Remembering Loved Ones

[usahgrad]

Instead of having the simple moment of silence to remember loved ones who could not be at his wedding, my brother played a piped version of "Amazing Grace." I'd like to do the same type of thing at my wedding, but I don't want to turn into a puddle like I did at his (our father passed away when we were little). I'm sure I will be emotional enough as it is. We've thought about lighting a candle, but we'll be outside. Any ideas?

[WhiskeyGirl]

Here's what I am thinking of doing...My Aunt, whom I loved very much also passed away before my big day. She is very special to me and her death was quite sudden...my thought was to have a picture of her off to one side but still so that people can see it. It would be a happy picture of her, and for me a way that she could still be at my wedding. Maybe your mom or your brother could carry a picture of your dad in and set it on a specially decorated table at the front near where you will stand to say your vows.

~CanadianBride~

[As You Wish]

The most important thing is that whatever you do have meaning for you! In general you want something that does not take a way from the happiness of the event.

A poem or note in the program is a common and tasteful remembrance. You could also add something to your bouquet or carry something in your pocket that is symbolic of your loved one. Perhaps you can have one of his ties made into a garter. You could also ring a bell with a moment of silence.

As you have experienced an emotional song such as amazing grace does more to change the mood of the event than it does to honor your father. Keep it short and simple.

[usahgrad]

I agree...I don't want it to be something that brings down everyone. Thanks for the suggestion. I will be wearing the pearls he gave my mother just before he died, so I will have something to remind myself...but I'd like to do an all around remember type thing. I know my groom has some people he wishes were there, but won't be. I like the bell idea...good thing my wedding is a ways away yet. I've got lots of time to decide.

[krystal22]

I also had a loved one my mother pass away and to remember her at my wedding i am going to have a poem read and play some of her favorite songs :D

[LaceyinPgh]

Did your dad have a favorite flower? Maybe you could carry that seperately from your bouquet and then place it on the seat where he would sit before taking your place with you groom to start the ceremony. Or, you and your brother could light a candle for him. I know you said your wedding was outside but all you would need to do is buy a hurricane globe to cover the candle and base. You could even keep it and when you were missing your dad you could light his special candle after your wedding.
I know for me, I was VERY close to my great grandmother. So, I am having her rosary beads woven through my bouquet. That way, I can have something of hers there plus get the sparkle of the beads in my flowers. I'm not putting a note about it in the program because I want it to be something special just for a few select people to know about. Maybe you could carry or wear something of his in a similar fashion.

[usahgrad]

I really like the flower on the seat idea. That was really unique. I think I'm going to do that one. Thank you so much! I think that will be really beautiful!

[trixiemija]

First of all I am on here gettting Ideas for my sister in-laws wedding. I saw your question.
When my husband and I got married we rented doves as a rememberence of our grand fathers who could not be there ( the have bloth passed away) After the wedding when we got to the end of the asle we let the the doves fly away. Now they were homing doves so they flew back to their home but it was a beautiful site. EVERYONE loved it . Just an idea for you. OH and yes we had an outdoor wedding too :)

[WhiskeyGirl]

The other day my dad phoned me and asked me if I wanted to use the pillows that my aunt made for me from my grad dress fabric as a ring bearer's pillow. (It seems he was cleaning up some of my old stuff and came across them.) I was surprised because I couldn't recall any pillows that she may have made for me. As soon as I saw them, I knew that they were the way that I would remember her on my special day. Do you have an old, but in still nice condition shirt or blanket or something that was a material that belonged to your father? You could have it made into a pillow or hankerchief that you could carry on your wedding day...thats also an option to remember your father in your own private way or you can let people know that that is how you are remembering him by. I am thinking that I will have the pillow placed either in an empty seat that is "saved for her in spirit" or on a table near the front where we are going to be married. I know that the Ring Bearer is supposed to keep the pillow after the wedding but I am going to explain to my sister in law about the pillow and the meaning of it, and I will keep it. I will have another pillow for my Nephew to keep and to hold onto in pictures and other situations. This is my way of having my beloved Aunt at my wedding. Its kind of freaky, its almost like she knew she wouldn't be here for my wedding, so she made me pillows out of my left over grad dress material. I remember thinking at the time (keep in mind I was only 18) "What the heck am I going to do with these fancy pillows? I don't know why she made them for me!" Now, I understand!!

~CanadianBride!

[usahgrad]

The ring bearer's pillow is already picked out, but thank you for the suggestion. The ring bearer's pillow is the one that my mother and father used in their wedding and my brother used in his second wedding.

[trixiemija]

have you decided on what you are going to do for Remembering the loved ones? There are so many suggestions here. I don't know if my sister in-law has thought about doing anything like that either. I guess that i something that i need to put on the list to ask her....

[usahgrad]

My sister will be carrying a long stem white rose in addition to her bouquet. She's going to place it on an empty seat next to where my mother will sit after she gives me away. My mother and his parents will be wearing white roses in their corsages/bouteniers, so that's why the white rose. I've had some people suggest that my mother give me away in the name of my father, but I don't understand why...my mother raised me...she gets to give me away in her own name.

[trixiemija]

i agree if your mother raised you she has the right to give you away on her own, You are still her little girl:) Some moms would find that as a great honor too.

[MMerkel]

What I did for my first wedding was print a rememberance in our wedding bulletin. Now, I see memory cards or poetry that can be passed out to the guests so they know that you choose to remember you loved one. You are very special to want to mark you day with a reminder of you father.

Best wishes,

[sstark1218]

When my sister got married a couple years ago, I was the MOH and we put pictures of my mother and father in our bouquets so that we could see them whenever we wanted, but yet it wasn't emotional that we broke down. I liked that, and may do the same thing at my wedding.

[Wildfire97504]

I understand how hard it can be planning a wedding with loved ones no longer with us. I lost my father a few years ago, and lost my beloved younger brother last July. I talked it over with my FH and we decided to play a song for each of them at our reception. The songs are not sad songs, but favorites for each of them. My dad's was an old country song he used to sing in his band, and my brother's was a Steve Miller oldie, "fly like an eagle". I wanted to remember them both happy and smiling, as I know they would be if at the wedding. I smile when I think of my brother singing to Fly like an eagle. Good luck chosing a remembrance that is special and filled with joy.

[Sweet_Girl]

My Future Husband's mom passed about 6 yrs ago and I'm going to do something special for him and his family. I'm going to take some of her pictures and have a friend do a little video as a memory for her. And also in that video I'm going to have some of his baby pics and pics of him as he got older and some of my pics too to make it a very special video I'm just hoping that his family and him enjoy it. I don't want it to be a sad thing I just want them to have a piece of her there with us. I never got to meet her but I hear that she was a wonderful person. Do you think I'm doing the right thing?

[LaceyinPgh]

I think that is a wonderful idea. Check with your photographer though. I know that sometimes they will put together a video slide show as part of your wedding package. The only thing is, I would not surprise your fiance with it. A wedding day is emotional enough for a person to deal with. I might also tell his siblings, father, and maybe gradnparents too.

[sstark1218]

I agree. It sounds like a beautiful idea, but tell his family what you are doing before your big day. The last thing you want is his whole family upset that day... Good Luck!

[WhiskeyGirl]

I agree, letting them know before will allow them to have a heads up! Like Lacey said, your wedding day will be very emotional in itself! Surprising them with this could cause them more pain and emotional heartache then causing them happiness. Let them know that you want to do a slideshow to remember his mother and see if they are alright with this! My cousin lost his Mom (my favorite aunt) almost a year and half before he got married. At the mere mention of her name and her struggle with cancer, people had tears streaming down their faces! Why not do a slide show with the both of your pictures and have some of the photos be with your FH and his Mother. This is a way to still remind them of her but not focus entirely on her and their loss?

~CanadianBride~

[Sweet_Girl]

Thanks everyone for helping me out.. I guess I never thought of how it would make them feel. I mean I told him I wanted picture of her but never said why. So I guess I need to explain that to him. so thanks again

[stoneysgirl]

I lost my daughter when she was a baby and we were talking about lighting a memorial candle for her. We still may do this. I found a beautiful candle that will have her name on it.

[LaceyinPgh]

Stoney I am so horribly sorry that you lost your little girl. I do some volunteer work with a local SIDS organization. I know the loss of a child is one that cannot be understood by just anyone. It is a terrible thing that you have to go through to understand. But, I think that it is beautiful that you are remembering your little angel on your wedding day. Your fiance must be so wonderful to go along with such a painful but beautiful thing on your wedding day.

I was also going to mention to Sweet girl...if your fiance's family tells you no to the slide show idea, don't be hurt by that. It isn't that they are against you or think it is a bad idea. It just might be too much for them.

[Sweet_Girl]

Thanks Lacey for telling me that cause I'm usually one that gets my feelings hurt easy.. but I totally understand that it may cause them pain.

Also I was reading where different ones were talking about using something special from their loved ones on their wedding day. I'm kind of doing the same. I lost both my grandpa's 5 yrs ago 2 months apart and I was really close to them both. So I'm going to have something special there for them both and my great grandma since I was close to her also. and my ringbearer is going to carry the pillow from my grandpa's casket it was something that my cousins and I all argreed on that when we get married we will use that pillow and have all of our wedding dates put on the other side to keep. So I'm really looking forward to that cause then it will be like my grandpa is there. Maybe I can talk to my FH and see if he has anything from his mom that we can do the same with. I have so much to do and so little time. my wedding is in September and I still have lots to do. but by coming in here I'm learning alot of new things. :)

[smweddings]

All of you are doing such wonderful things to remember your loved ones!

At our wedding last year, my husband and I remembered our family members by having a vase with 5 red roses placed on our guest book table. We included a few small photo album with pictures of them in it and a framed noted dedicating our wedding celebration to them. Our guests were able look through the albums as they were enjoying the cocktail hour. Everyone interacted by recalling great stories and old memories of our deceased family members...it was a hit!

[stoneysgirl]

[quote="LaceyinPgh"]Stoney I am so horribly sorry that you lost your little girl. I do some volunteer work with a local SIDS organization. I know the loss of a child is one that cannot be understood by just anyone. It is a terrible thing that you have to go through to understand. But, I think that it is beautiful that you are remembering your little angel on your wedding day. Your fiance must be so wonderful to go along with such a painful but beautiful thing on your wedding day.

Thanks Lacey. he is very wonderful to do this.

[neeni13]

I saw at one wedding where the mom lit a candle before walking hr daughter down the aisle.

[WhiskeyGirl]

Our wedding is in less then a week and we have come up with a plan on how we will remember our loved ones who cannot be there for our wedding. Years ago when I graduated from high school my favorite Aunt made my grad dress and its almost like she knew she wouldn't be at my wedding too because out of the left over material she fashioned two pillows. Although these pillows are not our wedding colors we were thinking that we would use one o f them as a ring bearer's pillow. In the end we decided to set the pillow at the front near where we will say our vows. At the beginning of the ceremony our Mom's will each carry a yellow rose to the front, tie them together to signify the unification of two families and to represent those of our loved ones who cannot be with us on our Special Day. It's not an over powering gesture and if no one else knows what its for, We Do!

~CanadianBride~

[usahgrad]

Wow!

I haven't been on for awhile because I moved and don't have the internet at my new place yet. I was surprised to see how popular this chat string was. Thanks for all of your suggestions.

[WebLady]

My husbands mother passed about a year before we got married. I loved her so much, like she was my own mother ... anyway, we ended up not having a formal wedding ceremony, but when we were planning, I had come up with the idea to put a rose on the empty place where she would have been seated next to his dad (and give the rose to his dad after the wedding) And have a candle made with a memorial announcement on it. Then play a special song at the reception that we would dance to in remembrance of her.

I have seen several things like this done at weddings before.

~ WebLady :)

[LaceyinPgh]

Wow!

I haven't been on for awhile because I moved and don't have the internet at my new place yet. I was surprised to see how popular this chat string was. Thanks for all of your suggestions.

Welcome back Kelli, we missed you! Now you hae to fill us in on all your goings on over the last couple of months. :D

[barbsbridal]

My husbands mother passed away when he was eight, and we wanted to make her 'part' of the wedding. We ended up setting up a table at the reception with poems he has writen for his mother over the years, a picture of her as well as one of him and his mother. Everyone thought it turned out nice and it made him happy.

[cherrycella]

I ran across this forum looking for ideas myself I am 21 and will be married july17 2007 although i am planning quite a bit in advance it may have something to do with me and my sister (oldest of my younger two sisters) being opposite she planned and had her wedding in one week, there were no invitaions everyone was simply called and since she planned it all so fast she did not have many of her friends and family there, me and the other hand I plan to send out save the date cards right after christmas and invitations before easter, but one of the many items to consider for me is how to remember someone special at my wedding with turning it all into raining tears you see unlike all of you (whom I have read and liked each of your ideas), my loved one was taken from me at a young age, I'm not talking about a miscarraige or SIDS my youngest sister was killed from cancer at the age of 10 making her old enough to not only know that she was dying but to understand what was happening, 2 days after we were told she would be leaving us i asked her what her favorite song was thi song was played at her funeral and made even the priest cry. So I know that a song in rememberence of her is impossible, and unless I want to use a pic of her from kindergarden for the last several years of her life she was bald and tired most of her pictures show her conected to machines, medications ect.. plus I just thought of having a picture of her at the ceremony and I had to pull over my car , because I could not see through my tears. I have nothing that use to belong to her, my parents kept everything for a couple of years, but eventually had to move everything to there garage and soon everything was mildewed or covered with mold. I have never heard of remembering someone at your wedding through a candle lighting and I am quite intrested in how that works as well as any other suggestions, I love the idea of saving her a seat but fear that the sight of that empty seat will upset myself and most of my family. So if anyone has any ideas I would greatly appriciate them. Thank you.

[WebLady]

Well if you are trying to avoid bringing yourself or your family to tears I am not sure what you should do. Sometimes people cry remembering loved ones, I still cry sometimes when I think of my MIL.

Anyway, maybe you could just have a memorial announcement in the program, or just light a candle on the alter for her with no announcement? Or have an announcement with remembered loved ones from both you and your FH's family too. That way it isn't focused on one person, unless that is what you wanted.

Best wishes!

Welcome to the board by the way :D

[countrygirl]

Since I was a child, I imagined my grandfather walking me down the isle. He passed away 14 years ago, and I never thought that I would have a 'father' walk me. My step father is walking me down the isle, but I will be carrying my grandfather's childhood prayerbook. It is very hold, and has a wood cover. We are going to fasten my bouquet to it. It was something that I have wanted to do for a long time. Now, I get to hold his hand.

[WebLady]

Since I was a child, I imagined my grandfather walking me down the isle. He passed away 14 years ago, and I never thought that I would have a 'father' walk me. My step father is walking me down the isle, but I will be carrying my grandfather's childhood prayerbook. It is very hold, and has a wood cover. We are going to fasten my bouquet to it. It was something that I have wanted to do for a long time. Now, I get to hold his hand.
That is very sweet, what a great way to have your grandfather there with you :)

[countrygirl]

That is very sweet, what a great way to have your grandfather there with you :)

I get teary eyed when ever I think about him not beng here with me. He was an amazing man, and I have flet his presence very strongly since J and I met. I truely feel that he hand picked J for me becasue they are so much alike. So, now he is a part of my wedding.

[WebLady]

I get teary eyed when ever I think about him not beng here with me. He was an amazing man, and I have flet his presence very strongly since J and I met. I truely feel that he hand picked J for me becasue they are so much alike. So, now he is a part of my wedding.
I got a little teary reading both your posts about your grandfather. It is hard but we just have to remember the good times and the love and joy our lost loved ones had added to our lives.

It is great that you see the best of your grandfather in your FH. Isn't love grand :D

[cherrycella]

I've only been to 3 weddings and none of them invovled a remeberence of anysort, how are rememberence candles lit I mean when are they lit is anything said I am completely in the dark here and everything I know about weddings I am getting from the internet and friends I cant get advice from my parents since they went to the Jp and my future Father in law said he cant remember his wedding because back then he was into drugs and was too stoned to recall anything that happened. so any advice is greatly appriciated.

Thanks,

Cella

[countrygirl]

I haven't heard of a rememberance candle, but I am thinking of writing, or finding a poem to put in the program esecially for my grandfather. I thought that I could have someone read it for the rest of the loved ones that cant make it.

[WebLady]

I have seen memorial candles at many weddings. Most often the candle is lit by the ushers/candle lighters before the ceremony begins, along with the alter candles. If you are having a memorial announcement or reading, then that can be done at this time too.

I find that it is best to do it at the beginning so that you have the somber moment and then everyone can get back to focusing on the wedding.

The candle itself can be anything from a plain white candle to a nice keepsake one with a cross or a personalized message on it.

As for the announcement, it could go something like this ...

"This Very Special Candle Is Being Lit Today, To Honor Those Family Members That Could Not Be Present. We Honor Today ... *Mr. John Doe ~ Grandfather of the bride * Mrs. Jane Smith ~ Great Grandmother of the groom, (etc) ... Those Honored Are Present In Spirit, And Remembered Today And Everyday In The Hearts Of All Those Who Loved And Knew Them"

[countrygirl]

"This Very Special Candle Is Being Lit Today, To Honor Those Family Members That Could Not Be Present. We Honor Today ... *Mr. John Doe ~ Grandfather of the bride * Mrs. Jane Smith ~ Great Grandmother of the groom, (etc) ... Those Honored Are Present In Spirit, And Remembered Today And Everyday In The Hearts Of All Those Who Loved And Knew Them" [/quote]

That was beautiful!!!!

[WebLady]

That was beautiful!!!!

I think it is nice ... I saw something similar at a wedding a while back and I liked it. I have used it at a couple of the weddings I have done as well.

[countrygirl]

I don't know if we will do a candle, but I really like the idea of a poem, or something to the effect. Thank you for the ideas on that!!!

[usahgrad]

I really delved into this when I was looking for something originally and I have heard of pretty much all sorts of things.

I decided to go with a single white rose being laid on an empty chair next to my mother (by my sister during her walk down the aisle). The parents are all wearing single white roses, so I thought it would fit. I know that there will be some sort of somber-ness to it, but I it makes me smile to think that I'm going to save a chair for my father.

I am also having a butterfly tied into my bouquet. Now, my father was in no way a butterfly man (no offense to those who are), but when I graduated from high school five years ago, there were butterflies ALL OVER the place at the outdoor ceremony and at my party. In fact, the morning of the party as we were getting ready, they were swarming in our back yard. My mother smiled at me and said "That's how we know he's proud of you." So, I would suggest, since you don't have something of hers to carry, that maybe you could carry something that reminds you of her. It could be small enough that no one would know but you and you wouldn't have to worry about it bringing everyone down.

As far as the candle goes, I have seen many ceremonies where they are lit before anyone got there; basically incorporated into the decoration of the alter. One particular tradition I liked was a table of candles, in which everyone walking in could light a candle for someone and there was one particular candle that was prelit and had a little sign by it that said "The Bride would like to remember so and so..." It gets on a little bit pricier side (with all the candles and something to light them with), but it would be pretty (especially if your wedding is an evening wedding).

Some other things I have heard of was a bouquet of flowers at the reception in a particular spot with a card, a donation in the name of that person, or maybe a donation in the guests' names (like Lacey did) but to the society that supports research for the type of cancer she had. My mother was diagnosed with breast cancer just before we sent out our invitations, so we got breast cancer stamps for the RSVP cards. I know it's not much, but it was a little something.

Good luck with wedding planning and I hope we get to see you around the boards! :)

[AllyM1]

I like the idea of the flowers on the chairs, but how would you do this if you had pews? So there aren't actual chairs? I was very close to my grandmother and even though she passed away almost 10 years ago, I still miss her everyday. I am actually wearing a broach(sp?) on my dress that was given to her by her mother. It's about 90 years old and it's so gorgeous.

[usahgrad]

I like the idea of the flowers on the chairs, but how would you do this if you had pews? So there aren't actual chairs? I was very close to my grandmother and even though she passed away almost 10 years ago, I still miss her everyday. I am actually wearing a broach(sp?) on my dress that was given to her by her mother. It's about 90 years old and it's so gorgeous.

Just leave an extra space on the pew I guess...I'm not sure.

[MOB Karen]

I really delved into this when I was looking for something originally and I have heard of pretty much all sorts of things.

I decided to go with a single white rose being laid on an empty chair next to my mother (by my sister during her walk down the aisle). The parents are all wearing single white roses, so I thought it would fit. I know that there will be some sort of somber-ness to it, but I it makes me smile to think that I'm going to save a chair for my father.

I am also having a butterfly tied into my bouquet. Now, my father was in no way a butterfly man (no offense to those who are), but when I graduated from high school five years ago, there were butterflies ALL OVER the place at the outdoor ceremony and at my party. In fact, the morning of the party as we were getting ready, they were swarming in our back yard. My mother smiled at me and said "That's how we know he's proud of you." So, I would suggest, since you don't have something of hers to carry, that maybe you could carry something that reminds you of her. It could be small enough that no one would know but you and you wouldn't have to worry about it bringing everyone down.

As far as the candle goes, I have seen many ceremonies where they are lit before anyone got there; basically incorporated into the decoration of the alter. One particular tradition I liked was a table of candles, in which everyone walking in could light a candle for someone and there was one particular candle that was prelit and had a little sign by it that said "The Bride would like to remember so and so..." It gets on a little bit pricier side (with all the candles and something to light them with), but it would be pretty (especially if your wedding is an evening wedding).

Some other things I have heard of was a bouquet of flowers at the reception in a particular spot with a card, a donation in the name of that person, or maybe a donation in the guests' names (like Lacey did) but to the society that supports research for the type of cancer she had. My mother was diagnosed with breast cancer just before we sent out our invitations, so we got breast cancer stamps for the RSVP cards. I know it's not much, but it was a little something.

Good luck with wedding planning and I hope we get to see you around the boards! :)

Kelli, this was very touching. First I would just like to say that I'm so sorry for your loss. I think all your ideas would be a lovely tribute to your father.

[countrygirl]

I really delved into this when I was looking for something originally and I have heard of pretty much all sorts of things.

I decided to go with a single white rose being laid on an empty chair next to my mother (by my sister during her walk down the aisle). The parents are all wearing single white roses, so I thought it would fit. I know that there will be some sort of somber-ness to it, but I it makes me smile to think that I'm going to save a chair for my father.

I am also having a butterfly tied into my bouquet. Now, my father was in no way a butterfly man (no offense to those who are), but when I graduated from high school five years ago, there were butterflies ALL OVER the place at the outdoor ceremony and at my party. In fact, the morning of the party as we were getting ready, they were swarming in our back yard. My mother smiled at me and said "That's how we know he's proud of you." So, I would suggest, since you don't have something of hers to carry, that maybe you could carry something that reminds you of her. It could be small enough that no one would know but you and you wouldn't have to worry about it bringing everyone down.

As far as the candle goes, I have seen many ceremonies where they are lit before anyone got there; basically incorporated into the decoration of the alter. One particular tradition I liked was a table of candles, in which everyone walking in could light a candle for someone and there was one particular candle that was prelit and had a little sign by it that said "The Bride would like to remember so and so..." It gets on a little bit pricier side (with all the candles and something to light them with), but it would be pretty (especially if your wedding is an evening wedding).

Some other things I have heard of was a bouquet of flowers at the reception in a particular spot with a card, a donation in the name of that person, or maybe a donation in the guests' names (like Lacey did) but to the society that supports research for the type of cancer she had. My mother was diagnosed with breast cancer just before we sent out our invitations, so we got breast cancer stamps for the RSVP cards. I know it's not much, but it was a little something.

Good luck with wedding planning and I hope we get to see you around the boards! :)

I like the idea of the rose, but my grandmother has been 'seeing' someone for the past few years, and I don't know about that.

[MOB Karen]

That would change things a little bit, Heather. Let me know how you handle that.

[bnd94]

I think the flower in the chair would be perfect. I know everytime I hear Amazing Grace I cry.

Another thing I have seen is a locket hanging on your bouquet with your loved ones pictures in it. I think this is really nice too.

[countrygirl]

That would change things a little bit, Heather. Let me know how you handle that.

I think that I am just going to either write a poem, or find one and print it on the program. But maybe I will have my mother carry a single flower, and a small pic or something. That way she can be 'holding his hand' too. She would be more than honored, he is her father, and I think a part of her died the day he passed.