Whitewater and Fish, 6/24/2009

[Whitewater]

At last, it's the beginning of the end. I didn't bother with a journal before because quite frankly, we've been engaged since July of 2007 and there just wasn't enough stuff to talk about. And almost 2 years of journal entries is just over the top, if you ask me.

So here we are, roughly 4 months from getting married, and it's kind of scary how everything is working out, with the big exception being my future father-in-law's sickness and death from cancer, which is still the biggest 'thing' we've had to deal with recently. For me, I know myself and it takes me a while to grieve. I'm afraid that I won't be able to properly enjoy our wedding because I'll still be grieving for FFIL. We can't change our date now, our vendors are already locked in and contracted (at an outdoor wedding in June in Minnesota . . . they aren't available, period .. . . it would be wedding suicide to try to move the date now) and people are making their summer trip plans and so on around our date, we can't change it.

Aside from that, like I said, it's been freaky how easy everything is going. And how we always get more money when we need it. Not that we're being extravagant or anything (the wedding will be somewhere between 4500-5000), but it's been kind of wierd how we say 'Oh no, the money's gone' and presto, more money appears.

I'm going to start meeting with my dressmaker next week, finally -- I've had the silk sitting in my bedroom for close to a year now, and it was sitting in my apartment's spare bedroom closet before that for about 8 months -- and I ordered my corset and Fish has his wedding ring (very pretty) and things are proceeding.

The reason I ordered the silk so early was because the fabric warehouse was selling it for something like 85% off and they only do that about once every 5 years for their fine silks. So I *had* to take advantage of the sale, or be miserable. I have my heart set on gold silk, so sue me. I'm a second bride and I know what I want. I'm not being didactic on much of anything else for this wedding, but I wanted a gold silk dress . . . and buying the silk on sale was the only way. So it's been on the bolt for a while, but soon we'll be able to start actually making the dress, which I'm actually getting pretty excited about.

I think I might make a separate dress journal for it, since I'm going to be helping my dressmaker and I'll be doing all the hand-sewing and the beading and lace and so on myself. It will be cool to see it go from inspiration to actual dress.

I haven't ordered my wedding ring yet. I need to do that. I'm not sure why I'm hesitating. Something psychological within me doesn't want to have the ring yet, but I don't know why. I will think on it and see what comes up.

In the meantime, plans are proceeding apace. The minister question has been sorted out, my bridesmaids are on the same page as I am, and there might even be money in the budget for a hotel room that night and getting my hair and makeup done by a professional!

The next big thing, aside from my corset, is getting the guys to get fitted for their tuxes, and to buy the invitations.

later, we're going to start working on the music with my friends.


Whitewater

[amisteratwisterandme]

I love the idea of making your own dress. There is something so solid and memorable about that. While I bulk at alot of tradition, that one is sweet.

Maybe I need to take up sewing in the next few months.

I am so glad that things are going well for you. Your FIL will be there, in spirit and in the hearts of everyone who loves him. Nothing wrong with grieving for him, and I am sure it will be what it needs to be on the day of your wedding.

[BnB]

ohhhhhhhhhh, do you have a pic of the design of your dress???????

I can't wait to send it

[Whitewater]

I do have a picture of the inspiration and line drawings of the patterns, but I'm not going to post them.

Perhaps I'm being paranoid, but it's extremely important to me that at least *some* of our second wedding is not only truly unique, but unique to us. That's why we're having brand-new music written specifically for us, and so on.

Part of that is my dress. It's going to be completely unique. And far from the 100 or so folks that post here on a regular basis, there's something like 1200 registered users here . . . and I just know (human nature being what it is) that there are or will be at least a few brides-to-be who lurk here specifically to get ideas from everybody else's hard work.

I don't want that to happen with my dress. So I'm keeping it a secret. Nobody -- not even my parents or my best friends -- will know what it will look like until, in OW's case, a few days before the wedding, when I can finally post pictures of the actual dress (because it better be done by then or else!). Everybody else that I know will have to wait until the day of to see it.

Additionally, my mother and father are *already* giving me flack about wearing a 'wedding gown' for my 2nd wedding. "Wouldn't a nice simple tea-length dress be more appropriate?" they say. "You could go to Macy's or Bloomingdales and get a nice dress that you could wear again and again for other dressy affairs." Etc. So because I want to avoid all of that, I'm not talking about my dress. You guys here on OW know more about it already than any of my flesh-and-blood!

And you'll get to see it in a few months anyway. Heck, I've been talking about this dress since Oct of 2007, what's a few more weeks to wait? LOL!


Whitewater

[BnB]

I'm wearing a gown for my second wedding

I think it's so neat that you want to keep it secret

are you sure you'll post after the fact, because then people could still 'borrow' your idea and then it's not unique anymore????????

either way, I think it will be just beautiful

just the gold silk sounds beautiful

[NOTKT]

I think that wearing a wedding dress is going to be great! I can't wait to see it!!

[Whitewater]

2-17-2009

So I'm kind of doing the emotional equivalent of hyperventilating about how much money we're spending to get this wedding accomplished. It's going to be right up close to $5000 when all is said and done and to me, that's a TON of money. I'm just wondering how it is that we're managing to do this, since most of my adult life I've barely had two coins to rub together :/ It seems impossible to me that we'll be able to gather that much money together. I just can't conceptualize it!

I also figured out why I was reluctant to spend money on buying my wedding band. It's because my mother told me a few years ago that she had both her mother's and her mother-in-law's (in other words, both of my grandmothers) wedding rings and the reason she kept them was so that my BROTHER could give one to the woman (whoever she is) that he wanted to marry. Now, my brother is a confirmed bachelor and has sworn never to marry. He's in his early 30's now and he's happy being single. He hasn't even had a date in close to ten years, so far as I'm aware. He has booty calls -- not serious relationships. He's so far from getting married it's not even funny, and Mom is in some serious denial.

And yet, here I am. Getting married. Needing a wedding band. *cough cough*. I would be honored beyond measure if Mom took Fiance aside one day and said 'would you like to give one of these to Jen for her wedding band?' but Mom will never do it because when it comes to weddings, she hates me. She says she loves me, but she has never even mentioned my first wedding to me -- not until I brought it up to her about a year into my current engagement, then again during the past holiday season when I told her, kindly but firmly that she was going to HAVE to get a grip on what happened the first time, because I will not allow her emotions to run riot over this second wedding and she is going to HAVE to learn to cope somehow because circumstances have changed -- anyway, she hates the part of me that is an 'ex' and she hates the concept that I'm getting married again. It's complicated. One the one hand, she swears on a stack of Bibles that she wants me to be happy. On the other hand, she thinks (when it comes to weddings, specifically because of the bad first one) that I am the devil incarnate and that she's not about to give me anything. She shies away from anything having to do with me and weddings as though somebody during my previous wedding and subsequent disasterous marriage took a red-hot whip to her and beat her with it.

She still believes, despite what I've (and other trustworthy 3rd parties have said) told her, that my marriage ending was absolutely my fault. She was told this by my ex. Who at the time was doing his level best to force me to end the marriage so that he could go and have a guilt-free sex change. He manipulated EVERYBODY around me. Interestingly enough, my friends saw right through him. But my parents listened to every word he told them and for ten years, we couldn't even talk to each other because of the lies he told them. Of course, I am still angry that they believed him instead of me, but if I ever told them that it would just be heaping coals of fire and they feel badly already -- and it wouldn't solve anything. So I'm just going to take the high road. But boy, sometimes I really want to rub their noses in it.

To make a long story short, I was holding off on buying a wedding band because I was sure my mother would come to her senses, realize my brother would NEVER marry, and allow me to have one of my grandmother's rings instead.

Today, I finally got a hold of myself and allowed both my head and my heart to understand that the above is a prime example of wishful thinking and that I should just get the delicate (small, but beautiful and exceedingly good quality -- like most of my good jewelry is turning out to be) yet awesome diamond and sapphire wedding band that I want. And to hell with my mother and our dysfunctional relationship! The truth is that my mother would NEVER, not even if I were her only *child* (because I am her only daughter), not even if the wedding rings were willed to me by the grandmother herself, give up the family wedding bands to her wastrel daughter. She sees me as unfit to wear them, a disrespectful failure in the marriage department.

That's ok, one of the first things I'm going to do when they die is take the jewelry that WAS actually willed to me by my grandmother(s) from my parent's house. It's mine, legally, and my parents refuse to give it up. So I'll get those wedding rings one way or another -- along with all the other stuff that should have been mine these past 20 years. And if my brother ever does want to marry, I'll happily allow him to choose.

I am VERY HAPPY that my parents will leave Memorial Day weekend or a bit before for the summer home and leave me alone for that last month of wedding planning before the 24th of June. They're going to come back from the summer place 48 hours in advance, one day before the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner. That's fine by me. If I had to deal with my mother's BS for those last few weeks she would probably wind up attending my wedding in a pine box, I fear. Because *somebody* would kill her. Might not be me. Might be Fiance, or my 'maids. Or one of my friends, none of whom are keen on my mother because of the way she treats me. Because let's face it -- been there, done that, and the final month before a wedding, particularly with all the wierdness and DIY we've got going on, is barely controlled chaos and very stressful at the best of times.

And immediately afterwards they'll head for the summer place again, leaving us free once more.

The only bad thing about all this wedding planning is that it's forcing me to have more contact with my mother than I usually do. Normally it's just Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter and her and my dad's birthday. Ah well. After the wedding we'll have most of the summer without them and then they'll have hardly gotten home before *we* will be off for a week in Disneyworld.

I bought myself the wedding band that I really like. It's only .13 carat weight of diamond (plus an equivalent amount of sapphire, I would imagine) but apparently I prefer smaller jewelry that's obviously high quality over large carats and so on that has obvious (or even semi-obvious) flaws. And apparently I prefer jewelry that's elegant yet simple, and not overwhelming. Whenever I buy it for myself, I pick small, high-quality, understated, elegant stuff. Which is kind of odd, considering that my personality is kind of bold and out there. Perhaps I'm maturing :)

My wedding band is small, but I have small hands (my ring size is currently a size 7 and in high school I was a 6.5) and large jewelry just doesn't look right on my fingers. This will look right! And if it doesn't, I have plenty of time to return it and find something else.

I also chose 10K white gold, the reason being that I'm hard on my jewelry -- I use my hands a LOT -- and I wanted something that would stand up to rough use. 14, 16 or 18K gold is just way too soft. I was very happy to see Fiance pick out a silver titanium wedding band for himself, our bands will compliment each other nicely.

I keep getting the feeling that I'm forgetting something! But all the major elements of our wedding are present and accounted for, the paper goods (programs, maps, invitations) don't have to be bought/made for a bit yet and the only things outstanding are fashion accessories :) I need to find some cool knee socks for under my dress and a fun pair of shoes to go with my rehearsal dress and my Deputy MoH still needs to order her dress, but aside from that, things are all well in hand.

I bought my wedding band and paid for my corset today. With luck, we'll file our taxes this week or next week and get our refund by St. Pat's Day.

The next biggest hurdle is going to be the invitations and the RSVP's, I can just tell.


Whitewater

[NOTKT]

Thanks for the update, it's really nice to be able to vent on here :) I can understand your family, mine is similar. Just go about your life and if she wants to tag along she is welcome. Do they know WHY your ex left? I want to see your ring, it sounds gorgeous. I definitely chose quality over quantity with my diamond also. I would rather someone see my diamond from across the room because it blinded them instead of seeing a huge glass stone! Hang in there girl!

[Whitewater]

Oh, yeah, my parents know why my marriage ended. In fact, they even saw the 'new woman' when my grandfather died and 'she' was the only one of my friends (like many relationships, this one tried to revive itself a couple times before finally giving up the ghost) who could be bothered, back then, to come to the wake with me. I don't deal with death well, never have, and needed some support. (I'm putting 'she' in quotes here because at the time my ex had only begun his transformation and had only been on hormones for about 6 months -- and no surgery, so it was pretty obvious that he was transgendered).

You would have thought that I'd brought a bunch of cockroaches and maggots and let them loose. My mother literally had a screaming fit, she grabbed me by the arm and hustled me off to a private little corner room where she screamed at me for bringing 'that thing' to a 'family affair'. It didn't bother her that 'she' was my EX, it bothered her most that 'she' was dressed like a woman, and apparently that was some kind of Ultimate Sin in my mother's book.

I don't know if she still thinks this way, but at the time and immediately afterwards for a considerable period, my mother blamed me for turning my ex-husband into 'that vile example of depravity'. She thought that if I'd just been a better wife somehow (yeah, right!) that he would have been happy and would have stayed a man -- and that I would have somehow been able to save my marriage.

Needless to say, De Nile isn't just a river in Africa! Although in my mother's case, denial is also tossed in with ignorance, since she doesn't know anything about why people become transgendered. And she doesn't care to know either!

Long story short, yes, they know and yes, they blame me. At least, they did, I don't know if they still do. It's one of those questions that I never plan on asking.

Anyway!

If all goes well I shall see my dressmaker this Friday for contract signing and to get some basic measurements and so on. Yay! I think, out of all the wedding planning I'm doing, I'm most excited about my dress and our cake :) People will remember this cake, oh yeah. It's going to be stunning. Food Network worthy!

And I can't wait to get started on making the dress, I'm so happy that the beginning of the end is finally here and that all the waiting is just about over. I can't wait to have the wedding and really be married to Fiance. Neither can he, he wants to be married to me quite badly, which I think is so cute and romantic of him.

Also I'm relieved that the planning I'm doing is FINALLY not giving me wierd looks. Since October of 2007 when we first started hiring vendors and so on, I've been getting strange looks and comments from people about how it's too early for me to start planning. Well, they can't say that now! I believe that today is exactly 100 days from our wedding, and planning is the name of the game.

Whitewater

[amisteratwisterandme]

I am sorry that you have so much to deal with. I do firmly believe that these situations are put into our lives so that we can grow and become better people by them, and from reading all of your posts and advice to others, I think you have become a much better person and have came out the other side with a man who loves you and doesn't have a secret agenda.

You should be proud of who you are and what you have accomplished, and whatever your parents say, take it with a grain of salt. Sometimes people don't know any better and believe they are right. I pity them for never having the awareness to change and be open-minded.

[Whitewater]

Well, you know. My mother has been my mother for almost 35 years and she's not going to change. Anyway, we can't change people -- the only thing we can change is ourselves! So I've given up trying to get my mother to be different.

It's interesting you say that about things happening for a reason. I can certainly say that I have learned a lot from my past! And I have probably learned more that I'm not even consciously aware of.

My mother and my father are conservative and narrow minded and can occasionally be unthinkingly rude and bigoted.

Personally, my ex has a lot to answer for, but I've never blamed him for being transgendered. I do blame him for the way he went about telling me!!! But if you're truly unhappy and you feel like you should be a different gender, there's nothing you can do about that and I feel that people shouldn't be reviled for it. I'm GLBT friendly (another bone of contention between my parents and myself) and pretty open minded, if I do say so myself! I wish my parents could come around, but I don't think that's going to happen.

When I get my ring I'll post a picture of it here!


Whitewater

[NOTKT]

100 days?!!?!!?! That's almost here!!!

[Whitewater]

We are now officially at just under 100 days till the wedding, as Fiance cutely keeps reminding me. I think he's more excited to be married than I am! LOL!

Aside from the tux thing, the only other major snag is that it would cost as much to have the tables and chairs delivered as it would to rent them in the first place, because they have a policy that if you need a specific delivery/pick-up time, that you will pay about 5x as much for that as you would if you just said, 'Oh, anytime today is fine'.

I don't know about you guys, but I don't know of any venue anywhere (or any organization, for that matter) that would be ok with the concept of having their rental stuff dropped off anytime from 8a-5p!

So, we decided to rent a U-Haul truck and do it ourselves instead. Seems simple, no? The rental place hasn't got an issue with this and since they rent from 1-3 days (not just 24 hours) we can come get the stuff the day before, leave it securely in the truck until we need it, then put it *back* securely in the truck overnight and deliver it back the next morning.

Renting a U-Haul is in the budget, if only barely. Paying $500 for delivery and pickup isn't!!

When I outlined this plan to some of my friends (none of whom will be helping with the loading and unloading, of course, they all have different jobs for the wedding) they collectively threw a fit. Fiance explained to me later in the car going home that they were more upset about the concept of me doing heavy manual labor on my wedding day than the actual plan itself.

I still don't understand it, though. If I don't have a problem with getting my hands dirty, why should they? Doesn't make sense. It's not like I'm not used to this sort of thing . . . for a while over summer break when I was in college I was a part of IATSE, the theatre union for the technical people -- the grunts -- and because I was lowest on the totem pole, I got called to do the truly miserable jobs. I did a lot of lifting of tables and platforms and so on.

I know that I, and Fiance, and a couple of my friends (and possibly even my brother) can handle this. It's only 15 tables and 140 chairs, for goodness sake, it's not the end of the world.

We'll just have to do it early in the day (which will work out well, given the rental place's business times of 8a-5pm), then go somewhere and freshen up for the rehearsal. No biggie. I don't understand why people freak out when I tell them this.

Oh well.

After looking hard at the budget and making plans and rearranging a few things, that's under control once more also.

So, except for the tuxes and us having to haul around the tables and chairs for the reception, everything is still going freakishly smoothly.


Whitewater

[sandy03]

I am with you on being befuzzled by friends reactions to the WORK of putting on a wedding. I've got lots of people who are just having a fit about the fact that I am going to do all the decorating myself (even though I'm doing it before the rehearsal!) Ironically my FMIL is the only one being supportive about it and has just said "I'll help you pick up the cupcakes and take everything to the church and set the tables."

[Whitewater]

I am with you on being befuzzled by friends reactions to the WORK of putting on a wedding. I've got lots of people who are just having a fit about the fact that I am going to do all the decorating myself (even though I'm doing it before the rehearsal!) Ironically my FMIL is the only one being supportive about it and has just said "I'll help you pick up the cupcakes and take everything to the church and set the tables."

I think it's because most people have money in their budgets to hire professionals to do all the work, so they truly don't realize everything that has to happen behind the scenes to get a big event, such as a wedding, up and running.

For example, my mother keeps looking at me funny because I'm constantly (now that we're officially less than 100 days out) sorting out all kinds of little details -- but little details that, if they don't happen, means we can't get married! Most people would have hired a wedding planner to take care of these, but we haven't got the money for it. Since I'm trained to be perfectly capable of putting a large event together by a deadline, I am taking care of EVERYTHING and I think Mom just didn't realize what 'everything' entails.

And normally people would have their chairs and tables delivered and set up by the rental company. So they don't think about their rental furniture much beyond 'Oh, I like the purple tablecloths!" But again, we don't have the budget (and, as well, I think charging a $200 delivery fee for trying to get something there within a specific 60 minute window is ridiculous!!!!) for delivery, so we're going to have to do it ourselves, because tables and chairs are things we cannot do without.

There's nothing like DIY to make you appreciate the behind-the-scenes effort that goes into a big event!


Whitewater

[Whitewater]

My mother and I are working out the issue of what she should wear. We picked out another tuxedo for Dad, a lovely classic Ralph Lauren black with a coat that has notched lapels and a grey tie and grey vest to match the groomsmen, who will also be wearing grey ties and vests, just different kinds. Since Dad is now the only father involved, it made sense to just give him a classic, conservative black tux -- and give him a grey tie and a regular shirt instead of a bow tie and wingtip shirt because let's face it, the ceremony is not a truly formal affair, so no black bow tie necessary.

All the gents in the bridal party are now wearing Ralph Lauren, so since it's the same designer, it will look complementary, I hope!

As for my mother . . . well, that's a whole other issue. As I predicted months ago, my mom keeps dredging out old (and I mean, before I was born, old, like, mid-'70's old) dresses from the back of her closet and asking me if they would be ok. One was a navy dress that made her look like a stewardess. I gently suggested that perhaps navy wasn't right for a summer wedding and she said, 'Oh, yes, I hadn't thought of that'. The next contender was an all black affair from the mid 1980's. I asked her, 'do you know what it means when the mother of the bride wears black?' and she said 'no, what?" I told her that it means that she basically has mucho issues with this wedding and is only there under protest, because black is the color of mourning, and she gasped and said 'Oh, I don't want to do that!'.

Then she came to me a few days later (this is all over the telephone, you see) and said 'I have this lovely black dress with pink flowers . . .' and I said 'Is it a black dress with just a few pink flowers here and there or is it a dress that is patterned entirely with pink flowers on a black background which you can hardly see because of the pattern?" She didn't quite remember. Apparently this dress lives at the summer home. So I told her, "I'd really prefer it if you kept the black to an absolute minimum, Mom, for a number of reasons' and she saw the wisdom in that. I really wish that she would find a lovely mostly-pink dress or suit somewhere and wear that. She wants to wear pink, and I think pink would be fabulous. Particularly now that Dad is wearing black.

I keep telling her that the color isn't as important as making sure that she matches the formality of Dad's tuxedo. After all, they have a part in the ceremony, and it would make Mom miserable if she was under-dressed.

I'm sure Mom will find something appropriate. Anyway, my rehearsal dress is ivory (chiffon, probably) with black sort of psuedo-paisley blobs on it, with a wide streak of teal just at the bottom of the skirt, but that's the rehearsal dress! Not the wedding gown! I'm pretty sure it hasn't occured to Mom yet that she's going to have to find something to wear for the rehearsal as well. If she hasn't mentioned it by the time they leave for the summer house, I'll say something.

You know, in many ways men have it a lot easier when it comes to dressing up.


Whitewater

[Whitewater]

Good things: Mom found a great dress, yay for her. She's also not complaining about providing the family addresses, apparently she's had a major change of heart. I am not complaining! And she wants to come help put invitations together, which I thought she might refuse, seeing as how she's been pretty hands-off up until now. But she didn't, and yay for that, because I can stuff envelopes with the best of them, but trying to get the ribbon right? HAHAHAHAHA. She can do the ribbon bit! Heh, she thought we were asking her to come help with handwriting the envelopes and was very relieved when I told her no, we're going to cheat and use clear labels that have been printed with a font that LOOKS like handwriting. Again, she didn't quibble about this either.

Our best man will hopefully go get fitted for his tuxedo by the end of April. Since he's Fiance's brother, it's no surprise in my mind that he's procrastinating . . . *sigh*.

We fixed the tux issue with my father and though they didn't have another dark grey suit and Dad won't look his best in black, he will at least have a nice tux to wear. Which is all that really matters. Mom is fretting about how poorly Dad looks in black and I told her that our photographer will probably touch up skin tones, and not to worry about it.

Our invitations will be beautiful. Very impressive! Considering it was $40 for the invites themselves (got them on sale for 50% off! Apparently my local Michaels was having an unannounced sale . . .) plus about $10 for extra embellishments (I found a scrapbooking store that has tiny little stick-on rhinestones and pearls, TOTALLY awesome), and about $3 for the 'parchment' paper to print maps and hotel info and so on, well . . . the cost per invite is about $2.50, perhaps a little less. But they look like $5 invitations, or they will when they're all done, between the font that I found online and the monogram the ladies here made for me -- thanks again -- and the pearls and ribbon, etc.

The bad: Still haven't found my petticoat. I need this not only for my wedding gown but also for my 'noblewoman' upperclass Elizabethan and 17th century gowns. I am afraid now that it's stuck in the bottom of one of the boxes in the garage that got soaked when we had the first thaw and the petticoat has been sitting in a damp box for 6 weeks. Luckily I can find a replacement on Ebay if necessary, but I'm hoping it won't be.

And I have been playing phone tag with the hotel's 'catering and party' manager for the last 48 hours regarding my getting information from him re blocking off rooms for my out of town guests and reserving a room for self and Fiance for our wedding night. You'd think they didn't want my business! I will try again tomorrow and if I don't get it done by the end of the week, I will go down there in person. I am sick of playing tag. We need this information so that I can print it out as an extra in the invitations, and the invites need to be printed before we can assemble them (duh).

Also life kind of sucks right now due to some totally innocent but nevertheless black-hole-and-quicksand-making financial mistake(s) regarding my checking account, and I don't know if this problem can be solved without bloodshed.

We cannot find a cake server set that's not either too expensive or totally hokey. The one we both agreed on that was listed on Ebay eventually sold for well above my bid. I'm hoping that Mom, with her three comple sets of sterling silverware, will have something that we can borrow. Although when she discovers my financial mess (which we hope to correct in about ten hours), she might well disown me all together, which would be terrible but solve some other lingering problems between she and I.

Oh, and I have swallowed my pride and am going tomorrow to fill out an application to become a cashier. For a small, independent garden center here in town. They seem like open, tolerant people and I hope I can convince them that I can be just as good a cashier sitting on a stool due to an inability to stand in one place for more than 20 minutes, as a cashier who can stand at the register the entire shift. At the moment I don't care how much they pay me. Even before the financial mess Mom was making noises about having to stop her monthly financial gift to me (which is what I've been living on in these lean times, when I'm working, it's just extra money to put into savings, but when I'm not working . . . let's just say I've learned how to happily live on $500/month), which means that I will have no income at all if she does, which is likely once she sees the current mess. If I can get a job (which my disability makes more difficult), perhaps it won't matter if she cuts me off. If I can keep the job. We'll see. I chose the garden center because I like gardening, and veggies and flowers, and outdoors type stuff, and like I said before, they appear to be flexible and tolerant.

Even minimum wage is better than no money at all.

Lots of issues in my head right now. Took a Benedryl and a Valerian about an hour ago and they're not making a dent, due to all the sudden stress. But I need to sleep. So I'm going to try to go force myself to do so.

Night, all.


Whitewater

[doris27]

It sounds like you've had a really hard time of it. I can't believe your mother actually blamed you for the fact that your ex is transgendered. That's totally unfair and ignorant. It sounds like your ex set it up that way because she couldn't handle taking responsibility for what was actually going on with her. You must have gone through so much. I'm sorry you didn't have more support for that. It's great that you're getting so close to your wedding. I can't wait to see pics of your dress and DIY elements. I want to do some DIY stuff for my wedding, but I'm not as good at that stuff, so there are some things I won't be able to do. I'm still excited about it, though. I love the idea of personalizing things and making them just how I want them to be (well, FH and I, but he isn't as into the planning as I am).

[Ninedays9]

Good luck with the job! I hope everything works out for you. Post updates when you get them.

[Whitewater]

4-4-09

All bets are off as of now because I have had a cluster headache in my left eye since mid-Thursday (just didn't realize that's what it was) and it hasn't let up since. I am now extremely light sensitive most of the time, and when it's really bad, I can't have any lights on in the house and have to have the drapes totally shut in the guest bedroom, which is the darkest room in the house. *sigh* I was not functional most of yesterday and today is only slightly better. I'm going to go to the Urgent Care as soon as Fiance comes home from work, maybe the doctors have better pain meds or something, although Excedrin seems to be working fairly well today -- though nothing worked yesterday!

Good news!!! I found my hoop skirt! And though it was, as I feared, sitting in a wet, moldy cardboard box, the skirt itself wasn't damaged at all, because it was at the top of the box and so managed to avoid getting wet. Thank goodness for that. My seamstress will be very relieved. Speaking of which, I still haven't gotten my corset yet. If I haven't received it by Easter weekend, I'll just send a short, friendly email asking about it. Time is getting short!

Was going to work on my DIY card basket too, but this headache is really getting in the way, unfortunately. It's hard to be creative when you can't see.


Think that's all for now, I hate that this headache is getting in the way of me getting things done, but there's nothing I can do about it except wait for it to go away.



Whitewater (I'll start posting pics of my DIY stuff here on this journal as soon as I can get started on it!)

[Whitewater]

4-5-2009 (technically, yikes, it's early)

Can't sleep, the caffine in my headache meds is forcing me to stay awake. I'd like to sleep, but I can't. So I'm here instead, journaling about the fact that it's SNOWING. AGAIN. This time next week they're predicting highs in the mid 50's, and sunshine.

I can't believe the whosits SNOW. Bloody snow. There's lots of names I would like to call this weather, bad names, but screaming and whining isn't going to change anything. I cling to the fact that Fiance has suddenly changed his mind and agrees with me that going someplace warm is what's going to happen when we retire, and he's even agreed to live within a short drive of Las Vegas! So I won't have to deal with snow forever. Only the next 20 years. So long as I know there's an end in sight. . .man. Early April is when spring always seems the farthest away.

The snow is interfering with wedding planning. I need to go out to the ceremony site and check if they have electricity, somehow, somewhere, and I need to go to the reception site and figure out which picnic pavilion I actually rented (I'm sure there's only the one, my friend who's a lifelong resident of this city told me there's a second pavilion which would be better suited for my needs . . . I think she's thinking of a different park . . . ) . . and I can't do any of this while it's snowing. Or raining, for that matter!

The pain in my head is also making me a nasty, cynical b****, so please forgive any unusually snarky outbursts, I probably don't mean them. It's hard to be nice when you're entering your 5th straight day of the kind of migraine pain that brings you to your knees, concentrated all in a single piercing blow, like a stab with a dagger, behind your left eye. I hope this goes away before Easter weekend, it's going to be very busy and very loud and so on, and I need to be healthy! Having two functional eyes would also help. This particular headache means that my left eye is bloodshot, swollen, and giving me blurred vision, because it hurts to focus.

I need to get back to normal. Soon.

*sigh*


Whitewater (with the hotel question still unanswered, the lazy layabouts!)

[Whitewater]

4-8-2009

I am having an incredible day! Truly, God is good and provides in God's own time, despite our blind begging for what we think we need NOW NOW NOW. I think I am beginning to understand the concept of 'waiting patiently upon the Lord', which I never really understood, patience not being one of my assets. But one of the keys to understanding this is knowing that worldly patience and spiritual patience are not one in the same! I think. I suspect that this concept is one of those that takes a lifetime to truly understand.

Ok, so, I didn't have a headache at all -- or rather, I did, but it was caused by something else entirely. Iritis! Which is an inflammation of the iris caused by white blood cells breaking loose and causing havoc in the iris, where they oughtent to be. If left untreated, this causes cataracts, glaucoma, and even permanent blindness in the affected eye! I spent 5 hours in the ER with this on Monday, and 30 minutes of that was actually getting checked out and diagnosed by a doctor. The rest was waiting around in their cramped waiting area. *sigh*. But I am so grateful that I did, because they caught it in time and the vision in my left eye is returning! So that's one good thing to be thankful for today. Though everything is still blurry, it's getting better in leaps and bounds. I have an appointment with an eye doc tomorrow afternoon, probably to make sure that everything is still healing well.

I can't tell you how good it is to know that I won't lose my sight in my eye.

The second good thing is that the Sheraton Hotel that's within walking distance of my ceremony site (you can see the hotel from the site, how cool is that?) FINALLY got with me (I called them today, again, soon as I felt well enough to get back to work and actually got somebody on the phone this time!) and gave me an AMAZING deal. Truly stunning. It helps that this hotel works with one of the organizations I belong to and as soon as I mentioned them, the hotel stepped out to meet me with a red carpet and (metaphorical) roses. Because, you see, my organization literally fills every room in that hotel over 4th of July weekend for a convention. Every room. We probably pay a few months of their operating expenses just with this one weekend of ours. So they're happy to help us out when we need things ourselves. Like, rooms for wedding guests . . .

I got a block of rooms for my out of town guests for $99/night!!! And normally guest rooms are $179-$199/night for a standard room! And it gets better. If nobody needs the rooms (say, if I don't have any out of town guests, which might well be the case indeed, given that the economy has eaten everybody's extra cash), I won't be charged a penny. Not a single red cent. Nada. And I also didn't get asked to put down a deposit, either.

And it even gets BETTER than that. Fiance and I get a Deluxe two-room suite WITH A JACUZZI for the night before the wedding and on our wedding day/night . . . for the SAME PRICE as the rest of the block . . . $99 a night!!!! Yahoo!!!

Which means I can surprise Fiance with a bottle of wine in the room and roses on the bed, and some chocolate covered strawberries now . . . how romantic! He'll love it. And I always wanted my wedding night to be in a fancy hotel room with chocolates and wine and flowers, this will be *my* fantasy come true. For some girls, it's the dress. For others, it's the reception, for me, I am finally going to get my perfect wedding night. No more shameful memories of going back to my ex's disgustingly dirty, cat-hair covered, 1 bedroom apartment . . . this time, no cats, no dogs, no friends, no computers, and no work interfering . . .just us. Bliss. It'll be a little taste of the honeymoon to come.

I am SO THRILLED about getting a good deal for my guests, too. Most of them are family members and a lot of them haven't got a lot of extra money lying around in these troubled times, so it's nice that they don't have to pay full price for their hotel rooms. Maybe I'll actually be able to entice them to come to my wedding now :) Incidentally, this is another reason for sending my invitations out early, my out of towners will now have the chance to save up some money so they can actually make it.

And I got all of this information in time to put it in the invitations! And up on our website.

So happy.

And the NEXT happy thing is that I fixed my bank error and got all the money back! $300 dollars! YIPPEE! We had to take out the money from our wedding savings to cover the cascade failure of the overdraft fees, and there was no way to make it up, because we're pretty strapped for extra cash right now, but I talked to the bank today and they were willing to give it all back!! All of it!! To give you some perspective, I only make $500 a month. Losing $300 all at once was a crippling blow. It was causing nightmares and stress, which precipitated the iritis. But now I don't have to worry, because it's all back! I didn't lose the money! God put it into the bank people's hearts to help me out. Praise God!

LOL, I told Fiance that he might want to stop and buy a lottery ticket on the way home!

I gave up passiveness for Lent. Who know that going and asking for what you wanted could be so rewarding?


Whitewater

[Whitewater]

4-14-2009

I wrote a journal a couple days ago but Firefox ate it. The only time I've had anything like that happen with Firefox! Oh well, nothing was vitally important to share, anyway, and I would have had to write this update regardless :)

First thing -- got my wedding corset in the mail and yikes, it doesn't quite fit anymore! Somehow I've gained back just enough fat . . . My seamstress is very reassuring, however, and tell me that she has a couple plans to make everything work, and I am not to worry! My seamstress also asked me to bring her the actual fabric for the dress when I see her this Friday, so I am VERY happy that things are finally moving along. We need to get the dress itself done early so that I can do all the hand beading and put on the lace and whatever it needs for decoration, though depending on how the silk drapes and so on, I might leave it severely alone and let the silk speak for itself. We'll see. I'd like to find some embroidered net and put that on the skirt, to give a little visual interest, but I dunno. It's hard for me to make plans without seeing the actual dress. Some people can extrapolate -- I am not one of them.

In other news the hotel, as part of their reservation system, created an entire wedding website for us! Which we really didn't need, and some of the information is wrong (like, it says that our ceremony is at 3pm when it's actually 12) -- and I can't change it! At least, not myself, I'll have to email them the corrections. I think what I'm going to do is send the URL out in the invites and just put a note on there to ignore everything else and just use the Book My Room feature, because that's really all they need to do. And if they need correct information about everything, to go to OUR wedding website, the one we created and have been maintaining for two years (which right now nobody seems to be using, which makes me irritable. Why go to all this trouble to coordinate if people aren't going to use the resource?).

Anyway.

My eye is better and the sun is shining and we're going to get the invitations done this weekend and sent out by the end of this month. I am excited about that -- seems like it's really real, now that we're actually sending out the invitations, depsite the almost 18 months of previous planning that we've done, lol! Something about sending out invitations makes it all . . . real. I don't have another word for the feeling. Like something that's just been a castle in the air is suddenly going 'Here, here's your closing date and the keys, do you have your stuff packed yet?'

Ready or not! But I'm ready. I've never wanted to be his wife quite so much as now. Some days it's like a physical pain, being forced to sit back and wait. 70 days! It seems like forever, like the day will never come. And other days, when I look at how much we still have to get done, I'm like, 'I need those two weeks back!'

My parents are finally showing some excitement about this wedding, and are finally offering to help here and there. And Mom has finally figured out, I think, that I'd rather have her help than her money! She is coming over to help put the invites together this weekend and she's promised to ask her church if anybody has a cake serving set that we can borrow.

All the drugs I've been on the last couple weeks for my inflammed iris have really done a number on my head. I knew I wasn't myself but I didn't realize how off I really was. Now that I'm not taking narcotics on a regular basis, I'm beginning to resemble the real me once more, which is a relief. I'm starting to feel, with 70 days to go, that I don't have time to get sick or deal with any more physical issues. Just let me get through the wedding first!

We are paying our state taxes today. With luck, sometime in the next 4-6 weeks Fiance will figure out our property taxes too so that we can figure out how much of a refund we'll get. It all goes to the honeymoon.

And Fiance's job is hopefully talking about lifing their internal hiring freeze in 3-6 months, so Fiance can apply (again) for the promotion that they have now been talking about for a little over a year. They'd tapped him, then their own supervisors said 'No, can't do it now' so we've been in limbo for a long time over this. Hopefully there's a real light at the end of the tunnel!

The reason this promotion is so important is because it will most likely mean that Fiance can stop working two jobs, and go back to a normal 9-5, weekends off schedule -- but be earning as much money as he is now with two jobs. He'll be promoted into a much higher 'bracket' into work, the equivalent of going from an hourly employee to a salaried manager. Perks are better (some travel, and I can come along!), a laptop for home use, a better cell phone, etc . . and of course the salary is much higher too.

But the best perk of all will be that Fiance will be around more often! And we'll actually have the time to do things together, instead of squeezing in a single date night a month.

Life is as good as can reasonably be expected . . . actually, no, scratch that. If somebody had told me ten years ago that I'd be this happy and this loved, and this well off (not just financially, either!) I'd have laughed myself sick at them. It's amazing how good my life is right now, and I am very grateful. Amazingly grateful. Things could have been so much worse!


Whitewater

[Whitewater]

4-15-2009

Tax day! Oh, joy. We paid our federal taxes some time ago, but we just paid our state taxes today, 'cause Fiance says that he doesn't want the state to have our money any longer than they have to!

I'm looking at my schedule right now for the rest of the week and for the next couple of months and it appears to be strongly weighted towards wedding planning. I am not sure I'm down with this! I would like to still have a nicely balanced life, even though there's 69 days till our wedding. I think it's possible :)

The rest of this week is going to be taken up with meeting my seamstress, printing the invitations, buying my top hat, updating our wedding website, doing the data entry necessary for the invitation labels, buying some new fabric for our card basket, cleaning the house for our invitation DIY party on Saturday, and getting party food from Costco on Friday for the DIY invitation thing.

Oh, and I also have three doctor's appointments tomorrow, ie, Thursday.

Next week we finish getting the rest of the invitation addresses, and hopefully send them out by the end of April. Not sure why my MIL is procrastinating. Apparently her sons get it from her!

Then in early May I get to focus on getting all the musicians nailed down, in mid-May I'll probably go for my hair and makeup preview, in late May my maid of honor comes in to town, briefly, and after that we get to go to the locations and work out how to arrange the chairs and tables and figure out how many extension cords we're going to need and so on. All stuff that a wedding planner does, but hey, we can't afford one, so it's up to us. It's a good thing I've done stuff like this before. . . .

Sometime between mid-May and mid-June we're also going to have to meet with our minister and go over the order of ceremony, which of course involves us having previously figured this out ourselves!

In early June I start bonking people over the heads to get their RSVP's in (if they haven't already) and make arrangements with a local party rental place to rent tables and chairs, since by then we'll finally have a decent head count. I will also send out the rehearsal dinner invites and make the reservations at the restaurant for said dinner. And we buy plastic tablecloths.

Oh. And I need to make up my 'God' book, a 3 ring binder that will have EVERYTHING in it that's necessary for the wedding, from copies of our vendor contracts to everybody's contact information to maps and directions and schedules/time frames, also a list of who's doing what, separated by type, ie, 'Flowers' and 'Food', etc. I'm going to make three copies (one for me, two for my friends) and my two friends will help coordinate and help me get everything done. I learned from getting married the first time that as the bride, I just won't have time to oversee it all. Delegation! It's a wonderful concept. I love delegating :)

Mid June a dear friend comes to stay with me in our house for the week prior to the wedding and a few days afterwards, as will my Maid of Honor, who prior to this is in-state, but living up north with her parents, who insisted on her spending time with them, depsite the fact that said MoH will more than likely make the 8 hour round trip once or twice to do essential wedding things with me before she comes down here to stay.

I'll also have to bonk my Deputy MoH over the head regarding getting the alterations to her bridesmaid gown. Because she spent about two months procrastinating, her gown won't be delivered until June 12th, two weeks before the wedding. Which means I will have to arrange alterations with somebody, and then tell her in no uncertain terms that her alterations will happen thusly. Left to her own devices, she'll never get it done.

The week beforehand I'll be making chocolates for the favors, creating To-Do lists for the day of (buy ice, assign people to go pick up the flowers, blah blah), hosting a casual get-together involving mini-golf and laser tag for the entire bridal party, running the rehearsal, and taking care of all the little details that inevitably get left until then.

And throughout all of this, I'll be fielding questions from family members and guests, trying to politely encourage MIL to wear something other than navy blue, keep our website updated, and trying to make time somewhere to finish my wedding dress. Oh, and not to mention working with the hotel about our personal accomodations . . . and arranging those little romantic extras!

And let's not forget having to set up our honeymoon 175 days in advance because DisneyWorld now requires reservations for their restaurants and many of their non-theme park attractions (like, if we wanted to rent jet-skis, see Cirque de Soleil, or something) 180 days in advance!!! I have to figure out our itinerary, get Fiance to approve it, send it in to our travel agent, and do so early enough that she can be on the horn first thing that day in order to get us the time slots we need. Yes, Disney is that popular.

No pressure.

Why am I doing all of this myself? Because Deputy MoH's father just landed in the hospital and probably won't come out again (he's immensely obese, has multiple serious heart problems, and refuses to do anything his cardiologists tell him, believing that all doctors are quacks who are only trying to steal his money), my MoH is teaching three states away until the end of May and was unable to resist parental pressure to visit with them for the first three weeks of her time with us (her parents are a 3.5 hour drive -- one way -- from where I live), and though my friends are all totally willing to help the day of, none of them can help me with all of the planning prior to the day of. They have their own lives to take care of.

And Fiance, probably until the honeymoon, is still working 70 hours a week. His second job just cut 6 hours out of the week, which means he only works from 8a-9:30pm three days a week and from 8a-5:50pm 2x a week now, but Fiance feels it's necessary to pick up 6 hour shifts every other Saturday.

No wonder people need honeymoons immediately after their weddings . . . eh, it'll be ok. I can do this! And heck, at least I'm not trying to get all of this done in 2 weeks. BTDT and it's not pleasant.

I can cope. It's mostly a matter of not forgetting about anything and planning everything within a workable time-frame, leaving room for life's 'oops' moments to occur with plenty of time for cleanup.


Whitewater

[Whitewater]

4-21-2009

Wrote a post and Firefox ate it. Anyway. Sometime between when I wrote the last post and this one, the state swooped in and took $1565 of the $4200 we had in our checking account to pay for wedding things. Needless to say, this was a blow. We are coping. It's been difficult. Time to move on!

My eye is not healing as fast as everybody was hoping, including myself, so today I got a cortisol injection IN MY EYE (I'm not sure exactly where, the doc numbed up the entire eyeball. I felt it go in my eyelid, but after that, I have no clue) and so far, no dramatic improvements. My eye is sore, though. He said there wouldn't be, but after 3 weeks, I am more than ready to regain my sight and stop with the blurry and the light sensitivity and get on with it! My doc wants to see me again on Friday, so I infer that by Friday I ought to see *some* kind of improvement. And if not, I don't know where to go next. But I'll be my doc has a plan.

Because I can't drive and up until today (I was pain and headache free today, for the first time since last Thursday! And I drove a short distance today and stayed pain and headache free, too, a big improvement) was laid low with the headache that's associated with this inflammation (which requires a load of Percoset, which knocks me out, so I was spending most of my time flat on my back in a dark bedroom, you may have noticed my short posts, when I post at all!), all the DIY stuff has been forced to be put on hold.

That's ok, I work best with short deadlines anyway. Something in me likes the challenge of getting everything done in a shorter time frame! I've always been like that, whether it be writing a paper for school or putting something together for work. I guess I just like the last minute. So I'm not worried, but this does mean that I have to be really organized.

I have figured out that I get a flare and get worse if I try to do too much with what little healing I manage to achieve, so I am forcing myself to get a lot of dark, quiet rest and just hang around the house with my eye shut, which is as boring as all hell. I can't work, watch television, be on the comp, or do anything that requires me to use my eyes, because the eyes work together, so even if I just use one, it's like I'm using them both. Can't even read, though I've been doing a bit of it just to keep from going completely crazy. :( But so far it seems to be working. I couldn't see anything except a white haze Sunday morning, and now, Tues evening, I can see just about everything, with just a clear fog obscuring it all. Hopefully the next few days will see the 'fog' lift entirely, because the 'fog' is the inflammation in my pupil! I can see the letters on my computer keyboard now, which I couldn't this morning, so hopefully the cortisol is kicking the inflamation's ***.

Eye doc wants me to go to a rhumetologist, apparently the blood tests indicate that I have some kind of systemic inflamation throughout my body, and they want to know what it is!

(Later) . . .

Forgot I never posted this! Anyhow, NOW I'm in the process of buying some antique venise and alencon lace from Ebay, at a phenomenal price. One auction I am the only bidder and the other, well . . . there's a bid, but there's still 1 hour and 35 minutes left in the auction, so I'm not going to bid until probably the last 30 minutes. This, of course, is lace for my wedding dress! One lot is a small but beautiful scalloped organza, the other a slightly more modern scalloped net with flowers on it. If I win, going to use the smaller one for sleeves and hat trim, the other for skirt trim. There are also some beaded appliques that I'm watching, because that auction doesn't end for 5 days, which will be perfect for the front of my underskirt. 4 of them, and she's selling them for $7 and free shipping!!! Not $7 each, but $7 for all 4. I am amazed, and I hope nobody else wants them. The other lots are $5 for 10 yards (and free shipping) and $4 for 4 yards . . . in a fabric store, these would go for $12-$20/yard, *easily*. Maybe more, because the one is clearly antique.

I hope I get them at these low prices. I wasn't looking forward to spending another $150 on the embellishments for my dress, but now I suspect that I won't need to. At these prices, I can get ALL the yardage I need for the price of one yard in a store!!! Awesome!


Whitewater

[Ninedays9]

I wish you a speedy recovery! And I hope you win the ebay auction; that sounds like a great deal. I am the same way when it comes to doing things last minute. It might just be an excuse for me to procrastinate, but I actually do think I do my best work at the last minute.

Oh yeah, if you lose posts on a fairly frequent basis, or if you have a long post you don't want to lose, you could try what I do... I go in and copy my post so it's at least in the computer somewhere... and then if the internet loses it (which used to happen frequently before we moved), you can just paste it back in. It's saved me quite a few times.

[PGDesigns]

Sorry to hear about your eye problems. I hope it gets better soon!

[Whitewater]

4-23-2009

Eye is getting better. Not dramatic leaps and bounds, but steadily. Like, when I got the shot on Wed, I couldn't read small print or see the letters on my computer keyboard. Well, yesterday I was able to do both of those things. And today was the first day in weeks that my brain was ok with keeping both eyes open, even in full sunlight or interior light. That took some getting used to again, and now my entire field of vision is blurry (sigh) but only about as bad as it was when this whole thing started, so I *am* getting better.

I may have to have another shot next week but for now, things are going ok with my eye and I haven't had any more flares or setbacks. Except that now there's this huge bloody streak in my eyeball, I suspect that's from where I got the shot! Luckily you can't see most of it, because it's hidden away back where the eye becomes non-visible in the eye socket. My poor left eye is just a mess. The pupil is dilated, the iris is inflammed, and now there's a bloody streak in the sclera. *sigh*

I won both ebay auctions for the lace although I am a bit miffed that I had to pay more than I was expecting, though less than my maximum bid. Just goes to show, if you bid ONCE and bid your true maximum amount, you'll win. Somebody tried to snipe me, twice, but I fought them off. In a couple days I'll be buying those pre-beaded appliques for the dress and then, I think I'll be good for a while.

I put up the pictures I have from my first dress fitting in a separate thread in the Wedding Attire section. It's not like the muslin mock-up will give anything away! And I know people have been curious. Anyway, it's been my experience that muslin mock-ups never seem to look like the final product, which is wierd considering that they ARE the final product. In this case, the embellishments (the netting, the lace, the fabric flowers, etc) will definitely make it look different.

After the wedding I'll post pics of the inspiration gown, the fitting pics, and the final pics (as well as any pics I take of the embellishments in progress), with notes and commentary, in a separate journal type format. After the wedding, I won't care if somebody copies me -- I did it first :)

It might be cool for people to see how a wedding dress gets put together from start to finish.

Oh yeah, and now that 98% of the invitaitons are put together and ready to get mailed out, I totally forgot that I have to mail them, har har. If I want anybody to come, I suppose I better do that. LOL!


Whitewater

[Whitewater]

4-29-2009

Heh, things are at what I call the 'falling-apart' stage. It's the necessary stage between 'Oh, the event is too far off to be worth stressing out over or getting anything done' and 'Ok, the event is about to happen in the next few days, is everything ready?'

It's the stage where suddenly everything falls apart and you look at the wreckage and wonder what happened and if you can pull it back together for the event. Of course, it always does come back, just as great if not better than before, but it can be kind of nerve-wracking while you're in it.

I am reminding myself to breathe, and that just because I'm living in the chaos now does not mean that I will be living here for the rest of my life.

But seriously. My eye is healing well, though it's still blurry enough that I can't do any fancy work. Like sewing. Which means that I am WAY behind on my DIY schedule and am beginning to consider non-sewing alternatives to get everything done.

A tree fell on my deputy MoH's van about a week ago, while she was dealing with an ugly cold. So she's been out of commission for a while. *sigh* Her father is out of the hospital, though. Luckily she wasn't in the van at the time, but for some inexplicable reason she feels like she can't leave the house -- unless I want to drive across town to pick her up -- until they are once again a two-car family. I don't know sometimes, I really don't. I think it has something to do with making sure that her husband has transportation whenever he needs it.

My friends the musicians have apparently completely forgotten about me. So despite their assurances that they would take care of the music and I wouldn't have to worry about it, guess whose lap the music got dumped into. Right. Me. Just add it to the end of the long list of things I already have to take care of. It's just one more thing! This is the live music for the ceremony, in addition to getting all the music for the reception.

I STILL don't have all the addresses I need. I put Fiance in charge of it because the addresses I'm missing are on his side of the family, and he's NOT GETTING IT DONE. I have to send these things out by Friday, and I don't want to leave people out because I don't know where to send the invite, but . . .

(On the other hand, I don't need any extra postage to send them, so yay me)

My eye is healing a lot slower than I thought it would.

Fiance managed to get $1250 from somewhere to replace, in part, the money that the state yanked, but that still leaves us short. I have to look at the wedding budget again to see what else I can cut, when there's very little fat in there in the first place. And I have to do it this week, because I need to know how much I have to purchase the stuff that's still outstanding. And I cannot get him to *save* anything. He just paid off a student loan (which was $50/month!) and I asked him to keep taking that $50 out at least until after our Sept. honeymoon so that we'd have some cash for the honeymoon, and for some reason -- which he won't or can't articulate -- he is extremely reluctant to do it. I can't understand why. It's not like saving that $50 is somehow going to change the budget, nor is it going to throw us into doom and despair, because that money was coming out of his paycheck *anyway* prior to this. So nothing will change. The only thing I can figure is that he wanted to use that money for 'fun'. My feeling is, save it for the honeymoon, and delay the 'fun' for a little bit -- and you'll have a LOT more to have 'fun' with!!!

Money problems. Wish we could win the lottery.

And I am so far behind schedule it's not even funny, because of my eye. It's going to take a heck of a lot of work to get back on track! As soon as my eye heals enough, I'll start that work. But I'm very frustrated that I can't get it done NOW. I feel like an animal in a trap, about ready to gnaw off my own leg if that's what it takes to fix this. I need to get going! The wedding is less than two months away! And I'm stuck here, totally unmoving, not even allowed to spin my wheels. *sigh*


Whitewater

[Whitewater]

5-5-2009

It's been a wierd day. The weather didn't know whether to be thunderstorms or sun, the cat is mad at me (me! When it was Fiance that closed the door!) for not letting him into the bedroom so he could curl up on my feet, and Fiance has been cranky and irritable all day -- it's his 2nd day quitting smoking cold turkey. He's been sucking on various sugar candies (Werthers, peppermints, etc) instead, and I think the sugar overload isn't helping.

He took a half-hour nap when we got home after doing some necessary gift shopping for Mother's Day, and he's better, but still getting on my nerves some. I know he can't help it, so I'm doing my best to ignore it and just support him as much as I can.

Had an eye doc appointment today and the eye doc told me that I can quit dilating my eye!! YIPPEE!! It will be very nice to finally see the same thing out of both eyes once again. And not have to wear sunglasses all the time. And he said that in a few weeks, my currently lousy night vision ought to go back to normal, which is good, because driving at night really isn't practical anymore, which is a big hitch in my life. I did a lot of driving at night, and I didn't realize quite how much I did -- until I started to not be able to see at all well after it got dark and I was behind the wheel. Yikes.

I don't have to see him again for two whole weeks.

In wedding news I found the top hat for my wedding day ensemble, and unfortunately, it's covered in pink velvet. It looks like somebody made a top hat out of cotton candy. Or Pepto Bismol, I can't quite decide. The only reason I bought it in this color is because I know that it will be covered with gold and cream silk! With luck, we can take the pink velvet off entirely.

I'm starting to receive RSVP's, although I *know* that people will try to walk up to me at family events and parties and so on and say 'So, we're planning on making your wedding', to which I'll politely reply, 'Great! Please go to the computer and fill out the form! Otherwise I'll forget that you told me this!' I mean, COME ON PEOPLE, there's a *reason* I asked you to email me the RSVP's, you know? Who can remember 15 people all coming up to you over the course of two hours and saying 'Yes, I'll be there.'???

Got our first 'no' too, so we're already down by two. I sort of figured that she wouldn't make it, this woman is a dear family friend but she's getting older and lives in San Diego, so I don't blame her one bit.

Hee, and our first 'yes' is from a dear friend -- I've known her and her husband for YEARS -- who already promised to help out on the day. LOL.

We're going to get all the paperwork done on May 19th, Fiance is going to take a half day off and we're going to go downtown and just get it done.

Working with our officiant on meeting with him too -- his wife is having a baby literally any time now (by the time you see this, she might be delivering as you read) and I don't want to mess him up or worry him about things quite at the moment. Luckily, he can wait until mid-June, if necessary, because we've been friends for years and there's very little to talk about.

I am going to get the fabric tomorrow and get the card 'box' done by Sunday, come hell or high water. I've been meaning to do it and meaning to do it, and something has always happened and made me put it off. Not again! It *has* to get done.

Next week I'm going to cut out the lace doilies for the reception tables. I know I'll need at least 12 of them, so I can make those. And if I need more, well, better to have most done early and just make a few later on, than to all of a sudden have to make 20 the night before, right? I'm also, if the weather is nice enough, going to spray paint the non-floral parts of our table centerpieces. Would have tried to do it tonight but it was still too humid and rainy.

Still trying to figure out how to tell my folks that I'm changing my entire name, not just my last name, and not have them freak out on me.

Emailed the musicians today and got that ball rolling.

Hopefully am looking at the end of next week (the 14th or 15th) for a real dress fitting with all parts complete, and am hoping to have the entire outfit complete save for the hand-sewn detailing by the end of May.

I get to ***** at my bro-in-law this weekend about his tuxedo. He STILL hasn't gotten it. We've reminded them politely a few times, and the others have all gotten theirs done. I now get to threaten BIL with nakedness. If he doesn't get his tuxedo, he stands there in his birthday suit. *sigh* What IS it with guys?


Things feel like a controlled snowball, rolling down the side of the mountain, right about now. Still nervous about hosting a 200 person party, but my friends have sworn to help me, so that makes it easier.

Still have a lot to do, though!


Whitewater

[Mrs.Goff]

You're changing your entire name? Have you already posted this and if so how did I miss that? haha I joked about changing my entire name. Do you already know what you are changing it to? Sorry for asking so many questions, it's just intriguing.

[Whitewater]

Heh, no, it's ok, I like questions :)

Yeah, I am changing my whole name. On the marriage license, it only says 'New Name: <whatever>' and you fill it in, so I don't expect there to be any problems. I'm not trying to run away from debt, I haven't got any arrest warrants, etc, I'm just . . .not the old self anymore. My old name is no longer appropriate for the person I am now.

My current name is First Middle (Confirmation, it's not legal) Lastname. A confirmation name is part of the Confirmation ceremony in the Catholic Church, I was raised Catholic. When you're 13, you get 'confirmed' as a grown-up Catholic, and as a sign that you're now a 'real Catholic', you get to choose a name, which is added to yours in a religious ceremony. It doesn't add to your legal name, because it's a religious thing, but you get to choose your own confirmation name, which was what I liked best about the whole process, quite frankly.

When I was born I was adopted by my parents when I was 5 days old. They then took another two weeks to name me, meanwhile, fighting like cats and dogs about which family name I should have. Finally, to stop the fighting, they picked the most popular girl's name for that year, and that's what they named me.

So. I got named a name that never has suited me at all and has absolutely no connection to any family whatsoever. It didn't mean anything to my parents, or have any special connotations that I know of. I got named the name just because it was a tie-breaker. And that's knowledge that's guarenteed to warm the cockles of your heart, no? My parents didn't care. They just wanted to quit fighting.

It's a name that I've been bullied under, married previously and divorced with, abused, shamed, and generally treated poorly under -- and that is no longer who I am. My self and my life have totally changed!

A new name is necessary. But I was unhappy about just taking Fiance's last name, and so I thought, if I'm going to take a new last name, what will happen to my old one? I had issues. But changing my whole name solved the problems.

As soon as we get back from the honeymoon in September (because I'll have to buy tickets and so on early with my maiden name, and the airline doesn't allow name changes at all now), I'll become ConfirmationName Middle Maiden HisLastName. I'll have two middle names, which I've always legally wanted! And I'll get to choose my own name for myself, which I have wanted to do since I was old enough to understand the concept, about 5 years old.

My confirmation name has been held by three queens (all worthy of admiration) and a number of other folks I admire and look up to, including saints and poets. It's the only name I chose myself, and has a gazillion nicknames, including one rare one which I've resurrected and hope that the people I meet from now on will use. I do not expect my friends and family who have known me for decades to make the change, but that's ok. In my circle of friends I have a good half dozen people with my new name, and they all have different nicknames, so I won't stand out if they call me by my current name and only use my legal name for formal occasions.

The difficult with my parents is that my mother in particular has always had somewhat of an obsession about my adoption, or rather, she's always been greatly emotionally threatened by anything that might even hint that I want to learn more about my true origins -- or that I might someday turn my back on her in favor of somebody else. I'm afraid that changing my name entirely will hurt her dreadfully and cause unhealable friction and drama.

I need to find a way to explain without setting off her abandonment triggers. And I don't know how to do that. Quite frankly, she will probably poorly adjust to even the traditional idea that I'll be taking Fiance's last name, merely because it's not Our Family Name. I really don't want to give her a heart attack over this. I dunno.


Whitewater

[Mrs.Goff]

I can see why you would want to change your name. Sadly I have no suggestions as to how to approach your family with it. From the sound of things your mother isn't going to take it well no matter what. Maybe you should just explain it to her the way you explain it to us. For your sake I hope that she understands and give you her blessing.

Here's a couple more questions for you ...

Will your marriage license have your new name or the old one? Also, if it has the old one how do you feel about that?

I see that you have pets on your RSVP counter, are you really inviting pets? I totally would have if I thought it would have worked. haha

[Whitewater]

Yep, we're really inviting pets. It's not on our formal invitation, but if people want to bring their dogs (on a leash, please) to the city park where we're having our potluck picnic reception, they can feel free. Well, so long as the dog gets along well in large, noisy crowds and doesn't mind other dogs!

I don't think there will be that many, frankly. We're even leaving our two brats at home.

I'm not sure the license will be in my old name. I think in my state, the license is issued in your new name, whatever you put on your application. I seem to recall that from the first time, though I could be wrong. It's been a while!

We'll cross that bridge when we come to it. I'm more afraid of turning in my application and being denied by the state because of the unusualness of changing the whole thing. I mean, there's no law against it here, but I don't think anybody really does it, even though you *can* if you want to.

We'll just see what happens, I guess!


Whitewater

[Mrs.Goff]

When I went to the Social Security office to change my name, the lady ask what part of my name I wanted to change and what I wanted it changed to. Of course I didn't ask questions because I was only changing my last, so I'm not sure if I could have changed it all or not.

That's great that you're inviting dogs. SO CUTE!

[Whitewater]

Let's talk about the Ugly Pink Hat. Shall we? Because seriously, this thing is UGLY. With a capital U. For one thing, it's pink. And you all know how I feel about pink. Right now, this hat and a Roller Girls teeshirt are the only things in the house that are pink. I dislike pink with a passion.

So why did I buy the Ugly Pink Hat (UPH)? Because it was the only top hat in the entire store that fit me and didn't overwhelm my facial features. It was the only one that was proportionate. *sigh* It's a good thing that I was going to cover whatever top hat I bought with the leftover silk from my wedding gown, 'cause seriously, the UPH takes the cake.

It looks like somebody killed and skinned a Muppet to make this hat. And not only is it pink, it's VELVET. Or at least, velvet look-alike. Ye gods. And the hatband is Pepto-Bismol pink satin. The rest of it is Playboy Bunny pink, kind of pastel but not really. Like faded Pepto Bismol.

I can't wait to get it out of my house and into the seamstress's house because then I won't have to look at it everyday.

And thank GOD the pink will go away. I would never have bought this in a million years, if it wasn't for the fact that it will drastically change.

In other news the RSVP's are trickling in. So far, we have 1 yes from his side of the family, one no from mine, and one yes from some friends. Neither set of parents has of yet RSVPed, nor immediate non in-law siblings. And normally, one would say 'Yes, that's because you know they're coming' but in my case (gotta love my family dynamics, NOT) that would be the $64,000 question! We'll see.

I bought the fabric for the inside of my card/checks/envelopes/gift card receptacle today. I really *wanted* a nice light chiffon or organza but I could only find a diamond white non-stretchy crushed velvet. It looks quite nice, though, and I got 1 and 3/8 yard of 46" wide for $2.75, because it was a remmnant. It's not real velvet, of course, but heck, it looks pretty and that's all that really matters. I don't NEED 1 and 3/8 yards of it but that was the smallest piece they had -- it's a big piece of cloth, and that particular store doesn't cut remnants -- and I had to buy the whole thing. Maybe I can use the rest for decor somehow in the wedding. Make cloth roses or some such. I'll think of something!

It's too bad the velvet doesn't match the silk of my wedding gown, I could use the rest on the UPH!! Haha.

No pet RSVP's yet, I suspect that people won't want to bring their dogs for a variety of reasons, which makes sense.

Oh! And Mom came up trumps and found a lovely cake/pie server from her silverware stash that she said we could use for the wedding!! The last time I asked her, she didn't think she had anything, but when I mentioned last night at dinner that we still hadn't found anything, she said 'Wait a minute . . .' got up, started rummaging, and voila! It's silver, and has a twisted handle kind of like a thick braided vine, at least, that's what the design looks like to me, it's kind of abstract. Now we just need to find a knife :) I said, if worst comes to worst we can use a sword! We've got tons of those lying around the house, and daggers too.

Fiance and I have agreed that on May 19th, he's going to take a half-day off from work so that we can go down to the county office and get copies of our decrees, then turn in our marriage license. I think 6 weeks ought to be enough time.

In non-wedding news I received my Ebay strawberries and my Ebay raspberries and planted them today. I got the strawberries yesterday and the raspberries today. They both shipped faster than I expected! The strawberries don't look good but I expect they'll revive in a day or so. I was expecting transplant shock -- even going from a local Home Depot to the ground made the first 3 wilt a little, but slightly less than a week later they're doing just fine and starting new shoots, so I expect the new lot will perk up in a couple days also. The raspberry plants were just the canes, so I have no idea if they'll do well or not. Guess I'll know if they don't put out leaves by this October! I planted them all with some potting soil specifically designed for new bare-root plants to help them develop their root systems and to give them nutrients. And I watered all the new plants, along with the 1st set of three and the plot where my herb seeds are hopefully germinating in the ground even as we speak.

The 2 surviving raspberry plants out of 4 total that we planted last fall, well, one is doing quite well but the other, not so much. It's less than half the size of the one, and that one is only as tall as my palm, about 3.5" high. I have revised my expectations sharply downward for raspberries this year and now I just want them to have a warm summer season to grow and get stronger. Maybe next year we'll get berries. I don't expect the 1" plant to survive much longer, either. Maybe I'll get a surprise, but I think we're down to three plants. Oh well. You win some, you lose some. And 3 raspberry bushes is enough to start out with, because of course they self-propagate. Eventually we'll have more berries and more plants than we know what to do with!

The Honeygold apple tree continues to do well and I still have hopes that we'll see leaves on the Honeycrisp tree sometime this summer. I watered the Honeycrisp tree again today and noticed that the buds have been growing, so perhaps in a few weeks we will have leaves. With any luck, they will both still be on track for producing their first small crop of apples not this fall, but next fall. Apple trees are slow growers, and you need patience :) You won't get fruit right away, they don't do that. But next fall they'll be three years old and everybody says that's when you should start to see a few apples. This fall, they'll be two years old. And when they're 5 year trees, we should start seeing a good crop. I can't wait!

Planting apple trees and berry patches is our way of saying to each other that we are committed to making our marriage last. We're in it for the long haul! And we'll have our own apples to make pie to celebrate our 5th anniversary. What could be sweeter than that?

I'm gradually getting caught up from my recent eye thing and getting stuff done. Making up for lost time, as it were. This week has been quite busy!

And Fiance quit smoking!! It's now Day 3. He's eating a lot of hard candy, but hell, that's better than sucking on a death stick. I hope he can quit permanently this time, the last time he stopped smoking he went a few months and then started smoking a pipe. *sigh*.


Things are going as well as can reasonably be expected, all in all. And we've managed, since the state took our money, to scrimp and pinch and save and get back all the money we needed for the wedding budget! We won't have ANYTHING extra in the budget, like we had before, but now everything is covered. Whew!

And I hope to have the wedding gown done in 3 weeks, hopefully sooner. That way, I can get the hand-sewing done sooner also. There will be nothing worse than a dress with lace that only goes around half way . . .


Whitewater

[Whitewater]

Well, today so far has been a total loss, so far as getting anything done. It's cold and raining outside, so I can't garden (though I did water everything, and the strawberry plants are still hanging on, despite some massive transplant shock -- the raspberry sticks, however, are flourishing, one has already budded!) and my eye is having issues (after a solid month of being forced to be dilated, now the muscles etc responsible for focusing aren't as responsive as they were, so I can't focus! I have decent eyesight for a few hours after I wake up, and then everything is blurry. The doc says things ought to go back to normal in a few days), so I can't do the sewing I need to get done, either.

I made home-made crepes, planned dinner, watered the plants, and now I think I'm going to give in and take a nap before Fiance comes home.

It's a grey, blah, do-nothing day. Who am I to fight?


Whitewater

[Whitewater]

SOMETHING is going around digging up the roots of my plants and eating them. I suspect rabbits, even though I've never actually *seen* a rabbit in our back yard. They do it in the early morning hours when everybody is asleep and inside, and the dogs aren't around, I suspect.

Makes me so mad!

Especially as the strawberry plants are beginning to get over their transplant shock (the ones in the boxes that just got planted in Baby Plant Mix are doing better than the ones that got stuck in the ground), and the one raspberry plant I got from Ebay actually started to bud less than 24 hours after I planted it! The other raspberry cane isn't budding at all, but since the one is obviously healthy, I'm not going to complain. After all, with raspberries, one healthy plant is really all you need because they're weeds, and they grow like crazy.

Today we went over to Bro and sis-in-law's house for a Mother's Day celebration and we had barbeque and gave little gifts to each other. I got a spider plant cutting! We'll see if I can get it to grow, haha. And, as I suspected, we got a barrage of wedding related questions.

But my sis-in-law is planning on hiring a babysitter to bring with her to the ceremony to help watch the two kids! Yahoo! Her husband is Fiance's bro and best man, so obviously he won't be able to help much, and the nephews are going to be almost 4 and almost 1, so . . . yeah. But I couldn't be more pleased about the hired help. I was so worried that SIL wouldn't be able to enjoy the ceremony because she'd have her hands full with the kids. Not a problem anymore.

Tomorrow I get to go to Costco, Home Depot, shovel out the patch that will be the veggie garden, and plant even more plants. Hooray.

And in a few days I will take my Deputy MoH and we will go to the ceremony and reception sites to map out where to put tables and so on. And hopefully she'll know where the electricity is, because I tried to find it and couldn't. :(


Whitewater

[ChristineLS]

I realize this was three posts ago, but I think you should cut your cake with a sword. I've seen some amazingly lovely swords, and I suspect you may have a few in your collection, and though a sword can be a symbol of violence it is also one of strength, which it appears to me that you and your FH have lots of in your relationship to get through the world. Kind of like your act together is a demonstration of strength. Rereading it, it sounds contrived though it did not feel that way as I typed it.

I was raised Catholic too, and I love my confirmation name. It's Cecilia. I think a better choice in retrospect would have been Mary (after Magdalene) since being the first to see the risen Christ is pretty darn amazing, and I'm always so curious when events happen to be on the cutting edge much more than I'm musical, though at the time I was planning to be a music teacher. I found it a little disappointing that for most people, confirmation names didn't become part of their lives and I think it's great that it will for you.

[Whitewater]

Oh, I LOVE Cecelia as a confirmation name!

And yes, I think we're seriously leaning towards cutting our cake with a dagger that is part of my collection. You're right, I have a big collection of swords and daggers (mostly from the Elizabethan and English Civil War eras, but I've got a couple medieval things too) and they're all dulled fight-ok replicas, but they're probably sharp enough to cut a cake!

Hmm, maybe I'll have to buy a cake and practice! Haha! But the one I'm thinking of has an ivory handle and brass fittings, and the blade is about 6" long, making the whole thing just shy of a foot, which would be the ideal size. Regular swords, at least, the ones I have, are *way* too long and would be really difficult to use.

But this dagger is pretty, and it'll match our colors, even though the server we got from Mom is silver! Heh, there's something to be said for being eclectic.

Today I went with my Deputy MoH to the wedding locations and we identified where the electricity is, where to have the chairs (and tables) set up, where to put the food, and so on, all those logistical details. It made me wish that I was getting married right about now instead of 6 weeks from now, because where we chose for the ceremony itself has a beautiful ring of full-grown lilac trees as a backdrop, and of course the lilacs will all be over by the end of June. Which makes me sad. But the trees will be pretty in and of themselves, even if they aren't blooming.

We got a lot accomplished and I feel very much better about my plans. I feel a return of my confidence! Over the winter I was constantly wondering if I'd done the right thing and picked the right places, and today I was able to reassure myself that yes, I'd made the right decisions and yes, it was all going to work out.

We discovered that there's a paved path leading through the woods to the Mississippi River, with a sandy shore, and that location is just PERFECT for pictures. So pretty. And hey, how many people get to have some wedding pictures on the banks of the Big Muddy?

My MoH is driving from her home, three states away, and plans to get here about mid-day next Tuesday. We'll have a lovely barbeque if the weather is nice, with all our friends, and open a couple bottles of wine, and just have fun. Then on Wed she'll go with me to my hair trial, then we'll go shopping at the Mall of America (it's been really nice, living within a 20 minute drive of that place, say what you will about it) so that she and the Deputy MoH (who may, because of work, not be able to make the hair trial, since it's during the day) can find their bridesmaid shoes, and then we'll have dinner there and THEN go to my re-enactment group's folk dance practice that evening, so that my MoH (who's also playing the piano) can meet up with our violinist and talk about the music for our ceremony. Not that they need to practice, these people are professionals and can play anything, with anybody, but it'll be nice for them to work out the kinks beforehand.

Then she leaves on Thursday for her parent's home, a 3.5 hour (one way!) journey north. And she'll stay there until the day after Father's Day, when she'll come down here to stay until after July 4th weekend, when she'll go back home.

Oh yeah, and on Tuesday, she'll have to arrive as early as possible because Fiance and I are going to go that afternoon to the state offices and get our marriage licence and all the associated paperwork.

Whew!!!

I'll have a busy week next week. On Thursday I've got what I hope will be my last eye appointment for a while, and probably on Friday I'll have an appointment with my dress maker. I hope. She still hasn't seen the Ugly Pink Hat, and I'm starting to worry that we'll run out of time to get it taken care of.

When Fiance came home tonight from going over to his mom's house -- she was having computer issues and wanted him to try to fix them, he used to be Microsoft certified and all that -- he had AMAZING NEWS for me.

She's going to pay for the rehearsal dinner AND give us $500 as a wedding present on the day!!!

AND she's decided, that just cooking a 15 pound turkey for the reception isn't enough -- she's going to provide a fruit tray and a veggie tray as well.

I told Fiance that his mother is an amazing woman. I look at her in awe and wonder. When we get married it will be exactly six months to the day since her husband died, and she's just been, well, amazing all through everything.

This is in direct contrast to my parents, who are once again beginning to grumble about having to drive back from the summer home for my wedding, and who, so far, haven't offered to contribute a SINGLE thing and in fact, are actively (on my mother's part) declining to help in any way.

Can they not pick up a sandwich tray from Costco? Is that too hard for them? Honestly. I was hoping to have my mother help with putting together the centerpieces, but I think she might try to worm her way out of even that.

I told my Deputy MoH today that I have more regard and respect for my in-laws than I do my family of origin. Which is sad, but true. And (unlike previous conversations in which she vehemently declared that it's 'unnatural' to dislike your own FoO that much), she was able to see my point and didn't try to tell me that I was wrong. Poor kid, she hasn't got the greatest family either, and I suspect that even the mere mention of discord is enough to trigger a 'toe the party line' emotional reaction.

I suspect that I feel this way about my in-laws because they respect and regard me more than my own family does. It works both ways.

I keep thinking that there is more to do, when there's really not. Most of the DIY is finished, and what's not done can easily get done in the next 6 weeks -- I'm going to sit down and finish that dang card box tomorrow come hell or high water -- like cutting up the lace curtains and spray painting the non-flower centerpiece stuff. Making the chocolate favors can wait until both my MoH and my good friend come in after Father's Day.

The dress is almost done, I have to get the lace shipped from Florida, we have to get the hat done, and I have to get the fabric scraps from my dressmaker to make the cloth roses (which are part of the decoration).

So far as officiants and ceremony, I have to buy the sand (and I think, to keep costs down, we're only going to have two colors -- My Family and His Family) and the bottles, get the marriage license squared away, and have a chat with our officiant. That last might be tough to do, seeing as how he and his wife just literally had a baby last night (well, the 12th) and I don't know if he's going to want to deal with us in the first 2 months of his kid's life -- it's their first baby, and I don't want to put too much on his shoulders. I do have other options, but I wanted to get his opinion on what he wants to do.

I had to remind my Deputy Maid of Honor of her place, and ask her to dress nicely for the rehearsal. She was going to wear jeans and flipflops! Um, no. If I have to wear a dress, THEY have to wear a dress. It's the rules! LOL! But I am serious about them looking nice. They don't have to be formal, but nice would be good.

I also had to casually drop the hint that Maids of Honor were responsible for throwing parties for the bride. I was right, she didn't know that. Hadn't even crossed her mind. And with my mom very out of town, and with the MIL not exactly in a party mood, it's going to be up to my friends -- or me, myself.

Eh, that's ok. We're pretty much planning on having one big blow-out anyway to celebrate birthdays and so on as well as having a combined bachelor/ette party, so if we host it for the birthday people, it doesn't count as hosting it for ourselves! There's always a way around these things.

And our friends don't stand on etiquette anyway. In fact, that might be part of the problem :) Things are just too casual!

I think I'm almost caught up from being behind because of my eye. The only thing that came as a shock was having to figure out our itinerary for our Disney honeymoon because they start taking reservations 90 days in advance . . . which is next week! OMG! Yeah, that one kind of snuck up on us, big time. So we spent most of this evening working out where we wanted to go for dinner and what we wanted to do. I'll email that information to my travel agent and she'll get us the best reservations she can, given that we haven't got our plane tickets yet.

I'm plenty nevous about two things -- A) there STILL hasn't been anything purchased from our honeymoon registry, and people who have asked have said 'oh, you have a honeymoon registry? Where is it?' so clearly they're not reading the website OR the invitation insert, wherein we mentioned 'For all other wedding info please see our URL'. and B) nobody but my MIL is talking about what to bring for the potluck. And while turkey, fruit, and veggies would make an awesome meal for me, it'll be difficult to feed 130 people on just that.

I can't stand waiting around until the last minute, it's nerve-wracking. But I think in this instance, I might just have to do it!


Whitewater

[Micah's bride]

Just wanted to comment on your name change. I think it's great that you're taking your confirmation name. When I converted to Judaism several years ago, I had to pick a Hebrew name. I chose Ruth, after my grandmother and one of my favorite biblical ladies. It makes me sad that your parents didn't give you a meaningful name, I think children should have a special story/meaning behind the name they are given. Also, love the 2 middle names, my son is Jason Edward Ritchie and my two BFs from high school gave their sons 2 middle names, as well.

From reading your entries, I think your wedding is going to be amazing, can't wait to see the pictures and here all about the big day!

[Whitewater]

I put some pictures up of our invitations and our card box (finally got it done!) in the DIY section, just in case people are curious.

Well, things are going along fairly well, all things considered. My bro-in-law FINALLY got his tux taken care of this past weekend when he met Fiance to go see Star Trek (I have no interest in the original cast, so I haven't seen the movie yet, though I might when On Demand gets it), and he was the last one, so yay. That's one more thing to cross off!

My card box is done and it looks really good, if I do say so myself. Folds and drapes of lux-looking pearl white velvet fall over the edge, and the top is covered by a translucent cream (with just a hint of gold) brocade wire ribbon. It looks fantastic, and I am very pleased with how it turned out.

I am very excited about tomorrow (technically, though, it's today) because my MoH (whose been friends with me since 1992, when I was 18 and she was 20) is coming into town tomorrow and spending Tuesday and Wed with me as a break -- she'll have made a 10 hour road trip by herself-- before continuing on the last leg (3.5 hours one way) north to her parents home.

We're going to go buy the attendant's shoes for their dresses, my MoH will be able to sit down with our violinist, we're going to do my hair trial while my MoH is here, and we're having a totally casual barbeque tomorrow night for dinner with even more friends. I can't wait.

Tomorrow Fiance and I also go apply for our marriage license! In my state, we both have to be present to apply, though only one person has to go back and pick it up, which makes it slightly easier because Fiance won't have to take two afternoons off of work.

Oh, and I turned in our ideal itinerary to our travel agent today, for our Disneyworld honeymoon, and I'm hoping to hear back by the end of this week what she managed to reserve for us. Disney asks, particularly for shows like Cirque de Soleil and their restaurants, for reservations 90 days in advance, which for us is May 20th. Our travel agent hasn't let us down yet! I have to have faith that we'll be able to *afford* this honeymoon, and that our friends and family will understand and start using the registry.

Because if not . . .

Well, I'm just not going to think about that right now.

I have yet another appointment with my seamstress on the 27th, the same day as my makeup trial, and I'm hoping that she'll tell me then that my dress is all but finished. In my wildest dreams she'll send me home with my dress because it WILL be finished except for the decoration, but I don't think that's going to happen. I'll bring my seamstress the Ugly Pink Hat that day and get rid of it! It'll be her problem from then on :)

The day is coming and is soon here when I will have to pay off all our previously contracted vendors. I hope that we'll have enough money after that (we DO have enough to pay the vendors!) to pay off the new contracts I've signed, like for hair and makeup, and to rent tables and so on. We'll see.

My eye continues to heal, albeit at a snail's pace. I'm going to talk to my doc about it on Thurs, when I go in for my latest appointment.

So excited for tomorrow, ie, today! I'm having a hard time convincing myself that I need to get to bed, but I do, because I have a couple hour's worth of work (cleaning and so on, new sheets on the guest bed, etc) to do before my friend gets here -- and I need to make sure that I'm ready to go downtown when Fiance needs me!

Tomorrow we get our marriage license. My palms are sweaty just thinking about it. Yahoo!


Whitewater

[Whitewater]

Very early Tuesday morning . . .

I was just going to edit my previous post but I've decided that this deserves a post of its own.

The lace for my wedding dress got delivered today!!! And OMG, it's absolutely STUNNING. At least, the vintage stuff is, I'm a little worried about the lace that's supposed to go around the gold, because it's really quite white, and I don't think will take dye well, but we'll see. It DID tend to take on the hue of whatever color fabric I laid it on, so perhaps the gold will come through and tone it down some.

But the vintage stuff . . . it's just beautiful. Gorgeous. Exactly what I needed. And I was right, it would have cost $20/yard or more in a store. I got 14 yards of fabric and 8 beautiful, intricate lace-and-bead appliques for $58, total . . . because I found them on Ebay. It's NOT white, more what I would call a cream with yellow overtones, but my 'white' skirt has the same buttery undertones as this stuff, so it should work out fairly well.

I am so blessed to find such great deals!

Now, here's hoping they work as well as I think they will, otherwise it's back to square one.


Whitewater

[Whitewater]

Well, we did it!

First Fiance had to go across town to Minneapolis to get a certified copy of his divorce decree, and pay $10. Then he came and got me and we went to downtown Saint Paul to the courthouse to get MY copy of MY decree. Then we had to go clear across downtown to the public records building and we filled out all the paperwork, took the oath, and I was handing over the money for our marriage license when she says 'Oh, wait. You're changing your first name too? You can't do that in this county'.

Luckily a fellow co-worker hears her and pipes up 'Yeah, but you can one county over. . . it's only about a 15 minute drive, here's directions' so off we go to the other county office.

Once there, we fill out the form (Again) take the oath (again) and pay the clerk, this time they didn't have a problem with my new name, just checking to make sure they spelled it correctly.

So, they're going to mail us our marriage license and we should have it in about a week, perhaps a day or two later because of the Memorial Day holiday.

Now all I have to do is call the airline (we already bought our honeymoon plane tickets because we were able to get a good deal) and ask them about their 'no name change' policy and if they'd be ok if I brought a copy of my marriage certificate along with my new ID. Because if they're not ok with it, then it's going to be an issue.

In Minnesota, apparently, you HAVE to change everything over within 30 days after the ceremony. Not sure what the fine is if you don't, but I would then have to "fudge it" (in the clerk's own words) for that couple of months until mid-September.

We'll see what happens.

In the meantime, things are happening awfully fast and I'm glad (After waiting 18 months I'm not sure I could handle things still being slow).

My MoH brought her dress with her (obviously) and showed it to me tonight. Thank goodness! I am so relieved. It's very pretty and I think both my friends will look fantastic in their dresses. And my Deputy MoH got her dress early!!! It wasn't supposed to be in until June 12th, and she got hers today! So relieved about that, too.

Right now I'm really tired. It was 91' F here today, with a humidity level probably in the 60's, and that really takes it out of me. I like heat, but not humidity!! My barbeque went really well, though, despite the heat, and everybody had fun.

Tomorrow is the hair trial and my MoH actually mentioned that she wants to talk to the stylist about a style for *her* hair too! I was secretly, very pleased to hear that. My MoH doesn't often think about her looks, even though she has a distinct style, and I know that she'll be at a loss to do something with her hair, which is light brown, wavy, and bobbed to just below her chin.

We're going to gang up on my Deputy MoH about HER hair, which is black, straight, and reaches down to her waist, Native American style. I'm hoping she'll be willing to pull it back in a modified ponytail (she wears a plain ponytail or a braid most of the time) and get a nice barrette or something. I told her that I'd pay for their hair clips or combs or whatever, so no worries.

I'm so relieved that the bridesmaid dresses will work out. It was scary, trying on the dress in a bright yellow color in the store and then not being able to see the actual dress *on* anybody . . . kind of nerve wracking. But I think we made the right decision and I think they look really pretty, even in the bag.

Tired! And another long day tomorrow.


Whitewater

[Whitewater]

I suspect that I am PMSing. It's about that time, really.

Ok. On the one hand, we found some truly beautiful peacock-feather headbands for my 'maids to wear with their dresses. I never dreamed these girls (who both prefer the frill-free look) would EVER go for peacock-feather adorned headbands, but they did, and they both look gorgeous. It's amazing.

And my Deputy Maid of Honor, who doesn't believe in "artificial beauty" (like makeup, or styling her hair), actually is willing to wear not only a peacock feather headband but a peacock feather clip AND do her hair in a simple but pretty 'do somewhat reminiscent of the 1940's. Could have knocked ME over with a feather! She does look beautiful, though, compared to her usual all-over-the-place self.

And this same person found a fire-engine red marabou-feather fascinator and is planning to wear it to my rehearsal dinner (on one side of her hair) with a pretty knee-length black skirt, a flirty olive green top and knee-high black leather platform boots. And she will rock the outfit.

On the other hand, to get my 'maids to dress up (ie, wear a skirt) for the rehearsal dinner, I had to tell them quite seriously, "If I have to, you have to". I feel like I'm forcing them, but I know that given the option, NONE of us, including me, would have worn skirts and girly shoes and so on, so I guess everything is equal.

Somehow I can't quite believe that the worst issues I'm facing right how have to do with the things that have always taken a distant second (or third, or fourth) in my life -- how we look and what we wear. It seems like such a different thing to be worrying about.

Oh well. If they actually wear the feathered headbands it will be stunning. And different. I'm pretty sure that nobody around here has seen anything like that before. We, I mean, my city, isn't exactly known for embracing the latest fashion trends.

We bought the stuff for the bridesmaids necklaces too, today, real freshwater pearls (the little nobbly ones that have their natural shapes) and something called sydonyx, which I'd never heard of. It's a black and white glossy stone, and it's quite pretty. Between the necklaces and the headbands, all the attention will be drawn to my 'maid's faces, which is exactly the way it should be.

Aside from my hairstylist flaking out on me today, it was a pretty good day. Most of the muscians got to practice together, and we discovered that the speakers from my computer work with my MoH's keyboard, so we won't have to rent an amp, because the speakers are very loud, even in the great outdoors. Yay for not having to spend even more money!

I *did* buy my friend's hair pieces, it's their bridesmaid gifts, and they were happy about that.

Most of my friends are assuming that I know that they'll be at the wedding. So they're not RSVPing. I keep having to explain that I can't assume anything, and that they need to create the paper trail! If only for a final headcount for table rental, etc. But, I *knew* this would happen, and I have a few weeks to track people down and get answers from them.

Still nothing bought on any registry. I have a feeling about that too -- I think it's going to come right down to the wire. In fact, my MoH who is chronically broke all summer because she teaches college and rarely gets summer classes, told me that if we can wait until a few days before we leave, that she'll "get us something really good". Because, of course, by September she'll have cash again. :)

I dunno. But I think I'm pretty glad that I planned to be PMSy right *now* and not a few weeks from now . . .


Whitewater

[Whitewater]

I have been trying to talk myself into feeling good about this for almost a week now, but it's a lost cause.

Right now, I hate my MoH. I hate her stupid bluegrass festival, I hate her clingy family who knows just how to put the guilt onto her, I hate that Father's Day is the Sunday before my wedding, I hate all of it.

I hate having to smile and sit on my hands and tell her that it's ok that she's not going to come back down here until just a couple days before the wedding, when doing so means that there's not enough time AT ALL to throw any kind of a party beforehand.

I hate the fact that she's putting her family (with whom she is spending almost a solid month) before my wedding -- when previously to this, she told me that she would be down here on the 17th.

Our mutual friend is flying into town on the 18th, because we all expected that my MoH would be present. Now, she won't be. Which leaves me in the lurch with my friend. No parties, no get-togethers, no nothing.

My MoH apparently thought her defection would be ok, because (As she put it) "that last week before the wedding won't be anything but work anyway, so really, you don't need me, you'll have plenty of help."

Um NO. That's not what I planned. I was planning for the week before my wedding to be fun, with a couple parties and sitting around just the three of us watching movies and taking the dogs to the beach and stuff. There won't be THAT much work to do, most of it is already done.

When I told her this, my MoH did have the grace to look chagrined. "Well, we can do all that fun stuff afterwards! I'll be here until the 5th of July"

No, we can't. Who ever heard of having a jack-and-jill bachelor party AFTER the wedding? Or a bridal shower, AFTER the wedding? Not to mention that as of the 1st of July she's going to be at the science-fiction convention and really busy selling her jewelry, and we're all going to be there too, so, no get-togethers with just us.

How stupid can somebody be? I think she's being a selfish cowardly jerk, because she can't stand up to her parents and refuse the (false) guilt. The reason she moved out and away was so that she could pursue her education. First, a BA. Then, a master's degree (and no little education in the school of Real Life between the two degrees). And now she's three states away getting her PhD. She comes back as often as she can. They have no right to make her feel this guilty. It's like they're angry at her for leaving. Just because she's the first person in her family (including her large extended family) to get a PhD does not mean that she's doing something wrong by moving out and away. I wish they could see that.

Anyway, would *I* like her around more often? Hell yeah. I miss my best friend tremendously. But *I* don't put the bite on her like her family does because I am not a manipulative, guilt-inducing person, like her mom. And because I respect and love her -- she IS my best friend, after all -- I stand back and let her make her own choices, which is that she chooses to allow her self to be manipulated and I take second fiddle to her family.

And the stupid bluegrass festival. God. Don't even get me started. I haven't been able to throw a birthday party for her EVER because her birthday is the same day as the stupid festival, so she always celebrates it up there. With her parents. And her old bluegrass people, many of whom are in their 80's.

That's the reason she gave me this year, by the way. "All these people are getting older. I might not see them again, I have to go this year".

This stuff is what I meant when I said in the confessions thread that I hate compromising. If you, the maid of honor, had previously made plans in which you were going to arrive a full 8 days before the wedding, and the bride makes -her- plans based on this information (some of which involve other people arriving from out of town, and bachelorette parties, and so on), you do NOT suddenly say 'Oh, by the way, I won't come now until 3 days before, is that ok?' Because it's NOT OK. This is SO NOT OK WITH ME.

It's really not. I am so upset, and angry. I feel betrayed. And there's nothing I can do about it that I haven't already done. I *wanted* to scream and yell and swear and basically throw a bridezilla hissy fit. What I did instead was calmly explain that I understood why she made the change and that I understand the reasons behind this decision, but that I wasn't happy and not ok with it. I do not agree.

She keeps saying it will be all right. And because she figured out that I was really angry, she said that she could possibly make it down a day earlier than she'd planned. The Saturday before instead of the Sunday before.

Oooh, that's such a sacrifice. 1 day. Big deal.

I hate that she was taught to be so non-confrontational that she's willing to throw me to the wolves during my immediate pre-wedding phase, when I need her the most, in order to dance attendance on her eldery parents, merely because they keep crying to her that they don't see her as much as they want to. Even though she spends ALL her Christmas Break and a full third of her summer with them. She sees her parents more over the Christmas holiday than I see mine all year. And mine only live 20 minutes away by car. (well, except for the summertime).

I hate it. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it.

*sigh* But there's nothing I can do about it.

[EmmaM]

That really sucks. I wouldn't be ok with it either. But sounds like you've said all you can say and ball's in her court. I hope she works up the courage to defy her parents and come back to yours sooner

[Whitewater]

Yeah, I hope so too. But I've known this woman since 1992 and I know she won't go back to the original plan. *sigh*

In other news, my dress is almost done, and my seamstress says she'll be ready to give the skirts to me on Saturday, yep, 4 days from now!!! She's a bit behind on the bodice, but given that there's a lot that has to be changed, I'm not worried. The bodice doesn't need a lot done to it as far as hand sewing the decoration, it's really the skirts that are important.

My train, though short, because it's stiff silk, acts like an Imperial or 18th century French court gown's train. It's SO COOL. Man, I can't wait to show you all this dress!!! It will rock your socks.

And my makeup trial went well too. I don't have the rapport with the stylist that I do with my seamstress (my seamstress has become a friend) but she's nice enough and she's certainly good at what she does. I have pictures, but I will have to post them tonight. And she said her business partner would be ready and willing to do my hair for me, so that's all taken care of.

I hope Fiance likes what she did with my face. It's a bronze/gold/brown palette that I would NEVER have chosen for myself, but the colors really work well on me and I surprised myself by really liking what she's done. It's not too heavy and when I look at myself, it doesn't seem clown-like (it does a little in the digital pictures we took, but it will look nice on the day, with the professional pictures), and it's not cakey. And so far (it's been about 2 hours) it still looks great. I'm in the middle of a test to see just how long this makeup will last! She swore she used all the long-lasting stuff . . .we'll see.

Right now, I have to go. Time for dinner and folk dancing with Fiance!


Whitewater

[PGDesigns]

Congrats on a successful make-up trial and finding a hair stylist! I can't wait to see pictures of your dress.

[Whitewater]

I can't wait to *take* pictures of my dress (with me in it, nach), so I'm right there with ya :)

Boy, it's been a crazy ten days or so. In that ten days we lost our officiant, the wedding website blew up, I had a fight with my best friend (who is still acting wierd around me because, I think, she knows I'm still upset), the hotel block of rooms collapsed, and my hair stylist flaked out on me so I had to find somebody else. Oh yeah, and my Deputy MoH told me that she didn't want to do anything with her hair and would be fine with her typical style, which isn't a style at all and always makes her look as though she'd been sleeping on the street, in other words, very unkempt.

Then, I patched things up with BF, fixed the hotel issue, got the website back and working properly, found another officiant (a Congregationalist pastor who married some friends a few years ago), and got another stylist, who I can afford and who works with my makeup artist, so I'll have a lovely cohesive look. And between us, my BF/MoH managed to convince Deputy MoH to wear a style that's simple yet elegant, and will not only show off her beautiful blue eyes but will also control her fine, straight, waist length black hair. AND she agreed to wear her necklace, too. AND a skirt for the rehearsal dinner. I swear, we pulled off a miracle. Now, if only she'll stick to it. Please God.

Just call me SuperWoman. In between all of this I was on an even stricter diet because I had to lose the weight that the prednisone packed on before my next seamstress appointment (which I did, and then some, she has to take everything in, again! She said 'Don't lose any more weight! But don't gain any either! Not till I'm done with the dress'!), which I did . . .6 pounds in 9 days . . . AND I took care of our home garden and the dogs, one of whom had a serious bout of colitis during all of this, AND still managed to go on a date with Fiance on Memorial Day -- we took a riverboat (you know, the ones with the paddle on the end) cruise a little bit of the way down the Mississippi.

My hat is off to those of you who manage to do all of this and have a kid, or a job, or both.

Well, we got our license in the mail and as soon as we sign it in three weeks or thereabouts I will offically have the legal name change that I was hoping for. I haven't told my mother yet, I decided the best way to do it would be as a fait accompli, and to stress that it's only legal, that people will still call me what they've always called me, her included. The new short version of my new name is 'Ellis', which I think is pretty cool!

I have to buy tablecloths, round up a bunch of extension cords, make the lace doilies, spray paint the ting for the centerpieces, and do the hand work on my dress. No problem, all that is easily doable.

Oh -- and I found a great groom's gift! He's wanted a chest freezer for a long time, and I finally found a used one on Craigslist that's still in good shape, for $50, whjich we can afford. So we're going to get it on Saturday!

I almost forgot to mention -- the lace that I said was too white? Remember? Well, it really was too white and it didn't work with the dress BUT one of my friends from my historical re-enactment society does acid dying and we think that we can dye the white lace to a cream color, so that it can work. We're doing that in two days also. And I'm going to my seamstress again for a bodice fitting in two days . . . this weekend will be v. busy, methinks.

My mother chewed me out for stressing out, and pointed out to me that she avoided stress entirely by allowing her mother to make all the decisions for her, when she married my father. However, she also said that she broke down and turned bridezilla on her mom on her wedding day, and they had a great big fight, so I don't know how well that stress-management technique worked for my mother . . . :whyme:

Personally I'd rather get it out, yell about how stressed I am that things aren't working out, then fix them. The best tension reliever that I know is to fix what's wrong and make it work. Don't just sit there screaming about how whatever's not going right is stressful, go to work and change it so that it works for you. Be proactive! That's my philosophy and so far it's worked pretty well.

I'll be working on our wedding website tonight, making the necessary changes and so on, but that's all I'm doing tonight regarding the wedding. I spent all day on wedding business, I don't want to spend all night on it too.


Whitewater

[Mrs.Goff]

Wow, I'm sorry that so many things fell apart. But congrats on fixing them quickly. I hope that you are able to dye your lace. 27 dtg, your getting close. I can't wait to see you in your dress.

[EmmaM]

Wow Whitewater, you've been seriously busy! Congradulations on your successes!

[lilmsjess]

is it a bird? a plane? the freakin president?

NOPE, it's WHITEWATER! and she's saving the day(s)!!!

well, glad everything worked out....idk about you, i luv my mommy, but i'd go bridezilla on her, b/c SHE gets stressed, which in turn would stress me:winktongue:

i hope your lace turns out well! i've never "witnessed" acid dying, but i hear it's neat? idk my friend does weird things, idk if she's done it, it's one of those things, where you nod and smile and say oh yeah! cool! lol

3 weeks, 6 days! how exciting for you! and even with everything happening, you seem SO CALM! you're a bigger woman that I!

[Whitewater]

LOL! I may seem calm, but I've gone through a bottle and a half of Rolaids (you know, those big Multi-Symptom bottles) since about mid April. And today I got butterflies in my stomach for the first time. I remembered that Sunday, ie, tomorrow, would be the last day of May, and by the time that I got to the last day of June, I would be a married woman.

Whoa.

15 years of being trained to NEVER show my nerves as a stage manager has given me the tools I need to stay calm, at least, on the outside. About the only time I've panicked recently has been when I didn't think I'd be able to fix something. Like now, actually. We got our first wedding gift today, in the form of cash sent from an aunt and uncle-in-law who can't come to the wedding. They sent us a lovely card, and the cash was tucked away inside it.

But nobody's bought anything yet from our honeymoon registry . . . and we can't afford to go if we don't get gifts from there . . . oh, my. That makes me nervous. I'm hoping people are just waiting until the last minute!

We found a pastor! Thank God, I was getting worried. And not that this matters, but he'll be a lot more acceptable to my parents than the long-haired, long-bearded multiple-earringed rampant pagan that we were going to have before :) Not that I care, our original officiant is a good friend, but I don't want my mother pulling one of her little stunts on my wedding day.

And the lace for my dress is being dyed right now . . . and speaking of my dress, here are some pics of what's done, basically, the skirts. My seamstress will deliever them tomorrow and I'll get the dyed lace back in 4 days, so I'll be able to start sewing then. Thank goodness for that, there's nothing quite like having to hand-sew (and bead) 14 yards of lace . . .

Here's pics of the dress:

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=23642&id=1030744349&l=12c33c5cae

You'll have to tell me if this link works or not!

And I delivered the Ugly Pink Hat to my seamstress so it wil shortly be a beautiful gold and cream silk top hat, with silk roses and antique organza lace.

Got some more RSVP's, though there are still a lot outstanding. Next week I'm going to have to start cracking heads. Politely, of course!

The week after that I get the rental stuff all set up.

Today Fiance and I finally found a nice, used chest freezer and went and got it from the guy (he was having an estate sale and put it up for sale on Craigslist). We managed to wrestle it downstairs into the basement, and it's sitting there getting cold again, just waiting for us to put something into it . . . like 200 chocolate favors!! It will also be good for tomato sauce from our own homegrown tomatos (I keep getting told that we'll get a TON of tomatoes from my one little tomato plant, but so far I can't quite believe them, the plant is only about 15" high . . . ) , and food from Costco. Now we can take advantage of buying in bulk :) It's older, but we are assured it works well. It's a nice size, too, roughly 2'x3'x3' -- the guy said it was 6 cubic feet, just enough for two people.

I know there's something missing that I wanted to talk about, but I can't remember it, and it's getting late.


Whitewater

[Chubear]

the link works fine - your dress is going to be so lovely!

[Mrs.Goff]

Yep link works and I love your dress. Well the bottom (haha) Can't wait to see it all together.

[lilmsjess]

Yep link works and I love your dress. Well the bottom (haha) Can't wait to see it all together.


that's what i said!

WW, the bottom is GORGEOUS! can't wait to see it all together! good luck with all the beading, etc!

[Whitewater]

I have some beautiful, pre-beaded appliques, and they make things somewhat easier. I only have to sew THEM on instead of beading them!!!

Can't quite bring myself to start sewing. I *hate* to sew. I'll probably do it this week when Fiance is out of the house at work, because he'll be gone for 12 hours a day, which should be enough time to get a good start.

I bought the sand for my unity ceremony yesterday and fiddled around with it to figure out how it will work. What will happen is that Fiance and I, and our parents, will put sand into the vase, and it won't mix together then, unfortunately, but it will look pretty cool, all 4 colors on top of each other. Between the wedding and the reception, we'll pour out the sand in the vase (probably into a bowl), mix it together, and then display the unity sand vase all mixed up along with the card box and guest book, on the same table, at the reception. Afterwards, we'll pour the sand back into the individual bottles and give a bottle of the mixed up sand to each of our parents. And we'll keep the vase with the mixed up sand on our fireplace mantel.

The colors I chose for the sand are pretty when mixed up together but don't have a thing to do with our wedding colors, LOL. They're white sand and sandy sand colored, and a light blue and a royal blue. I would have preferred navy blue but that's what they had. We have a TON of sand left over. I have no idea what we're going to do with it! Maybe just keep it around, you never know when a craft project might require royal blue sand!!

I have bought some of the wedding gifts for our moms, to be given at the rehearsal dinner. The Target that we shop at has these lovely, pretty, feminine jasmine scented sachets to put in your drawers, to keep your clothes smelling nice in a very subtle kind of way. I know I could certainly use those, if my clothes stay in my drawers for very long, they start smelling like wood . . .

The sachets are in pretty plum/rose/tan colored silk with an embroidered flower in the middle. I think they will be well received.

The programs are looming large in my psyche right now, along with trying to figure out the logistics of everything. Having an outdoor wedding is quite difficult in some ways!

I keep feeling like I've forgotten to do something. But we have all the basic elements (rings, license, minister, witnesses, ceremony) and if I forget a small thing at this point, I don't think it's going to matter much. The boys have their tuxes, the 'maids their dresses, jewelry and other accessories (shoes and hair things), we have a cake, a phographer, flowers, the hotel, my dress is on schedule, I have all my jewelry and so on, wev'e got people to watch the dogs for the wedding night and the day after, the ceremony music is on track, I have a plan and a schedule for the rest of the DIY stuff, and there are just a few decor things that I would really like (like, rose petals as an aisle runner) that I don't know *yet* if we can afford -- those will be a last minute thing, if not, no biggie, we've got the rehearsal all set up and the rehearsal dinner, and I think all I have to buy is the plastic tablecloths for the reception. I have some tulle and garland for decor and some sheer pew bows, so that's ok.

I still need to get a U-Haul and call the party rental place for tables and chairs. And I need to work it out with my friends for the reception music. And gather a ton of extension cords and make arrangements for the coolers (for ice and drinks) for the reception.

DIY stuff is:

Programs
spray paint the non-flower parts of the centerpieces
cut out the doilies
make the favor chocolates
Sew lace on dress

I am debating about whether to find a nice dress to change into for the reception. My groom and my 'maids have all told me in no uncertain terms that they WILL be getting out of their formal finery as soon as possible and that if I had any sense, I would do the same. I do *have* a nice dress, but I'm going to be wearing it the night before, for the rehearsal, so I'm trying to figure out if it would be ok to wear it again.

My brain is still telling me that I forgot something! I know we have to pay our vendors the remainder of their fees, which I'll do in a few days, but I think that's all that's outstanding, besides the stuff that I've listed above.

I just can't shake this feeling.


Whitewater

[Whitewater]

6-13-2009

WOW, so much has happened since my last post. Paid all our vendors the remainders of what we owe them, rented the tables and chairs, got a U-haul to transport them around and about, I'm picking up the rest of my dress tomorrow, and the hat (which is very nice!) and going to finish sewing and do the programs and all the rest of the DIY stuff this week.

Friend flies in on Thursday, and then we'll be off to the races that weekend :)

And there's finally some good budget news -- we still owe various day-of vendors (like the hotel, the pastor, stylists and so on) and I still have to purchase the bulk of the wedding gifts to parents etc, but that's only about another 600 all told.

Which means that we'll have a *surplus* of $950!!!! If we're careful, that is, and don't wind up spending all of it on totally useless stuff.

That money is going directly into the honeymoon fund! I am SO RELIEVED about this. Having extra also means that if there is a disaster, we'll have money to fix it, which is what I was worried about.

I still have a ton of little DIY projects to do, but frankly I've been waiting until my friend flies in, so that she can help me do them. She's more crafty than I am, and she'll help me keep from making a bad mistake with the DIY.

I want to get the programs done in the next few days, though.

I pick up the rest of my dress tomorrow! I am so excited about that, I can't even begin to tell you. It is so much better than what I had pictured, there's just no comparison. It's just beautiful, and it makes me look . . . like somebody else altogether. I am sure I won't be able to recognize myself when it all gets put together on the day. I never bother with my hair or makeup or anything normally because I know I'm plain and I know there's no point, because I will never be pretty, but I'm starting to wonder if my wedding day outfit will do the impossible and turn me from a plain Jane into somebody who might be worth looking at twice -- physically, I mean.

I know Fiance won't be able to take his eyes off of me. He just about fell over when he saw the results of my hair trial, and that was just me in a teeshirt and jeans and no makeup! He's never seen me in a corset, and he really likes corsets -- so that's another thing, and, well, I suspect he's going to be very, um, distracted all day.

He told me the other day that he's willing to stay in his tux for the whole reception. Aww. He says, if I'm in my wedding dress, it seems silly for him to change.

So, in short, things are back to going along quite well. I'm pleased with where things are right now.

Whitewater

[Mrs.Goff]

YaY, for paying everything off and a even bigger YAY for having a surplus! I can't believe you wedding is in 10 days! Tomorrow you're in double digits. hehe

I'm so happy things are going just as planned and coming together. I cannot wait to see your pictures. You're going to be a beautiful bride.

[Ninedays9]

Yay, I am glad things are going well! Good luck in your last week and a half!

[Whitewater]

I got my dress today -- all the pieces are built and they look FABULOUS. They'll look even better when I get all the lace on . . . *that* is taking forever, because of my rotor cuff injury which I forgot about, I can only sit and sew for an hour at a time, then I *have* to take a break so that my shoulder can relax. The underskirt is done completely and beaded (very simply!) and based on what I did tonight, the overskirt only has about 10 more hours of sewing to do on it, maybe 8, it depends on how anal I want to be about it all. I decided, after seeing the lace actually on, that the overskirt doesn't need any beading. Thank goodness!

We had 2 more couples RSVP 'no' to us and 1 single person RSVP 'yes' so the balance is being maintained and I still don't have to order any extra tables/chairs, yay. On the flip side of that, people STILL haven't purchased anything from any of our registries and I only have a few potluck dishes, at least, that I know about. I'm starting to seriously wonder if people read -- it's very plain in the invitations and on the website what's going on.

The music is coming along splendidly and both bridesmaid dresses have been altered, I've paid most of our vendors in full (the ones that asked for a deposit) and everything is going pretty well, for the most part. The logistics of the day are driving me crazy, but that's to be expected. We are doing all the schlepping ourselves so that makes things a little more difficult than otherwise.

And my brother got the day off from work! Yay! He wasn't sure he'd be able to get it, he's a shipwright who restores wooden boats, and right now is the busiest season at his shop, because of course everybody wants to get their boats in the water! I knew he'd probably be able to make the reception, but I didn't think he'd be able to get there for the ceremony, and I was disappointed because I wanted him in the pictures. But now he'll come! And I think I can coax him into 1 or 2 shots, we'll see. He *hates* having his picture taken, even more than I do, but he doesn't bother to hide his irritation and dislike, which can make everything awkward. Hopefully my photographer won't be too put off by bro's attitude.

So much has been happening I don't even know where to start. But the biggest thing of all, I guess, is that my good friends (who are loaning their big coolers and extension cords and doing alterations and making the fabric roses and contributing a roast turkey to the potluck ALREADY) told me the other day that if it was ok with me, they'd like to open their house up for an informal 'in-between' gathering, between the ceremony and the reception. They'll provide munchies, beer, and various board games and so on for a few hours. What an offer!!! Fiance and I were floored, it's so generous. We said yes, and that takes a load off of my mind. I was wondering what people would do with themselves! I mean, Fiance and myself and the bridal party will be frantically tearing down and driving to the reception site and setting up, but our guests will be left to their own devices, and I felt bad about that from the beginning.

Oh . . . and my dress came in at $715, under the $900 estimate she originally gave me! We aren't counting the hat, the corset or the shoes, because I needed a new corset and new boots *anyway* so they're not exclusive wedding attire, and the hat I'm paying off in veggies from my garden :) Seriously. It's only about $100 anyway, and I think between that and giving her some of the leftover silk, I'll be good. We've already talked about this, and the barter was actually her idea. This is also not counting the probable 10-15 hours of sewing and beading that *I* am doing right now -- she charges $22. So that's a significant savings right there. I already had a hoop skirt, so we didn't need to make that, either, more savings!

So the dress breakdown was:

$250 for fabric and other materials (lace, hat, etc)
$465 for labor (not counting my contributions)

It makes me realize why wedding dresses are so expensive.

Bargain hunting saved my budget for the gown, for sure. Thank you, fabric wholesalers who have sales on their already rock bottom prices, and thank you Ebay.

The best thing about my wedding outfit is that it exudes 'me' and is chock-full of all the personality that I was missing the first time. My first dress for my first wedding was big and white and poofy, but there was very little of 'me' in the design (I custom made that one too), so consequently the dress wore me, instead of the other way around. This time, there's no mistaking it. I *own* this dress, in the gamer-speak sense (though of course, in the conventional sense too!). It's really out there, and non-traditional, but it *works*. It's beautiful, and I feel . . . I don't know if there are words, to describe what I feel when I wear it. I feel *worthy*. Confident. Powerful. Frankly, my self-esteem issues get swept away, temporarily, when I wear my wedding gown. I feel like I deserve it! It's a good feeling.

The fact that in bright sunlight it gets a definite gold sheen doesn't hurt! LOL!

Heh. well, it's 2:30am, I need to get some sleep if I'm going to spend all day tomorrow (or, technically, later today) cleaning, so that my houseguests don't have to live in stacks of stuff everywhere.


Whitewater

[amisteratwisterandme]

Glad things seem to be going well for you. Can't wait to see your dress finished.

Just in case I don't have time later, I wanted to congratulate you! I hope you have the time of your life.

[Whitewater]

Thank you! Yeah, you may have noticed that I haven't been around on OW as much in the last week or so, it's because there has been SO MUCH to get done (plus just living life, too! Taking care of pets and laundry etc) that I don't really have time to sit around and yap on the computer as much as I'd like :)

Speaking of which, the only reason I'm here now is because I'm waiting on our friend to come fix the garage door and I'm waiting on somebody else to come see our car that's for sale.

My friend arrived safe and sound from the airport, and now she and my Deputy MoH are at the Mall of America to go shopping. I will join them later this afternoon after everybody leaves.

Still have a lot of DIY to do, but my friend is crafty and I'll bet dollars to donuts that she'll help out and be happy for something to do!

I created a program last night, it's just on a single sheet of paper with one of our lovely monograms on it, now I'm trying to figure out how to make sure everybody gets one without having them fly away in the breeze that's always around -- we're on the prairie, there's *always* a bit of a breeze, enough to wreak havoc with single sheets of paper! I'm strongly considering having somebody go around and hand them out to people, that would ensure that the programs don't fly off, and that everybody gets one.

(And I think we may have just sold the car . . . crossing my fingers . . .)

I am done worrying about RSVP's. People will show up or they won't. They will bring food or they won't (though it's in their best interests to do so!), I am just not going to drive myself nuts over everything. There's not enough time in my days to waste it over worrying!

I am, however, still very concerned that our registry is still sitting at zero. Either Disney has a way of concealing the gifts people bring, or people aren't buying wedding gifts. I hope it's the former -- we can't afford this honeymoon on our own and I'm not sure we can save $1500 in 2 months, as a matter of fact, I know we can't! Trouble is, it's too late to cancel now. We bought our plane tickets and put our deposit down . . . we HAVE to somehow make it work.

I am crossing everything that can be crossed that people are in fact buying gifts and that Disney is just hiding the fact.


Whitewater

[WBandMe]

I'm so happy to hear that everything is going well for you, and wow--$950 left over?! That's certainly nothing to sneeze at!

I bet your dress is absolutely fantastic, and even from the pics you've posted so far there is NO doubt in my mind that you will be worth a second look that day, as you say. You'll be radiant!

Let me wish you an early congratulations and best of luck for a wonderful day!!

[gwenshack]

Wow! Time is really flying! I can't believe your big day is almost here. I am so excited to see your entire wedding outfit put together and done. :) I hope the entire day goes smoothly!

[Thalia_themuse]

Wow only a couple of days!!!! So glad it's almost here for you!!

I bet the photos will be magnificent!! And can't wait to see your finished dress!! :heart:

[Whitewater]

Yep, just a couple days more. And I don't know if I'm going to make it with my sanity intact. There are little bits of paper scattered in the house, in the car, in my pockets . . . all notes about wedding things!

Seems like I can't remember anything else because my head is already too full, so I have to write all of it down. Or else!

Had my bachelorette party today, and that was very fun and a nice stress reliever. We went to a park that had mini-golf, bumper boats, and a go-cart track! And though it threatened to rain the entire time, the rain held off until we were done, then it started to pour. We were lucky! After the party we went to a mongolian bar-be-que place for dinner and I am *stuffed*. Then, we went for a walk at a local park (the path was a measured 1.03 miles) and finally went home when the mosquitos got too bad. Some of us went home after that because they had to work. The people who are staying with me, well, we stayed up and Fiance mixed some Blue Hawaiians for us all.

He and I are the only ones up right now, although I *need* to get to sleep, we're all waking up early tomorrow to get the last stuff done, and if I don't start getting a full night's sleep instead of the half-a-night business like I've been getting this last few days, I'm going to turn into a ravening psycho crazy-person. As it is, I am so stressed out that the muscles on the tops of both my feet are hard as rocks and it actually hurts to flex my toes. And my back is one solid knot, pretty much.

I'm totally not stressing about actually marrying Fiance (though I have had a few moments recently where I asked myself 'Are you ready? Do you really want to do this?' Of course, the answer is always Yes!), I'm stressing about everything else. Mom and Dad drove back from their summer house today and neglected to bring the info with them, which meant that I had to give it to them all over again today. My Deputy BM's dress won't be ready for another 8-12 hours, and I had to practically hit the reluctant Deputy over the head to get her to go pick it up. She works from home, she had more work come in (without a deadline, btw), and suddenly what she's promised me is taking a back seat. I'm kind of pissy about that. This is not the first time she's done this, though it IS the first time she's actively decided that putting together a webpage is more important than my wedding. That's right, boys and girls, my deputy Maid of Honor -- two days before the wedding -- has told me that she can't come help do the last minute stuff because she has to fix a webpage. Luckily Fiance has stepped in and is going to take up the slack.

The dog, the day after my 1st houseguest arrived, decided to get up on the guest bed and have the runs. My mother is having massive second thoughts about the dress she chose, and wants to wear a black one instead, even knowing the etiquette about that.

We did manage to put together a setup for reception music that involves my computer speakers and my iPod, no other technology (well, perhaps for an extension cord) required. Which is nice. No money necessary (yay for our budget) and no bringing a laptop into a wild city park, where it could get damaged.

The pastor we got just enailed me and said 'So, I know the rehearsal is at 5, but would it be possible to start at 4:30?' to which I replied, 'Um, no, people can't get here any earlier because they're *working* . . . 'I mean, hello! That's why we set the rehearsal for 5 and the rehearsal dinner at 7:30 because people would HAVE to start (and be) late due to work. So now my pastor is going to take us through a whirl-wind rehearsal -- he says, 45 minutes max -- and leave us to kick the tires and hang around and wait until our reservation time. Great. Gee, thanks, Pastor, did you even READ the email I sent out about schedules?

But then, he's no different than the majority of our wedding guests who are apparently illiterate, judging by the inane questions that I'm STILL getting. Like, 'when is the . . . ' or 'where are you registered?' DUH!! There's this website, you see . . . Honestly! I really want to snap and just snarl out 'Go to the **** website you morons!!!' which is an indication of just how stressed out I am because these people are my friends and family and Clannkin, whom I love dearly, and who love me just the same. I keep telling myself that somehow I didn't make it clear enough for them (though I also wonder how it's possible to miss). So I've been gritting my teeth and smiling and answering their questions politely . . . hence the tight muscles in my feet.

Nobody told me until AFTER I sent the e-invitation that my mother-in-law's email address changed, so she never got the formal invitation to the rehearsal dinner. And she's paying for it. Luckily I bought her a genuine, decent quality set of sapphire and diamond earrings (the diamonds are chips, and the stones are small! And they were on sale . . . $75 to $15.00) so I hope when she gets them, she'll forgive me. Even though it was her own son's fault.

Our musicians are freaking out about playing in the rain. I am worried that the rain is going to ruin my 100% silk wedding gown and top hat.

Seems a bit like whack-a-mole around here at the moment. Every time I solve a problem, two more show up! If only people would trust that I know what I'm doing.

Since I'm wearing a dress that will show some leg in 48 hours or thereabouts, I suppose I ought to go shave and paint my toenails. And it might be nice to have some time to myself, even if I do have to go hide out in the bathroom.


Whitewater

[fireprincess2009]

Good luck with wacking those moles - I hear you about that. Seems like you're handling everything really well. Hang in there - it's almost here!

[Ninedays9]

Only 2 more days!! I'm glad you had fun at your bachelorette party. I know what you mean about people not reading stuff. When we sent out the save the dates, we had our wedding website at the bottom. Most people didn't see that 'cause it wasn't actually on the magnet. And we've got it listed twice in different spots in our invites, and some people are still like, "Oh, there's a website??" Ohhh well.

[Whitewater]

Well, today is the day that we rehearse and that I move into the hotel :) I didn't think I'd be nervous but I've been mildly sick to my stomach all morning! I'm not sure where this is coming from, it's *not* about Fiance. I suspect that it's just the transition in general, going from not-married to married, because the last time I was in this situation it did not end well at all.

No matter how many times I tell myself that this time is different, my heart isn't convinced, though my brain is.

Well. I'll settle down as soon as the rehearsal starts. I hope so, anyway!


Whitewater

[lilmsjess]

sadly(and thankfully) sometimes the bathroom is the only place a woman can get some peace and quiet oftentimes ;)

you get married tomorrow! CONGRATS! as for the feelings you have, i think for those of us who have been married before(this is my 3rd hubby dang it lol), i think they're pretty common...no matter how happy we are, there's always the fear of history repeating itself...you just have to remind yourself, that even if you ARE the same person you WERE then, FH is a whole other man ;) and obviously, a much better one!
good luck! and sending up "vibes" of "no rain for WW's wedding" for ya! i never knew about the top hat, so i CANNOT wait to see the pics of you!

[NOTKT]

You are almost married! Have a great day and we will see you on the other side!

[Thalia_themuse]

You're so close now hon, I hope everything goes as smoothly as possible for you!!:pompom:

You have been through so much and I hope you can stand up tomorrow and think proudly "Look at where I am and what I am doing DESPITE all the horror of my past!" You deserve every happiness and I hope you and your FH spend the rest of your lives realizing that. :heart:

Best of luck, can't wait to see the pics!! :whoohoo: :happy:

[Mrs.Goff]

I just wanted to wish you luck. I hope you have a fantastic day and I can't wait to see pictures.