Doris & Adam - June 2010

[doris27]

HOW WE MET AND GOT TOGETHER:
Adam and I met a few years ago. We have several mutual friends and met through them. We are both geeks, and we play a trading card game called Magic the Gathering. Because of that and the fact that we had friends in common, we saw each other occasionally at Magic events and social gatherings. We started talking more at a party a little less than a year ago and kind of hit it off. After that we started hanging out more, playing video games, going to movies, and spending time with friends. Right from the start we got along really well, and I noticed how non-stressful it was to be around him, how I was just happy and enjoying myself.

Adam graduated from college (the same college I attended, but had already graduated from) and was getting ready to move back home to live with his family for a little while, to work and save up money for grad school. The night before he left, he stayed with me because his apartment was empty of furniture by then. (My kids were at their dad's.) We stayed up until about five in the morning playing a video game and talking. Eventually we both realized that there was something more going on between us. We talked about it and got a little closer, but we were not too sure about pursuing things because he was moving and I had just gotten out of a relationship.

We texted and talked on the phone a lot after he left, and it became clear pretty quickly that we both wanted to pursue something more. He started visiting on some weekends and finally we decided to go for it. This was a big deal for me because I have always been opposed to being in a long distance relationship. Things went great between us. One of the best parts was the fact that we could talk about and work through pretty much anything and almost never fought.

Adam started spending time with me with my kids and they got along very well. We realized that things were going really well with our relationship and that we didn't like being away from each other, so he decided to move back here and we decided to move in together.

[doris27]

TALKING ABOUT MARRIAGE:
I think we first started talking about marriage by joking about it. I know I was nervous about it at first because there is a stereotype about men being afraid of commitment. Plus, it was still early in our relationship, and discussion about such serious things had gone very badly in my previous relationship.

As we talked we began to actually figure out some of what we would want if we decided to get married. For example, we came up with our date, June 26, 2010 because we thought June would be a good month to get married in, and 2010 would give us enough time to prepare. We didn't want our wedding (and anniversary) to be close to any other important dates, and June worked well for us.

Eventually our discussions became more serious and we started to actually consider getting married. At that point, we talked about some issues that we felt were important to discuss, and started to look at rings. We eventually found a ring that I loved and he liked that was in our budget. It was an interesting process because it turns out that I have exceptionally small fingers (my ring finger is a size 3) and so it's more difficult to get a ring than it is for some people.

By the time we had picked out a ring, I was pretty much ready to get engaged. He wanted to discuss some more about the future and potential issues that could arise because he looked at engagement as the first step of our life together and wanted to start things off on the right foot. I looked at it more as a commitment to do our best to make things work no matter what happened. We discussed these differences in perspective and other matters, and realized we had resolved everything we needed to.

[Moon.Dust.]

size 3??? *sigh* my size 8 finger is envious.

[doris27]

I bet your size 8 is a lot easier to find a ring for, though. I always knew my fingers were on the small side. I just never realized they were *that* small.

[Mrs.Goff]

I will never understand why ALL rings in the stores are size 7.

Congrats on your engagement. Can't wait to see all your plans.

[doris27]

Thanks. We've actually talked about wedding stuff quite a bit, considering we just got engaged last Wednesday (of course, a lot of that discussion took place before the actual engagement). I'm looking forward to posting things as we decide them. I'll probably post things we are considering soon, also.

[doris27]

THE PROPOSAL:
FH and I were out together and we stopped in Starbucks for me to get coffee (a triple grande white chocolate mocha, to be more specific). We had been talking about getting engaged earlier in the day. I didn't find out until later, but while we were standing in line with our arms around each other, he decided he was ready to ask me. After I got my drink he sat down. I was a little surprised because I thought we were just getting the drink and going. I asked him whether he wanted to hang out there for a bit and he said he did.

I needed to use the bathroom and had been waiting until we got home, so I said okay, but that I was going to stop in the bathroom first. Well, I came back and I was just about to say something I had thought of while I was in the bathroom. He sat me down in his lap and asked me to marry him. I don't remember exactly what was said. I do know that I asked him something about whether he was serious and/or if he was sure. I know I said yes with no hesitation. My sister told me she also asked her husband if he was sure when he asked her to marry him. Lol.

Afterwards he and I were talking and apparently he had this voice in his head saying "ask her" and it felt right and he was ready, so he did. What's funny is that he's had a bunch (probably four or five) of different proposal ideas that were fairly elaborate. The problem was, every time he thought of one, he ended up telling me about it and couldn't use it.

After he asked me and I accepted, I was still sitting on his lap and we were smiling at each other and kissing, and then one of us (I think it was him) said something like, "should we be doing this in Starbucks?" referring to us kissing the way we were. So we kind of laughed and headed out. It was really sweet.

[june0609]

Congrats on everything! :)
I hear ya about the size of your finger.
My engagement ring is a size 2.5.

[doris27]

We're going ring shopping today, and making our final choice about the engagement ring. He's going to order it today! (It needs to be ordered because I need a size three). I'm so excited. I'll write more after we get back.

[doris27]

Congrats on everything! :)
I hear ya about the size of your finger.
My engagement ring is a size 2.5.

Wow! 2.5. That's really tiny. Did you know your fingers were so comparatively small before your engagement? I found out in the process of going ring shopping. Lol.

[june0609]

I did know that 2.5 was my ring size prior to the engagement ring because my mom had bought me a ring a couple of years earlier and I wore it on that finger so I had to get it sized for that ring. I'm glad I knew before I got my engagement ring though. :)

[Moon.Dust.]

I bet your size 8 is a lot easier to find a ring for, though. I always knew my fingers were on the small side. I just never realized they were *that* small.
I USED to be a 7 so I could just go to jewelry stores and get any ring I wanted, but thanks to certain med problems I put on poundage and my fingers gained weight too! :bbeek:

No big. just with my hands weren't inflatable balloons anymore.
I will never understand why ALL rings in the stores are size 7.

Congrats on your engagement. Can't wait to see all your plans.
7 is the most common ring size. So they hedge their bets and make them 7s. That way the number of rings that have to be sized up or down is fewer.

[doris27]

I USED to be a 7 so I could just go to jewelry stores and get any ring I wanted, but thanks to certain med problems I put on poundage and my fingers gained weight too! :bbeek:

No big. just with my hands weren't inflatable balloons anymore.

7 is the most common ring size. So they hedge their bets and make them 7s. That way the number of rings that have to be sized up or down is fewer.

That makes sense. It was just a little frustrating not to be able to try on anything that fit.

[doris27]

THE RING:
It's a long story, but we weren't able to order the ring on the day I thought we would be. Well, today my FH surprised me by coming home early from work with my engagement ring! I was so excited. It's really beautiful and I will post pics later.

He ordered it in a smaller size and then when it comes in they will size it down to my size from there. Right now I am wearing it in the standard size with a ring guard, and then we'll change them out when the one in my size is ready.

I just keep staring at it, at the way it sparkles and catches the light. I went into ring shopping thinking I would like round diamonds best, and I still like them, but it turns out my favorite in most cases is princess cut.

It's kind of strange...in some ways I don't like the idea that a ring, an item, is considered to represent so much. It seems commercial to me. I have a friend who told me he wouldn't consider us officially engaged until there was a ring on my finger. Well, I sent him a pic of my finger with the ring and he was excited for us and congratulated us. It made me happy, but at the same time, I wonder why people place so much emphasis on the symbol instead of what is being symbolized. And yet...I kind of buy into it, too. I like symbols. I like looking at my finger and seeing the reminder of how much he loves me.

[doris27]

THE SITES (tentative):
These are the sites I want. Hopefully they will both work out.

Wedding:

[doris27]

The Reception:

[Mrs.Goff]

Wow, they look amazing. I hope it works out for you.

[doris27]

Home:
Well, this isn't really wedding related, but FH and I get to start moving into our new home today! I'm so excited. It's a big three bedroom apartment. Lots of room for us and for my kids (and possibly a puppy, but we're gonna get settled and then decide). We're not moving the furniture until Friday, so it's mostly boxes and such going over today. Still I can't wait to get the key and turn on the lights. I think there's a good chance this is where we will be staying until we have both graduated from grad school and we're ready to look into buying a house.

[doris27]

Invitations:
I love these invitations:

http://www.scrollweddinginvitations.com/scrollcards.aspx?type=scrollcards

We'd probably get something in purple and silver, I think. They go well with our general fantasy theme.

[doris27]

Wow, they look amazing. I hope it works out for you.

Thanks. I hope so, too. The reception site looks like it'll work out well. I'm more concerned about the wedding site. It's on the expensive side and tends to book quickly. I'm hopeful, though.

[doris27]

The Ring - Pics From Website:
This is what my ring looks like. I'll post pictures of it on my finger once I get my camera working.

[doris27]

I am so distracted today. I'm supposed to be doing work for grad school right now, and I'm having a hard time forcing myself to stop looking at wedding stuff. FH and I are in the process of moving. We're doing it in bits and pieces over the course of a few days. I love our new apartment. I just wish I could focus on the stuff I need to get done a bit better. Is there such a thing as wedding brain (sort of like pregnancy brain, but for engaged women instead)?

[doris27]

Oh, man. I am soo tired. I love our new place, but moving makes for some long days...and I didn't even do the hardest part of it. Adam and a family member did the heavy lifting. It's so nice to look around and see things coming together here. The only downside is that when we get around to being ready to buy a place (probably in a couple of years) I worry that I won't want to leave here. Lol.

[doris27]

Adam and I are celebrating our six month anniversary today, of that day we officially got together. We were spending time together before that. My FH had to work a full day today, but now we get to spend the evening and night together. He's out picking up dinner for us. Yay! I'm so happy.

[octoberbride09]

The Ring - Pics From Website:
This is what my ring looks like. I'll post pictures of it on my finger once I get my camera working.


Thats my exact e-ring too!!!! we have great taste!! Congrats!

[doris27]

Thats my exact e-ring too!!!! we have great taste!! Congrats!

Thanks! I agree. I stare at mine a lot. I love how it sparkles in different kinds of lighting. Congrats to you as well. =-)

[Ashl3y2]

We have also set our wedding date as June 26th 2010! You know its a full moon? That is why we chose it. Our wedding is outside so it will give great light! I am so excited for you! Getting married is such a wonderful thing!

[doris27]

We have also set our wedding date as June 26th 2010! You know its a full moon? That is why we chose it. Our wedding is outside so it will give great light! I am so excited for you! Getting married is such a wonderful thing!

I love full moons. I think I did notice that when I was trying to decide which day in June I preferred. Our wedding will be inside, but it's going to be evening/night and both of the locations we're hoping for have huge windows. For the reception site, the whole ceiling is glass. I love it! Congrats on your engagement. I agree that getting married is wonderful. I feel so lucky and blessed to be marrying my wonderful FH!

[snu]

Hope you don't mind another 2010 bride following along! ;)

I love your ring!

I feel your pain about moving. We are planning on moving this summer, and I'm already dreading it!

[doris27]

Hope you don't mind another 2010 bride following along! ;)

I love your ring!

I feel your pain about moving. We are planning on moving this summer, and I'm already dreading it!

Thanks. I'm very fond of it, too. I'd love for you to follow along. I'd love to here about your ideas and plans, too. Yeah, moving is a bummer. For us, it was helped a lot by the fact that our new living situation is so much better than our old one.

[doris27]

FH and I actually have a lot of ideas (okay, mostly I do...lol...I've done a lot of research already, but he does give input when I ask and he is interested in these things, so that makes me happy). I've got 63 pages of ideas, mostly in the form of pictures. I don't want to post all of that, because it would be really long and a lot of work, but I think I'll put up some of it and see what you all think, probably my favorite things. I'll also post the final choices once we've made them.

[doris27]

Here are the basics as they stand right now:

DATE: June 26, 2010
We chose the month based on when there weren't any major holidays for either of us or our families. The exact date was the Saturday I liked best. As I mentioned in an earlier post, I had forgotten about it since then, but I'm pretty sure the fact that it will be a full moon was a factor in the decision. We chose the year based upon how much time we'd need to be ready.

TIME OF DAY: Evening/Night
FH and I are both night owls naturally, and I think we both really like late nights. When we first started hanging out, it was often late at night, when most other people were sleeping. Also, I doubt either of us would be as happy if we had to get up early to get ready for the wedding as we'd probably be quite tired. In addition, I think evening and night are very romantic for weddings and there are some really nice things you can do with lighting to set the mood.

THEME: Fantasy
This one we came up with together. I don't remember exactly how the conversation went, but basically we're both geeks and we initially bonded over Final Fantasy XII, so this fit us very well. We are incorporating different types of fantasy elements. We don't want it to be over the top or cutesy, but we want to include elements we enjoy from different fantasy stories. Examples include: music from a video game for the processional and/or recessional, tables named after locations in various fantasy stories (eg. Lothlorien), the other women/girls and I possibly dressed in dresses that have some sort of fantasy/ethereal elements to them, royal colors, etc.

COLORS: The go with the fantasy idea, we are thinking in terms of purples, blues, gold, and silver.

[Mrs.Goff]

Sounds like you're well on your way to a fantastic wedding.

[doris27]

Sounds like you're well on your way to a fantastic wedding.

Thank you so much! I hope you're right. =-)

[doris27]

Well, I did a little personalizing on here. I put up a ticker in my signature and an avatar picture. I hope to be able to replace it with a better one once we get our engagement pictures taken. I don't have any really good pictures of the two of us together, plus my FH recently lost about 30 pounds, so he looks a little different.

[doris27]

FH has a friend who has started his own photography business. We are considering hiring him as the photographer for our wedding. On the plus side since he's just getting started he might have better rates, and as Adam's friend he's likely to put a lot of care into it. On the negative side, mixing business and friends can be tricky, and he doesn't have that much experience yet. I want to find out what his rates are and if they seem like they are in our price range, give the engagement pics a shot and see what we think. He said they offer them for free as long as we retain their services for the wedding, but that there's no obligation to keep them if we don't like them. That sounds good.

[doris27]

My sister (who is one of my BMs at least and will probably be my MOH) is going to go dress shopping with me sometime soon. Yay! We're going to start with a local shop called Jay's Bridal. They do also have a really good website, which I like, since I can look some ahead of time. Later, when they are having a sale that works well with our schedules, we're going to check out one of the David's Bridal stores. We can go to Jay's Bridal pretty much anytime and bring my sister's baby with us, but David's Bridal will be a longer trip, so my sister wants to leave her daughter with her DH on a weekend day. I'm guessing our first shopping day will be within the next couple of weeks. I'm very excited.

[doris27]

My FH and I talked to his friend the photographer and so far it seems good. He's charging a significantly less than what I've seen looking into other photographers and on the boards, and we're getting a lot for it. I also like his approach. He's willing to work with us on any preferences we have, and his favored approach to the album is to do it in a coffee table style book. Basically he likes to set it up to tell the story, so that someone looking through it will almost feel like they are there. He sent us a link to show us what the albums are like and the options for that. I love the ones that are hardcover with pictures (from the wedding) printed on the outside. He said there would be two photographers and they'd probably end up taking between 1500 and 2000 photos, and we get all of them (on CD). The one thing that I wonder about is the fact that he does it all in digital. I want to do some research about that. But so far I am pleased.

[doris27]

We just found out that my fiance got accepted into the master's program here for Teaching Social Studies. We're very excited and relieved. He'd already been accepted into a program at another school, but it's two hours away and with me having the kids (and their dad living here) moving really isn't a realistic option for me. Also, we both got our undergraduate degrees from the university here, so we are quite fond of the school. This will make planning and getting our lives organized so much easier, and now we don't have to worry about this becoming a long distance relationship again. Yay!

[doris27]

I finally have a picture of my engagement ring on my finger. I also took pictures with my fiance of our hands together. He's wearing the ring I got him for our six month anniversary. It's sort of his engagement ring. Here are the pics:

[snu]

Congrats to your FH for getting into the Master's program!

Nice rings!!

[doris27]

Congrats to your FH for getting into the Master's program!

Nice rings!!

Thanks. It's such a relief to have that settled and I'm really proud of him. I love our rings, but I can't wait until we can take pictures of our hands with our wedding rings. =-)

[doris27]

Well, I made my first real attempt at budgeting and immediately got very stressed. I wrote a post about it in the venting section on here, but basically it came to over $7000 before factoring in the honeymoon or rehearsal dinner, which I really think is considerably more than we can afford. A couple of ladies responded on here with information on how they had less expensive weddings and that helped a lot. I feel much more at ease now. I know there will probably be things we will want to splurge on, but I feel like if we're careful we can keep things more in control.

Last night my FH and I talked about what our priorities are regarding the wedding. The most important things were things like having a meaningful ceremony, having important people present, and keeping the experience fun. On the more tangible end, we both thought pictures were important, and I really want a pretty dress.

[doris27]

I've looked through a lot of wedding dress pictures, mostly online...maybe too many. Lol. But I wanted to have an idea of what I liked before going and trying dresses on. Plus, I can be a wee little bit obsessive about these things. Anyway, I came across a dress that I think could be The One. I posted this in the dress section, too, but I also wanted to post it here. I called the local bridal shop, and apparently they can order it, but they don't have it in the shop for me to try on. Also, it's more expensive than I want...but I think it's so beautiful. I'll have to see what other information I can find.

[doris27]

Wedding planning is already turning out to be rather stressful and frustrating. We looked at our school schedules and discovered that the only really good time for us to get married within the next couple of years is winter/Christmas break of this year. So, we checked with the site we want and it is available, but...there will be Christmas decorations including a huge (I think 25 ft.) tree in the room we want to have our reception in. We've been thinking in terms of a purple, silver, gold, and white color scheme and a fantasy theme. We are okay with adding in a winter subtheme or sorts. The purple would probably mostly be a plum/eggplant color. However, the christmas decorations really don't mesh well. We'd pretty much have to make Christmas our theme, which we don't want to do. The decorations are up from the beginning of December until December 29. They can't modify them or take them down before then. The 30th and 31st are in the middle of the week. And the next available date after that is the 3rd, which is two days before FH has to start back to school. He emailed his advisor about possibly missing a few days, but she was adamantly opposed to that. I guess I could just run with the Christmas thing, but I don't want to and I feel like if we're going to pay a bunch of money for a wedding I at least want it to be what we really want. I've been looking online for another site, but I can't find anything else I really like. Bleh.

[Mrs.Goff]

Well, that's not good at all. I'm sorry that you all are having problems picking a date. I can only speak for myself but, I would rather have a less appealing venue rather than have a theme/look/feel I'm not happy with.

I hope you all find something that is perfect for you.

[doris27]

Well, that's not good at all. I'm sorry that you all are having problems picking a date. I can only speak for myself but, I would rather have a less appealing venue rather than have a theme/look/feel I'm not happy with.

I hope you all find something that is perfect for you.

Thanks. Yeah, it's been stressful. But we are looking into other places. Fantasies of eloping are becoming more frequent, but I don't think we'd really want to do that. =-P

Mostly I just want to get married to the man I love and have the process (ceremony, etc) feel right for us.

[Kay]

Well, I just found your journal today and want to say Congrats! The dress you like is BEAUTIFUL, btw!

[doris27]

Well, I just found your journal today and want to say Congrats! The dress you like is BEAUTIFUL, btw!

Thank you! I can't wait to start trying on dresses. My sister and I are supposed to go later in the week, but her baby daughter is sick (pink eye) so that might need to be postponed.

[doris27]

We haven't reserved it yet, but my FH and I think we have found our site for our ceremony and determined the date. We need to look into reception sites more still and try to pick one out. The site we want is the one I first posted pics of here. We were thinking we'd just have the wedding at the same place as the reception to save money, but I'm so glad we're probably doing it this way now. My FH and I went to see the site together today. I had been there before (attended a wedding there), but my FH had not. We both loved it. We can get it for Sunday evening on December 20, which is great because it's still the weekend, but we get better rates. We also have the option of Saturday, December 19 in the evening, but we're leaning towards the 20th.

[doris27]

Yay. We reserved our ceremony site. I posted pics of it earlier. It's beautiful. It looks like a small cathedral (though it has no religious affiliation) and it's right on the lake. The building is owned by the local university.

Our date is now officially Dec 20, 2009. =-) I'm really happy with this date even though it's quite different from what we were originally thinking.

[doris27]

My FH and I stopped in a local bridal shop because we were out running errands and it was nearby. I wanted to try on dresses soo badly, but I'm not sure how I feel about trying them on with my FH there. I haven't decided if I want him to help me choose the dress, or if I want it to be a surprise. My sister was going to shop with me this week, but she, her husband, and their baby are all sick with a cold, so I don't think that's going to happen. I did see a few dresses that I thought were really pretty. I can't wait to go back and try them on.

[Mrs.Goff]

YaY, For setting the date!

It was really important to me that DH not see my dress until I walked down the aisle. Some people don't really care. I'm sure you'll figure out what's best for you.

PS: When you take pictures, I think I speak for everyone when I say we want to see. :D

[snu]

Congrats on setting the date!!

I agree...we want to see pics when you take them! :)

[doris27]

YaY, For setting the date!

It was really important to me that DH not see my dress until I walked down the aisle. Some people don't really care. I'm sure you'll figure out what's best for you.

PS: When you take pictures, I think I speak for everyone when I say we want to see. :D

I'm still undecided. I'd love his input, and to be sure he likes the dress (though he assures me he will like any dress as long as I am wearing it), but I love the idea of that first time he sees me in the dress moment.

I will definitely take pics when I go shopping. =-)

[doris27]

Congrats on setting the date!!

I agree...we want to see pics when you take them! :)

Thanks! Pics will definitely go up once I have them. =-)

[Mrs.Goff]

Maybe you could surf the web with him to see what he likes or doesn't like. But in the end make sure to get that one you love and feel best in. He's right, he'll love whatever you wear, because he loves you.

[doris27]

Maybe you could surf the web with him to see what he likes or doesn't like. But in the end make sure to get that one you love and feel best in. He's right, he'll love whatever you wear, because he loves you.

Thanks. I think you're right. It was strange, though. When we were in the bridal shop, we talked about the dresses there a bit. Looking online, he seemed to prefer less princess-like dresses, but when we were actually at the store and I asked him about one that was not very princess-like, he said that it looked more like an evening gown and not a wedding dress. He actually seemed to prefer the princess dresses...which is really good, because I think those are usually my favorites.