Help! My friend is cheating on her fiance. Should I still be in her wedding?

[dramadrama]

Recently my friend from high school asked me to be in her wedding. Although I had never met her fiance and we had grown apart when we left for college, I was excited for her and said yes.

Then a few days ago I found out that she has been secretly sleeping with two of my friends and doing drugs for the past few years. I have known her since the third grade and never expected her to behave this way. She attended a prestigious college and regularly attends church. (where she met her fiance)

She does not yet know that I know this about her. And now that I do, I am considering dropping out of the wedding. I can not honestly stand up for her and act like we are good friends when I didnt know she had this dark side of her. I feel wrong turning my head and supporting this marriage.

Bottom line--she isnt being honest with herself and therefore can not be honest with anyone else. This is a deep issue that I know I can't change. But all I want is for her to come clean on everything and work this out with me. I want her to get honest with herself so that she can be honest with her fiance and have a long happy marriage. I want her to be my friend again. I need this to make me feel comfortable about being in her wedding.

I'm worried if i say something to her about this that she will deny it and I will not get my desired result. Do I say something to her and risk a huge fight? Or do I say nothing and go along with everything because it's her special day?

[doris27]

I'm not sure what the right way to handle it is, but if my friend was cheating on her fiance I would not feel comfortable being in her wedding. Maybe you could try to talk to her and see if she feels she's in trouble and needs help. It sounds like something she will need to fix though. Good luck with whatever you choose.

[HisDelightfulFaerie]

Dude she's marrying him not you. If you can't deal with the way she lives her life just say so. In your case I probably wouldn't attend (you seem to have VERY strong feelings) so just tell her you can't get out of work or something and you'll need to bow out.

[Deanna2112001]

Dude! ( smirk) regardless of who in the flip she is marrying, go with your gut. if you partake, does that mean you are for cheating? Who knows. Id drop out if I were you.

Oh and I really hope is this a bs post from the fellow members of "not"


Sorry some of these post seem to be of those posting 1 or 2 times with stories like this. yet never respond :)

[SerendipityCrafts]

Dude she's marrying him not you.

Dude? :rofl:

so just tell her you can't get out of work or something and you'll need to bow out.

I don't see any reason to lie. Just tell her what you know and then say that you can't (in good conscience) take part in her wedding.

[scarymary48]

I think you should talk to your friend. If she's taking drugs and sleeping around, it could just be poor decision making on her part- or it could be a kind of cry for help. Yeah, she might lie to you, but she might not. She could just be waiting for someone to call her on her behaviour and ask her 'Oi, what on EARTH is going on with you?' so that she can spill her guts, so to speak.

On the other hand though, I have to ask, how reliable is your information? As someone who has been on the receiving end of some extremely malicious and untrue gossip, I urge you to be 100% sure. There is nothing worse than being confronted with something and then be accused of lying about it when you have absolutely no idea what the other person is talking about!

Good luck with this!

[MOMOFBRIDE]

This is certainly a dilemna you find yourself in, weighing your morals and ethics against your committment you have made to an old friend.

I know some people may say mind your own business and just stand up as you promised, but, being a person of strong feelings on the issues of morals and ethic myself, I personally would probably bow out.

You have stated that you are no longer close friends.Confrontation of this issue with an individual you are no longer close to could be real dicey and get nasty, possibly resulting in you being banished anyways. I would probably bow out gracefully with a plausible excuse and not attend the wedding as a guest either. Definitely I would not address her personal life and what you have discovered about her.

If you do decide to stand as an attendant or go as a guest then you are in a position where you should not judge the behavior of the bride when you knowingly are giving your approval, support and blessing by being at the wedding.

If you were a close friend or relative then this scenerio would probably require a different handling. In the end only you can decide.

[WebLady]

hmmmm ... yeah, if you do not support the marriage, don't be in it.

[HisDelightfulFaerie]

I think you should talk to your friend. If she's taking drugs and sleeping around, it could just be poor decision making on her part- or it could be a kind of cry for help. Yeah, she might lie to you, but she might not. She could just be waiting for someone to call her on her behaviour and ask her 'Oi, what on EARTH is going on with you?' so that she can spill her guts, so to speak.

On the other hand though, I have to ask, how reliable is your information? As someone who has been on the receiving end of some extremely malicious and untrue gossip, I urge you to be 100% sure. There is nothing worse than being confronted with something and then be accused of lying about it when you have absolutely no idea what the other person is talking about!

Good luck with this!





This is certainly a dilemna you find yourself in, weighing your morals and ethics against your committment you have made to an old friend.

I know some people may say mind your own business and just stand up as you promised, but, being a person of strong feelings on the issues of morals and ethic myself, I personally would probably bow out.

You have stated that you are no longer close friends.Confrontation of this issue with an individual you are no longer close to could be real dicey and get nasty, possibly resulting in you being banished anyways. I would probably bow out gracefully with a plausible excuse and not attend the wedding as a guest either. Definitely I would not address her personal life and what you have discovered about her.

If you do decide to stand as an attendant or go as a guest then you are in a position where you should not judge the behavior of the bride when you knowingly are giving your approval, support and blessing by being at the wedding.

If you were a close friend or relative then this scenerio would probably require a different handling. In the end only you can decide.

That's why I say just lie and move on. She's might not have the whole truth and she's not a really close friend anyway.

[BluePixie]

I would agree with approaching the bride. She may need help and she might not think she has anyone to turn to. If she doesn't think she is doing anything wrong, then tell her you cannot be in her wedding party.

Also, if this is second hand untrue info, she should be aware of people talking behind her back so unkindly.

[EmmasMommy8106]

I would first confront her and ask her why she is cheating on her fiancee. If you think that you should not go to her wedding, don't go. I know I would not go. Being the person I am I would want to meet the fiancee and tell him what is going on, he deserves to know, he is marrying her or might not be marrying her depending on what he thinks about the whole situation. This is your decision to make.

[mitch]

Wow this is an old thread. I wonder what the outcome was.

And more to the fact. What became of the majority of the posters here. :laugh2: