Is it supposed to be this difficult????

[countrygirl]

Ok, it's time for me to complain again, and it seems that that is all I seem to be doing these days. If it's not one thing, it's another, and I am at the end of my rope. I acutally told J last weekend that I didn't want to do this anymore, and am on the verge of just heading to a JP, but he said that he wouldn't let me do that because he knows that it not what I really want.

First, there is all of the drama of my MOH. My sister steped up and took the plate for that one, saying that she would do what she can. Yet, hasn't tried to assist until I told her that I will have to plan my own bach./bridal parties. J has now said that he will make sure those happen. I don't want him involved, but I know him, and he will do it wether I like it or not.

Then, the church and reception hall. We have to change the places and dates because the church we origianally wanted was going to charge us up the ying yang for the day. Not right for a church to do. So, they are moved.

Now, my mother. She lives about 75 miles from me, and hasn't had much to do w the planning. She was w me when I got my dress, and was supposed to go flower shopping w me, but had to postpone that due to a death in the family. Understandable. She was also going to buy the cake, and wanted to (providing her house sells) buy our airline tickets for our honeymoon. But she hasn't had much else to do with it. She gives advice, but doesn't like it if I dont accept it, or gives advice on things I should change to better suit others in the bridal party (the BM dresses). She tells me that I have different taste than she and my sister, and I have to do what makes me happy for the wedding, but then tells me that what I have chosen isn't right, or that it's "just not her taste". She tells me that I don't NEED a bach party, or bridal shower, and I dont NEED to to have my sister (MOH) at the rehersal (they are driving down from Utah together and she doesn't want to ask for time off when she finds a job). Not to mention that my stepfather will be walking me down the isle, I think he might need to be there too. She emails me lists of things that I havne't done yet, including things that we were supposed to do together, but didn't bother to listen when I told her I have to wait for my paydays. And hasn't bothered to try to get together to help w any of them.

In the past month and a half, my step brother passes away, she lost her job due to going out of town for the funeral, and is now trying to sell her house to move closer to my stepfather's family. I understand that life has thrown her a complete curveball. She tells me that I don't ever ask her opinion, and that I only shoot down what she suggests anyway. My BM, and her mom have been alot of help, letting me know of things that they have found, or helped me in chosesing things (BM) because she has been there. Now my sister (who lives in Utah, and hasn't given much advice other than to watch out for my mom) and my mother ( who doesn't want to drive to my side of town because it's 'too far')are feeling left out because I have been getting help and advice from other people.

And to top it off, my mother just told me that she can't deal w my wedding today because she has things in life 'other than my wedding' going on. Am I supposed to be crying every day? I thought planning a wedding was supposed to be fun.

[cowboysbride]

Oh Heather! It will get better I promise, I just went thru all that remember? Take a deep breath and remember no matter what church, who gets the cake, what kind of parties you have and who throws them that in the end you and J will be MR & MRS and nothing else will matter right now I know it sucks to hear that, but it WILL get better I PROMISE, just calm down and breathe, it's stress taking it's toll on you!

[CindySue]

Yep....I went through the same stuff. If it rains, it pours. It will get better, but be preapred for it to get a little worse first!!!! It really is all worth it.
Good Luck!!!

[countrygirl]

Well now apparently, according to my mother, I am being selfish and only thinking of me and Josh. I haven't asked her for anything. But since I have to defend myself in planning me wedding I am selfish.

[StaceyMc]

No, it's not supposed to be this difficult.

I say replace your sister as MOH with your BM friend who has helped you so much. That way, you'll be sure to get the assistance that you need. As besides, it sounds as though your BM friend deserves the honor more than your sister.

That's horrible that your mom says that she has "other things going on". I would probably not talk to her about the wedding anymore, continue with my plans and let her ask you about it. When she starts crying about how you never ask her opinion, you can remind her that she had other things going on.

[AngelinLove]

Heather, I can totally relate to and understand what you are going through. Sometimes it just seems like people are only interested in the wedding when it suits than and when they want to complain about something...adn that teh rest of te time it seems like you are all alone. No one ever told me that planning a wedding was going to be this stressful and that I would feel so alone at times. With everything that has been going on and all of the changes that you have had to make lately, it is no surprise that you are feeling so stressed and fed-up and just want to walk away. I think that J is right though, you really do want this weddinga nd it is your day and you deserve it. I am sure that if you just keep pushing forward it will get easier and things will get better for you!!!

[countrygirl]

I just sent her an email telling her I will not ask for her help w anything, I won't expect help w the things that she wants to do for us, and I will see her at the wedding. She really has a nack for blowing things up!!!!

[theweddinghelper]

I am so sorry!
If there is anything @ all I can do let me know! We are here for you no matter what! When i was getting married it was very stressful too! I had my moments too! I broke down and started crying @ wrk 1 day when someone just asked me what's wrong! I def. did not have as much on my plate than you have right now! I will pray for you! I totally understand, your mom has alot going on too, but her daughter is getting married, she should be there for you physically and emotionally! I can't believe she or your sis isn't even throwing u a shower! that is who exactly who did mine! If I lived closer, I'd throw u one myself! I hope things get better for you from here on out! I think you should maybe have a long talk w/ your mom and tell her how you are feeling.
Just tell her you understand all of the misfortunes but you really need her right now. Also, that sometimes when you do ask for her advice she just puts you down and it doesn't help. I know it's easier said than done but it may help alot!
I hope I helped somewhat, remember we are here for you!:D

[CindySue]

Sometimes thats what you have to do. If I would have known mine was going to be that hard, I would have pushed harder for the destination wedding like I really wanted.

[countrygirl]

I am so sorry!
If there is anything @ all I can do let me know! We are here for you no matter what! When i was getting married it was very stressful too! I had my moments too! I broke down and started crying @ wrk 1 day when someone just asked me what's wrong! I def. did not have as much on my plate than you have right now! I will pray for you! I totally understand, your mom has alot going on too, but her daughter is getting married, she should be there for you physically and emotionally! I can't believe she or your sis isn't even throwing u a shower! that is who exactly who did mine! If I lived closer, I'd throw u one myself! I hope things get better for you from here on out! I think you should maybe have a long talk w/ your mom and tell her how you are feeling.
Just tell her you understand all of the misfortunes but you really need her right now. Also, that sometimes when you do ask for her advice she just puts you down and it doesn't help. I know it's easier said than done but it may help alot!
I hope I helped somewhat, remember we are here for you!:D

Thank you, I can say it def helps having you girls to talk to.

[LaceyinPgh]

Wow, are you sure you didn't just copy an dpaste things from my journal into this thread? I'm sorry you have to go through this. I went thorugh my own wedding hell too. I was ready to say forget it and just run off too. I don't know a single bride who has abig wedding with family invovled that doesn't end up in tears at least a dozen times. All I can say is that I'm sorry and you aren't alone. If you need anything just let us know.

[MOB Karen]

I'm sorry, Heather, I wish I could make this better for you! We are here for you any time you want a shoulder! It will get better!

[countrygirl]

I'm sorry, Heather, I wish I could make this better for you! We are here for you any time you want a shoulder! It will get better!

Thanks Karen, like I said before, it just really helps having all the ladies here to blab to.

[ikkin510]

I think most of us ladies have had somethign similar happen to us. My mother gave me the "I'm being selfish" speak a few weeks ago. Actually I get it every few weeks whenever we decide to make OUR wedding however WE want it. I got it again yesterday because we aren't registering for what she wants!!! Heather, it will get better, trust me. You just have to shake it off. It will blow over eventually. Trust me the crying will stop....and then it will start again. But in a few weeks/months it will be done and you'll be married!!!

[CindySue]

I kinda got the opposite of that. I didnt ask anyone for help, because back in the beginning the few that I did ask backed out on me.
When things didnt quite work out as planned, I got a lot of "well if you would have asked me..." And then it was the "you dont have to be too proud to ask for help or you dont have to try to do everything yourself......."
I guess maybe I was unknowingly protecting myself from the cr@p you ladies are going through......

[brewsells]

I'm really sorry your mother is being like that, Heather. It really sucks. I think the best thing to do is just handle things on your own with your BM. It sounds like she really isn't all that interested anyway. That is exactly what my MOH did to me and then tried to put ME on a guilt trip. Best of luck, Heather. Keep your chin up.;)

[cowboysbride]

I got the same thing from my mom over her dress...she couldnt find one so it was MY FAULT and then she got mad because I raised my voice when I asked her "how could it be my fault". To that she replied..."Just call it off..."so i turned to her and said "Mother, when Eric comes by tomorrow don't look at him, don't speak to him and don't expect to go ANYWHERE with us...(we were all planning on going to dinner). This was the day before the wedding shower. By the time I got off work that night (on 6/16) she had calmed down, we cried and hugged and it was all better...personally I think it was me threatening to take away her contact with Eric (she adores him)!

My long winded point is ya'll are stressed, and emotions are running high, it will pass I promise, in the meantime VENT VENT VENT...but to us only cat's easier to let out of the bag than it is to put back in!

[cowboysbride]

It's time for me to go home, get a good nights sleep Heather, relax and enjoy your evening! It'll get better!

[WhiskeyGirl]

Heather,

I'm sorry to hear about all this. it's like some one else said, when it rains it pours! I had the same problems with my mom (well similar) and ya know what I did, I stopped talking to her about the wedding. And ya know what she did, she got all pissy but she kind of eventually caught my drift. My sil was my MOH and she really crapped out on the whole planning thing for my shower/bachlorette party, but ya know Matt picked up the pieces and he was there. We have to remember that we can lean on our men, when everyone else in our lives screws us!! It's rough that we have all had similar stresses when planning our weddings, I'm sorry and I wish it didnt work that way. keep your chin up and stay strong and lean on Josh!! He's there for ya!! Take care and like Ellen said, VENT VENT VENT!! We're here for you Hun!! :)

[darkangel090260]

heck MOH and Bm are MIA. My mother could care less if we had a wedding or not i mean try to talk to her about it is like talking to a wall. Ross can make a destion to save his life. So i am doing everything , I dont even think they will be doing a shower for me. And if i move location 99.9% of my family will not show up and the 1% that would i dont wont to invite.