help with a crazy mother in law

[rosegrl831]

hi everyone, i need advice. although she is not my mother in law just yet i am having horrible problems with this lady and im afraid its going to affect my relationship with my boyfreind. we've only dated for two years. there is talk about marriage, but not for a long time ( we both want to wait for finances to be saved ) but only a few weeks into our relationship i started going to his familys house for dinner every sunday. Now, i was raised in an italian family so i know the sunday dinner rule, but the mother is so controling that she says everyone must be there every week. its fine to control her family but it quickly turned into i must be there too otherwise she would yell at my boyfreind and she has never confronted me. the other day i had it so me, my mother , and my boyfreind went to go visit his parents to confront his mother. she claimed that i had no respect for her because i dont show up all the time. furthermore she went as far as insulting me and my mother by saying that they are better then us because my mother got divorced. she already has us married and yelled at everyone that no one will take care of her when she gets old. although my boyfreind is a momma's boy he has always taken myside. this lady is irrational,insulting and just crazy. we feel stuck because his mother will never change. does anyone have any advice? i love him and he loves me but i cant have her as my mother in law.

[CindySue]

Wow......I feel for you. Any chance you and him could move across the country from her?
Welcome to the board BTW!!!

[rosegrl831]

im afraid that might be our only choice, unless we can come up with something esle. i hate to pick up and leave my friends and family tho.

[LaceyinPgh]

Look at her and tell her to get over herself. End of story. YOu are an adult. Your FH is an adult. Act like adults. You don't have to do as you are told. When she is screaming walk away and ignore her. Eventually she will catch on.

[cowboysbride]

Look at her and tell her to get over herself. End of story. YOu are an adult. Your FH is an adult. Act like adults. You don't have to do as you are told. When she is screaming walk away and ignore her. Eventually she will catch on.

EXACTLY, she has no right to act like that and then expect to be treated like an adult...you be the adult, your FH and she will end up admiring you in the end for it!

And no offense to Cindy (you know i respect your opinions Cindy) but HELL NO DO NOT BUDGE! You stand your ground (like an adult) and force her to behave like one, you start running now and you'll run your entire married life and he'll resent you for it.

P.S. WELCOME to onewed...the ladies here are AWESOME!

[CindySue]

And no offense to Cindy (you know i respect your opinions Cindy) but HELL NO DO NOT BUDGE! You stand your ground (like an adult) and force her to behave like one, you start running now and you'll run your entire married life and he'll resent you for it.
Im not offended....I was actually joking. Its just I have a feeling when she does stand up for herself, (which you are all right, because she should), this lady is going to dig her heels in farther. If her son is already taking his GFs side, then hes aware of the problem, and it may take several missed dinners to get the point across, but I dont see her backing down easily.....been there, dont that!!! We had a bride in here with major MiL problems....was it StaceyMc or ShawnaBride? I think it was one of them......
Good Luck girl!!!

[darkangel090260]

am i the only one that has a mother in law who is a god send

[cowboysbride]

am i the only one that has a mother in law who is a god send

Nah, mine is too! I was just too pigheaded and stressed to realize it back when I first joined (hind sight is 20/20)! She is very loving and supportive and thinks I am the best thing since sliced bread for her baby boy!

[AngelinLove]

My fmil is the most awesome person ever!!! Eevryone loves her and she is so sweet. The first time I met her she hugged me and welcomed me into her home...and she has never made me feel less than part of her family. The first Mother's Day that we were together Joel's mom told me that even though she knew she could never replace my mother, she would do the best that she could to be like a mom to me...and she has. I am sorry that you are not as lucky, but all I can really say is that I agree with everyone else and that you MUST stand up for yourself!!!!

[hummingbird521]

my husbands mother passed away when he was 17 years old. i would have liked to have known her and most especially would have liked to have thanked her for raising a very fine man who has much respect for women. he was raised right. i have told him numerous times that i wish i could say thank you. so i don't have the mil problems. i guess for this i am thankful.

[Kacie_bride]

My FMIL is pretty cool. I think what both of you need to do is stay away from her house for awhile. Miss a couple of Sundays. She is being ridiculous. Why not go to your mom's house on Sunday evening or you and your FH have your own dinner. If his mom wants to be a part of her son's life she is just going to have to accept that he has a life that does not completly revolve around her. She sounds more like a jealous wife than a mom. Geeze.

[CindySue]

My FMIL is pretty cool. I think what both of you need to do is stay away from her house for awhile. Miss a couple of Sundays. She is being ridiculous. Why not go to your mom's house on Sunday evening or you and your FH have your own dinner. If his mom wants to be a part of her son's life she is just going to have to accept that he has a life that does not completly revolve around her. She sounds more like a jealous wife than a mom. Geeze.
Kacie I agree. It like her dinner is the only one that matters. It may be time for some new traditions.

[rosegrl831]

thanks everyone for your advice. unfortunitly she is not the type of person who will respect me more later on for standing up for myself, but at least i feel better about myself. for the time being, she disowned her son, but i know that wont last. would you agree that i should stay away from family nights till i get an apology or should i shrug this off.i wouldnt be bitter about all this if it wasnt for the fact that she was so insulting to me and my family.

lol and just so everyone knows how crazy my situation is right now. my mom just got married last year and i also have the stepsister from hell! :p i always wondered if the evil mother in law and evil step sisters existed. guess i got my answer.

[sweet bride]

hi me too i have a lot of problems with my fiance's mother every time i see her or talk to her in the phone she insult me or embaress me and she try to say her opinion in everthing in our house and we must do what she want or she become upset from us she will make me crazy sometimes i feel that i'll break down :bbmad:

[Jacklynn]

I don't really have too many problems with my future in laws so I can't really imagine what it would be like. I guess the best thing would be to talk directly to your boyfriend and just tell him how much this upsets you can hurts you. And do it again and again until he understands. I don't really know what else you can do.

[Jena1984]

Does anyone have a stoy of a FMIL/MIL who started off crazy and ended up being nice? I Love my FH, but I am afraid. I am having a hard time coming to grips with the fact that I have already decided that I am not having anything to do with his family after the wedding. :bbcry: It is cause us a lot of stress. We just want our lives to be happy, and we want to be together. But they just want to drive us INSANE! We are communicating better and we a re getting througgh, this. What does not kill us will only make us stronger, right? I just would like someone to tell me that it doesn't always end badly. Please tell me there is a light???:bbcry:

[cowboysbride]

Time and a divorce taught me the best way to handle a crazy In Law is to ignore them... I know it's difficult but it can be done. If you don't acknowledge or participate in their **** it has to stop unless they are schizophrenic and can carry on an argument amongst themselves! And if you don't acknowledge it your FH/DH will eventually see it for what it is...them trying to cause trouble and being childish.

[SerendipityCrafts]

geez ... not married and already you are getting flack?! uhhhhhhhhh hate to tell you this but it's not going to change ....

Even when my ex was the one that didn't want to visit his parents, I was the one to be blamed. I hated their constant interference in my life. We moved 4 hours away from them and they followed us a year later! MILs & FILs can and do get between and eventually divide.