guest gave his invite to his uninvited daughters

[tk93]

I received an RSVP from a person not on our guestlist. Her guest is also not on our guestlist. She replied online using one of FH's cousin's invites, so I'm guessing from their rhyming names that these two are the cousin's daughters. The names on the invite specified FH's cousin and wife w/ only two seats available to them. We are having an adults only event and regardless of how old "children" may be, we strictly limited invites to the couple. None of my cousins or his other cousins were extended invites for their children (even adult children). Now, I know nothing about these two that RSVPed saying they will be coming in their parents' place. I don't even know if they're old enough to drink! Even if they are old enough, I don't know where to put them because none of their cousins are invited and they wouldn't know anybody.

What do I do? Has anyone else had problems like this where guests give their invites to other people?

[WebLady]

Yeah it is beyond tacky to give away and invitation and RSVP when not invited in the place of someone else!

Although now that it is done, I am not sure how to handle it ... I am sure it will cause some friction.

Maybe call the person you invited and explain that it was he and his wife that were invited and not his kids ... that if they couldn't make it they should have just RSVP'd no and not given the invite to someone else. Tell him he is going to have to tell them he was wrong and that they can't come.

Otherwise you will have to call the girls and tell them their father was wrong and they can't come ... or let it go.

:goodluck:

[SerendipityCrafts]

Has anyone else had problems like this where guests give their invites to other people?

Yep ... the same happened to me and my ex (first wedding). My parents were paying for it all and so, we had a fixed number of guests that we could invite. We couldn't invite all of the ex's (adult) cousins (there were way way way too many), so it was aunts & uncles only (which were quite a lot anyhow). One Aunt and Uncle couldn't make it so they gave their invite to one of their kids. Not a problem as far as seating was concerned but it "looked bad" with regards to all the other cousins who were NOT invited.

I probably wouldn't do the same today (I am a different girl now from back then) but I just let it slide for fear of making "waves" with my new family.

[tk93]

Yep ... the same happened to me and my ex (first wedding). My parents were paying for it all and so, we had a fixed number of guests that we could invite. We couldn't invite all of the ex's (adult) cousins (there were way way way too many), so it was aunts & uncles only (which were quite a lot anyhow). One Aunt and Uncle couldn't make it so they gave their invite to one of their kids. Not a problem as far as seating was concerned but it "looked bad" with regards to all the other cousins who were NOT invited.

I probably wouldn't do the same today (I am a different girl now from back then) but I just let it slide for fear of making "waves" with my new family.

I think I have to let it slide... :( FFIL refuses to address it with his nephew because he thinks it's completely fair to send a "representative" if a guest is unable to attend. FH doesn't really know his cousin or the cousin's daughters and doesn't have contact with any of them to address it himself.

[BnB]

my question then is why would they want to come, if they don't even know your soon to be husband?

[tk93]

my question then is why would they want to come, if they don't even know your soon to be husband?

my thoughts exactly... :snide:

wanna hear something even more perplexing and infuriating?
I gave FFIL a list of his guests that have yet to RSVP, which was most of them. He gave the list right back to FH saying the only info he has on these people is their mailing address, which he already gave us, and he hasn't seen or talked to any of them in over 10 years so he has no other means of contacting them. WHY in the world were they invited?! He told FH to just assume they're not coming.

[MOMOFBRIDE]

You have the e-mail address from these people. E-mail them back and simply state that on reviewing your guest list that you found their names were not on the list and upon enquiring realized that an invitation meant for their father and fiance was given to them.

I'd further state that while your pleased that they'd want to see you married that unfortunately you had alternate plans for all the r.s.v.p.s that were in the negative and therefore are unable to accommodate them for the wedding. I'd re-iterate that your intent is not to disappoint or be rude, but that you had a plan in place for all the declines and are unable to accommodate further people. Thank them for caring and hopefully in the future you will meet.

You don't have to explain anything to them, you may have a B list, or simply do not want further guests. They do not need to know this information, only that you had alternate plans and therefore cannot accommodate them.

Replying by e-mail will make it much easier to state your cause then in person. Also, you can control what amount of info you want them to have.

If cousin states that he wants a rep from the family there, then you will have to advise him that the invitation was specifically for him/fiance and there were no invites sent out to families requesting a representative, that they were sent to specific people that you desired in attendance.
Good Luck!!