Would you feel engaged without an engagement ring?

[MOB Karen]

Please let us know your thoughts on an engagement ring.

[rainbowtreat]

I was engaged for over a year and didnt have my ring. I was engaged and lovign it and planning my wedding. It was a family event when we went to pick out my ring. I loved it.

[countrygirl]

I would. I told J over and over that the ring didn't make me engaged, it was him acutally asking me. But, I got the ring too, so I won't complain.

[Amber818]

My reason for saying no is that when you say to someone you are engaged the first thing they do is look at your finger. Then you fumble over your words to explain why you do not have one. In my opinion the ring kind of seals the deal...

[cowboysbride]

I agree again with Amber...

Eric and I knew we were getting married long before he asked but when he asked my Dad then asked me and gave me the ring I felt complete somehow...and Amber is right...you say "we're engaged" they say "lemme see the ring"

[Kacie_bride]

I have to vote No. That is just me though.

[WhiskeyGirl]

I also voted no, for similar reasons to that that Amber stated!! :)

[AngelinLove]

I voted no for the same reasons as Amber!!!

[katieandalex]

I would like a ring just so everyone can see that I'm engaged...but really for me, it wasn't important.

[WebLady]

Well I'm married and still don't have a ring :bblol: The ring isn't important to me, when ppl ask I just tell them we don't wear rings and most ppl are fine with that.

[sweet bride]

to me i think its imprtant to have ring of course for the people first like Amber said , but i don't care how much it cost

[LaceyinPgh]

I got engaged in February but Sean didn't get me my ring until May 27. I had to pick out what I wanted. Then the jewler had to special order the diamond. Then he had to make the ring. All of that took time. Everyone knew my ring was going to be spectacular and spectacular things take time. So, no one bothered me about it. The occasional ignorant person who made a comment got slapped in their place right quick.

[septemberbride06]

I don't feel the ring is necessary, but my fiance's sister is going through a similar situation, and she doesn't feel like she's engaged, so she cannot get motivated to plan her wedding.

[usahgrad]

I was engaged, theoretically, before. I even had a ring; but it was a ten dollar ring that he picked out from Walmart...it just didn't feel like it meant something (maybe because the symbol of how much he loved me wasn't something he thought before he got a gift card and we happened to be driving past a Walmart). The thing about the ring to me is that if the man can get me a ring then he probably is stable enough to take care of me as his wife. Slightly traditional I guess...:)

[CindySue]

IMO - If your sweetheart has asked you to marry him and you said yes, then youre engaged. I was engaged for a moth and a half before I got my ring for my birthday. I didnt want an engagement ring. I thought matching bands would have been perfect. This was what Brian wanted. But I wasnt more engaged after the ring than I was before it.

[LizabethDavis]

I would have to say no. Basically for the same reasons that Amber stated. It is a symbol as far as I am concerned and I just enjoy having something that tells people I am engaged!

[lize566]

I am in this situation, kind of. Since I am new to the boards I will go ahead and share this kind of long story. My BF (FH, but not technically) have been together for 7 years, minus a few months of being broken up. We have known we were going to get married for a while, but we are both in school and he made some bad money decisions after graduating high school and is still in debt from them. We CANNOT wait to get married and move in together and all that good stuff. The thing is, he cannot afford an engagement ring right now. He has however, asked me jokingly (is that a word) to marry him. Without a ring though, I do not consider myself engaged. Like many have said before, it kind of seals the deal.

Now it gets a little complicated in my head. My grandfather who we were both pretty close to passed away this past June. His birthday was Sept. 15 which just happens to be the month I had always planned on getting married and just happens to be a saturday next year. I will be graduating in Dec. so if I get a decent job, we wil be able to support ourselves by then. Here is the dilemma-since planning these weddings can take a while, would it be okay to go ahead and start planning? I mean I already have ideas in my head, but nothing that is even semi permanant. But it would mean so much to everybody to get married on his birthday, ecspecially my grandma, and we are really ready to get married.

So the moral of this incredibly long story (sorry, but I really wanted to get an objective opinion and this thread seemed like the perfect chance!) is even though I don't have a ring and he has not formally or seriously proposed, would it be a bad idea to go ahead and plan some things that can be changed if for whatever reason we cannot afford to get married next September? I hope this all made sense, my brain is fried after a long day at work! Again, sorry for the length!

[ladymelissa]

Lize566- Have you and your BF (or FH) talked about this date? If he is on the same page as you then go ahead and start planning. The early stages of planning require you to look at and hire vendors (reception hall, photog and such), these people usu. require nonrefundable deposits to hold your date. So if your BF was just joking and really doesn't want to get married this would not only be a heartbreaking situation but also a costly one.

Personally, I like the whole, formal proposal with a ring. It wouldn't have to be the most expensive ring in the world, but to me it's about the gesture and the romance of the proposal.

If that date doesn't work out it was probably not meant to be, some things you just can't force.

[SerendipityCrafts]

Originally, we were planning to get an eternity band (for my wedding ring) and skip the engagement ring altogether and so yes, I would feel engaged without the ER.

It just happened that we found an ER and so that is why I am wearing one.

[JennF]

I voted yes because I don't have a ring and we've been engaged for a year now.

I do have to say though that I really surprised myself in that first month by wanting a ring. It didn't need to be big or expensive. Just something that he'd picked out for me. We talked about it off and on but never really came to a decision. And now that the wedding is so close I'm not worried about it anymore.

[lize566]

Melissa-Yes he is on board with this date if we are able to support ourselves. it is a big unknown right now until I graduate. he has a job and all, not a great paying one, but still a permanant job. But he just got this job and needs to save his money for a little bit to pay bills and what not. He will eventually propose and all, b/c like you I want the whole formal enagaement stuff. I just didn't know if it would be stupid or weird going to like try on wedding gowns and look at places and just get prices you know? Your opinion helped a lot though, thank you!

[Kacie_bride]

I am in this situation, kind of. Since I am new to the boards I will go ahead and share this kind of long story. My BF (FH, but not technically) have been together for 7 years, minus a few months of being broken up. We have known we were going to get married for a while, but we are both in school and he made some bad money decisions after graduating high school and is still in debt from them. We CANNOT wait to get married and move in together and all that good stuff. The thing is, he cannot afford an engagement ring right now. He has however, asked me jokingly (is that a word) to marry him. Without a ring though, I do not consider myself engaged. Like many have said before, it kind of seals the deal.

Now it gets a little complicated in my head. My grandfather who we were both pretty close to passed away this past June. His birthday was Sept. 15 which just happens to be the month I had always planned on getting married and just happens to be a saturday next year. I will be graduating in Dec. so if I get a decent job, we wil be able to support ourselves by then. Here is the dilemma-since planning these weddings can take a while, would it be okay to go ahead and start planning? I mean I already have ideas in my head, but nothing that is even semi permanant. But it would mean so much to everybody to get married on his birthday, ecspecially my grandma, and we are really ready to get married.

So the moral of this incredibly long story (sorry, but I really wanted to get an objective opinion and this thread seemed like the perfect chance!) is even though I don't have a ring and he has not formally or seriously proposed, would it be a bad idea to go ahead and plan some things that can be changed if for whatever reason we cannot afford to get married next September? I hope this all made sense, my brain is fried after a long day at work! Again, sorry for the length!

Let me first say welcome to the board! I think there is nothing wrong with getting ideas. Start looking on-line and in magazines and situate in your mind what you want. Maybe put together a notebook with ideas, color schemes etc. Do not book anything until you have a date set for sure because like Melissa said you can loose alot of money.

Just give it time, hun, I'm sure your formal proposal will come soon.

[Jena1984]

I also voted no, because the first person I told that I was engaged said "ohh CONGRADULATIONS!!! WHERE"S THE RING???" mine was being sized at the time, but it totally ruined it for me. I was actually sad afterwards. I didn't tell anyone else until I got my ring back!

[Jacklynn]

I voted no, I wouldn't have felt like I was actually engaged if I didn't have one. I think it would have almost been hard for me to be motivated to start planning because I wouldn't have thought that it was actually going to happen.

[rainbowtreat]

I understand that every one is different and have diferent feelings and views on thing like this for one. I had posted that I felt engaged before I got my ring. I dont care what people think/ thought about me not having a ring. I have a man who loves me enough to want to spend the rest of his life with me. A ring is just something extra. It is nice to have I wotn lie about that. But I didnt have to have oen to FEEL engaged. Would you feel any differtn by telling some one your married but you didnt have your ring on or just didnt have a ring at all. I wouldnt feel any less married by not having a wedding band. JMO

[CindySue]

I understand that every one is different and have diferent feelings and views on thing like this for one. I had posted that I felt engaged before I got my ring. I dont care what people think/ thought about me not having a ring. I have a man who loves me enough to want to spend the rest of his life with me. A ring is just something extra. It is nice to have I wotn lie about that. But I didnt have to have oen to FEEL engaged. Would you feel any differtn by telling some one your married but you didnt have your ring on or just didnt have a ring at all. I wouldnt feel any less married by not having a wedding band. JMO
This is how I feel. Brian's "informal" proposal without the ring - just us, was way more special than the one with the ring in front of his family. Thats just me. As Ive stated before, I didnt need the e-ring, but Brian needed me to have it. I do love my ring and am so proud to show it off, but I just think it takes more than material things to make a marriage. I wouldnt love Brian less or be married to him less, if I only had a cheap wedding band. JMHO

[Natasha]

I was in the opposite situation. I had the ring, but had never actually been proposed to! We split up, and are working things out, talking wedding talk again. I am more excited about the future proposal than the ring! :D

[lize566]

I would definitely be more excited about the proposal too!! For me, I know we are going to get married, given any totally huge unforeseen event. The only problem is that since he hasn't actually proposed for real and I have no ring, no one in my family wants to take us seriously. Whenever I talk about the wedding, that just like shrug it off and are like oh okay. I feel like if I go to bridal shows or go try on a wedding dress I will feel stupid going "well I think we are getting married Sept. 15, 2007, but nothing is for sure yet!" Maybe it is just me, but I think I need a ring!

[Jacklynn]

I would definitely be more excited about the proposal too!! For me, I know we are going to get married, given any totally huge unforeseen event. The only problem is that since he hasn't actually proposed for real and I have no ring, no one in my family wants to take us seriously. Whenever I talk about the wedding, that just like shrug it off and are like oh okay. I feel like if I go to bridal shows or go try on a wedding dress I will feel stupid going "well I think we are getting married Sept. 15, 2007, but nothing is for sure yet!" Maybe it is just me, but I think I need a ring!

A few months ago I could have related to you. My FI and I have been together since April 2001. And we just got engaged in June of this year. We are both in college and he couldn't afford and ring until now. We of course had talked about getting married, I mean we had been together for 5 years lol. But we had the day picked and everything it was just a matter of him asking and me getting that ring. I was really wanting to start planning and stuff and I had SOO many ideas going through my head BUT my parents kept saying... but Jacklynn, you ARE NOT engaged yet, don't push him too much. blah blah lol but he knew as much as I did the date any everything. BUT we didn't set the date in stone until we were engaged.
I didn't go dress shopping until we were engaged, actually I go for the first time next week :) I know it is hard to hold out, but for me I made myself wait until I was engaged with a ring on my finger so I felt it was a deal, to REALLY start anything. But you better believe a week after he asked I had tons on paper :)

but honestly everything is up to you guys and how you want to deal with things, if your parents don't take you seriously, oh well they will when you eventually do have that ring right?

Sorry didn't mean to hijack anything lol

[EarlyBird]

i have to be honest here.. no.. Right now im not wearing my ring and i hate it.. Sometimes ill look down and be giddy all over again and go "eppp im engaged" and its almost been 2 years!!!

[WBandMe]

I say yes. I love my ring and I love wearing it, but planning the wedding and planning my future with FH is what makes me feel engaged.

[Docsgirl]

I'm not getting my "bling" until our wedding day. We had a shotgun wedding and my wedding band right now is a black onyx stone band that I got in a little art shop. On our wedding day I'll get the shiny pretty ring and new band and he'll be getting a new band also. And then we're retiring our cheap little fun rings into a ring box to save. I'm pretty excited to see what kind of ring he's going to pick....7 more months to go!

[luckythirteen05]

i voted as long as i knew.

but it sucks when you're technically engaged b/c he asked, but you don't have a ring... i went without a ring for about 6 months or so.

i would tell people and they would go "oh let me see the ring!!" and you're like um, i don't have it yet. gah i felt dumb.

[caligal85]

While I truly love my ring, I love FH so much more and if we were in a situation where I couldn't have a ring, I wouldn't give a flaming rats behind. It's a nice symbol but not at all what makes me feel engaged.

[MrsDM]

No, I wouldn't. I am somewhat traditional in that aspect. To me (and my family/friends, etc), being engaged means having a ring, of course that is just my opinion. I couldn't wait until FH bought the ring and proposed because it was official finally!!!

[vicky_vicky]

I voted no because the engagement where I live, is a clear statement (I hope you understand what I mean). Its not if I feel engaged, its that the two families meet in the engagement party, the couple puts on bands and there is an engagement ring.
Without these things there is no engagement, its a traditional thing. Some years ago there was even a ceremony for that with a priest. Now the ceremony is performed by the father of the groom or the best man, if he is there.

[acidcookie]

I understand that other people expect a ring when someone says they're engaged and I think that's LAME. The engagement ring is a new thing, AND not even done in so many countries! It was made up to make money. So I say YES I would feel engaged and anyone who would give me a "uh-huh, where's the ring" look can just keep it to themselves.

[WebLady]

I understand that other people expect a ring when someone says they're engaged and I think that's LAME. The engagement ring is a new thing, AND not even done in so many countries! It was made up to make money. So I say YES I would feel engaged and anyone who would give me a "uh-huh, where's the ring" look can just keep it to themselves.
I feel the same ... the ring is great, but that is not what it is about. I didn't have a ring when we got engaged; we didn't even exchange rings when we got married.

The only reason I wear a ring now (simple silver band) is because it was my grandmother's.

[acidcookie]

Of course I love my ring because it's beautiful and FH had it designed, but it's not what reassures me that I'm marrying him.

[candars]

I have had my rings since Feb of 2007, but we knew we were getting married about 5 years before that. So, I didn't have to have the ring those five years to know or feel like we were going to get married. But after being with him without a ring for 8 years, I figured I deserved one-he's pretty hard to deal with sometimes-so, yeah, I definitely deserved one! :D

[RosieAngel]

I would feel engaged as long as he proposed very nicely and got me a nice wedding band for the day-of!

[thetsakid]

I got engaged without my ring...his grandmother died and she raised him and he didn't have the money to buy me one...which was fine with me so he surpirsed me with her wedding ring...so i got the privledge of wearing that till i got my own...i loved it!

[Scrwballsgrl]

I voted yes, simply b/c the ring is just a symbol of the decision you as a couple have already made. That said, Fh surprised me with a ring when he proposed. I had always joked with him that I wouldn't care what kind of ring he got; saying he could get it from a cracker jack box and I'd just be happy to be asked to be his wife. Bt my mom never had a ring, and her and Daddy are still married (and very happily might I add) for 27 years this April!

[NurseLau84]

I hope this doesn't make me look like a bad person, but I would not feel engaged without a ring. I wasn't picky or pushy at all, though....DH picked out my ring himself and spent what he felt was appropriate.

[gwenshack]

I actually told FH that I didn't want a ring - I didn't want him to have spend the money. We've been together for so long, and I told him I was a sure thing - he just had to ask and say nice things - no ring necessary. Tradition got the better of him and he got me a lovely ring with a tahitian pearl, that I love, but had there been no ring the moment would have been just as special.

[Whitewater]

I actually experienced this from both sides! After we'd been going out for a while, we knew we would marry each other, it was only a matter of time. And since both of us aren't big on drama and big 'events', he didn't want to do a big huge proposal, and I didn't want one of those things either -- we both hate being the center of attention. We talked, decided, talked some more, got comfortable with the idea, and agreed to get married. Without a ring or a formal proposal.

That said, leaving it there just didn't feel right for either of us and I knew he was having cold feet/commitment issues for, oh, about three months after we'd made the decision. That's when I decided that something had to be done and that we had to fish or cut bait! We both needed a little bit more formality.

At a science-fiction convention we both were attending I saw a ring I liked that was all of $12, said 'Honey, I want you to buy me this ring, but if you do, I'm going to wear it on THAT finger, is that ok with you?' He went away and thought about it and was gone for so long that I thought for sure I'd screwed up big time, but when he came back, it was with the ring in his hand and he put it on me himself.

We've never looked back. For both of us, we needed that ring on my finger as a concrete symbol of what we want -- to spend the rest of our lives with each other, legally and spiritually. He says now that he doesn't want anything else but to be married to me, and I feel the same way. But purchasing the ring really allowed Fiance to completely make the final jump onto the marriage path. It wasn't just a 'someday' thing to him anymore -- he bought me that ring and put it on my finger, which meant that he was going to marry me after a suitable interval. It was a done deal. I think he needed that firmness, or formality, or whatever it was. The symbolism.

I still have vestigal feelings about my self-worth and that ring on my finger from my bringing up (I got the message as a young girl/woman that I wasn't a 'real' woman until I'd landed a husband, and now therefore, this ring on my finger is really about my success as a *woman* and implies that I'm now worth something, finally, as opposed to being a worthless, non-entity, incomplete 'thing' because that finger on my left hand stayed empty . . . I'm working on getting over that completely!).

Together I'd say that yes, we'd planned on not needing any formal trappings and wound up discovering that we were wrong. *shrug* Hey, at least we haven't got a ton invested in being right -- so we CAN be wrong, and still be happy!


Whitewater (who loves her engagement ring, even if it's not the most expensive thing ever)

[mitch]

I'd still feel Engaged without a Ring.

DH Proposed to Me in September 2007 and i never got a ring until November.

I wore a "Commitment" Ring when i changed My Surname to His by Deed Poll years ago. So it wasn't like He had to get down on one knee with a Rock and ask Me to be His Wife.

DH Proposed during the time We were packing up to move house. So an Engagement Ring was the last thing on Our minds. Shopping for one just never occured to us for weeks.

[SoonToBeMrsBrown]

My FH proposed without a ring because he wanted me to help pick it out, but we didn't get a chance to go to the jeweler together until 4 days later. I definitely felt engaged before we got the ring, but it really hit me when he put that ring on my finger "hey, I'm going to be with this man for the rest of my life." It was one of the most perfect moments of my life. :)

[JJsWifey08]

I was proposed to without a ring but a few weeks later i got the ring but I felt engaged regardless and went dress shopping anyways

[ChristineLS]

I actually experienced this from both sides! After we'd been going out for a while, we knew we would marry each other, it was only a matter of time. And since both of us aren't big on drama and big 'events', he didn't want to do a big huge proposal, and I didn't want one of those things either -- we both hate being the center of attention. We talked, decided, talked some more, got comfortable with the idea, and agreed to get married. Without a ring or a formal proposal.

That said, leaving it there just didn't feel right for either of us and I knew he was having cold feet/commitment issues for, oh, about three months after we'd made the decision. That's when I decided that something had to be done and that we had to fish or cut bait! We both needed a little bit more formality.

At a science-fiction convention we both were attending I saw a ring I liked that was all of $12, said 'Honey, I want you to buy me this ring, but if you do, I'm going to wear it on THAT finger, is that ok with you?' He went away and thought about it and was gone for so long that I thought for sure I'd screwed up big time, but when he came back, it was with the ring in his hand and he put it on me himself.

We've never looked back. For both of us, we needed that ring on my finger as a concrete symbol of what we want -- to spend the rest of our lives with each other, legally and spiritually. He says now that he doesn't want anything else but to be married to me, and I feel the same way. But purchasing the ring really allowed Fiance to completely make the final jump onto the marriage path. It wasn't just a 'someday' thing to him anymore -- he bought me that ring and put it on my finger, which meant that he was going to marry me after a suitable interval. It was a done deal. I think he needed that firmness, or formality, or whatever it was. The symbolism.

I still have vestigal feelings about my self-worth and that ring on my finger from my bringing up (I got the message as a young girl/woman that I wasn't a 'real' woman until I'd landed a husband, and now therefore, this ring on my finger is really about my success as a *woman* and implies that I'm now worth something, finally, as opposed to being a worthless, non-entity, incomplete 'thing' because that finger on my left hand stayed empty . . . I'm working on getting over that completely!).

Together I'd say that yes, we'd planned on not needing any formal trappings and wound up discovering that we were wrong. *shrug* Hey, at least we haven't got a ton invested in being right -- so we CAN be wrong, and still be happy!


Whitewater (who loves her engagement ring, even if it's not the most expensive thing ever)


My fiance and I were the same... no fancy formal proposals, just a mutual decision. After a while, I told him I wanted a ring because I wanted the social affirming that we're *actually* doing it, not just saying it. The formality had a purpose.

In regards to the worth of a woman... I have the same feelings that you do. I resent when people "congratulate" me for becoming engaged, as opposed to my academic or professional achievements... My FH is a person, a beloved one, and a partner, not a goal. It's not like I'm having a kid, another person and I are engaging on a partnership. I guess it's just me.