Paying for things

[spuls5]

My mom is going to drive me crazy. She is all about the old way of the brides parents pay for everything. I have tried to tell her many times that it's not really that way anymore, at least it doesn't have to be. FH's parents have offered to pay for things and FMIL said we all need to get together and figure out costs of things, especially the reception. My mom is like "why?" I said because they can help pay, they only have one child. It's not like they are going to do any of this again. I bought my own guestbook and I ordered the flower girls dress. My mom told me today to figure up what I have spent and let her know so she can give me some money for it. I told her no, I got it. I also planned on paying for my invitations. I have saved money to pay for things but she keeps insisting on paying me back for things. I told her no it's my wedding and she said "so" I said "so, that's kinda a big deal. It's my wedding so I can get what I want and pay for it". The guestbook I got is a custom one I made using our engagement photos. It's something I wanted so I paid for it.

It's just frustrating because these are things that I wanted to get so I did. I never asked for her to pay for them.

I know they are paying a lot for the photographer and reception food so I think it's fair that I pay for some of the smaller stuff.

[Jenna5366]

I don’t know for sure, of course, because I don’t know your mom, but it sounds to me like she wants to pay for these things. She probably wants to help you guys out so that you don’t start your lives in debt. I can see how it would be frustrating if she doesn’t allow your FH’s parents to help, then that would be a different story.

I wish my mom had offered to pay for anything in this wedding. :innocent:

[gwenshack]

Some moms are just old school - mine is! I paid for the favors and she was so insistent that it's her responsibility to pay for that kind of stuff. She says that it's her priveledge and honor to do these things for me. I feel bad like you do, because I make my own money and don't accept money from my mom for anything and haven't for like ten years! It's a weird place to be.

[Mrs.Goff]

I know it cause be frustrating. But honestly it could be a lot worst.

My FHs parents haven't offered to pay for anything other then the best mans tux and that's because he's FHs brother. Yep, that's right they aren't even paying for FHs tux and HE"S the one getting married!

My parents did pay for somethings but at a price. There have been a few battles. They started choosing things for me because "We're paying for it." My father even choose my CAKE! That was a huge battle but in the end we got the cake WE wanted.

Just tell your mom that you are thankful that she wants to help out so much, but that there are certain things that you and FH are going to pay for.

Maybe your FMILs can help pay for the honeymoon?

I hope things work out for you.

[spuls5]

gwenshack, I think it's the same thing. I just feel bad accepting it. I'm just not that good at accepting monetary gifts. My sister is my maid of honor and I told her I am paying for the girls to get their hair done, as part of my gift to them. She said 'mom assumed she was paying'. I told my mom that I was paying for that. It's just that I feel like I need to contribute as well.

[WebLady]

If they both want to and can help then great! But it doesn't have to be any certain way; like the brides side doesn't have to pay for it all anymore.

I would either get them each to commit to a figure and just give that to you guys as a gift and then you can use it for the wedding however you need/want ... or figure out what they want to spend and maybe assign each of them a couple of vendors.

Or if you don't want to deal with them and really would rather do it on your own, then tell them you love them and appreciate the offer, but you and your FH want to pay on your own. I am sure they will still want to give you a nice gift.

:goodluck: