Bridesmaid problems

[TonyaP]

I went out this weekend and had my Bachelorette party that my bridesmaid arranged. I helped her pick out grab bags and paid to fly her down to be here. While at one bar I told her I wanted to leave and go somewhere (let's say A) and she said she wanted to go to "B". I told her I didn't like "B" and she continued to argue with me until I got upset and told her it wasn't about her. She got upset and started crying in the bar then pouted for another hour. I was so upset! I understood she planned everything but why would she want me to go somewhere I flat out told her I didn't want to go to? She also put me down (pointed out some flaws) in front of some of my friends and future mother in law. She told her how I can't cook and how he wouldn't cheat on me because I would put him in his place. (That is the last thing I mother wants to hear) She made me sound like a real b****. Then she showed my grandma a picture of me doing something at the party- Ah WHY? I just don't feel like she is a true friend to do those things to me to me. It really ruined my night. All that great planning and limo down the drain over the fact that she insisted we went where she wanted to go. So now I am afraid to death that she is going to make some kind of upset on my wedding day! I cried all day. She has always put me down in front of other people but about six months before I got engaged until two years later she stopped but she is doing it again. I waited until she got home because I didn't want it to be even more uncomfortable until she left but today I had a long hard talk with her. I had to tell her how she hurt my feelings and the party was a bummer because I was so hurt and upset about everything that happened. Now she keeps texting me and telling me if I don't want her in the wedding then to tell her. Here is another twist I am supposed to be in her wedding in October. What do I do? Was I wrong? What would you do if this happened to you? Should I tell her she can step down? Should I let her stay and step down from hers? Thanks in advance for your advice!

[Karyanne20]

That is really sad that someone would do this to you. i assume that your wedding is very soon if you are having your bachelorette party. I would talk to this girl and see what her problem is. Maybe she is having other issues in her life and taking them out on you. Otherwise, if it can't be fixed, I would just tell her to forget it about the wedding and move on.

[VickiLynn84]

oh wow. That is terrible what she did to you! If it were me, she'd so be done and OUT of my wedding. (even if it was as close as yours) I don't tolerate that kind of nonsense. You don't need that kind of stress. I'm so sorry she did that to you *hugs*

But do whats right for you, if you want to work things out and you can, thats great.

[RosieAngel]

I can understand her being disappointed that you didn't like her idea, but the way she handled the situation was inexcusable. Why did you ask such a nasty "friend" who regularly throws childish temper-tantrums and makes you feel bad about yourself to be your bridesmaid in the first place? Was it because you were asked to be in her wedding and felt obligated to reciprocate?

I'd tell her that I had no intention of removing her from the wedding, but if she wants to get kicked out so badly that she's constantly texting me about it, she can go ahead and be my guest. :snide:

[f77g4]

Wow sorry to hear about such childish behaviour.

Personally I wouldn't put up with it and she's be gone but that is me....I had a friend one time when I went to a prom with my ex - she was jealous that she wasn't going and at that time I was really tiny and I had fairly form fitting dress and all day long she kept telling me I looked fat, etc and that it didnt look good on me....she had me so upset that my mom actually had to ask her to leave......could she just be jealous? Mind you that doesn't excuse her behaviour but it is a possibility.

[caligal85]

That sucks, but it kind of sounds like she's looking for an out if she's texting you about her not being in your wedding. And really, if she's not a good friend, do you want to put yourself through the whole rigormoral to be in her wedding? Now may be your time to bow out gracefully, or as if there's another role you might fulfill.

[WBandMe]

I agree with Rosie. If you kick her out, she could go on and tell everyone how you were so mean and she tried to plan this great night and you didn't get your way and threw a fit. True? Maybe not, but it's probably how it'll go when she's telling the whole world how awful you are. But if you say "It seems like from all of your texts you no longer wish to be in my wedding, and that's understandable especially since you're planning your own. If you'd like to bow out you're welcome to, no hard feelings." Alternatively, you could just tell her you've let her know that you were upset about the party, and you're willing to move on from it, and just let things be. As for her wedding--based on what you've said, I personally would probably bow out--whatever happens with your wedding, it'll be over with soon and you'd be free to move on from her, but if you stay in hers obviously you'll have to deal with her for several more months. But if you'd still like to maintain the friendship in spite of her behavior, then it might be best to keep quiet and stand up with her, or leave it up to her to ask you to step down if she so chooses.