PDA

View Full Version : The hard questions


WebLady
03-10-2009, 05:36 PM
I am sure I have posted this before, but it has been a while and I thought about it again today.

So here ya go ...

-------
There are a lot of things to think about while planning your wedding. But some people forget the most important thing. Are you absolutely sure you are ready for this and is this really the right person for you?! Or are you blinded by the idea of marriage and love?

Marriage is suppose to be a lifelong commitment. It is an emotional and spiritual bond; it is about mutual love, respect, trust, and communication. So there are some important questions you and your fiancé should ask yourselves before you go through with all this.


1. How well do we really know each other? (Have you been together long enough to know the important things about each other?)

2. Do we respect and trust each other? (Lasting marriage requires this as well as love)

3. Are we getting married for the right reasons? (It is about more than just being in love or in “love” with the idea of being married … loneliness, pregnancy, financial security or wanting to get out of your parents home or other situations are not good reasons to get married)

4. Do we share the same or compatible beliefs about the major issues of life? (Religion, having and raising children, etc) If not, how are we going to handle our differences?

5. Do we have the same or compatible goals for the future? (Finances, health, home, family etc…)

6. Are we compatible in how we handle conflict in our relationship and in life in general? (is one of you quiet and the other argumentative?) If not, are we willing to work on it?

7. What do we want and expect out of marriage … do we have the same or compatible wants/expectations?

8. Do we agree on how we will live after we are married? (who will cook, clean, work, pay bills, make decisions, etc)

9. Do we communicate well … can we comfortably talk to each other about anything? (everyday things and more ... sex, money, feelings, politics, etc. Communication is the key to any good relationship. Your spouse should be your best friend.)

10. Do we love and accept each other as we are right now without any hidden goals or agendas to change the other person?


Though these questions don’t cover everything, but it should give you some things to discuss. No, you don’t have to agree on everything but you should agree on the things you find to be the most important ... or at least come to a mutually acceptable compromise before you say “I Do“. If not, you could be in for some rough times that could possibly end in the "D" word!
-------

Many times marriage couselors will want you to discuss these sort of questions.

All the best to you all!

WebLady
01-17-2010, 12:25 PM
Another topic had be thinking about this again and thought I'd bump the topic ...

Have you or do you plan to discuss these sorts of things with your partner before the big day?

SkippyNXC
01-17-2010, 12:33 PM
We've been together so long that a lot of these things have worked themselves out naturally in the course of our relationship...

I think one thing we still have yet to really work out is the financial side... we've talked about our goals and whatnot and right now saving/spending is a non-issue b/c i don't work and basically live on an "allowance" from FH lol but i think we should get into it more some day other than FH telling me he "wants someone to take care of all his bills so he doesn't even have to think about them" LOL

i think thats one of the MOST important things b/c so many relationships end over financial troubles/issues...

~MrsTyson~
01-17-2010, 01:14 PM
We've been together so long that a lot of these things have worked themselves out naturally in the course of our relationship.....

This is pretty much how it happened for us too. After 7 years together, living together, and having children already we have already crossed pretty much all those bridges.
Not to say we completely agree on all the topics, but we have found a way to agree to disagree and make compromises peacefully.

gwenshack
01-17-2010, 01:22 PM
Thanks for posting this Brandi. I think those are great questions that couples need to ask themselves. :yesnod:
Also, as a selfish side note, seeing as I just woke up and this was one of the first things I read, it started the day off on a good note since I nodded my head with each question in regard to my own situation. So, score! :rofl:

dodgercpkl
01-17-2010, 02:16 PM
My fiance and I have been together a bit over a year now and have known each other for a year and a 1/2. All of these are topics we've discussed many of them in detail simply because of our situation. One of the many things that drew me to Anton is the fact that I DO feel comfortable with him in all parts of my life and he feels the same with me. We are happy whether we are discussing mundane things to the complicated and delicate stuff to just sitting next to each other in companionable silence.

Very well written post Brandi! :)

WebLady
01-17-2010, 02:22 PM
I really think these are important things to discuss. H and I talked about these things and more many times before we got married and were pleased to find that we pretty much agreed on everything. For me it really just reinforced my love for him and the feeling that we were meant to be together :wub: