Does anyone Know....

[WhiskeyGirl]

the proper order to which the toasts should go and to whom they should be made in appreciation of? I'm having a hard time figuring out who should be making which toast, to whom and when. I know that the opening toast should be made by the father of the bride and should be to the Bridal Couple. From there on out, I am completely clueless. I've also heard that when you are recieving the toast, you should not stand and should not drink to yourself. (Which I can kind of understand why, to some degree.) Does anyone have any words of wisdom that they can offer me and help make this aspect easier for me to figure out. I'm thinking that the toasts don't have to go as what Ettiquette would dictate, mostly I am just wondering what are the toasts that are an absolute must kind of thing. Please will somebody set me straight?

~CanadianBride~

[wedbyjean]

Actually, the best man is the only person who has to make a toast. However, many times the maid (matron) of honor, father of the bride, or someone else may want to say something as well. Also, it's a nice gesture for the groom to say a few words, to his lovely bride, and on behalf of himself and his bride a word of thanks to everyone there.

Jean Neuhart
Weddings From The Heart

[As You Wish]

At the rehearsal dinner-
The host makes the first toast, followed by the bride's parents, the best man and anyone who wishes to speak. It is nice if the bride and groom finish the toasts with a thank you to everyone.

At the reception-
Only the Best man is "required to toast" but it is common that all the bridal party will follow with toasts, including the bride and groom if they wish.

[totalia]

Only the Best Man is required to.

But, in my first wedding, I made a toast to my new husband. And at my mom's wedding, I gave a "Welcome to the Family" speech to my stepdad.

[Wedsaver]

I read the replies so far and although I agree that common thinking suggests that most of the time the best man gives the first toast and is the only one 'required' to give one, I want to offer this suggestion. FORGET THE RULES! Yes, usually the best man gives one and maybe for sake of conforming you may want him to kick things off, YOU CAN AND SHOULD DO WHATEVER YOU WANT!

I can't emphasize thie enough to couples. You are the authors of your wedding and you should make it the way you want.

One last observation. I've noticed that over the last several years more and more maids/matrons (I hate those labels!) of honor also want to say something. This works fine following the best man's toast. And on a personal observation, if the father wants to say a few words it generally works better once you get into the reception a bit. Then everyone is already having a good time and it just seems to be a nicer moment, but again, do what you want.

[ndsimm]

most people do most of the toasts at the rehearsal dinner and for the sake of time, do a few at the reception. True, it is your wedding day and you can do as you wish, but that is how it is generally done. Regardless as to who does it when, enjoy them all and congratulations

[wedbyjean]

The original query of this post was the proper order to which the toasts should go and I am just wondering what are the toasts that are an absolute must kind of thing.

Per proper etiquette - the best man gives a toast, and no others are required. That said, if someone else wants to make a toast (the maid of honor, FOB, the bridal couple themselves, or someone else, and you don't mind that they do so, then by all means go ahead.

As far as "Forget the Rules" -- please don't "forget" them. Instead, know the rules and bend them to better fit the situation. Although I often quote from Emily Post, and believe me, I go through that book several times, I am not a stickler for "going by the book." Etiquette is a guideline, not hard and fast rules. Again, (yes, I am repeating myself), Know the rules, then adjust them to what is right for you and your event.

Jean Neuhart
Weddings From The Heart

[As You Wish]

Manners are a sensitive awareness of the feelings of others. If you have that awareness, you have good manners, no matter what fork you use. - Emily Post

There can often be a fine line between having your wedding you way and making your guests feel comfortable. I believe both ideals should be pursued.

[mrs.Rodriguez_to_b]

Well from what i understand only the best man and the maid of honor are the only ones that are supposed to give a toast. After that anyone can join in and wish you guys well. But who knows these days pretty much everybody can say a toast. But if you don't want to be there the whole night just have the person that is most important to you give the toast.

Christina & Alex
July 07, 2007