If you get pregnant, should you get married?

[MOB Karen]

I thought I would get a little juicy discussion going along with our wedding plans. If someone gets pregnant, should they get married?

[brewsells]

Hell no!! I really think this is one of the dumbest things people do. I understand that a child should have both parents in their lives, but getting married isn't going to guarantee this. I have been a single mom for years and while my son has Adam as his father figure in the home, my daughter lives with her dad. SHe visits me and there is no problem. I am always there when she needs me. If that is the reason you are getting married, I can almost guarantee it's not going to last.

[cowboysbride]

Nope...and that's all I'm gonna say about that...my sister was the victim of this situation and it only got worse when I came along...thank God he is no longer in the picture

[WebLady]

I would say in most cases no. Just because you get pregnant doesn't mean the father of that baby is the person you should be married to. Even if it is, this isn't a reason to get married ... especially if you are young and haven't been with the man for very long.

If you've been together for a while and planning to marry then the 'opps', then maybe go ahead and get married.

I have seen many couples get married because of an unplanned pregnancy and just end up unhappy and/or divorced.

Yes, getting preggers out of wedlock isn't the ideal situation, but getting married when you are not ready isn't the answer and isn't good for anyone.

The way I see it, ppl should be more informed about safe sex practices and use them properly. For example; my sister had a baby out of wedlock and she was taking the Pill. But, she was taking generic and on antibiotics at the time. She wasn't told this would lessen the effectiveness. I knew another lady that got preg on the Pill, she was a smoker which also lessens effectiveness and can cause blood clots in women over 30!

The best prevention (aside from abstinence or sterilization) is the Pill AND Condoms used properly.

Ok I guess I got a little off topic so I will stop and get off my 'soap box' now :bbredface: ;)

[WhiskeyGirl]

I agree! Pregnancy does not mean you SHOULD get married, unless you planned the pregnancy then why not get married?! My friend just told me she's pregnant (yup a whoops! how unfair!! Anyhow!!) and I hope her stupid parents don't push her into getting married. Her parents are OVERLY catholic, very stuck in their ways, I'm suprised they didn't try to send her away or make her give up the baby. She is moving in with the father but I hope she has enough common sense (she has about as much as a billy goat now...I joke now that she's pregnant she has TWO brain cells. She's is REALLY NOT BRIGHT!! Very naieve...long story! lol) to not be pressured into marrying him. In this day and age it's ok to have a baby and NEVER get married, I guess people just don't like marriage as much as they did before. I know plenty of girls with children and just boyfriends and they so don't plan on getting married!

Ok I'm done babbling now!! lol

[MOB Karen]

Even though I did get married when I was pregnant (in 1979), I shouldn't have. He was an @sshole who didn't take any responsibility for his kids, married or not. So, I don't think anyone should get married just because they're pregnant, most of the times it will just end in divorce anyway.

[Amber818]

I would NEVER do it....and I would also tell anyone who asked my opinion not to do it. It seems like a reciepe for disaster. I think a lot of resentment could stem from that sort of situation.

[LizabethDavis]

Nope. Getting pregnant is no reason to get married. If that was the case, I would have been married at 15 and that just wouldn't have worked because we are two totally different people and it would have ended in divorce.

[Kacie_bride]

I voted No on this topic.

I have not one, but two friends who were in this situation. One of my friends got pregnant at 19 and her parents are super religous. They all but forced her into getting married. They got married. A few weeks before she found out she was pregnant she called me and told me she was planning to break up with her boyfriend. They married and the marriage was horrible. Now she is 24 and in the middle of a divorce and back living with her parents.

Then my other friend was my roommate at the time she got pregnant. It was her first semester of college. She was 18. I think he purposly caused the pregnancy (I know it is her responsibility to, but I am not going to get into my whole reasoning behind my speculating this). He was already out of school and I think he was very jealous and scared of her being up there at college without him. I guess their marriage was okay for awhile, but it went down hill too. Now she is 8 months pregnant again and she's 23 years old, and a few months ago he walked out on her and she found out he has been cheating the whole time. Their divorce is getting really nasty.

If I would have gotten pregnant by Justin I would have probably gone ahead and gotten married earlier. I'm not saying we would have if we had only been together 6 months, but say if it would have happened last year. However, we had talked about marriage anyway and he had been planning how he was going to propose for a year in advance! So in some cases, I don't think it's bad to get married. A girl should just always make sure it is what she really wants to do regardless of a baby on the way.

[AngelinLove]

I'm just gonna say no and that is it!!!!

[katieandalex]

I don't think so. If the couple were planning on getting married, then they can...but I don't think 2 people should get married just because there is a baby involved. There is no reason for two people to live miserably just because of a child....the child will suffer from that poor relationship and would probably have a better life if they grew up with their parents separately.

[bnd94]

Well since Dan and I have been together for 12 years I can only look at this question as if it was me getting pregnant and of course he would be the father. So yes I would want to get married. I don't think if you are not in love with the person that you should though.

[LaceyinPgh]

I don't think that you need to get married if you ar pregnant. I don't think it matters in our society one way or the other. Our society has evolved to the point that two people who have an accident shouldn't be forced to make their lives and the lives of their children miserable beacuse of some antiquated thoughts planted by obsolete thinkers many years ago. The only person who is going to end up suffering is the baby. They are going to grow up seeing their parents miserable and eventually have to go through the stress and pain of watching their parents' marriage fall apart.

I just want to add that no one forces you to get married. You get married because you want to. Contrary to popular belief (i know some of you have a hard time doing this) you can look at your parents, husband, boyfriend, friend, ect and tell them to cram it. It is your live and at the age of 18 (or way before that in my case) you get to make all the decisions. You ar ein charge of your own happiness.

[CindySue]

This is a touchy subject. I voted no, because I personally dont think a couple should get married just because they are having a baby. Unless like a PP said and you were already planning on getting married. I have known so many girls that have "accidentally" gotten pregnant to force their BFs into marriage. Now they are divorced and unhappy and raising their kids on their own.
Brian and I talked about "oops" early in our relationship before we became engaged, and he was sooo mad at me because I told him we would NOT be getting married if I got pregnant. He saw it as him stepping up and handling his responsibility. I honor him for that, but kid or not, I am NOT going to marry someone if Im not ready.

[greencargirl]

no way... i have remained friends with my ex-boyfriend since i got into my relationship with my now DH. my ex started dating a girl for 2 weeks, found out she was pregnant and got married... of course she lost the baby and now he's banned from talking to me. she completely rules his life and is such a *****! i don't see how she could even feel threatened by me when we live across the country from each other! i can't see their marriage lasting longer than a year though... they have NOTHING in common...

[lisa0707]

Not for the sole reason that you're pregnant, IMO.

[MOB Karen]

no way... i have remained friends with my ex-boyfriend since i got into my relationship with my now DH. my ex started dating a girl for 2 weeks, found out she was pregnant and got married... of course she lost the baby and now he's banned from talking to me. she completely rules his life and is such a *****! i don't see how she could even feel threatened by me when we live across the country from each other! i can't see their marriage lasting longer than a year though... they have NOTHING in common...


Are you pregnant, Kristy? We don't have any childbirth tickers over here, so I was just curious. If so, how far along are you?

[CindySue]

no way... i have remained friends with my ex-boyfriend since i got into my relationship with my now DH. my ex started dating a girl for 2 weeks, found out she was pregnant and got married... of course she lost the baby and now he's banned from talking to me. she completely rules his life and is such a *****! i don't see how she could even feel threatened by me when we live across the country from each other! i can't see their marriage lasting longer than a year though... they have NOTHING in common...
When I was just out of high school, you wouldnt believe how many girls "accidentally" got pregnant, forced their BFs into marriage only to "miscarry" a couple of weeks later. Must have been something in the water!!!!!

[Renewpassion]

I suppose it depends on the relationship before the pregnancy. Was the couple previously talking about marriage. But if not, I would not suggest it. Good thread!

[Renewpassion]

no way... i have remained friends with my ex-boyfriend since i got into my relationship with my now DH. my ex started dating a girl for 2 weeks, found out she was pregnant and got married... of course she lost the baby and now he's banned from talking to me. she completely rules his life and is such a *****! i don't see how she could even feel threatened by me when we live across the country from each other! i can't see their marriage lasting longer than a year though... they have NOTHING in common...
Wow that is a bummer story. It is sad how girls can do. Now their lives are upside down becasue of it.

[officiant-fica]

I voted no, because every couple I know that did get married for that reason are no longer married. We got pregnant pretty early in our relationship. But we both knew that even though we were about to commit ourselves to a life long committment to our child it did not mean that we were ready to make that committment to each other. I believe that you get married because you can't imagine your life with out that other person. That even after the intial passion of a realtionship, you sometimes get butterflies in your tummy when you see your spouse. When we knew that we wanted to be together for the rest of our lives, we got married.

[Renewpassion]

our story was a little different. We were married July 24, 2004, barely 2 weeks later we were pregnant. Needless to say it was hard for us as newly weds beggining to be parents. I wanted to wait at least a year and enjoy one another. But now I would not change him or my son for anyone.

[greencargirl]

Are you pregnant, Kristy? We don't have any childbirth tickers over here, so I was just curious. If so, how far along are you?

Yes I'm pregnant. I'm due on July 23, 2006 which is my one year wedding anniversary (go figure!)... we just found out about a week and a half ago that he is breech so I had to go in for a version last Wednesday... they tried to move him from the outside... it didn't work so I had to schedule a c-section and it's for THIS Thursday at 7:30 in the morning! I have a doctor's appointment today so hopefully he's still breech :) At first I was terrified at the chance of having to have surgery but now I'm kinda looking forward to knowing when he'll be here and I just don't want him to turn and have to wait any longer! I guess we'll see but other than that this pregnancy has been great. I lost my job 4 months ago so I've been able to be home. My husband would like me to remain home once the baby is born but we'll see about finances... I may have to get a part time job or something. We picked out the name Dominic James. James because it's my dad's name and we like Dominic because it has my husband's name (Nick) in it as well... thanks for asking :)

[MOB Karen]

Yes I'm pregnant. I'm due on July 23, 2006 which is my one year wedding anniversary (go figure!)... we just found out about a week and a half ago that he is breech so I had to go in for a version last Wednesday... they tried to move him from the outside... it didn't work so I had to schedule a c-section and it's for THIS Thursday at 7:30 in the morning! I have a doctor's appointment today so hopefully he's still breech :) At first I was terrified at the chance of having to have surgery but now I'm kinda looking forward to knowing when he'll be here and I just don't want him to turn and have to wait any longer! I guess we'll see but other than that this pregnancy has been great. I lost my job 4 months ago so I've been able to be home. My husband would like me to remain home once the baby is born but we'll see about finances... I may have to get a part time job or something. We picked out the name Dominic James. James because it's my dad's name and we like Dominic because it has my husband's name (Nick) in it as well... thanks for asking :)

Wow! Thursday!! Congratulations!! I love his name!! Good luck, Kristy!!

[Renewpassion]

Congrats to you!! NOw that is very sweet. My son is 15 months old. His name is Nathaniel James. I love the name James. I too had a c-section, I did not want one at first but after being in labor for about 15 hours I was in no position to agrue with anyone. Plus, I nursed him for 6 months, and the first 2 weeks was not so good, but afterwards it was so wondeful. If you want someone to talk to feel free to contact me, I would love to share my experience. We want another one, hopefully we will get pregnant at the end of the year. Want to plan it just right. I too want to stay home but because of finances, I have to plan to find other means to work. Hopfully, my business will thrive and I can quit. Looks good so far. FYI: Boys love their momas!

[CindySue]

Yes I'm pregnant. I'm due on July 23, 2006 which is my one year wedding anniversary (go figure!)... we just found out about a week and a half ago that he is breech so I had to go in for a version last Wednesday... they tried to move him from the outside... it didn't work so I had to schedule a c-section and it's for THIS Thursday at 7:30 in the morning! I have a doctor's appointment today so hopefully he's still breech :) At first I was terrified at the chance of having to have surgery but now I'm kinda looking forward to knowing when he'll be here and I just don't want him to turn and have to wait any longer! I guess we'll see but other than that this pregnancy has been great. I lost my job 4 months ago so I've been able to be home. My husband would like me to remain home once the baby is born but we'll see about finances... I may have to get a part time job or something. We picked out the name Dominic James. James because it's my dad's name and we like Dominic because it has my husband's name (Nick) in it as well... thanks for asking :)
My 1st was also a c-section because he was breech. 2 days before my appt to schedule mine I went into labor. I didnt get very far, since they already knew he was gonna be a c-section. They just confirmed I WAS in labor and then took him. I was awake through the entire thing, only spent an hour in recovery, and recovered very quickly.
A very good friend of mine was scheduled for a c-section (her 2nd), and her water broke 3 days before! I dont think she ever started even having cramps before they had her in surgury.
My favorite part is the babys perfectly round head!!!
I know the whole though of it is scary, but its really not bad.
Good Luck and congrats!!!!

[Kacie_bride]

Congratulations RaceCarGirl! Yippee for you!

[LaceyinPgh]

Yes I'm pregnant. I'm due on July 23, 2006 which is my one year wedding anniversary (go figure!)... we just found out about a week and a half ago that he is breech so I had to go in for a version last Wednesday... they tried to move him from the outside... it didn't work so I had to schedule a c-section and it's for THIS Thursday at 7:30 in the morning! I have a doctor's appointment today so hopefully he's still breech :) At first I was terrified at the chance of having to have surgery but now I'm kinda looking forward to knowing when he'll be here and I just don't want him to turn and have to wait any longer! I guess we'll see but other than that this pregnancy has been great. I lost my job 4 months ago so I've been able to be home. My husband would like me to remain home once the baby is born but we'll see about finances... I may have to get a part time job or something. We picked out the name Dominic James. James because it's my dad's name and we like Dominic because it has my husband's name (Nick) in it as well... thanks for asking :)

Congratulations on your little boy! If you deliver on Thursday, Dominic will share my husband's birthday. So I assure you, he will be in the best of company.

[nikkiana]

I voted not sure, but what what I really wanted to vote was, "it depends on the situation".

If you were already planning on getting married, regardless of whether you'd gotten to the engagement stage or not, I think it's a good idea to evaluate the option and persuing it...

If you weren't planning on getting married, it's unwise to just go do it, even if your parents push you into it.... I never understood that with particularly religious parents who want to "save face" with the church. You either eat it now or you eat it later when your kid gets divorced.