Your parents part 2

[WebLady]

Whether they are together or not; does your parents relationship effect you and yours; good or bad? Does it make you want a relationship like theirs; or maybe theirs makes you want something better ... or maybe you are somewhere in between?

Feel free to share if you like :)

[WebLady]

When I was growing up my parents had lots of issues and they had a good bit of fights. They weren't bad I guess, but they were not the model of the happy marriage.

I am sure on some level that made me think my first marriage was normal since we fought a lot too.

So now, even though my parents are still together (38 years today) and I am proud of them for that, and they are not quite as bad now, I still want a better relationship.

I feel DH and I have a great relationship and that we shouldn't have to worry with the same issues and struggles my parents did. I hope we can last as long and longer, but without as much of the drama ;)

[rainbow]

My parents got divorced when I was really young. I don't remember them being together. I do know they really don't like each other and it borderlines hate. I lived with my mom and she was in and out of relationships as I got older she even picked her boyfriend over me(at least that's how i feel over it)she kicked me out when I was 16 because I didn't get along with her bf at the time. I don't want to be like her ever, infact it's one of my greatest fears, that I will expose my children to that type of behavior. I think that in past relationships i stuck around to long and took some pretty crappy behavior because i din't want to go through so many boyfriends like my mom did. I guess with the right man it's a good thing because I am persistent and try to make it work as hard as i can. I like to think i am a better person because of the way i grew up, it taught me relationships are alot of work and if you love the person you will finde a way to make it work as long as your efforts are reciprocated.

[Lasko@~]

My mothe rhas been married 4 times and is not with any of them. My father was never around so i would say yes, i learned what not to do. I also became weary of love, trust and marriage. so i think its like anything, take the good and leave the bad.

[BarceloMayaPalaceBride]

My parents have been very happily married for 30 years!!! I've always admired their relationship and want nothing more than to follow in their footsteps. :D

[savepaws]

My parents were married for 35 years & then they split up when I moved out of the house when I was 19 years old. I don't think they were happily married. Well obviously they weren't since they got a divorce but I was completely oblivious to any marital problems. They didn't fight...at least not in front of me.

I'm glad they stuck it out and glad I wasn't aware of any problems when I was a kid. I had such a stable childhood & glad for it. By the time they divorced I was old enough to understand and it didn't really affect me.

For my marriage divorce just isn't an option. FH is my partner that I have chosen to spend my life with. We'll fight and we'll go through rough times. But we'll also go through everything together and we'll always have each other to lean on no matter what life throws at us. I know its easier said than done and we really haven't been tested...but I know how we work & I think we can get through anything.

[MrsDM]

My parents will be married 30 years this year. Just like most, they've had their ups and downs, tears and joys. They started as best friends and are still best friends, which is how FH and I are.

In some aspects, yes, I want to follow in their footsteps. My parents always stayed together through thick and thin. Whether it be relationship problems, kid problems, financial problems, whatever. I want to be able to work through any problem whether big or small and some out in the end together.

There are of course other aspects that I wouldn't want for FH and I, but I look at that as an example of what we wouldn't do or change.

[tootsie]

I definitely have a better relationship with my husband than my mom and dad had. They were 15 when they met and got married, and then my mom had me at 16. Her family moved out of the state, so she had to move in with my dad and his family. She did not have a good relationship with her parents, and her parents did not have a healthy marriage, and unfortunately their marriage is still in the crapper. It's weird because my mom moved out of the state when I was 17. She wanted me to come with her, but I was in college, was dating Chris, and plus, I really didn't want to go with her.

I am not following in my parents' footsteps because they are very selfish people. When we have kids, I will love them and be there for them. I won't be the parent who never calls her kid and only cares about herself.

[LovingLife]

My parents were never married. My mom has been in plenty unsuccessful relationships. It helped me know what I didnt want. I dont talk to my dad but I do know he got married after he was with my mom and for years he refused to divorce the women while he was in jail. She finally went to the courts and he was forced to divorce her.

With that, I am glad to say my mom has finally found someone who makes her very happy. I couldnt be happier for her. He seems like a great guy.

[mitch]

My Parents used to joke about the reason for never getting Divorced.
Neither wanted custody of Me and My brother :rofl:

They were Married for 44 Years until Dad passed away.

My First Marriage lasted Ten Years. So i managed a quarter of their time spent. But through My own actions i eventually Divorced.

Now i'm on My Second Marriage to DH and this time it's for keeps. For the first time ever i can see Myself growing old (er) and Grey (er) with DH than i ever did with the Ex.

It's not like i Married Young or anything first time. But i guess i just missed the love and affection that was obvious between My Parents.

With DH i get all the love and affection needed. I feel like i've finally found My Soulmate. And that was exactly what Mum had with Dad.

They had a strong family bond. (Which sadly went when Dad passed away) A strong work ethic from Dad which DH has. Like Mum i manage to run the home and still work part time. Giving Me My own sense of worth towards Bills etc. Yet still look after DH like Mum did for Dad.

But i'm a bit pushed for time when it comes to making 44 Years of Marriage.

OMG i'll be 84 :bbeek: :rofl:

[Docsgirl]

My biological father and my mother got divorced before I was born. They did the every other weekend custody deal until one Christmas when I was really young and he just took off. Didn't tell anyone where he was going, stopped paying child support, just gone.

My mom and step-dad got together when I was 5. They were together 11 years before they got married (raising six kids was more important to them than a wedding) and they were sooooo cute and happy together. I always wanted a relationship like what they had. Leaving little love notes in each other's lunch bags for work, my stepdad would leave flowers and stuffed animals in my mom's car before she had to go to work. They rarely ever fought, and if they did, dad went out to the garage to chill and mom would cook up a storm. They'd say sorry after they both cooled off and everything would be fine. He got into a fatal accident about a month before their 2nd wedding anniversary.

Since the accident, my mom has dated. The guy she is with now treats her horrible and even she knows it. But she's so afraid of being alone, that she just lets it happen. There have been a few times we have talked to her and she says she's going to kick him out. She's even told him to get out. He doesn't and she doesn't say anything. She still cries everytime someone talks about dad. She says she knows he was her one, her true love and it's not fair that she'll never get him back. It's very hard to witness someone going through that much pain. :(

[gwenshack]

Good question, Brandi. :)

You betcha, my parents relationship totally shaped how I go about conducting myself in a relationship and what I was looking for in a mate.

My father was very controlling and abusive, he had a very strict idea that it was the woman's place to keep house/kids and his was to bring home money, demand dinner, yell about something to take out his frustrations on people in the home (as opposed to the people who actually annoyed him during the day), and sleep.

My mother lived in fear and her spirit was squashed.

So I grew up very defiant of men like that, very independent, and swearing I'd never get married.

FH and I don't yell, we are each others' best friends, we support one another, we don't fight, we don't fall into traditional gender roles when it comes to household and money issues. and we treat each other with respect. We try to be all the things are parents were not. (His parents are also divorced...) I hope we maintain this throughout our marriage or we'll be doomed to repeat history.

I have this theory that we either become our parents or we learn from their mistakes. I really wants to be the latter!

[EarlyBird]

my parents taught me how to love and luckily, they give perfect examples. My dad is still hopelessly in love with me mom, it used to make me uncomfortable to see his hand in her back pocket, randomly, now its just sweet to see after 25 years of marriage. Dad brings flowers to mom every friday and his cards and love letters to her are still tear jerkers. my grandparents were like this until the day my grandfather died. My grandfather taught my dad his loyality to his wife, and my brother has learned the same virtues to women. i am thankful for their stability. My dad was married before to my brother's mother, didnt go as well :) they are better friends now and closer then when they were married haha

[Nekochanpurr]

Well, it made me paranoid, to be honest. Because i knew my dad cheated on my mom (and learned later, his first wife, etc etc.. My aunt told me he couldn't keep his freaking pants on, i guess) i was always worried about being cheated on. My now husband got really use to me asking him if he wasn't into me anymore and such. Luckily, i grew out of that.. But it took a REALLY long time. =/ I didn't want to get screwed over like my mom did.

[WebLady]

Funny, I really don't remember much of either of my grandparents relationships.

My grandmother on my Dad's side passed away when I was 4 or 5, so I barely remember her. Grandfather was married to 2 other women (first one died) before he passed away and since he lived in another state we didn't really see them much.

My Grandparents on my Moms side lived closer and we saw them alot when we were younger, but I don't remember them ever being affectionate. But my Mom has told me stories about them arguing and then taking it out on her and her sister when they were kids. They were even taken away and pretty much raise by my great grandparents. My grandmother passed away when I was about 14 I guess. My Grandfather never remarried; I haven't seen him in years though. I do remember one of the last times I talked to him it was close to the anniversary of her death and he said something about him always loving her. It was sort of sweet and sad at the same time.

We saw my great grandparents a lot as kids too; they always bickered and slept in separate rooms even. I was about 12 or so when "Pappa" died and I remember "Mama" saying it was the worst day of her life. She died almost exactly a year later.

So yeah, I never really had any ideal love and marriage roll models ... I still wonder about my parents sometimes, but now that I am older and see them in a different way, I know they love each other. I just don't know how they put up with each other for so long. Just knowing what I know from their past; I don't think I could have lasted as long.

I sure hope DH and I continue to have as great of a relationship as I feel we have now :wub:

DH' parents seemed to have a good marriage from what I have heard and what I saw, even though they were not publicly very affectionate.

DH's grandparents are still married (60 some odd years I think); they bicker, but they also talk about still loving each other and tell stories about how they met and married still.

Now i'm on My Second Marriage to DH and this time it's for keeps. For the first time ever i can see Myself growing old (er) and Grey (er) with DH than i ever did with the Ex.
I feel the same way! I never really thought about the future that way with my first marriage, but now I think about it all the time :grinhappy:

[amisteratwisterandme]

My parents divorced when I was 6 after 14 years of marraige. It was a very bitter separation.

Both of them played games with the other one. If one cheated, the other one would get back at them and cheat.

We were in a constant tug-of-war with them, and mostly were more adult than they were.

When my brother died, my parents sat down together and talked for the first time in probably 15 years. My dad apologized for everything he had ever done to my mom and asked for her forgiveness.

Now they talk and have breakfast together. My dad even went to my mom's family reunion. He helps out her dad, who he lives closer to then we do. My stepmom even spends time with her. Too bad they couldn't have done this when we were kids.

Wierd!! :bbeek:

FH and I are very aware that a healthy relationship takes time and work, and thinking of the other person and what they need at all times. Both of us have the attitude of, "What can I do to make their day a little bit easier/better?"

I don't think we will have the same problems my parents did. We are to aware of what not to do.

However, my grandparents will celebrate 66 years of marraige this year. I have never seen 2 people more in love and hope to emulate them.

[kgvettegirl]

My grandmother was born in 1900. My Grandfather in 1894. They were definitely from another time and generation. I don't remember them ever showing any type of affection, holding hands, kissing. Grandmother picked on him constantly and Grand daddy wasn't much better. Always sniping at each other. They slept in twin beds.

In 1992 when my grandmother died I saw a side of my grandfather I had never seen. My sister and I were at the viewing standing in front of the coffin. I had wanted to remember her alive but I knew it was important to my grandfather. He came up between us put his arms around us and said.

"she is as beautiful today as the day I married her."

You never know what someone feels or thinks is the lesson I learned. My grandparents love each other. They didn't know how to show it but they sure lived it.

[amisteratwisterandme]

My grandmother was born in 1900. My Grandfather in 1894. They were definitely from another time and generation. I don't remember them ever showing any type of affection, holding hands, kissing. Grandmother picked on him constantly and Grand daddy wasn't much better. Always sniping at each other. They slept in twin beds.

In 1992 when my grandmother died I saw a side of my grandfather I had never seen. My sister and I were at the viewing standing in front of the coffin. I had wanted to remember her alive but I knew it was important to my grandfather. He came up between us put his arms around us and said.

"she is as beautiful today as the day I married her."

You never know what someone feels or thinks is the lesson I learned. My grandparents love each other. They didn't know how to show it but they sure lived it.

That brought tears to my eyes. What an awesome lesson to learn.

[WBandMe]

Well, my parents would be an example of what NOT to do, and since my dad moved out when I was such a tiny baby (about 3 mo) I've never had a live-in example of any type of relationship. My brother and I were my mom's priority and she didn't care about dating while we were growing up. My dad remarried shortly after my parents divorced and they are still together. Out of respect for them, I won't get into details--but I wouldn't say that their marriage is one I'd like to emulate in my own life. It's not BAD... there are just things that have happened that I would never do to my own spouse or children. So, more than anything the big influence my parents' relationships have had on me is that divorce is simply not an option (without a reason like abuse or family destruction somehow) ... I know FH and I won't always like each other but that doesn't mean we can get up and leave. We'll work through it until it is fixed. And we are choosing each other, for life, NOW. That means no deciding later that we want someone back or someone new. I'm grateful for my parents' marriage because .. well, I came out of it, and my brother--but my dad and stepmom dated long before either of them ever married their first spouses and sometimes I wish they had just stayed together and not gotten involved with other people.

All of my grandparents, my fiance's grandparents and his parents either are married still or stayed married or until a spouse passed away.

[ChristineLS]

My parents' relationship had an ENORMOUS impact on me... I have met two people more loyal to each other than my parents. They will be married 29 years just before my wedding. They got married very young (Mom was 20, Dad was 22) and then waiting for everything to be set to have children. I would have to say that all my memories of my parents was of responsibility - they never bought or did anything beyond their means, and they encouraged us to be kids. They'd get into disagreements with each other, heated ones, but knew how to say something to get the other laughing hysterically, and thus breaking the tension. My parents' love for each other was and is very obvious. I do not want to do everything they did, but I have a very optimistic outlook on how marriage can be.

[Thalia_themuse]

I think my parents relationship affected me in two ways, which are kind of opposites... I grew wanting more than my mother accepted from my father, but I think it also meant that I accepted my ex's abuse easier because of it as well. My father was never abusive to my mother or anything, but he was absent for my early childhood and they only got married when I was almost 11... and that was merely a financial agreement anyway. The earliest memory I have of my father would have been when I was 3 or 4 and I took the phone off my mother and said "Daddy, why did you make mummy cry?" My mum wanted kids and was prepared to put up with a lot of **** to get them, I suppose.

My mother was always so strong and out-spoken and that was what I wanted to be, but at the same time she always did all the cooking, cleaning and child-rearing, and my dad made it clear that he was in charge of everyone and everything...

My ex abused me and I felt alone and scared, but I dealt with it. Once FH helped me to see that I could get out, and helped me to do so, I was determined to get a better relationship than my parents have. My mother once told me that she doesn't believe in true love... It made me cry. I think that made me want to find out if it was possible to love someone in the way my mother didn't think it was... and I have found it to be so! My FH and I love and support each other through the good and the ****, and FH gives me so much more respect and love than my father ever gave my mother.

My parents are still together btw, not out of love of course, but because it's the most sensible living arrangement. As much as I always wanted to be sensible - and I generally am - I also wanted a happy life, which my parents haven't given each other.

Hope that made sense.

[snowflakebride]

I want my relationship with my husband to be like my grandparents'. Last year would have been their 50th anniversary. They snipped at each other every once in a while, but you could still see the love they had. My grandfather was devastated when she passed. Fortunately, he's with her now.

I wrote a two paragraph diatribe about my parents, which showed me that I need to get into therapy (which I've been planning on doing once DH's health insurance kicks in next week). Basic gist of that situation is my mother broke my father's heart because she felt like he didn't have one, married a jerk who seriously messed with my head, and for the last ten years, between the three of them, all I heard about was how horrible the other people were.

I plan to stay married to DH for the rest of my life, modeling my marriage after my grandparents, as he has stated he wants to do the same with his. I don't know what happened the last generation for both our families, but it's time for it to stop.

[JJsWifey08]

my parents not being together doesnt affect me much. I still look at them divorcing for 13 years and I learn from them what not to do and such

[f77g4]

I would say that my parents' relationship has definately made me realize what a good marriage is. My parents will be married for 29 years in July - my mom was 18 and my dad was 20. They only dated for a bit - the story goes that they went on one date and got engaged that night and married 6 months later - they had known each other for years as friends, etc.

I remember a few fights when I was younger but nothing major at all. Everything changed when my dad had a major car accident and then 14 days later my mom, sis & I were in one and neither of my parents worked for 4 years. Those years were tough, no real money coming in etc. I think overall it pulled the whole family together even tighter. Then mom has battled with fibromyligia (sp?), thyroid cancer, and now a debilitating back injury. Although she can be a little hard to handle sometimes and hard to deal with due to mood swings (she had to have the thyroid removed and needs meds to regulate hormones which they still can get regulated after 6 years!) they still dont' fight and would do anything for one another. They are truly a great example.

FH's parents on the other hand leave much to be desired in their relationship. They sleep in separate rooms (on separate floors), are constantly fighting and very petty. I will never forget the time I was there and she was cooking supper and needed something at the store and he was going to the store for something else and she asked him to pick up what she needed. He literally stood there and waited for her to give him some money to buy the item she needed FOR HIS SUPPER! Sure FH and I keep separate finances but I would never think to have my hand out to say I picked this item up in groceries for you, pay me back.....I think for FH having the example that he has been a bit of an issue for him and he's done things at times and I'm like no thats not right at all.

Overall I think we are strong together after 8 years already.

[caligal85]

My parents will be married 39 years this year and while, they love each other they both came from dysfunctional families. It's AMAZING my brothers and I came out so well (college educations, families, steady and stable jobs). Shoot it's amazing my parents came out so well (my dad is working on his doctorate and my mom is so smart it's scary). But their backgrounds definitely affected their relationship.

The relationship I hope to emulate is that of my oldest brother. He and his wife have been married for 13 years and I love being with them because they love being a family. Anytime I need serious life advice, I go to big brother. He adores his wife and tells her. FH was raised by his amazing mom and his dad was out of the picture and I've expressed that I'm concerned how our relationship is going to look. I just have to remember that it's our relationship, our marriage, a reflection of us. I like that.