Stag night fears

[maxinepadgett]

HI
please help me

im really worried bout my h2b going on his stag night , his best man has arranged a night away in blackpool (his best man is also the biggest slag in chesterfield!!!)
now i trust my fella i really do he is always going on about how much he hates cheaters etc and how he would neva do that to me n that hes neva cheated on anyone ever before! but then my sister came back from blackpool today and was telling us how the girl she went with snogged a bloke who was on his stag do! one min he was telling my sisters mate how much he love and respects his wife to be next min hes snogging her face off!!

please tell me do you think i should worry?? how can i deal with it and if he did cheat how would i know?

scared bride! help

[Amber818]

Well...let me just tell you...that my FH has been to several Bachelor parties and he comes home and tells me the disgusting stories of what some of these guys do and it scares the holy sh*t out of me. But it does all come down to trust I know the night of his Bachelor party he will go out to strip clubs with his guys and I know he is going to get lap dances I am not ignorant to that fact, but I also know he is going to come home to me guilt-free because he will not do anything that would disrespect me or our relationship. Just like he knows I will do the same on my Bachlorette party night. If I was you I would worry about things that are in your control like loving him so good he would not think about looking anywhere else. If he is out drinking with his friends and some wh*ore forcefully puts her mouth on his then that was out of his and your control. Knowing that is not right he will push her away and go about having a friggin blast with his friends...hopefully my blabbing helped somewhat...!

I just realized I didn't answer your questions: No I do not think you should worry...it is out of your control once he walks out the door. He loves you and wants to marry you, he will be faithful to that on his Stag night. If he cheats and trust me you will be able to tell (guilt will be dripping off of him) do not marry him...run for the hills...I firmly believe once a cheater always a cheater...JMO!

[MOB Karen]

Well...let me just tell you...that my FH has been to several Bachelor parties and he comes home and tells me the disgusting stories of what some of these guys do and it scares the holy sh*t out of me. But it does all come down to trust I know the night of his Bachelor party he will go out to strip clubs with his guys and I know he is going to get lap dances I am not ignorant to that fact, but I also know he is going to come home to me guilt-free because he will not do anything that would disrespect me or our relationship. Just like he knows I will do the same on my Bachlorette party night. If I was you I would worry about things that are in your control like loving him so good he would not think about looking anywhere else. If he is out drinking with his friends and some wh*ore forcefully puts her mouth on his then that was out of his and your control. Knowing that is not right he will push her away and go about having a friggin blast with his friends...hopefully my blabbing helped somewhat...!

Excellent answer, Amber!!!! I was thinking that you could have originated this post yourself. We were just discussing this same issue yesterday.

[Amber818]

Excellent answer, Amber!!!! I was thinking that you could have originated this post yourself. We were just discussing this same issue yesterday.

I know!! LOL! Ladies all over must feel this exact same way...you know?

[MOB Karen]

I just realized I didn't answer your questions: No I do not think you should worry...it is out of your control once he walks out the door. He loves you and wants to marry you, he will be faithful to that on his Stag night. If he cheats and trust me you will be able to tell (guilt will be dripping off of him) do not marry him...run for the hills...I firmly believe once a cheater always a cheater...JMO!

When did you get so smart, Amber? LOL!!!

[WebLady]

Well, while I am not a fan of what goes on at many of these 'traditional' stag/bachelor parties, I have to trust my man. So I won't stop him from going ... but we have talked about how I feel about strippers and such and why I don't like these kind of parties, and I think he understands.

We didn't do anything like that when we got married. His friends wanted to be he said no :wub: I was happy but I didn't say anything ;)

Good luck dear!

And Welcome to the board by the way :D

[brewsells]

Amber, I have to say I totally agree with what you said. I do not particuarly care for the strip club thing, but at the same time, I know I can fullly trust my FH. I don't think you should worry, Maxine. It may really upset him if he feels you do not trust him...

[maxinepadgett]

I know it would upset him, but im scared cant explain it cant explain why i feel this way
it doesnt help the fact that one of his mates thats going was one that tried to split up me n my fella wen we got together by telling mark (FH) that i had tried it onwe him n slept with him!!!! i hadnt by the way but im scared that he will go on bout it and my FH will start to believe him !! dont kno if he would but theres that doubt

[MOB Karen]

I know it would upset him, but im scared cant explain it cant explain why i feel this way
it doesnt help the fact that one of his mates thats going was one that tried to split up me n my fella wen we got together by telling mark (FH) that i had tried it onwe him n slept with him!!!! i hadnt by the way but im scared that he will go on bout it and my FH will start to believe him !! dont kno if he would but theres that doubt

Hi Maxine! Welcome to the boards, by the way!!! Where is chesterfield, derbyshire? Is that England? Amber & I were just talking about that we can hear your accent in your posts!!! I love it!!

[cowboysbride]

Eric and his groomsmen are going to Barren Lake to go fishing for about 4 hours after the rehearsal and dinner...some of them wanted to take him to Nashville to the T&A clubs but he didn't want to go...he thinks the women are skanks and says it's a huge waste of money, if he wants to throw money out the window he says he can take me boot shopping! LOL!

They also wanted to take him to the White Horse Saloon (huge dance club that airs some on CMT) but again he said he didn't want to go dancing without me...Eric and I two step, fast step, shaddish, swing and line dance...

So my baby is going to go cast off the shore for some R&R while me and the ladies are decorating the church and the reception hall.

[CindySue]

Well, I guess I can understand where you are coming from, because a lot of woman are scared about the "stag night". My only question is if anyone of them really thought their man would cheat, why are they getting married in the first place?
You do need to talk to your man about all this doubt. Its really not healthy for your realtionship.
If he knows youre this upset, then he can reassure you or help you come up with an alternative. You could always do a "stag and doe" type thing, where you party together. Or you could each go out with your own friends from say 7 - 10 and then meet up together somewhere around 10:30 and finish the night off together.
Good Luck!!!!

[brewsells]

I definatly agree with you Cindy. If you can't trust him at a bar, where can you?

[WhiskeyGirl]

I agree totally Cindy!! If you don't trust him, why are you walking down the aisle?? I never even had this fear and Matthew has been to two stag parties since we've been together.(at the strippers!!) Matthew HATES strippers, he is repulsed by them, so I was happy to hear that he refused to go on his stag night! Instead they spent the day at a classic car auction, then went to a local lounge where they filled him with way too many shots and told him to go play "Buck Hunter" Drunk! He swears to this day, he's never played that game better! :bblol: By the time we met up again, he was pretty well sober and almost walking a straight line. I was happy to know that I had no worries ALL night long and I knew that at the end of the night, he would be coming home with a clear concience!

PS> If he does cheat, you'll be able to tell, unless he's a pathalogical liar, but then why would you want to marry him if he is?? KWIM?? Oh well, JMO.

[WebLady]

I agree that if you don't trust your man then you probably shouldn't marry him. On another note, I personally don't like the common idea that the 'stag party' is viewed as your 'last night of freedom' and/or your 'last night to hang out with your friends and have a good time' To me, if you really feel this way the way get married?

I trust my man, but I don't trust all of his friends. But still, he can do pretty much whatever he wants as long as he tells me about it first. (I do the same) we also have an agreement about the strip clubs and lap dances, that is MY space and I think it is disrespecting me and our relationship to have another woman in MY space and touching him like that. I asked DH how he would feel if another man was all up on me like that and he understood.

I kind of think of it like this ... don't do anything you wouldn't do in front of me or would feel uncomfortable telling me about and we are cool ;)

[CindySue]

I kind of think of it like this ... don't do anything you wouldn't do in front of me or would feel uncomfortable telling me about and we are cool ;)
Thats how I see it too. While strip clubs dont bother me, I wouldnt want my husband going all the time. Brian doesnt like them, but the one time he thought about teasing me and said he wanted to go, I said, "Oh that sounds cool, lets go!" I dont think hes mentioned it again.;)

[WebLady]

Thats how I see it too. While strip clubs dont bother me, I wouldnt want my husband going all the time. Brian doesnt like them, but the one time he thought about teasing me and said he wanted to go, I said, "Oh that sounds cool, lets go!" I dont think hes mentioned it again.;)
HAHAHA ... that happened to me too. DH had a friend that asked him to go to the club with him and I said "Cool, let's go" ;)

[LaceyinPgh]

Sean went away for a long weekend with his friends for his bachelor party. I never gave it a second thought. I know that they probably sat around, played cards, watched basketball, and possibly went to the race tracka nd bet on a few races. Sean knows that I don't like and don't tolerate strip clubs. Frankly I find them demeaning to women and demeaning to the men who visit them. Thankfully he feels the same way. Frankly I encouraged his to have a bachelor party because that meant he couldn't say a word about my bachlorette party. Which I had a fabulous and totally PG rated time at (PG for language and alcohol use)

If you husband to be is going to do something as ridiculous as cheat on your with a stripper or some other woman on his "last night of freedom" the sad fact of the matter is this: he probably already has cheated on you and he will cheat on you again. That isn't some spur of the moment thing that good a loyal man decides to do just for the sake of doing it.

And this whole "last night of freedom" bs? Frankly, I encourage Sean to spend time with his friends, that leaves me time to spend with mine without him bothering us. I have never said that Sean couldn't do something in the 7 years that we ahve been together. Just because we have matching rings on now doesn't mean that is going to change. I would have to be utterly insecure to worry about him and his buddies having a beer together after work or going to a football game on Sunday afternoon.

[CindySue]

HAHAHA ... that happened to me too. DH had a friend that asked him to go to the club with him and I said "Cool, let's go" ;)
I know.....guys dont know what to think when we say stuff like that!!!!
Someone posted earlier (Brandi, I think) that she trusted her man, but not some of his friends. There are a few of Brians friends I dont trust and I know I have a few that he doesnt trust. Does that mean we aren't allowed to hang out with those friends? No, it means we have to kick trust up a notch and know that we can trust each other to make the right decisons no matter what our friends may try to talk us into. And this carries over even when we arent with those friends. I come in contact with many men during the day. Brian knows this, but he also knows that Im not going to do anything to jeopardize (sp?) our marriage. I know he has to deal with a lot of women while hes at work. I also know hes faithful to me. Temptation is EVERYWHERE!!!! Its not just in strip clubs or bars, or just around certain friends. We cant not keep our spouses in bubble to keep it away. If we think they need to be, then as I stated before, we shouldnt be with them.

[WhiskeyGirl]

I love the fact that Matt can't keep a THING from me, so I know if he cheated he'd tell me RIGHT AWAY! lol. But I don't even have the tiniest reasont to even think he woudl do that. I know better. He is a very respectful person, and our love is WAY deeper then that. Now I know someone who has cheatd on thier wife and I am related to him. (not my dad!!) I am completely disgusted with him and wonder why the hell his wife stays with him. In my eyes, once a cheater ALWAYS a cheater!! There is no changing a leopards spots!!

[countrygirl]

I have to say that this is a very delicate subject. I think what it all comes down to is how much you trust your FH. My son's father, I would never have trusted him. But J, I trust him fully. He was married once before, and had been cheated on, that is what ended the marriage. He knows that it isn't something to take lightly, and also knows that I will not stand for it. I have made it very clear that under no circumstances, would I EVER stay if that happened.

But thankfully, I don't think that there will be much to worry about. The men in our wedding are either married, or soon to be, (one wedding is two weeks after ours) and totally commited to the point that they don't really look at other women when they are w/OR/w-out thier wives/girlfriends. They respect the two of us enough to know that there is nothing that we would do to jeopardize what we have together.

Good luck, and just trust enough in your FH that even if put in the environment, he won't adapt to it.

[countrygirl]

Nicely put Cindy!!!

[Kacie_bride]

I agree with Amber. I don't think you should be to worried. My FH is having a bachelor party I'm sure, but I'm not worried about wether there are strippers or not. Justin really does not even like strippers. I'm not naive, I know if there is naked woman in front of him he will look, but the buck stops there.

I just had to add that the last bachelor party he went to where there were strippers some of the guys told me later that one of the strippers was messing with him and he told her to get the hell away from him. I feel really good about that!

[cowboysbride]

Eric was cheated on during his first marriage, the last session they had with the marriage counselor and the elders at church she admitted to 4! Then she got pregnant in early spring 2004 and Eric filed for divorce...he did the math and knew it wasn't his baby,,,DNA testing came back in Jan 2005 and proved him right. We met in February 2005 (I fresh from my divorce and he still being tormented through his while she fought him for his farm).

My ex was never at home, couldn't look me in the eye and tell me where he had been and spent 13 years making me think I was nothing without him...the whole stag night/last night out issue isn't an issue for us...Eric is going fishing after the rehearsal dinner with his groomsmen and I am going to finish decorating and spend the night with my FSIL and sister. I never told him what he could/couldn't do we just don't want to spend our night like that.

I never trusted my ex, but Eric is a different story and I thought after what we have both been through that it would be hard to do but it wasn't at all, I love him with my heart, mind, body and soul and I know for a fact he feels the same about me. We refer to eachother as "God's Gifts" and there is no way I or he would ever destroy what God has given us. Especially not for a "last night out".

[LaceyinPgh]

Now that I think about it, even if Sean walked in the house right now and said, "I'm going to a strip bar with my friends." I don't think I could protest against it. I might not like it just because strippers are sort of nasty to me. Not all of them are though. I know a couple girls I went to college with that stripped on the side and still managed to graduate with honors.I wouoldn't be bothered because I know what he would do. They would sit there, have a few beers, maybe smoke a cigar, and then head out someplace to play cards. Sean has mentioned that strippers aren't for him. He finds it uncomfortable and embarassing to be staring at them.

Like I said before, if they are going to cheat with a stripper or anyone on their stag night, they are going to cheat regardless.

[maxinepadgett]

im not bothered about strippers! he dont like them hes only ever been once and left part way through cos it didnt interest him