Anxiety

[Kacie_bride]

I don't think I have ever had this much trouble sleeping. I have been in bed for about 2 hours now and I cannot fall asleep. I keep laying there just thinking away. It has gotten to the point right now that I have grinded my teeth so much that my jaw hurts and I have given myself a stomach ache. I have just taken some cold medicine with a sleep aide in it so maybe that will help.

At first I was thinking about the wedding. All these things were running through my mind. I was thinking about the florist and the flowers I am thinking about now (roses and calla lillies). I was wondering if that would look good and go with my theme etc. Then I started to worry about the stupid chairs again. Then I started to think about the food, hoping it is as good as when we tried it out. Then thought what if I gain a lot of weight in 6 months and my dress does not fit!

All of these stupid little issues have just been floating through my head. Today has been really pleasant. We went to church this morning. It was my brother's b-day and we had a nice dinner with him and my family. My mom and I went to the grocery store and Justin and I spent time together in our garden and I went with him to feed his horse. We played with Sadie (our dog) together and then I prepared for my statistics test tomorrow.

After I worried about the wedding I started to think about another issue. Tomorrow is Justin's first day of his new job. He left his previous job because he was traveling a good majority of the time and his salary was maxed until he was there another 5 years. The mileage they were paying him was so low that he was actually having to put in his own money to pay for gas for work trips. He was required to get his master's degree, but with the amount of hours he was working, that would not be possible.

Anyway when he was first offered this new job I was the one who really encouraged him to take the position. The thing is, the salary is very low, but you make money in commmission. He will be doing inside and outside sales on farm equipment mostly. He will be saleing everything from lawn mowers you would see in residential areas to $100,000 combines. He will only be going out of town twice a year. In August he will go to Omaha for a seminar and then he will go to Miami later in the Fall.

He has the type of personality where I truely believe he will do very well. He is a people person and he has already been studying all about the equipment he will be saleing. He has made lists of contacts with businesses and government offices already.

This is a very good opportunity for him to build his resume. He wants to go into veterianary pharmacuetical sales, but most of the companies want 2 years sales experience.

Even though I believe in him with everything that I have in me, I am now worried. I keep thinking what if. I hope we are not making a mistake with him taking this job. I'm not working right now and if he does not do well it could take a huge toll on us.

Thanks for reading this whole long thing. I just needed to get some things off of my chest.

[WhiskeyGirl]

Kacie,

My dear. Life is so full of what ifs...it makes it hard. Take a step back and a deep breath! If you believe in Justin, he will believe in himself and do great things!! You guys will be ok!! It will all work out I am sure. Life has a funny way of doing that. Sometimes it happens over night and sometimes you have wait two years or more. (lol...ok just an example.) Remember though, that all that matters is that the two of you are happy, and together you will be happy. I believe that if he tries as hard as you've said he is (ie studying) he will go a long way!! It's unbelievably hard not to become stressed while planning a wedding and it sounds like you're just having some piled up stress coming at you from different angles, take a breather, relax and remember that fate or God will show you the way!! Keep your chin up Dear!! :)

[darkangel090260]

when i get like this i write and write it just helps blow off some steam with out going nuts trying to figure it out . I always have a journal arround the house and i use it when needed. I have whent throw 30 pages in one night and onces it out of my system i sleep like a baby

[hummingbird521]

I have a journal on disk that i wrote in daily for about the last 2 years or so. It was very helpful to me. like you once i write it all down i feel so much better. it is like having someone to talk to about things you cannot talk to others about. but since moving in and getting married it dawned on me the other day that now i only write in it about once a week, if even that much. haha. so i guess i am not as stressed about life in general as i once was. about your sleep issues: try drinking a glass of milk and eating a peanut butter sandwich before bed. my doctor told me that this would help me sleep. and it did, really. or try some "sleep tea". works wonders for me as well.

[MOB Karen]

I am just like this so I know exactly what you're talking about. I have restless sleeps all the time. I'm hoping that everything will be better after the wedding, but knowing me I'll just start worrying about something else. Just try and get as much time away from wedding stuff so that it's not what you think about constantly. I wouldn't worry too much about Justin, he sounds like he has a good head on his shoulders and he is going to do well in life. Good luck, Kacie!!

[CindySue]

Kacie, I feel for you. I really do. I thought my sleepless nights would go away after the wedding, but they havent. Theyre not as bad, but I have a whole new set of worries to think about.
I got this emal from my MiL and it helped. Maybe it will help you too.

FROM GOD TO YOU TO LIGHTEN YOUR LOAD:

1. QUIT WORRYING:
Life has dealt you a blow and all you do is sit and worry. Have you forgotten that I am here to take all your burdens and carry them for you? Or do you just enjoy fretting over every little thing that comes your way?

2. PUT IT ON THE LIST:
Something needs done or taken care of. Put it on the list. No, not YOUR list put it on MY to-do-list. Let ME be the one to take care of the problem. I can't help you until you turn it over to Me. And although My to-do-list is long, I am after all... God. I can take care of anything you put into My hands. In fact, if the truth were ever really known, I take care of a lot of things for you that you never even realize.

3. TRUST ME:
Once you've given your burdens to Me, quit trying to take them back. Trust in Me. Have the faith that I will take care of all your needs, your problems and your trials. Problems with the kids? Put them on My list. Problem with finances? Put it on My list. Problems with your emotional roller coaster? For My sake, put it on My list. I want to help you. All you have to do is ask.

4. LEAVE IT ALONE:
Don't wake up one morning and say, "Well, I'm feeling much stronger now, I think I can handle it from here." Why do you think you are feeling stronger now? It's simple. You gave Me your burdens and I'm taking care of them. I also renew your strength and cover you in my peace. Don't you know that if I give you these problems back, you will be right back where you started? Leave them with Me and forget about them. Just let Me do my job.

5. TALK TO ME:
I want you to forget a lot of things. Forget what was making you crazy. Forget the worry and the fretting because you know I'm in control. But there s one thing I pray you never forget. Please, don't forget to talk to Me - OFTEN! I love YOU! I want to hear your voice. I want you to include Me in on the things going on in your life. I want to hear you talk about your friends and family. Prayer is simply you having a conversation with Me. I want to be your dearest friend.

6. HAVE FAITH:
I see a lot of things from up here that you can't see from where you are. Have faith in Me that I know what I'm doing. Trust Me; you wouldn't want the view from My eyes. I will continue to care for you, watch over you, and meet your needs. You only have to trust Me. Although I have a much bigger task than you, it seems as if you have so much trouble just doing your simple part. How hard can trust be?

7. SHARE:
You were taught to share when you were only two years old. When did you forget? That rule still applies. Share with those who are less fortunate than you. Share your joy with those who need encouragement. Share your laughter with those who haven't heard any in such a long time. Share your tears with those who have forgotten how to cry. Share your faith with those who have none.

8. BE PATIENT:
I managed to fix it so in just one lifetime you could have so many diverse experiences. You grow from a child to an adult, have children, change jobs many times, learn many trades, travel to so many places, meet thousands of people, and experience so much. How can you be so impatient then when it takes Me a little longer than you expect to handle something on My to-do-list? Trust in My timing, for My timing is perfect. Just because I created the entire universe in only six days, everyone thinks I should always rush, rush, rush.

9. BE KIND:
Be kind to others, for I love them just as much as I love you. They may not dress like you, or talk like you, or live the same way you do, but I still love you all. Please try to get along, for My sake. I created each of you different in some way. It would be too boring if you were all identical. Please, know I love each of your differences.

10. LOVE YOURSELF:
As much as I love you, how can you not love yourself? You were created by me for one reason only -- to be loved, and to love in return. I am a God of Love. Love Me. Love your neighbors. But also love yourself. It makes My heart ache when I see you so angry with yourself when things go wrong. You are very precious to me. Don't ever forget......

[MOB Karen]

This gave me chills! Thanks for sharing, Cindy!

[Kacie_bride]

Thank you all for your support. I don't feel as anxious this morning. Well, a little about my statistics test, but not that bad. I feel mostly tired now. It's wierd that usually when I have a test, the night before I am up most of the night worrying about the test even if I know the material. Statistics is hard and I just started worrying about it this morning, but not as bad as I usually would. I have beend doing pretty good in this class. I'll come back and update you all on how I am feeling after I get home from class.

[MOB Karen]

Thank you all for your support. I don't feel as anxious this morning. Well, a little about my statistics test, but not that bad. I feel mostly tired now. It's wierd that usually when I have a test, the night before I am up most of the night worrying about the test even if I know the material. Statistics is hard and I just started worrying about it this morning, but not as bad as I usually would. I have beend doing pretty good in this class. I'll come back and update you all on how I am feeling after I get home from class.

I had to take Statistics for my degree too, and I hate anything to do with math. So what I did was just take it one test at a time. I didn't look ahead in the book or anything like that, because that would have totally freaked me out and I would have wanted to give up before I even started. Just concentrate on passing this test, Kacie, and don't worry about the whole class. By the way, I got through that class with an A.

[Kacie_bride]

This is my last post this morning because I have to get going, but I only have until Wednesday and the class is over! I have this test today and my final on Wednesday. Summer school is really stressful. I will have a week and a half break and then I am taking one more chemistry class in Summer II. Then I just have 12 hours left for the fall: soil science, agricultural mechanics and enginering, communication theory, and debate. Not to bad.

[MOB Karen]

This is my last post this morning because I have to get going, but I only have until Wednesday and the class is over! I have this test today and my final on Wednesday. Summer school is really stressful. I will have a week and a half break and then I am taking one more chemistry class in Summer II. Then I just have 12 hours left for the fall: soil science, agricultural mechanics and enginering, communication theory, and debate. Not to bad.

Not bad at all! When I was done taking my last test before my Bachelor's degree, I went out to my car and just screamed because I knew it was over. Now that was a stress reliever!! LOL!!

[Kacie_bride]

Well that test is over and I feel pretty good about it. I feel pretty good in general right now. I am fixin to get off of here and go watch Opra. Hopefully it is good today!

[LaceyinPgh]

Not bad at all! When I was done taking my last test before my Bachelor's degree, I went out to my car and just screamed because I knew it was over. Now that was a stress reliever!! LOL!!

Your screaming story reminded me of when I took my law school admissions test. I had to drive all the way to Washington County to take it at some ltitle college there in the middle of no where. (About an hour drive). Becaise the seats at Pitt and Duquesne Universities (both within 5 minutes of my house) were all full.

I finished the test (that I took with one of the worst migraines ever) and went out to my car and cried uncontrollably until a campus security officer came over and knocked on my window to ask if I was all right. I told him I was fine and then drove home.

[Jenn060306]

Kacie it sounds like you have similar stress and anxiety problems as i do. Before my wedding i was having a very difficult time sleeping and really not doing so well. I would lay in bed and toss and turn just thinking about everything. I also woke myself up in the night with worry. I clench my jaw so hard it aches and it causes head ahces.
I would suggest you try taking some time before you go to bed to relax and try to get all the wedding and stressed with Justins job out of your mind. If you can read do that. I found that i wasn't able to concentrate on the words because my inner monolog was talking louder. (if that makes any scence) Or just try to do something quiet that you enjoy.
If you are still having difficulties sleeping see you Dr. they may have some solutions for you. Lack of sleep is the first symptom of stress and anxiety disorders. You definatly want to get it under control because it can completely take over your life.
Take care hun. Try to relax. Vent all you need here. It does help i found.

[Kacie_bride]

Thanks Jenn. Last night was much better! I feel right to sleep when I got into bed. One more day after today of Summer I and then I have a little break before summer II. I am defiantely looking forward to that!