I shouldn't be surprised

[ikkin510]

As most of you know, my FSIL isn't the nicest there is. She hates me for who knows what reason. Anyway, Steve got the mail at his house the other day and noticed response crads being returned for her wedding. Wanted to see the invitation, he asked his mom. FMIL said that they got one and both Steve and FBIL were supossed to get their own. He talked with FBIL, he got his. So Steve said somethign to his sister, asking if maybe she sent it to my old place instead of the new. Her exact words....."OOPS, i must have forgotten to put you on the invite list. I'll get you an invitation." Then she just laughed and walked off.
I found out her shower is in 2 and 1/2 week. Steve told me about it and asked if I called to rsvp yet. I never got an invite. She must have "forgotten" again. Steve told me I was NOT to go to the shower if I got an invite. I feel bad for not going since she is suppose to be family and I feel like I'm being a jerk if I don't go. He also told me not to invite her to my shower. Again, I want to be the bigger person I guess. But at the same time, I would rather not go or have her around. What do you think?

[Kacie_bride]

Personally I would not go to the shower, especially if I didn't get an invite. I probably would even have something else to do on the wedding day.

[ikkin510]

Personally I would not go to the shower, especially if I didn't get an invite. I probably would even have something else to do on the wedding day.

Steve said his mom told him that I was suppose to be on the invite list of the shower. She is pissed about the way FSIL is acting. I told Steve "wouldn't it be horrible if I couldn't get my time off approved so I can go to their wedding?!" He said I need to go to that at least.

[MOB Karen]

Personally I would not go to the shower, especially if I didn't get an invite. I probably would even have something else to do on the wedding day.

I agree. I would make plans to be somewhere else. That's just inconsiderate and rude.

[WhiskeyGirl]

Wow! We must have the same SIL!! Well ok not really because my Evil SIL is my BIL's wife, but she has done similar things to me. She invited my MIL to a party and conviently forgot me. I'll admit I sat at home and cried but then I toughened up and said F-U! I'm not going to cry because she's a witch and is missing out on me. (The awesome person I am! lol)

As far as your situation, it's really your call but if it were me, I wouldn't go to her shower and I'd probably be Fashionably (WAY late!! lol) Late to her wedding, making a scene as I come in the door! lol. Ok maybe I woudln't make a scene but I Wouldn't let her snoby little *** get away with any of it! Stand up for yourself Nikki and do what you want to piss her off!! lol

[WebLady]

Yeah I wouldn't go either! She is being a :censored: and you don't have to deal with that, family or not. And don't invite her to yours either, if you do then that will probably look to her like you just want a gift.

If you want to 'be the bigger person' go for the old 'kill 'em with kindness thing' and send her a gift and send it with a signature conformation. See if she bothers to acknowledge it or send you a Thank You.

:goodluck:

[Jenn060306]

I have to agree with the other girls. Don't go to the shower. You don't need to deal with her being a :censored:. But you should go to the wedding because you are apart of the family. And it would probaly bother Steve if you didn't go.
If anyone asks about why you weren't at the shower don't dance arround the subject. Be very clear that you didn't get an invite. That will be a good way to to politely piss her off.

[LaceyinPgh]

Here is the point, she obviously doesn't like you and you obviously don' tlike her, right? So why force yourselves to be subeted to each other any more than you absolutely have to be? don't go to her shower, skip out on her wedding. Maybe, she will repay you the favor. Just because she is marrying your fiance's brother doesn't mean that you have to be the best of friends. It means youhave to see each other for a couple hours on Christmas and at family reunions. Leave it at that. Don't tear yourself up over it. Not everyone in the world is going to be your best friend. You don't love everyone that you met. So, you just avoid the people that you like. If she wants to be a ***** about not liking you, than let her. It shoudln't effect you. It isn't like she was at one time your best friend or anything.

There are over 6 billion people in the world right now, she doesn't like you. Go find someone who does and worry about them!

[AngelinLove]

I agree with everyone else...I wouldn't go to either..and as Lacey said...I would hope that she would repay the favor!!!!

[CindySue]

If you want to 'be the bigger person' go for the old 'kill 'em with kindness thing' and send her a gift and send it with a signature conformation. See if she bothers to acknowledge it or send you a Thank You.
I agree here. I would send her a little something and make her have to sign for it. That way she cant act like she didnt get it!
But it lets her look snotty, but not you!

[ikkin510]

I still haven't gotten any type of invitation to anything. My mom didn't invite her to that's side of the families bridal shower. Just FMIL who will probably drive down with me. Steve is getting upset too, cause to him, it doesn't seem like she wants him there either and they use to be really close. He's mad at her cause she won't be nice to me, and I am so important to him that he thinks she should at least try. She is walking on pins and needles in Steve's mind. One wrong move and he is going to flip on her and he's going to let me speak my mind. That could be very dangerous. Maybe I should just tape my mouth shut around her from now on!! lol

[WhiskeyGirl]

I still haven't gotten any type of invitation to anything. My mom didn't invite her to that's side of the families bridal shower. Just FMIL who will probably drive down with me. Steve is getting upset too, cause to him, it doesn't seem like she wants him there either and they use to be really close. He's mad at her cause she won't be nice to me, and I am so important to him that he thinks she should at least try. She is walking on pins and needles in Steve's mind. One wrong move and he is going to flip on her and he's going to let me speak my mind. That could be very dangerous. Maybe I should just tape my mouth shut around her from now on!! lol

Nikki,

I've got similar problems right now. Matt and I are supposed tobe moving with his parents and brother and his wife. The only thing is, they don't think I can be nice to the SIL and are afraid that I will say something or cause problems! They're thinking is bang on I've got to tell you, BUT, I'm willing to play nice and try and get along for my DH and his mom and dad. I know she hates me and she thinks I hate her,in truth I dont' care for her. They are not telling them until the last minute that we are moving. We had a big fighting match over that last night, it makes me feel horriable and Matt too! Anyhow, enough about me, in the long run what's going to piss her off more?? You ignoring her and shooting back the same attitude or would it piss her off if you were smiling and loving to her? Kill her with kindness kind of thing. I find in life that a lot of people can't take that...they want you to be mad and pissy right back at them! They strive off this. Send her a nice gift for her shower, and maybe go to the wedding. Basically just be nice when she is around, believe me it makes for a lot of uncomfort if you take to playing by her rules. The silences, the family anguish, it gets to be too much!! I want to wish you the best, I really don't understand the need of FSIL/SIL's to hate the new woman in the family but it's not just our families that are this way. I know a lot of people who go through this and lately they've been telling me the best way to handle it is to be nice and keep the peace the best you can. So anything I said before this post, please ignore it, because this is my new advice.

[HelenAngel]

Wow- this sounds like a really tough situation for you. As much as it would be "vindicating" to not go to the wedding, I would advise against it. When it comes to future in-laws, it is best to tread lightly. She is acting rude and inconsiderate but to ensure everyone sees it as a problem with her and not with you, it's best to take "the higher ground." In this case, I wouldn't push getting a shower invitation. If you do get one (which it seems unlikely), I agree with a previous poster to politely decline and send a gift or attend and be very nice to her. If you and your FH don't receive a wedding invitation, have FH bring it to his mother's attention as she is the hostess. Attend the wedding and be very polite. In matters such as these, it is almost always better to "kill with kindness". :)

[ikkin510]

I have been working with the "kill her with kindness" attitude. It works great when it's just her around. She will actually say a few words to me. But, when her FH is around, not talking at all seems to be the best route to follow. They take anything I say and some how manage to twist it all the wrong way. I talked more with Steve last night. We will definatlly be going to the wedding. I always knew we would, I just wish we didn't have to! They will probably never get an rsvp from us, since we don't have anything to return....lol. We aren't going to stay very long at the reception. Just eat, visit with people and then I think we will be going. He doesn't want to spend time with a lot of the people there. The rest of his family we really like, but her FH's family and their friends, just aren't our type.
As for the shower. I'll decide probably that day if I will be going or not. The shower starts at 1 I found out. I work until 2. So as long as my day goes ok and I don't have to work late. I might make a short appearance. I can't afford to take another day off work though to make the whole party.

[ikkin510]

Well, I just check my mail and our invitation to her wedding was there! Still nothing about the shower or the engagement party (the day after the shower) this weekend.. I guess Steve already told her we would go to the engagement party for a little bit, but wouldn't stay long. I've decided to just go to the shower. As Shawna said, I need to be nice. So I guess today while the guys are getting fitted for their tuxes, I will be out looking of a gift.

[WhiskeyGirl]

Well, I just check my mail and our invitation to her wedding was there! Still nothing about the shower or the engagement party (the day after the shower) this weekend.. I guess Steve already told her we would go to the engagement party for a little bit, but wouldn't stay long. I've decided to just go to the shower. As Shawna said, I need to be nice. So I guess today while the guys are getting fitted for their tuxes, I will be out looking of a gift.

I also think if you don't go your FSIL will feel as though she is winning and she will get the hint that she can run you off all the time! I'd go to the engagement party and over stay your welcome there too! If she never has to learn to get along with you, she won't! I learned that the hard way and two and a half years later I'm now trying to make nice...that will be no easy feet!!! :) Good luck!!

[AngelinLove]

I agree with Shawna and I think that you are making the right choice. It sucks, but sometimes you just have to grin and bare it. I know exactly how you feel, well pretty much. My FH's brother's wife (they just married in May) and I really don't click. I wouldn't say we don't get along, we just don't click, and their have been a number of times in the past where I have known that she is purposely trying to push me aside. I refused to let it happen. I went to the shower, the wedding and was sweet as pie teh whole time. I truly hope that one day we will connect and get along, but if not I will continue to be nice!!!