly mailing back the pre-stamped RSVP card? Do people not realize that someone is paying for every meal consumed? I am irritated with family members who have ignored response cards in the past. I have prepared this note to send out to every non-responder within a week of the requested response deadline. Even if I don't send it, I feel better having written it. Please let me know what you think:

Dear ______________________________

Recently you were invited to join us as we celebrate the marriage of our children, _____, at their wedding reception on _____, 2009. A total of _____ dinners were tentatively reserved for your family. Responses were requested by _____ 2009, in order to ensure ample seating and food for our confirmed guests.
As we did not receive your RSVP by the requested date, it is apparent that you do not plan to attend. Therefore we have subtracted _____ dinners from the original count provided to the caterer and will be unable to accommodate you or your family at the wedding reception buffet.
If your schedule allows, please join us at 6:00 p.m. for a slice of wedding cake, a beverage, and an evening of dancing.

Sincerely yours,
_____

[f77g4]

This seems to be a common complaint among brides here. Personally although it is quite rude of guests not to respond - until someone has been in this situation themselves, they may not realize the value of returning it and why it's so important. Especially if they are family, they may feel you automatically know that they are coming. I think for me personally, I would be quite turned off to receive a letter like that in the mail - why not just a quick, friendly phone call reminder?

People have busy lives and I can see how something like this could easily get overlooked.

Also since you are the mother of the groom, it may not necessarily be your place especially if the brides parents are considered the hosts unless they specifically ask you to contact your guests.

Just my 2 cents.

[WebLady]

I don't think you really "have" to contact people that don't RSVP.

If you want to, I think a friendly phone call would be sufficient. I would also only contact people on your side of the family.

Me personally; I'd just have a "bouncer" at the door and not let anyone in that didn't RSVP ;)

[lilmsjess]

I don't think you really "have" to contact people that don't RSVP.

If you want to, I think a friendly phone call would be sufficient. I would also only contact people on your side of the family.

Me personally; I'd just have a "bouncer" at the door and not let anyone in that didn't RSVP ;)

that's our route ;)

my family will be upset, but we've included cards w/our invites that state "this card MUST be presented with each family for entrance to our speakeasy reception. 1 card per invitation"...

[~MrsTyson~]

I know how my family is, and even if they dont RSVP, they will "assume" we just knew they were gonna come :snide: which is why my deadline will be at least a week before the actual deadline...Anyway, if you really want to send something for those that didnt RSVP maybe I would send a note along the same lines but more like:

Dear ____,

We are sorry to hear that you will not be able to attend for the ceremony and reception. If your schedule allows, please join us at 6:00 pm for cake and an evening of drinks and dancing.

Sincerely yours,

______


JMO...:)




Dear ______________________________

Recently you were invited to join us as we celebrate the marriage of our children, _____, at their wedding reception on _____, 2009. A total of _____ dinners were tentatively reserved for your family. Responses were requested by _____ 2009, in order to ensure ample seating and food for our confirmed guests.
As we did not receive your RSVP by the requested date, it is apparent that you do not plan to attend. Therefore we have subtracted _____ dinners from the original count provided to the caterer and will be unable to accommodate you or your family at the wedding reception buffet.
If your schedule allows, please join us at 6:00 p.m. for a slice of wedding cake, a beverage, and an evening of dancing.

Sincerely yours,
_____

[Boceifus]

Dear ____,

We are sorry to hear that you will not be able to attend for the ceremony and reception. If your schedule allows, please join us at 6:00 pm for cake and an evening of drinks and dancing.

Sincerely yours,

______


JMO...:)

I'm with this approach. It's perfectly polite, while at the same time containing that perfect amount of passive aggressiveness that should help you relieve some of the stress that has been caused by the whole ordeal.

Out of curiosity, how regular is it to include, with the pre-stamped envelope, a notice that says RSVP-ing by phone is just as acceptable? It seems that waiting for the replies to come trickling back is a universal pain. Plus, swiping a pen once and walking to the mailbox seems to be a pretty forgettable chore for a lot of people, maybe it would ease the stress.

[f77g4]

I'm with this approach. It's perfectly polite, while at the same time containing that perfect amount of passive aggressiveness that should help you relieve some of the stress that has been caused by the whole ordeal.

Out of curiosity, how regular is it to include, with the pre-stamped envelope, a notice that says RSVP-ing by phone is just as acceptable? It seems that waiting for the replies to come trickling back is a universal pain. Plus, swiping a pen once and walking to the mailbox seems to be a pretty forgettable chore for a lot of people, maybe it would ease the stress.

I think a lot of people give several options of how to RSVP their reply. Lots of people have wedding websites nowadays that have that function and email or phone are just as good.

[Ashleyerin2]

I included RSVP cards with the invites, as well as our wedding website information which allows for RSVPs to be done AS WELL AS the ability to call and RSVP.

Out of 70, I've received 12.

I totally understand your frustration, and its been pushed through the grapevine that if you do not respond, you may come to the ceremony, but not he reception.

[Whitewater]

My RSVP deadline for my June 24th (yes, this month!) wedding is today. I sent 80 invitations. I got 43 back by the deadline, as of checking my email this morning.

I did not send RSVP response cards, save for two people who don't have internet access. Everything is done online on our wedding website. I have had a few people tell me that they're coming when they see me, and one family member told my mom, who passed the word to me.

Interestingly enough, the two people who have actual response cards have not mailed them back yet, nor have they contacted me through any other means. I think they assume that I know they're coming.

Virtually all of the hold-outs at this point are Fiance's extended family (many of whom are older), and our mutual friends from our historical re-enactment society, who don't bother to RSVP to our historical events (even though they need to because we get paid based on the number of people we have, and we have to figure out food for the weekend and tents for sleeping arrangements!!), so I knew we'd have trouble getting them to RSVP for the wedding.

At the end of this week, I'm going to send out a strongly worded yet polite reminder that RSVP's are NOT OPTIONAL and they need to take the 30 seconds that RSVPing requires and just get it done, so that they have a chair to sit on! Our budget does not allow us to rent chairs/tables 'just in case' people show up, even though they haven't RSVPed.

I think I'm going to explain that we can't afford to hope for the best, and see what happens.


Whitewater

[savepaws]

I totally feel your frustration!! Only about 50% responded by our deadline so we had to do some calling and emailing. There are family members that our moms haven't called (my mom thinks its rude to call and ask) so we have no idea how many are coming. We know 140 some people are coming but my mom doesn't want anyone to go hungry so we are going to have enough food to feed 180, just in case.

I think it is so rude not to RSVP...especially if you show up!

I don't see anything wrong with calling and finding out if people are coming or sending a friendly reminder but I would try to be as friendly as possible because I'm sure these people aren't trying to be rude on purpose. They could have simply forgotten or maybe they assume you know they are coming. And if you send them your letter, they might be offended or put off. I completely understand where you are coming from though. I wanted to do something similar but my mom (Ms. Manners) would have freaked.

[WBandMe]

We had a lot of trouble with RSVPs too, and it is very frustrating. I don't think the idea of sending a follow-up note is bad, but the way you have it worded seems pretty harsh. I know you mentioned it feels better just to write it even if you don't send it, and I'm all for venting. But if I received a note like that, it would guarantee a decline from me. I think the suggestion MrsTyson posted is the way to go. It's polite, but explains that you won't be able to accomodate them for dinner although you'd still be happy to have them join in the celebration later.

You never know why they haven't responded, but it's a pretty safe bet that it isn't to be malicious. For example, my mom's friend from work was the last card we got back, and it was some time after the deadline. Her reason was that her mother is seriously ill with heart problems and she's been spending all of her free time dealing with that. Way more important than my response card, you know?

[Katie-ryn]

Really I don't find much wrong with that letter except maybe the wording is a little harsh. I wouldn't send out a note to everyone who hasn't responded though, because I wouldn't want to waste the money on more stamps.

I'd just give a phone call, and ask them if they are coming. And remind them that the RSVP deadline has been passed, which is why you're phoning. If you can't get a hold of someone by phone, then I'd send them a note saying what your original note said (ie. don't bother coming for supper cause we're not feeding you, but in nicer terms of course :) ).

That's what I'd do, but I don't put up with a lot of c**p. lol

[EarlyBird]

haha i love that you wrote this, but hope you will not send it :) A phone call is probably best... i got to say, some will get this and still show.. the day AFTER my final count and seating cards went to the venue, i got 4 people from out of town show up.. i refused to turn them away and yet they were offended they didnt have an "assigned" seating card... while i wanted to lose my last grip, i explained the situation a little curtly that they never returned the STAMPED envelope OR my mother/mother of the groom's phone call and therefore, they were welcome to join us, but they would need to let the waiter know because food was not ordered for them and also not have a seating card!!