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MrsFuchs09
04-05-2009, 03:40 PM
As most people know, Rick & I are 18 and 20. We are doing it the old fashion way and living with our parents before we get married, well we were, until all these problems arose.

Two days before Christmas, Ricky's mother thought it'd be best to take one of Rick's checks, sign his name, and write it out to herself. She wrote it out for a little over one hundred dollars. She then thought it'd be okay for her to cash this check, then go to Alantic City and gamble with this money. She confessed a day later, Christmas Eve, because "she felt bad." She said she was depressed about not having the money to buy us real gifts, so she went to a casino to win more money. Of course she lost all of it, and a little of what money she did have herself. Rick was furious but decided to go on with the holidays like nothing happened. He told me on the way to my father's house that night. I was pissed too. But she said she would never do it again and if she slipped, Rick had every right to not talk to her anymore.

Rick took her spare key to his car away and locked his checks in the car.

One month later...

The bank called Rick because of suspicious activity on his debit card. He looked at his statement and found an online casino. He freaked, I freaked, and we all fought. She used his debit card and took out 30 dollars for this site, where, of course, she lost all this money.

This time, she wasn't so sorry, blaming him for not caring about her anymore, and THAT'S why she did it. She called me a slut, then later apologized to me because she loves me so much. Pft.

A few weeks later, Rick got kicked out. She said he was distant and cold towards her. How could you BLAME him!? Rick slept at his dad's house for a night, going back home the next day all because I spoke to his mom, saying we did the math and with the wedding, my college tuition and our cars, etc bills, we couldn't afford him living on his own right now, because we're putting away money for our apartment, for September. They spoke, had an aggreement and it was happily ever after.

Not.

She stole more money, gambled, even asked Rick for money here and there, once up to 400 dollars, telling him his father would pay him back. (His father only gave Rick 300...saying 50 was for a WWE Pay-per-view Rick bought. And the other 50 was never mentioned. Don't know why.) then told Rick he had to give her rent because it costs money for him to live there. I pointed out, she doesn't have a job, his father pays for the house and bills....blah blah blah. Rick said he knew that but 50 dollars a week was cheaper than moving out. She decided to kick him out again, for the same reasons. He was cold, distant and this time...he didn't care about her anymore. He slept at his father's house for two nights, then my parents house for one, before forcing himself back into the house. They fought, I sat in the car on the phone, being invisible. When he came back, angry, to the car, I heard him yell, "I'd rather live on the streets, then live with a psycho like you." He sped off, I was pissed, told him to turn around. I heard my name and "slut," "selfish *****" and other not so nice names come up during there yelling match.

I ran out of the car and dared her to come out. I said, "I guess this is more about you and me then it is about Rick." She said, "You bet it is." I screamed at her, told her she was crazy. Called her a gambler addict and told her to stop stealing from us. Told her Rick and I wanted to elope, so she couldn't see us marry. (We did talk about this, we couldn't take her bull**** and everyone else's bull**** anymore. We just want to be together and not have any problems around us.)

Somehow, our fighting turned into talking. And everything was solved...


A week later (yesterday).

She said it wasn't working out. He should leave. Blah Blah Blah. She ended up yelling at him, calling him disrespectful and not caring about her. He's about to loose it. His father gave him a key to the front door, because they always use the garage. So Rick slept at home last night, saying she's not gonna pull that **** on him again. She woke him up at five and screamed at him to get the **** out. He said no and if she tried to do anything stupid, he'll file fraud on her.
He said he'll have a "business relationship" and just live there, take out the trash, work 60 hours a week (like always) and that's that. She said she wanted 75 a week for living there. He said whatever. He said he's too tired mentally to fight with her anymore.

75 a week? Are you f**king kidding me? Honestly, I'd have no problem with it, if this lady worked, didn't steal from him to begin with, and didn't have a gambling addiction. And if the 300 a month he's going to give wasn't going into gambling. Which we both know it will, because most of the checks his father give her go to Atlantic City.

But that's not the case. She's done and has all those things. This lady gambled over a million away, and that's why her husband left him.

And Rick doesn't cost a dime for him living there. He does his own grocery shopping (We do it together every Wednesday, this is the food we eat. Our mommy's don't buy it for us.), he buys his own clothes and he doesn't even eat dinner at that house. He works ten to twelve hours a day. He's worked 14 hours days. He makes great money for a 20 year old "kid." He's a salesmen. We're both very independent. I don't see how that's a bad thing.

But I know, she's afraid of loosing her only child, her baby. I know that's why she's doing these things. I've told that to her, yelling and talking rationally.

Rick says he's just going to use her for the roof, be nice to her even though he "hates" her. I think "hate" is extreme but he has every right to be angry with her.

But now, we're putting more money away then ever into our savings. We want to move in together before the wedding. We have to get away from her. That's his only motivation now, dealing with her for now because we'll be together soon, that's what he says.

What do you guys think?

(P.S. This probably why I haven't logged in months. Too many problems, stress.)

Chubear
04-05-2009, 05:32 PM
i'm sorry all this stress is happeneing to you.

It sounds like a very toxic situation.
It also sounds like FMIL is an addict and wont be changing her behaviour any time soon.
It sounds like there is no where else for FH to stay?
If not it seems this is the best way - only go there to sleep and keep an eye on his wallet.
Keep your spirits up, soon you'll be married!!

doris27
04-05-2009, 05:41 PM
I agree. That's not a good situation. His mother does not sound like an emotionally healthy person. You mentioned that when things get really had he stays over at his dad's house. Can he just live there until you guys are able to move in together?

WebLady
04-05-2009, 06:08 PM
Wow ... yeah I would do everything you can to get out of that situation as fast as possible!

Is there no other family that can help her get some help?

If I was Rick I probably would have turned her in, if for nothing else that to force her into getting help. I wouldn't try to talk to her anymore and just call the police if anything happens again.

All the best to you guys!

gwenshack
04-05-2009, 06:49 PM
Egad. I'm so sorry. What a horrible situation. You two are doing the best you can, save and be responsible, and then the one person who is SUPPOSED to have his best interest at heart is stealing from him and taking advantage of him.

I agree that this is a toxic situation and you two shouldn't have to pay the price for her obvious gambling problem and altered mental state. I think getting Rick out of that house ASAP - and for good - and hopefully you guys can pick up the pieces and move on toward happier things.

Good luck! :)

MrsFuchs09
04-05-2009, 08:50 PM
Rick's father will only take him for a few nights at a time. He lives with his fiancee and two boys, who are a few years older than Rick. Plus, I don't think his father's fiancee really likes him. She seems fake from time to time.

And he only threatened her. He says he couldn't file charges against her, he'd rather suck it up and live here.

Which I don't agree with. But I won't pressure him.

It's all just an endless cycle.

Nekochanpurr
04-06-2009, 02:44 AM
Thats awful. :( I hope you guys can work something out thats less stressful.

NurseLau84
04-07-2009, 10:12 AM
Oh god, I am so sorry to hear all of that. I've had a similar situation in my life---a close family member was using my SS# to open up CC's, utility bills, etc; totaling thousands of dollars. Thankfully I got it all off of my name and my credit is very good. I don't have any advice, but I can tell you that I removed this toxic person from my life and things have been so much better w/o that person! You two need to do what's best for your relationship, marriage, and future. I hope that you figure out the living situation soon and continue being responsible, as you have been. :heart:

MrsDM
04-07-2009, 12:44 PM
Well, I do have to say I was wondering where you've been lately, but you've been absent for a good reason. My gosh, what is with this lady? Hopefully after the wedding she chills out a bit and Rick and you can live happily without the stress of this.

So, what about having him crash on your couch at your house until the wedding? I know its not the ideal situation, but seriously, how much more can the two of you take?

savepaws
04-07-2009, 03:56 PM
That would be so stressful. It really does sound like Rick needs to get out of there. Maybe he could find one of those efficiency apartments. I don't know your area, but around here they are like $200 a month. It might be cheaper than paying $300 to stay with his crazy mom who steals from him.

MrsFuchs09
04-07-2009, 07:00 PM
Having him sleep on my couch would be better. But as much as my mom loves him, she says she wouldn't be able to handle it. Rick is like my father, in the sense that he gets anxious and at times overwhelming due to his anxiety. That's what she says. Plus, she is a newlywed. We don't want to intrude on their marriage. My stepfather likes Rick, but he gets annoyed sometimes with him too. We can have dinner together and they give us their blessing but they'd never want to live with him.

We've looked for apartments like that too, they're all in crappy neighborhoods where you hear gunshots in your backyard. Rick said he'd be fine and that I'm exaggerating. I begged him not to; I'd be worried sick he'd be found dead somewhere. I like towns like ours (quiet, small, everyone knows each other, a little snobby ::rolls eyes:: I like it because it feels safe.) others not so much.

Besides, Rick's dead set on sucking it up. I kinda am too. We just don't talk to her anymore. She'll be the one missing out. I told her to stop pushing her only child away, because, believe it or not, I didn't want them to not have a relationship; they used to be so close, I used to be close with her too, I used to take her out on my days off for a "girls day". Just because we're growing up together doesn't mean he'd stop being her son. She's pushing him, and me, to the limit. Now she's really loosing him and it's her fault. And I'm trying to forget about the 300. Such bull.

doris27
04-07-2009, 07:22 PM
I wish I had something helpful to offer. It's good that you will be married before long and out of that situation. I don't think moving in together sooner would be a bad idea at all if you can handle it financially. Sorry you're both going through that. If toxic relationships don't improve (ie the person causing the problem doesn't improve his/her behavior) I think it's often best to just get away from them as much as you can. Some people just make life harder. I hope things do get better soon. Hang in there.

MrsFuchs09
04-10-2009, 09:43 PM
Thank you.

DanDanNoodleBowl
04-15-2009, 11:13 AM
Do we live the same life? Haha. Im 18 & my husband is 20.
And his mom is a psycho too :(

MrsFuchs09
04-16-2009, 06:31 PM
Wow, another "teenager" on here. First Liz, now you. Since when was I not the youngest on here anymore? Heh. It's pretty cool. I really haven't been on here in a long time.

Yah, we must live the same life. How do you deal with your MIL?

Rick's mother actually starting crying to him the other day and she called me up and said she missed me. I told her she would. I'm a forgiving person, to an extent. So I told her we were fine. But I'm keeping my guard up. As long as Rick's happy, that's all that really matters to me.

Congrats on your recent marriage. I wish Rick and I could elope now :(...but I think I'd be miserable with that...I always wanted a big wedding. Even though it's the marriage that counts, I'd think I'd regret eloping to some degree. I'd want my family to witness it.

mandaj10
04-16-2009, 07:28 PM
I'm 18 too (19 in June), but I won't be getting married for a couple years because FH and I are both in college with only very-part-time jobs to support the two of us, and health insurance and stablility are things that we cannot live without.

Anyways, my FH used to live with FMIL and his step-father, and it was becoming a toxic environment both emotionally and physically (both are 2 pack-a-day smokers who can't bother to go outside... even with his 9 year old brother in the house). I urged him to move out when neither of us could take it anymore. So, he moved to his father's house, which is an hour away from my house compared to the half hour to his mother's, which obviously was harder for us with gas and whatnot. Of course, though the decision was ultimately his, FMIL blamed it on me, and the dirty names and rumors flew.

Several months after he moved out, we all made up, but his grandmother still won't talk to me because of what his mother said before. However, he is much happier at his father's, and he would never move back to his mother's seeing how much better his life is out of her house.

It sounds like your situation is much more serious than ours was, and I think that you should get your FH out of that situation in any way that you can. That's obvious, but for the sanity of you both, you need to distance yourself from this woman however possible. Maybe once you have that distance, everybody can get along again (as long as she can keep her mitts off your FH's money!). As for her gambling addiction, the first step is admitting that you have a problem, and unfortunately she is the only one that can help herself.

We're here for you and good luck :hug:

HisDelightfulFaerie
04-17-2009, 09:55 AM
She's mentally unstable. Bottom line. Better to suffer financially in an apartment together than have her kill him in his sleep.

DanDanNoodleBowl
04-17-2009, 10:56 AM
Wow, another "teenager" on here. First Liz, now you. Since when was I not the youngest on here anymore? Heh. It's pretty cool. I really haven't been on here in a long time.

Yah, we must live the same life. How do you deal with your MIL?

Rick's mother actually starting crying to him the other day and she called me up and said she missed me. I told her she would. I'm a forgiving person, to an extent. So I told her we were fine. But I'm keeping my guard up. As long as Rick's happy, that's all that really matters to me.

Congrats on your recent marriage. I wish Rick and I could elope now :(...but I think I'd be miserable with that...I always wanted a big wedding. Even though it's the marriage that counts, I'd think I'd regret eloping to some degree. I'd want my family to witness it.
It's very hard to deal with my MIL. I think she is literally crazy. If you g to the married life section, you can read one of my wonderful encounters with her. Haha. Honestly, I dont deal well with her. Im too afraid to stand up to her, but I think one day I will when she pushes me too far. :irked:
Im sorry you're going through this, I know what its like to be young and first of all what people say about young people getting married, and then the way some people treat us. It's not always fair.
If you dont really want to elope, and want a wedding your family can be at, then trust me, dont elope. Go with your instinct and have that wedding, you only get one! It should be special!

Good luck. I know how it is :( You can PM me anytime if you wanna talk or share mean MIL stories :)

HisDelightfulFaerie
04-17-2009, 11:17 AM
It's very hard to deal with my MIL. I think she is literally crazy. If you g to the married life section, you can read one of my wonderful encounters with her. Haha. Honestly, I dont deal well with her. Im too afraid to stand up to her, but I think one day I will when she pushes me too far. :irked:
Im sorry you're going through this, I know what its like to be young and first of all what people say about young people getting married, and then the way some people treat us. It's not always fair.
If you dont really want to elope, and want a wedding your family can be at, then trust me, dont elope. Go with your instinct and have that wedding, you only get one! It should be special!

Good luck. I know how it is :( You can PM me anytime if you wanna talk or share mean MIL stories :)

She's right ya know. I just......maybe if she was willing to get help that would change things. But if she's not she's dangerous to yall and herself.

MrsFuchs09
04-18-2009, 12:41 AM
Thanks everyone. I appreciate you all took the time to read and reply. :)